Let Go Of My Heart
by marie-cullen07
Summary: For Bella, it was love at first sight & to this day, he still owns her heart. For Edward, he barely knew she existed until a chance encounter brings her into his life and into his heart. Life gets in the way...10 years later reunites them. Can it work?
1. Prologue

**A/N: **My little adventure...here ya go! I made a blog that follows both of my stories...you can check it out in my profile. I hope you enjoy! Leave me some feedback and let me know!

* * *

><p><strong>Let Go of My Heart<strong>

Prologue

June 1994

_BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP…._

"Five more minutes…" I say to no one in particular, as I slap the snooze button on my alarm clock. It's June, the beginning of summer before my senior year of high school and I have so intelligently, or unintelligently, decided to take summer classes. Actually, it's only one class, Government and Economics. Talk about thrilling. Sure. Seeing as this coming fall is Presidential election season, the last thing that I wanted to worry about is some huge senior project. I want it this year to be as easy and stress free as possible. It _is_ senior year after all, so instead of enjoying sleeping in…

_BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP…. _"Ugh"

"Bella! Get up!" I hear my father call from the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm up, I'm up!" I call back, turning the alarm off this time.

"I'm off to work, see you later tonight!" he calls, and I hear the front door close.

I roll out of bed and trudge to the shower. I go about my morning routine of personal hygiene and getting ready for the day. I throw on a pair of shorts, tank top and my favorite Converse. I dry and brush through my hair, pull it into a high ponytail and put on just a little mascara and lip-gloss. I have no one to impress. Guys don't much notice me anyway.

I grab a quick bite to eat for breakfast and head out. I have to leave a little earlier than I normally would, since summer school is being held at the high school on the other side of town. Kids from the three different high schools in the area will all be attending, so I am not really sure how many people I will know.

I'm only a little bit excited to get there, as it's been a few weeks since I've seen my best friend, Angela. She left the day after school let out to spend time with her cousin in San Diego. We've talked, but it's not the same as seeing her everyday like I've been used to. She was one of the first people I met, when I moved to Forks.

My mom and dad split up when I was in the sixth grade. We moved a few times, from Phoenix to Jacksonville and then I came to live with my dad, so I ended up going to three different middle schools for the three different grade levels. It sucked. Never really getting to keep a friendship too long because, well, we were kids and let's face it, life goes on. So coming to live with dad was a blessing in disguise. It was nice to finally "settle down", stay in one place and have some sort of normalcy again. Forks, Washington is not the most exciting place to live, but it's beautiful and quiet and home. Angela and I met in English class on the first day of our freshman year. We've been almost inseparable ever since.

I pulled my truck around the backside of the school building to the student parking lot. I take a quick look around, spotting Angie's car, but she must already be inside. Grabbing my bag, I head inside, realizing that I don't recognize anyone from Forks High. _Nice._ I hate being so nervous, when will I ever get over this social anxiety?

The cafeteria has been set up as the central meeting place for us to get our class information. I find the M-Z line and head over to get my schedule.

"BELLA!" I hear from behind me.

Relief washes over me as I spot my best friend walking quickly towards me.

"Dang girl, I sure did miss you!" I say as we hug.

"Me too Bells! I sure wish you could have come to San Diego with me. It was so warm and sunny. We even made a trip to L.A. one day and tried to find Luke Perry and Jason Priestley," She laughs, "but no such luck!"

"You are so crazy!" I laugh. She is so obsessed with that ridiculous teen show, _Beverly Hills 90210_, but I have never found the draw to it. "Don't they consider that stalking these days?"

"Oh hush! It was a good time!"

We laugh and fall right back into our comfort zone. "Peas and Carrots" my mother calls us.

We get our class schedule and of course are even more excited to find out that we have the same teacher. _Perfect!_

The first warning bell rings, so we head upstairs to find our classroom. "Welcome ladies" Mrs. Cope says as we enter the room, handing us a packet of papers. "Here is outline for the class and your study guide. Just find a seat and we'll get started soon."

The desks are set caddy corner to the front, lined up five rows across, four desks to a row. In the first row, there's already a dark haired guy sitting in the first desk. Ang and I take the second and third seats behind him. She turns to me and mouths "oh my god!" nodding her head towards him. I just giggle and shake my head. Yea, he's kind of cute, but not my type. If I even have a type. I'm seventeen, almost eighteen years old, and I've never had a serious relationship. Sure, I've been kissed, held hands, been on a few dates, but nothing to get too excited about. Like I said, it's not like guys notice me much anyway.

The final bell rings and the last of the students file into the classroom. I was leaning down to get a pen and some paper out of my backpack. I set the paper on my desk and was still rummaging around for my pen. I felt the desk behind me bump the back of my chair. As I turned to look up and see who had so graciously sat behind me, my heart skipped a beat, as I was suddenly lost in most beautiful pair of blue eyes I'd ever seen.


	2. Chapter 1 : Let Me Let Go

**A/N: I am very excited and nervous to share this story with you! I hope you enjoy it. It's very close to my heart!**

* * *

><p>Summer 1997<p>

"Finally!" Angela said as she came into our apartment just a little after four on Friday. "I thought this semester was never going to end!"

Angela and I had been attending Western Washington University in Port Angeles. We were roommates, of course, and this semester was finally over. I had taken my last final yesterday, spending the day today doing absolutely nothing but sitting on my butt watching TV and being lazy. This particular semester was the most stressful, due to the extra hours I had decided to take on, and the difficulty of the classes in general.

"I am SO ready for tonight!" she said. "Ben said that he'd be here by seven. Is that enough time?"

"Plenty! In case you haven't noticed, I have done a good job of doing a whole lot of nothing today, so I'm plenty rested up. Getting ready will be a breeze!" I responded.

To celebrate the end of our sophomore year, we are headed to Trailblazers in Seattle for dancing, drinking, and fun, fun, fun! We'd hit just about every club in Seattle, and Trailblazers has become our favorite. There's not much to say about the nightlife in Port Angeles, unless you're just looking for a bar or karaoke, so we've come to enjoy our trips to Seattle and sometimes Everett for a break from school.

After taking our turns in the shower, we began the fun process of getting ready for our night. I ran some mousse through my hair and let it air dry for a few minutes while putting on my make up. I don't usually wear much, unless it's for a night out, which this was. I lined my eyes with a smudged grey liner on top and bottom, some smoky gray and rust colored eye shadow and black mascara. I applied just a little powder on my face, and some berry lip-gloss to my lips. _Perfect._

I flipped my head over and turned the hair drier loose on my roots. A little spray and some turns of my chunky curling iron and my waves fell perfectly. I gathered hair from just the top and sides of my head, pulling it back twisting and pinning. This would keep it off my face, yet still allow my hair to stay down, how I liked it best. Another quick spray and a few more bobby pins to hold everything in place and it was set. I sprayed on some of my freesia perfume, rubbed some of the same scented lotion on my arms and got dressed.

My outfit for tonight was so awesome. It was an all black jumpsuit with a scoop halter neckline. It had faux buttons on the front, giving it a sort of tuxedo vest look. It hugged my body perfectly and accentuated my cleavage. Come on! What girl doesn't want that?

Just as promised, Ben arrived at seven o'clock on the dot.

"Hey baby!" he said, as Angela greeted him at the door. "Damn, you look HOT!" He wrapped his arms around her and spun her around before setting her down and kissing her sweetly.

Angela decided on her silk-chiffon sequined tank dress. It has blue, mint and white flat sequin and bead embellishments and a scoop neck. She looked stunning as usual and her was is in a high ponytail with her bangs swept to the side.

"Ahem"

"Oh! Heya Bella!" Ben said as he pulled back from Angela. "You look damn fine too! I'm gonna be big pimpin' with you two on my arms!"

"You're such a goof Ben! Thanks!" I laughed.

"You two beautiful ladies ready for a good time tonight?" Ben asked.

"SOOO ready!" We both say in unison.

xxxx

It's about a two-hour drive from our apartment near campus to Seattle, so we spent that time catching up with Ben's past week and filling him in on the details of ours. He attends school part time at Peninsula College while working with his mom as a delivery driver for her floral shop, so he usually only gets time with Angela on the weekends.

Ben and Angela are high school sweethearts. They met in high school, the summer before our senior year. We were all in the same Government and Economics class, and he sat right in front of her. Our teacher had divided the class into five groups of four for the main project and the groups were based on the rows we were sitting in. Which meant our group consisted of Ben, Angela, myself and…Edward.

"Hello! Earth to Bella!" Angela says.

"Oh sorry! What?"

"Where did you just go?" she asked.

"No where, sorry. I'm just so glad this semester is over! I was thinking about how I can't wait to get there and dance my ass off!" I lied.

"So, like I was asking, did you want to grab something to eat real fast or eat something when we get there?"

"Umm…how about we just drive through somewhere? Trailblazers is crazy expensive when it comes to their food." I say.

We had our names on the reservation list, as we had been planning this night for weeks, so the bouncers let us right in. The atmosphere of the club was it's usual high-energy vibe, but it wasn't too crazy busy just yet. However, the night is young.

The club was divided into three different sections; a country western bar where they play all kinds of country music, Top 40 and hip-hop music, a karaoke area and a techno club. We tended to stay on the country side most of the time. The bar was set off to left along the entire wall, the dance floor in the middle with the DJ booth on the right wall and bar-height tables sporadically placed along the outer edges of the dance floor.

We snagged a table along the back wall close to the DJ booth and when the waitress came up, we ordered our first round of kamikaze shots.

"Here's to you, here's to me, if ever we should disagree, FUCK YOU, here's to me!" We all three chanted!

We slammed them back and started laughing! This was our regular start to the evening out. Although Ben wouldn't be drinking anything more than soda or water the rest of the night, he was our designated driver. A quick look around and we noticed that some of the regulars were in appearance. There was Jessica and Lauren who were in my Applied Sciences class, and also lived in the same apartment complex as Angie and I. We weren't really friends, more acquaintances, but they were ok to hang out with now and then. Also, Tyler and Eric were also here. They are old friends from high school, but again, not guys we really hung out with regularly either.

"Hey beautiful!" I hear in my ear as someone grabs me around the waist from behind and hugs me close.

"Jacob!" I yelled turning around to hug him, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to celebrate of course! I did just officially finish high school ya know! And I may or may not have heard that you would be here." he said as he winked and bumped my shoulder.

"Hey Quil! Hey Embry!" I say over the loud music, hugging his two best friends, who seem to never leave his side.

Jacob and I had been become fast friends when I moved to Forks. He lives on the Quileute Reservation and his dad and mine have been great friends our entire lives. He's two years younger than me, and more like the pesky little brother I never had. But he's easy to talk to, and hey, easy on the eyes, but I'd never go there. It would just be too weird.

"It's really good to see you Jake! I can't believe you actually graduated! I mean, it's shocking really." I joked.

"Hey, hey now." He laughed.

"Just messing with you Jake. You ready to get your groove on?" I asked jokingly. Jake has absolutely zero rhythm and it's quite comical to see him _think_ that he can dance.

The conversation with all of us flowed easily as we dance, Angie and I drink, and we are having a fantastic time. I've danced with Ben, Angie, and Jacob…well, if you call that dancing. I have to lead him. I've even danced with a few random guys who've asked. I had just finished dancing with this one, sort of cute guy, Mike. He was nice, but a little too touchy-feely. I thanked him and excused myself just as soon as the song ended. I headed straight for the bar and ordered another beer. I took a swig and turned to walk back to the table when I saw him.

Edward.

_Oh. My. God._

I quickly turned around and mad a beeline for the bathroom. I grabbed a paper towel and wet it, wiping it across the back of my neck. My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest, and my stomach filled up with butterflies. How is it possible for someone to have this kind of effect on me just by seeing him? Damn.

_Get it together Bella; he probably doesn't even remember your name._

Between my adrenaline and the alcohol, I figured now was as good a time as any. I was going to approach him. I took a deep breath; grabbed my beer and headed out of the bathroom. I didn't look around as I made my way straight back to our table. Ben and Angela were dancing, Jacob was nowhere to be seen, and only Quil was at the table. _Crap! I need Angela!_ I smiled softly at him and turned to scan the dance floor.

"You ok Bella? You're not going to be sick are you? You look a little pale." Quil asked.

"I'm fine Quil. Thanks. I just…" and there he was. He was directly across the dance floor, at a table with a couple of other guys. He was leaning on his right elbow, sipping from a bottle of beer in his left hand. _Lucky bottle_. He was smiling, laughing and if possible, looking even more beautiful than I remember him.

"_Remind me again why we're going to this football game?" Angela asked. "We don't go to either one of these schools that are playing. Wouldn't it make more sense to go to the Forks High game tonight?" _

"_I just want to. Ok?" I snapped back, immediately regretting how harsh I sounedd._

"_Fine, fine." She said._

"_Sorry. I just wanted to do something different tonight is all." I lied._

_After we bought our tickets, we made our way into the stands. It is sort of awkward being here and not knowing a soul. The teams were out on the field warming up, the band was settling in and the cheerleaders were being as obnoxious as any other cheerleading squad, hoping around and screaming at the crowd like a bunch of damn Energizer bunnies. Good Lord. _

_The teams begun to line up on opposite sides of the field, the band played a drum roll and the ball was kicked off. The receiving teams player caught the ball and made a run for it, running the ball back to almost to the fifty-yard line. _

"_Number thirty-three, Edward Cullen on the carry for a twenty-five yard return." The game announcer boomed over the loud speaker as the crowd cheered. _

_I gasped, and at the same time, I hear Angie gasp._

"_Bella! Did you hear that? That was Edward, from our summer school class. Wait. Edward goes to this school?"_

_I didn't respond. I was too lost in just staring at him as he ran to the sideline while removing his helmet. He stoped and began talking to a coach, and I seriously felt like I couldn't breath. How did he DO that?_

"_Bella, did you hear me?" Angie asked nudging my shoulder._

"_Hmm? What?" Not taking my eyes off of him. _

"_I knew it! Oh girl, you've got it BAD!" she laughed._

_I finally turned to look at her. "What are you talking about?" I asked. _

"_Do you think I don't know you at all Bella Swan? I saw how nervous you were around him in school. But NOW…you can't even take your eyes off of him long enough to hold a conversation with me. Your best friend. Hi! Remember me? And we're sitting here at a football game that _he_ plays in where you and I don't attend either one of the schools. Mmm hmmm, you've got it bad!" She said as she laughed and winked at me. _

_I felt the blush take over my face. "That obvious huh?" _

"_Yep! So, when are you going to talk to him?" She asked._

"_Yea right Ang. He's way out of my league, there's no way I'd ever be good enough for him. I'll just admire him from here."_

"Fuck it!" I said setting my beer down on the table. Drumming up all the nerve I could, helped out immensely by the alcohol flowing thru my veins, I made my way across the club towards him.

_Don't chicken out Bella! Don't chicken out!_

All the women in that bar must have been blind. There was certainly not one around him, vying for his attention. And I sure as hell hadn't seen him dancing with anyone. _That is just fine by me; I'll take it from here ladies._

"Umm, excuse me, you're Edward Cullen right?" _Duh Bella._

"Sure am!" He responded with a smile, and I almost melted into the floor.

"I don't know if you remember me or not. We went to summer school together back in Forks?" I said, strangely confident.

"Oh right! Bella right?" _Holy shit, he remembers my name!_

"Yep! So, hey, umm, would you like to dance?"

"Sure" and he leaned in towards me, "but I'm not really that good." he whispered in my ear.

I swear to God and all that is Holy, I almost fainted at the feel of his breath on my skin. I felt chills shoot straight up my back and I couldn't help but close my eyes.

"No problem, I'm pretty good." I recovered, and winked as we turned and made our way out to the dance floor.

_Let me let go, baby_

_Let me let go_

_If this is for the best_

_Why are you still in my heart_

_Are you still in my soul_

_Let me let go_

Faith Hill's voice carried over the speakers and I quickly realized two things. First, this was a super slow song that required me to be close in his arms and second, the irony of the lyrics were not lost on me. I fell hard for this man the second I laid eyes on him. _Lord, grant me strength._

"So, how've you been Miss Bella?" he smiled down at me. His left hand held my right close to his chest; his right hand was at the small of my back. It was actually a very intimate way to two-step, but was I to complain?

"Umm, I'm doing well. How about yourself? I heard you got a scholarship to the University of Washington." _Crap! Stalker much Bella?_

"Yea, I did," he said, looking at me a little surprised, "but I blew out my knee my freshman year, so I lost it." He frowned. I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to rub my fingers across his cheek and down his jaw, but I resisted.

"Oh no! That sucks. I'm so sorry!" and I really was. Having watched him play in quite a few games back in high school, he was really good and I could tell back then how much he loved it.

"Yea well, everything happens for a reason, right?" he asked with a smile. We made another circle around the dance floor in silence, holding really close to each other. Who told this man he couldn't dance? I fought the urge to lay my head on his chest but instead rested my chin on my left hand that gripped his shoulder.

_The lights of this strange city are shinin'_

_But they don't hold no fascination for me_

_I try to find the bright side, baby_

_But everywhere I look_

_Everywhere I turn_

_You're all I see_

_Let me let go baby, won't you_

_Let me let go_

_It just isn't right_

_I've been two thousand miles_

_Down a dead-end road_

I worked up my courage and took a deep breath. Carpe Diem, right?

"So, you probably didn't know this, but I had a huge crush on you in high school." I said to his ear making sure not to look at his face or God help me, into his eyes.

"Really?" he pulled back to look at me smiling.

"Yea, but you probably didn't even know I existed" _Shit Bella! Really? Did you really just say that?_

"Humph" he grinned with that damn fabulous crooked smile, and I was almost positive he was checking out my cleavage. He looked back into my eyes and said, "I had a pretty serious girlfriend in high school Bella. She had me wrapped around her little finger, so I didn't notice much of anyone or anything other than football and her." Of course he did, and queue the blush.

"I wasn't trying to be rude, I'm sorry!" I quickly said, as I tried to recover the ease of the conversation and warmth of the feelings we were, well, at least I, was having.

"No, you weren't rude. Don't worry." He looked down at me and I was completely lost in his eyes as he held my gaze.

The song ended and I slowly, sort of unwillingly step back and remove myself from his embrace. "It was really good to see you again Edward. Thanks for the dance."

"You too Bella, and it was my pleasure." He smiled as he began to walk back to his table.

"And by the way," I called out and he turned back to me, "whoever told you that you're not a good dancer…they lied." He smiled and I smiled and then giggled as I turned and walked back to my table, my heart about jumped completely out of my chest.

_Oh. My. God._

I couldn't wipe the shit-eating grin off my face as I sauntered back to the table. Angie was the only one sitting there this time, and when I caught her eye she smirked at me.

"If I am not mistaken, was that not _the_ Edward Cullen you were just lost in another world with, out on the dance floor?" she asked, trying to keep a straight face. She was failing miserably as she smirked at me again.

I had no response. I could still feel him holding me, and damn was it suddenly really, really hot in here?

"Girrrrrrl…you've STILL got it bad for that man!" she laughed and then took a sip of her beer.

"Oh my God, Angieeeee." I whined. "He's fucking beautiful. And that was the first real conversation that we've had that wasn't about some stupid school project, and he smelled so good, and he held me so close, and…" I sighed. I could so very easily fall in love with that man. Or was I already gone? I picked up my beer and took another swig.

"Well, you better get yourself under control because he's walking over here right now." She smirked again.

"What!" I froze, and I know I looked at her like a deer caught in headlights. I didn't chance turning around to see him walking over, knowing that I would immediately give myself away. My confidence was gone. I must have left her out there on the dance floor. _Crap!_ I took a long draw off my beer, and suddenly felt a hand at the small of my back as his warmth enveloped me and he leaned to my left onto the table.

"Come here often?" The words are smooth as velvet and I almost choked on my drink as I tried not to laugh at the ridiculousness of the line.

My eyes were surely bugging out of my head as I made eye contact with Angie. Bitch was just smirking away. Couldn't she do anything other than smirk? _Gah!_ I turned and faced him, looking into his eyes. I sputtered.

"I..I..I've got nothing." I said laughing. "I'm trying to come back with something really funny or corny, but I got nothing." He laughed and then smiled, never taking his eyes off mine as he took a sip of his beer.

"Umm, you remember Angela Weber? She was in our class also." I turned and faced her.

"Yea, sure. Bella, ya know, I do remember the class, and the torturous Economics project that we all worked on together. I did notice that you existed." He mocked and turned to her. "How are you Angela?"

I looked down at my suddenly very interesting beer bottle and then blushed like a raging idiot.

"I'm great Edward! How about yourself? Still playing football?" I winced. _Thanks for giving me away Ang!_ I glared at her. She winked back at me.

"No, not anymore," and I detected a hint of sadness. Damn. _I'll kiss it and make it better baby!_ "I am actually going to school now at Olympic in Bremerton."

"That's too bad about football, but good about school. Bella and I are roommates at Western Washington in Port A. Tonight we're happily celebrating the end of the semester!" God love her, she was keeping him in conversation until I recovered. I loved that girl. She knew me so well.

Edward turned and leaned both elbows on the table, and he was so close I felt his body heat radiating off of him in waves. If I moved just a fraction of an inch, I could be touching him. I chanced a look at him, and he was smiling at me.

"Hey ladies!"

_Jacob. _

_Shit! Jacob! _

We have this thing where he keeps the jerks away. If he sees a guy hanging out too long, he'll come over and act like I'm with him to "save me". _Shit_! He's already wrapped his arm around my shoulder and is pulling me towards him, away from Edward. _No!_

"Oh hey Jake!" Angela recovered. "This is Edward Cullen. Bella, Ben and I went to high school with him." He removed his arm and slid it to the small of my back, but not before I noticed that Edward already thought what he was supposed to think. I was Jake's girl.

"Edward, this is my best friend, Jacob." I said, looking him right in the eye and hoped to convey the best friend part as I moved back to where I had been standing.

They shook hands, both sort of begrudgingly. There was an awkward silence and then the music caught Angela's attention. "Oh! Come on Bells! Let's get Jiggy wit' it!" She yelled, grabbing my hand and dragging me out to the dance floor as Will Smith raped it out. We proceeded to go crazy dancing and laughing and enjoying ourselves. It didn't go unnoticed that Edward and Jacob were still standing at our table and watching us. They seemed to be having a small conversation. Edward with his sexy ass grin, Jacob was more or less scowling at him. I just smiled and laughed and danced my ass off.

"Last call for alcohol ladies and gents!" The DJ announced and the place went wild as the music started to play. Angie and I made our way to the bar for one last beer. I wasn't drunk, but was feeling really good, and I could feel my confidence coming back.

Edward was still standing at our table with Jacob. Quil, Embry and Ben had also joined them. Embry was tanked and half passed out on the barstool, leaning back into the wall with a stupid drunk grin on his face. Quil and Jacob were laughing in conversation and Ben and Edward are talking. Angela wraped her arms around Ben's shoulders and kissed his cheek. "I see you and Edward have met again." She said to him.

"Yes, we were just reminiscing about that stupid candle project you girls made us do." Edward laughed. "What did we call it? The Eternal Light or something?"

"Stupid? I didn't hear you guys coming up with anything better!" I teased back. "And if I remember correctly" _and believe me, I remember every moment of that summer,_ "Angie and I carried your sorry asses through that project. We even told you what to say during the presentation. You would have been so lost without us! And it was _The Eternal Flame_ that got you boys an A on the project, so don't hate on the candles!"

Ben and Edward laughed, while Angie and I smiled at each other, clinked our beer bottles and took another swig. Edward stayed at our table and we all talked and reminisced about that summer.

"Ok guys, grab your girl, this will be the last song of the night." The DJ announced and my heart jumped into my throat. I think I was honestly waiting for Jacob to grab my hand and pull me out to dance as he usually did, but he didn't. Ben and Angela got up hand in hand and walked out to dance.

"So, it's my turn to ask if you if you'd like to dance." Edward asked, his brilliant blue eyes sparkled and I probably looked like I'd swallowed a coat hanger as I nodded in response. He took my hand and led me out on the floor as the opening chords to Clay Walker's _Hypnotize the Moon_ like the first time we danced, he held my hand against his chest, but his arm was tighter against the small of my back, pulling me closer to him and if it was possible to turn to putty, I'm pretty sure I would have.

We didn't talk the entire time. Just held each other while he moved us around the dance floor. He rested his head against the top of mine and I laid my cheek on his shoulder. I could have died right then, and never been happier. Stupid song had to end and reality had to come back.

"Thank you again for the dance, Edward." I said, as I pulled my head back and looked deep into his eyes not wanting to leave his embrace. He just winked and we turned to make our way back to my table. He kept his hand on the small of my back and as we neared he leaned down and spoke into my ear. "So, I was wondering if I could call you sometime."

_YES! YES! YES! YES! GOD YES!_

If my eyes could give me away, I am sure that he would have seen my inner Bella jumping around and screaming in my head.

"Yea, sure! Umm, let me see your phone." I dialed and called my phone with his phone and then programmed my name into it for him. I smiled as I handed it back to him. "There, now it's saved."

"Thanks." He winked and smiled as he slipped it into his pocket. "It was really good seeing you again Bella. I'll give you a call."

"It was really good seeing you too." And before I knew what happened, he pulled me into a nice, tight hug. I couldn't resist, as I wrapped my arms around his neck, buried my face in and took a deep breath. _Oh good God!_ As long as I live, I will remember how he felt and how he smelled in that very moment. He released me, looked into my eyes and stepped back. He reached over and shook hands with Ben, Jacob and Quil, and said goodbye to everyone. Embry was passed out at that point. Edward reached out and rubbed his hand down my arm, gave a little squeeze to my bicep and said, "See ya later." He then turned and walked away to meet up with his friends.

I turned to see Angie grinning ear-to-ear, standing between Ben's knees, his arms were around her waist and his chin rested on her shoulder. He was smiling. Just that simple little embrace had made me just a tad jealous. However, I couldn't wipe the stupid grin off my face, or suppress the enormous flock of butterflies that had taken up permanent residence in my stomach.

"You guys ready?" I asked. "Let's go home."

* * *

><p>I put up a website to post chapter pics and a playlist. The songs will either be part of the story, or a chapter theme song.<p>

http:/ marie-cullen . blogspot . com (take out the spaces)

Songs in this chapter:

Let Me Let Go: Faith Hill

Hypnotize the Moon: Clay Walker

They own them, I don't. :)

See ya soon!


	3. Chapter 2 : I Still

**A/N: **

Chapter Song: I Still - Backstreet Boys (yes, yes I know...but it's a GOOD song! Go listen on the blog! they own, I don't!)

Enjoy!

All songs and photos: http:/ marie-cullen . blogspot . com (take out the spaces)

* * *

><p>I vaguely remember the drive back to the apartment from Seattle, or taking off my clothes and climbing into bed, but as morning came and I regained consciousness, the pounding in my head reminded me of just how much I had had to drink the night before. I pulled the covers up over my head and groaned. <em>Hangovers suck.<em> At least I wasn't too far-gone last night to remember everything, or to spend it praying to the porcelain gods. Lying there with my eyes closed, I began to replay the previous nights events, and a smile spread across my face. I recalled being in Edwards arms in for the last dance of the evening, the way he wrapped me in his arms for the goodbye hug and the look in his eyes when I gave him my number. My heart fluttered.

Pulling the covers back, I looked at the clock. One-fifteen. My stomach did a little flip-flop and I figured I might as well get up and eat something. I headed into the kitchen, turned on the coffee pot, made myself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the bar to eat. I must have been really lost in thought, because I didn't even hear Angela make her way into the kitchen.

"I take it from the look on your face this morning, that you must have had a really good dream. Could it have possibly been about a certain blue-eyed hottie you danced the night away with last night?" she asked. Smirking, as usual.

_Did I?_ I don't even remember dreaming last night, but if I had look on my face, I'm sure had everything to do with Edward.

"It might." I smiled.

"Well, all I have to say is that man was totally in to you last night. I watched the way he looked at you and it made _my _heart melt."

"Yea sure." I paused. "You think? I haven't been able to get rid of the damn butterflies in my stomach since I first saw him last night. You think he'll call?" Good grief, I sounded like a fifteen-year-old schoolgirl.

"I'm almost positive he'll call. Ben said that he was asking all kinds of questions about you. Like if you and Jacob were dating, or if you had a boyfriend at all. He said that he really seemed interested in finding out details about your love life." She winked.

I couldn't help the huge grin and blush that covered my face. "Oh my God Ang!" and I jumped up and danced around like an idiot, throwing in a few fist pumps. I couldn't help it. I was so excited and it had everything to do with him. Deep down, I was trying very, very hard not to get my hopes too high, but I couldn't help it. Maturity be damned, I was crazy about this man, and I couldn't hide it.

After I finished my little outburst of craziness and my breakfast, I grabbed a cup of coffee and headed to my room to take a shower and hopefully begin to feel a little bit human again. Just as I finished and was wrapping my hair in a towel, I heard my phone ringing and immediately my heart began to beat wildly at the mere thought that it could be him. I grabbed my robe off the back of the bathroom door and ran into my room. Grabbing my phone off the charger, it was definitely a number that I didn't know, but I answered anyway. I was suddenly extremely nervous.

"_Hey Bella, it's Edward." _

_SWOON!_

"Hey Edward!" I answered, maybe a little too excitedly and a little breathless. "How are ya?"

"_I'm good. How about you? You feeling ok today?"_

"Doing better now. I just took a shower, so I don't feel quite as bad as I did when I woke up." A huge calm came over me, and I was no longer nervous. Hearing his voice was amazingly calming.

"_Yea, I was sure you were going to have a nice little headache today. You seemed pretty happy last night."_

"Well, I _was_ pretty happy, but it really didn't have anything to do with the alcohol Edward." I rolled my eyes and smacked my forehead. _Bella, you're such an idiot._

He chuckled. _"Is that right? So, do you have any big plans for today?"_

I laid down on my bed and pulled the covers over me. "Nope, just planning on a little recovery time from last night. But it's also nice to know that I don't have school on Monday, and I don't start my summer job for another two weeks, so laziness it is!"

"_Well, I was wondering if you'd be interested in going to dinner with me tonight?"_

"Really? I mean, it's sort of a long drive just for dinner isn't it?" _Who cares Bella! He just asked you out!_

"_It's only about an hour really, and if I get there early enough, then it's not too late to drive back. Plus, I'd like to see you again if that's ok."_

Every nerve on my body was on fire with those words. _He_ wanted to see _me_ again! Could this be for real?

"Sure! I would love to go to dinner! What time were you thinking?"

"_Well, if I get ready and leave now, I can be there around three. Is that okay?"_

"Of course!" _Simmer down Bella! _ "Umm…do you have a pen handy? Let me give you directions for once you get into Port Angeles, and then I'll see you in a little while."

"_Ok. Thanks! I'm gonna grab a quick shower and then I'll be on my way!"_

"Ok, see you soon! Drive carefully!"

"_I will. See you soon Bella!"_

"Bye Edward."

We hung up and I did that girly, teenage excited kicking of the feet and squeal under the covers. Edward was coming to see me! If I am dreaming, I don't ever want to wake up.

"ANGIE!"

About forty-five minutes later, I was dressed in one of my favorite summer dresses. It was a white strappy dress with a cross over front and had a cutout pattern on the front with a little touch of yellow fabric showing thru to accentuate the design. It was very lightweight and comfortable, and I didn't fidget in it. It made me feel confident. I left my hair down, curled the ends and pushed in a headband. Simple and not too showy for a first date with Edward. _Date?_ Is that what this was? My nervousness came back full force as I was now anxiously awaiting his arrival.

"Here, drink this!" Angie said, shoving a glass of white wine in my hand. "You're nervous, I can tell, and this will calm you down."

"No Angie, I want a clear head. I want to remember every moment, and not have one ounce of alcohol haze. But, thank you! I know you love me!" I smiled and gave her a big hug.

_KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK_

"He's here!" We both whisper-squealed together.

"Ok, I am making myself scarce. Have a wonderful time and don't do anything I wouldn't do!" She called as she went into her room and shut the door.

I took a deep breath and went to the door. I smoothed my hands down the front of my dress, took another deep breath, kept one hand on my stomach and opened it. Rock my _world_ he's beautiful! He was wearing khaki shorts, a white Polo shirt and flip-flops. Yet I've never seen a man look so handsome in such a simple outfit.

"Hey." he said, smiling and beautiful, his hands in his pockets.

"Hey yourself." I responded stepping back to let him in, and again, all my nervousness was gone. However, when he stepped up and hugged me the butterflies took flight. "How was the drive?" I asked.

"Not too bad, it was quicker than I thought it was going to be."

"Well, that's good." I said, turning to walk into the kitchen. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Sure, I'll take some water, thanks!"

I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and handed it to him as he took a seat at the bar and leaned forward on his elbows.

"Nice place you have here." He said as he opened it and took a sip.

"Yea, we like it. It's one of the nicer complexes near campus, and the rent is reasonable. There are plenty of students that live here too, so we also get the thrill of the occasional college party down at the pool. We've seen some wild and crazy nights down there." I laughed.

"I can only imagine." He smiled back. "You ready to go?" He asked, placing his hands down flat on the counter and standing up.

"Sure am! Let me just grab a sweater." Yes, it's summer in Washington, but the nights here are usually breezy and sometimes a little chilly. I peeked into Angie's room and waved goodbye. She blew me a kiss and winked. I grabbed my purse and headed to the front door. Edward was standing in the living room looking at all the photos on our bookshelf. There were plenty of photos of Angie and myself, of her and Ben, of my parents, her parents and then group photos from different parties we'd gone to with other friends from school. I stopped at the end of the hallway and took a moment to really look at him. He had his hands in his pockets again. His shirt fit his body so perfectly and I could see the build of his back and of course, how nice the view of his ass was in his shorts._ Damn._ I may or may not have licked my lips.

"All set." I said, and he turned to me, looking at me like he was just noticing my dress for the first time.

"In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight." He said, as he made his way to the front door and opened it for me.

I smiled and walked out the door. We walked side by side to the parking lot, and he led me over to his car. "Don't make fun, but this is my baby." He said as he opened the passenger door of the silver Volvo. I slid in as he shut the door and walked over to his side.

"Edward, I would never make fun of your car. You have yet to see _my baby_." I smirked. "It's a 1959 rusty Chevy truck, and it rarely makes it to fifty-five miles an hour, but I love it anyway."

"Good to know! This is a 1990 Volvo 240 and she _does_ go over fifty-five!" he chuckled as we pull away from the apartments.

"So, where are we headed?" I asked.

"Well, I was thinking either seafood or Italian?" he suggested looking at me smiling.

"Hmm…I think I'm in the mood for Italian tonight. I know a great little place that's not usually too busy around this time of day. It's right off First street and it's called…."

"Bella Italia" he finished for me.

"Yea." I was sort of stunned. "How'd you know?"

"Lucky guess." He chuckled.

We entered the restaurant and were seated at a cozy table in the corner. The waitress asked for our drink order. I ordered pink lemonade and Edward ordered a soda.

"No beer tonight?" he asked, leaning across the table, a teasing little smirk on his face.

"No, I'd like to think that I drank enough last night to get me thru the weekend, thank you very much." I laughed back, returning his smirk.

Dinner was fantastic and the conversation was very easy. He told me about the game that forever changed his football career. We talked about our majors and what we wanted to be when we "grew up". We laughed as we talked about that summer school class, _that forever ruined me on men,_ and how overly bubbly Mrs. Cope had been. He told me how he worked part-time as a waiter and also as a bouncer at a sports bar in Bremerton. I told him that I worked summers in a tourist shop designed after a really popular best selling book, which happened to be right down the street from where we were. We talked about last night at the club and how he was there with his roommate, Jasper and his best friend Emmett. Emmett played football at the University of Washington and they had been roommates their freshman year before Edward got hurt. I could tell that he both loved and hated talking about football. I can't imagine what it must be like to love something so much, have so much passion for it, only to have it ripped away with no chance of ever getting it back. I swallowed the lump in my throat as he continued to talk, fighting back the urge to reach out and hold his hand across the table.

When we were done, and I was feeling like a stuffed pig, he paid the bill and we headed out. Summer in Washington is simply stunning, as it stays light out much longer than most other places and the sunsets are to die for.

"Would you like to take a walk?" He asked, holding his hand out for mine.

"Sure!" I smiled as I slid my hand into his and we headed down the block. He interlocked our fingers and I decided at that very moment that I was encroaching on very dangerous territory. I already had extremely strong feelings for this man and I wasn't even sure how he felt about me, or what he was even looking for in a girl. Could _I _possible be _that_ girl for him? I had known a long time ago that he was "Mr. Popular" and I was just a wallflower. Sure, he knew I existed back then, simply because we were project partners, but he never saw me that way then. Could he possibly now? Was I worthy enough for this man? Was I good enough for him? I already knew that answer…he was much too good for me. I was plain ol' Isabella Swan, and he was stunningly handsome, no gorgeous, Edward Cullen. We'd never run with the same crowds.

"Penny for them." He said, gently squeezing my hand.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing really. Just noticing how beautiful it is tonight." I lied.

"Present company included." he said looking sideways at me and bumping my shoulder.

I simply smiled back. I was at a loss for words. _Am I good enough?_

We walked about two blocks towards the harbor and headed towards the Port Angeles Pier. There weren't any major events going on this weekend, so it was pretty deserted as we crossed through the parking lot and made our way onto the pier. It was about six-thirty, and the sun was low in the sky, and with the cloud cover, it was casting beautiful hues of purples, oranges, blues and reds across it. Of course, it was very romantic. We were still hand in hand, as we walked very slowly towards the end of the pier.

Edward took a deep breath and stopped. Pulling me towards him up against the side of the railing. He leaned sideways against it and I stood facing him, leaning on the railing as well. He slid his arm around the small of my back and pulled me into a side hug as we looked out over the harbor. _Butterflies._

It was a comfortable silence we shared as we stood there. Strange really. We didn't really know each other that well; yet, it was like we'd known each other forever. It was comfortable, never awkward.

"It's so beautiful." I said as I watched a pelican glide over the surface of the water.

"I was just thinking the same thing." Edward said, and I chanced looking up at him to see him looking down at me.

He grabbed my hand again, and we walked to the end of the pier to the tower.

"Let's go up." He said, his eyes shinning and a big grin on his face. How could I resist?

We walked up the stairs to the top of the tower and the view was even more breathtaking from up there. I turned in a slow circle enjoying the view all around us. It was if I had never seen the harbor, or the sunset or the mountains before.

"Wow" I breathed. I turned to Edward and he was smiling too, but only at me, not the view. He took two steps towards me and placed his hands on my hips. He pulled me closer and closed the gap between us eliciting a gasp from me. My hands instantly went to his biceps as he stared intensely into my eyes. He eyes went to my mouth and back to my eyes before he slowly leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. It was soft and sweet at first and I slid my hands up his arms to the back of his neck and into his hair. He wrapped his arms around my lower back and pulled me in even closer. I felt his tongue slide across my bottom lip and I opened my mouth in response. Our tongues tangled and our breathing picked up. _Oh please, please don't let this be a dream! _I unwillingly pulled back, but I had to catch my breath before I passed out. He leaned his forehead to mine and he was breathing pretty heavy too.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"For what?" I whispered back, as I leaned my head back and looked into his eyes. They were dark with desire and…oh honey, the things I would do to this man. I stood on my tiptoes and pressed a soft, yet firm quick kiss to his lips letting him know I was _not_ sorry, and there was no need for him to be sorry for that kiss. He smiled.

"Bella, can I ask you something?" he was still speaking softly.

"Of course you can." I replied, trying not to look confused as I stared into his eyes.

"Well, I didn't think that I was really in a place yet to want…well…Bella, I…I really enjoy your company. God! This is going to sound so _high school_," he chuckled and turned his head to look away, "but how would you feel about us dating? I mean, I realize that this is our first date, and _that_ was our first kiss….but I am very drawn to you. I haven't been in a relationship in a long time, but ever since I saw you last night, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I don't feel nervous around you. It's very comfortable and easy, and I haven't experienced that with a girl since, well…ever! So, it might be premature, but…"

"Edward?" I interrupted.

"Yea?" He looked into my eyes, looking nervous.

With a shy, sweet smile and a soft laugh, I said, "Shut up and kiss me again….please!" and with that his lips were on mine again. One of his hands went into my hair, one hand on my back. Both of my arms were under his and around his back, pulling him to me by his shoulder blades. The kiss was primal, yet gentle. Chills ran up my spine and the butterflies took flight again. Yea, I was just going to have to accept the fact that in any given moment with him, they would be there. But, that was a good thing right?

Why settle for anything less than butterflies?

WOW!…there are no other words to possibly describe our date, but WOW!..and maybe 'ohmyfreakinggod that was amazing!' It was so incredible how we just _were_, and it was perfect. No uncomfortable silences, no awkward small talk, not even weirdness at the physical contact. Just like we were meant to be here in this moment with each other.

We walked slowly back to his car and he drove us back to my apartment where I invited him in. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him just yet. Angela was on the couch watching a movie when we came in, hand-in-hand and gave a sly smile when she saw us.

"Hey Edward! How are ya?"

"Hi Angela. I'm doing great, how about yourself?" He smiled back.

"Great!" she replied, as she faked a yawn and then stretched. "Oh man, but I'm tired. Must have been our crazy night out last night." She winked at me. "I hate to be rude, but I'm gonna go to bed. See you in the morning Bells! Good to see you again Edward!"

"You too, Angela." He replied.

And with that lovely, and not so subtle display, we were standing in the living room alone. I for one was trying not to crack up laughing at her ridiculousness, and Edward had a shy grin on his face.

"Subtle." I giggled. "Would you like to sit down?" I asked, pulling him to the couch with me. I kicked off my shoes and sat down sideways on the couch with my feet under me, my right hand proped up my head. He sat sideways, one leg curled under him, his left arm along the back of the couch.

"I had a really good time tonight Bella. Thank you." He says sweetly as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"You didn't forget!" I smiled. "I had a really good time too, so thank you." I couldn't resist leaning forward and pressing my lips to his again. So this was allowed whenever I wanted right? He was asking that we take a step towards being together, together right?

He slid his right hand along my thigh and up to my hip and pulled me towards him. Next thing I knew I was straddling his lap, my fingers in his hair, and his tongue in my mouth again. I sighed. He sighed. I pulled back to look into his eyes again, I couldn't get enough of them, and he kissed my nose. Both of his hands were resting on high up my thighs near my hips under my dress and he was rubbing small circles with his thumbs. Chills.

"Bella, I don't want to go too fast? I can honestly say that I've never had a rush of feelings like this for someone before, the way that I do for you. I don't want to push you or make you do something you don't want to do, but I can't seem to get enough of you."

Was he for real? I would jump his bones right now if he asked, reputation be damned.

"I would tell you. I know I won't do anything that I am not ready for, but I have never felt this way about anyone." I blushed and dropped my eyes to my lap. "Maybe it's too soon for me to tell you that, but I've been crazy about you for years." He put his fingers on my chin and lifted my face to look into my eyes. Nothing needed to be said. My heart clenched and I knew without a doubt that I was forever changed. No matter what happened from here, or where the road leads us, Edward was the first man to ever completely touch my heart. There was no question about that. I was in love with him, and I knew there would never be anyone that would take his place in my heart. My eyes may have given all of that away, but I wouldn't let my mouth speak the words, not yet anyway. He placed a soft gentle kiss on my lips and then moved me off his lap. I snuggled into his side as he pulled me to lay next to him on the couch and we tried to focus our attention on the TV. That was really just pointless as we decided that making out was much more interesting. Hands and mouths were everywhere as he kissed me down my neck, across my collarbone to my shoulders and between my breasts; his hand hitching my leg up over his hip and cupping my ass, pressing himself into me. _Oh God!_ A few times we got close to carried away before we both stopped ourselves and calmed back down. I had the pleasure of straddling on top of him, feeling his hardness between my legs. That brought me crazy excitement. I kissed down his neck and chest and tasted the beautiful flavor that was all Edward. _I would have this man, and soon._

At some point in the night we must have fallen asleep, because the next thing that I remember was the smell of coffee brewing. I took a deep breath and began to stir awake when I felt two arms pull me in close, and was bombarded with the heavenly scent of Edward. My heart began to flutter when I felt him shift beside me and tighten his grip around me. I smiled and snuggled in closer, nuzzling my nose into his neck and wrapping my legs up even more in his. I could feel his breath blowing past my ear every time he exhaled, and it sent shivers down my spine.

"Mmmmm…good morning beautiful." He whispered as I felt him turn his head and kiss my forehead.

"Good morning yourself." I nuzzled in more to his neck and kissed under his chin.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep. I had every intention of driving back home last night." He said as he shifted himself onto his side to face me. "But I haven't slept that good in a really long time."

"I'm not sorry you fell asleep. I enjoyed waking up like this." I pulled my head back to look into his eyes smiling. He kissed my forehead again.

"Good morning sleepyheads!" Angie said as she came into the living room. "I made coffee if you guys want some, and Edward I have a brand new tooth brush I just bought for Ben, but he hasn't opened it yet, if you'd like to use it."

"Thanks Ang, you're an angle." I said, sitting up a little shocked and trying to finger comb my hair, which I was sure, was a complete mess. I leaned over and kissed Edward on his nose before getting up to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. He followed me into my room without me realizing, and as I came out of my bathroom, he was sitting on my bed smiling at me, holding up a brand new toothbrush. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Isn't a toothbrush the first step to moving in with someone?" he asked jokingly.

I laughed back and shook my head. "Ok, you're moving too fast. I'm not ready to live with any stinky boys yet."

"Stinky?" he sniffed under his arm. "Do I stink?" he winked.

I just laughed again. "Dork." I left the room to go get my much-needed cup of coffee and leave him to himself in the bathroom. Angie had just poured me a mug of coffee and placed the creamer and sugar on the counter. She was the best roommate ever.

"So…" she started, and then just sipped her coffee and stared at me.

"So?" I smiled back at her. My body was humming with the excitement of him even being in the next room.

"Sleeping together on the first date huh? Moving a little fast aren't you?"

"Emphasis on _sleeping_, Ang. That's all, aside from a little, ok maybe a lot of, making out, but nothing more…MOM!" I teased as I sipped my coffee.

Her face got really serious and she lowered her voice as she leaned across the bar to me. "Just be careful Bella. I know how much you really liked and do like this guy, but I also don't want to see you get hurt. He's _Edward Cullen_ for crying out loud. I can tell he's really in to you, but I…" She paused, looked down at her coffee cup and then back up at me. "Just promise me you'll go slow and not get carried away with him. I'd hate to have to kick his ass and throw his body into Puget Sound." She winked and smiled.

I knew she meant well, and I loved her to death for it, but there it was…I was in no way good enough for him, and it was only a matter of time until he broke my heart. So, the question I needed to ask myself was, _was he worth it?_ Was having loved and lost Edward better than to never have loved him at all? Could I handle loving and being loved by him knowing in all likelihood he'd break my heart?

He walked out of my room, having freshly showered, rubbing a towel in his beautiful copper hair, wearing nothing but his khaki shorts from last night, and looking fucking glorious.

"I think I washed off all the _stinky boy._" He smirked.

I had my answer. No matter what the future held, I was going 'all in'. If this was my one and only chance to open my heart up and be completely vulnerable to a man, then I was doing it. I would give myself one hundred percent to Edward and I would relish every moment that he allowed me to love him. I don't know if he will ever love me the same, but in that moment I resolved that he will be the one that gets all of me, forever.

* * *

><p>See it? Right down there? You know you wanna...just hit it and tell me whatcha think! :)<p> 


	4. Chapter 3 : SemiCharmed Life

**A/N: **

So...ahem...are you ready for some "juiciness"? Be warned! :)

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

This Chapter's Theme Song: Semi-Charmed Life – Third Eye Blind

This chapter is shorter than the rest, but it just about killed me getting it done. I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

><p>The following week went by just a little too slow for me. Edward drove back to Bremerton later on Sunday afternoon after a quiet morning hanging out with Angie and watching TV. We grabbed a quick burger for lunch, and then he left promising to see me the following weekend. He had to work all this week, otherwise I was going to drive to him at least one day, but knowing that he'd be working made it pointless. We talked everyday for at least an hour each time, and then he'd call me again when he got off work before he went to bed. Most of the time I was already asleep, but it just made me sleep that much better when he did call. Of course, he also began telling me how much he missed me, and that sweet, sexy talk made me dream about him ravishing my body.<p>

Needless to say, by the time he showed up at my door on Friday evening, I was ready to lock myself away with him in my room and do really bad things to him until Sunday night!

When I opened up the door to him, he looked completely exhausted, but he had a backpack slung over his shoulder and was smirking holding up a brand new toothbrush.

"I believe I owe Angie this."

I couldn't help but laugh out loud at him. _Freakin' adorable._

I laughed at him as he walked in and kissed my forehead. _Umm, I don't think so buddy._ I shut the door, grabbed a hold of his shirt in my fist, and crashed my lips to his. It was sweet and chaste at first, but quickly became hot and needy. He dropped his bag at his feet and wrapped his arms around my lower back. My hands slid up his arms, shoulders and into his hair, pulling him even closer to me as his tongue swiped across my lips begging to be let in. I obliged. It wasn't too fast and it wasn't too slow, it was the perfect combination of want and need, lust and desire. This man would be the death of me.

We pulled away, and I suddenly remember to breathe again. He moved his kisses down my chin and onto my neck and was holding me so close I could feel his desire pressed up against me. Oh yea…soon!

"I missed you." I said rather whisper-like.

I felt him moan into my neck, his lips parted and his voice vibrated against my throat as his husky, velvet tone reached my ear.

"Mmmmm, Bella, you are too damn tempting for your own good."

_Oh shit. _

I sighed and leaned back to look into his deep blue eyes. I swallowed the lump in my throat realizing that I need to simmer down just for a little while.

"You hungry?" I asked still slightly out of breath.

"I am." He responded with a sly, crooked grin. _Oh dear Lord this man is killing me._

"Umm…yea, so I made lasagna." I pulled away, and slid my hand into his, pulling him towards the kitchen. He picked up his bag and dropped it outside my bedroom door on the way.

I set about getting us dinner and we sat at the kitchen bar eating and enjoying the easy conversation. Sharing soft touches and gentle kisses all the while, like we couldn't get enough of each other already. We talked about his week at work in more depth than our nightly conversations. He told me more about Jasper and Emmett and I told him more about Angie and myself. It was amazing to me how easy it was with him. Nothing felt forced or fake. I've never felt that before. You know_, that let-me-not-be-too-much-of-myself-so-I-don't-scare-the-guy-away_, way that girls act at first around a guy? It wasn't there. I was an open book, and while it was a scary feeling, it was also liberating, and surprising how natural it was. That's true, pure love. Right?

After we finished eating, I cleaned up our dishes and got us both a beer from the fridge. We went to the living room to make another attempt at watching TV. He sat back with is feet propped up on the coffee table, and I cuddle into his side, both of us sipping on our beers and enjoying the comfortable silence. I flipped through the channels and settled on _FRIENDS_, best show of all time! We laughed and joked about the episode. You know the one, where Ross wears the leather pants on a date, and then goes to the bathroom, and since he's sweating so bad, he can't get them back on and tries everything from lotion to baby powder. Only to end up making a paste, and doing the "walk of shame" home with no pants on. HILARIOUS!

As soon as it was over, Edward took the remote and turned off the TV. He then got up and turned on the stereo. _Third Eye Blind_ was playing and we briefly discuss their upcoming concert to Seattle in a few months. He sat back down facing me on the couch. Taking my now empty beer bottle from my hand, he set it down on the coffee table and turned back to me, and his eyes said it all. Desire. He slid one hand up my thigh towards my hip while the other went to my cheek and cupped under my ear, my lips parted. He drew me forward, and paused just millimeters between our lips, and I could taste his breath on my tongue. He turned and kissed my cheek and I felt his lips kiss a trail down the side of my neck from my ear to my shoulder as his other hand slid up and down my thigh. I closed my eyes and felt my head tilt over granting him more access.

Almost abruptly, he stood, grabbing both of my hands in his, and pulled me up with him. He grabbed my face in both of his hands and pressed his lips to mine, softly, but full of lust. I was lost in all sensation of him, and I knew where this was headed, because I was not stopping it unless he did. He took my hand and we walked to my bedroom. Once inside, I turned and locked the door. Angie was at Ben's for the weekend, but still, I wasn't taking any chances on being disturbed, and I did say that I wanted to lock him away and do really bad things to him.

"Bella…" he whispered, almost as a question.

Standing in front of me, letting his hands graze their way over my rib cage, just below my chest. Our eyes meet with matching desire. I didn't have to say anything, it was written all over my face. My hands slid to where his shirt was tucked into his shorts, and pulled it out roughly, tugging it up over his head; I freed his beautiful chest, as I pressed myself into him. Both of us were breathing hard with passion and emotion as my hands explored his chest, while his grazed up and down my back.

In a single movement, we crashed our mouths together in a passion filled kiss.

Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and picked me up, holding me tightly to his chest. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he turned and walked us to my bed, never breaking our kiss. He laid us down, pushed us into the center of the bed and he pulled back, knees bent between my thighs, watching his hands glide along my body, until they came to rest just below the hem of my shirt. Slowly, he slid his hand under, rubbing the tips of his fingers just along the skin of my stomach. His eyes met mine as he slid my shirt up slightly and ran his hand along the side of my ribs eliciting chills to run all over my skin at the warmth of his touch and gaze.

"Off." I said. He lifted my shirt over my head, and tossed it over his shoulder.

His mouth fell to my skin and he began to hungrily kiss and suck above my breasts. My back arched to him as my head fell back. He trailed his fingers over the top of my bra before he lookied up at me with a smirk.

"Off." He repeated my words back to me, and reached behind me to unclasp my bra.

Slowly, he slid the straps down over my shoulders, and pulled it away from me, tossing it aside. As soon as my chest was bare, he latched his mouth onto one breast while his fingers teased the other. His hands traveled down and played along my waist until he reached the tops of my shorts. He slowly tucked his fingers beneath the waist and drug them across hip to hip. His mouth descended down between my breasts and he planted soft, slow kisses along my stomach.

He leaned back, and unbuttoned and removed my shorts in one quick movement. Then leaned down and began smothering my stomach, hips and thighs with kisses before pulling back again. With hooded eyes full of desire, he looked into mine and I felt my heart speed up even faster. It was like he was looking into my soul and showing me his.

I was no longer content with the balance of clothing, as I reached forward and unfastened his shorts. I pushed them down over his hips and left him in nothing but a pair of boxers. I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him on top of me, pulled his face towards mine and lavished him with a deep kiss.

Our mouths explored each other's chests and necks and shoulders. Our underwear was the only barrier as we slid back and forth across one another, his hardness creating a delicious friction against my ever-dampening core. We were a tangle of arms and legs and lips and tongues, finding each other's eyes occasionally when we stopped to breathe.

We rocked into one another hard and fast, both of us panting and moaning in tandem. My hands drifted to the waistband of his boxers and I could wait no longer. I pushed them hurriedly off of his hips, and pushed them the rest of the way down his legs with my feet. I moved my hands to grasp him, rubbing my thumb over the tip and pumping. He moaned into my neck and shifted his body weight so he could push aside my panties, caressing my now ridiculously soaked core and pressing first one and then two fingers inside while his thumb circled over my sensitive nub. The sensations where amazing.

The room was filled with nothing but the sounds of our panting and heated moans, until Edward groaned.

"God, Bella, I need you now!"

He hooked his fingers into my panties and pulled them down instantly.

"Edward.." I sighed.

He positioned himself above me and stared intensely and longing and almost _lovingly?_... into my eyes. I tried to convey to him with my eyes, all my emotions and feelings, baring my soul in my gaze. He slowly pushed in, burying our souls within each other's eyes, as our bodies united. Our mouths dropped open as we moaned in unison at the intense sensation.

He stilled momentarily, allowing me to adjust to his size, and leaned down to kiss me ever so passionately. We began to move together slowly, sensually, amazingly. We kissed and tasted while we connected. Our hands roamed and he hitched my leg up over his hip, pressing even deeper into me. _Oh God!_ Edward looked into my eyes, and for the first time in my life, I felt loved and worshiped during physical intimacy. The hold he has on me is unbreakable.

Our eyes met once more and we both knew that this was so much more than either of us imagined. This was more than just passion-filled lust and desire, this was love making at its most intense. Neither of us had been here before, and I for one would never want to be anywhere else again. We kept our eyes locked and our mouths just inches from each other, as we moved slowly and lovingly together, breathing each other in. Occasionally he leaned down to kiss me, only to return to the intense eye contact as our connection sped up. The sensations grew stronger and more intense as we panted into each other's mouths.

I could feel the tightness coiling starting in my toes and working its way up my body.

"Oh my God, Edward…" I said in a rough, raspy whisper, still locked into his eyes.

"Bella…in all my life…" and I felt it. What we both could feel at that exact moment but weren't ready to say with words. Saying it with our bodies, souls and eyes. I nodded in understanding.

"I can't hold out much longer Bella, you feel amazing!"

I moaned and arched up into him as he pushed further into me with a matching groan.

"Edward! Oh God!"

I buried my hands in his hair and my body arched and raised off the bed in the single most amazing and strongest orgasm of my life. My body clamping down around him inside of me as he exploded inside of me, moaning and placing wet, hot kisses along the side of my neck. Our bodies were shaking together before we fell onto the bed, spent.

"Holy fucking shit, Bella. That was…fucking amazing!" Edward moaned into my shoulder, he remained on top of and inside of me as he rested on his elbows on each side of me.

I sighed, "So much more than amazing…" as I ran my fingers through his hair trying to catch my breath.

He nodded and we melted closer, still wrapped together. Sated.

After a few minutes when our breathing returned to normal, he shifted onto his back, and pulled me onto my side. We laid there, talking and sharing lazy kisses and caresses.

I'm not sure when exactly we fell asleep, but when I opened my eyes it was still dark outside. I couldn't have been out for very long, and as I lifted my head off of Edward's chest to look at the clock, the time told me it'd only been a few hours. _That's enough recovery time, right?_

Propped up on my elbow, I stared at this beautiful sleeping man in my bed. My Edward. _My Edward._ Never in my wildest…ok, maybe in my wildest, but certainly not in my believable dreams did I ever imagine that this was ever possible. I began lazily tracing circles and placing kisses all over his chest and he began to stir.

"You trying to kill me woman?" he asked sleepily, pulling me tightly to him.

I smiled and snickered. "No way, I don't want you dead, just unable to walk." I half whispered into the hollow under his ear as I placied an open mouthed kiss there.

He groaned and opened his eyes, looking at me, into my soul again it felt like. Fire blazed behind his blue irises. He suddenly flipped me onto my back, using his hands and mouth to make me scream and cry out his name until my voice was weak. Then he proceeded to take me over and over, not stopping until the sun began to peek thru the window of my bedroom.

Phenomenal. I have no other word for it.

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, so thoughts? That was a tough one for me. Not sure why, but getting it right without getting it wrong was my main goal. Hope you like it. :)<strong>


	5. Chapter 4 : No Air

**A/N:**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

This chapter will throw you, but just be patient with me, and remember the summary! :) Enjoy!

Chapter Song: No Air - Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown

* * *

><p><p>

March 21, 1999

In a small courthouse office, Judge Harry Clearwater turns to me and asks.

"And do you Isabella Swan, take Jacob Black to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, as long as you both shall live?"

_Do I? Am I sure? He loves me, maybe it will be enough for both of us._

"I do."

2008

"Daddy, why do you have to leave again?" Madysen asks Jacob as he's packing his sea bag for deployment. Her and I are sitting on the bed watching as he grabs more clothes from his dresser to put into the bag.

"Baby girl, it's my job, but Daddy always comes back, you know that right?" Jacob says.

"Yes, daddy, I just don't want you to gooooo!" and she breaks down in a fit of tears. I pull her close to my chest and rub the back of her head. Deployments are hard, but as a mother, they are even harder, trying to be strong for my children. Jacob has been in the Navy for just over tens years now, and our entire marriage, and this will be his fourth deployment. It's early March and he just returned in January from being gone all of 2007 on a yearlong tour. So, we've only just begun to get used to having him back around, and he's leaving again. He won't even be here for our anniversary. _Fantastic._

I remind myself that I signed up for this. I knew what I was getting into when I married him. He was already in the Navy. I didn't _have_ to marry him; I didn't _have_ to settle for this life. But I have, it's not always been peaches and cream, but Jacob loves me, and we have built a life together with our three children who adore him. It's the quintessential life right? From the outside looking in, some would say. I've always put on a good front, and don't get me wrong, I do love my husband, but looking back now, I know I settled. Settled for the one that didn't or wouldn't reject me. Settled for the one that made me feel loved and wanted, even if I could only return those feelings at a fraction of the amount he gave them.

I put on a good show.

_June 1997_

"_Bella, there could never be anyone for me other than you. I honestly don't know how to live without you." Edward said as he placed a small gift in my hand._

_Wrapped in a little white box was a silver chain with an open-heart pendant dangling from it. Tears filled my eyes, because I knew what he was trying to say even though he hadn't yet said it with words._

"_Edward, it's beautiful! I love it! Thank you!" I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his mouth, pulling the back of his head closer with my hand. _

"_Can I put it on you?" he asked._

"_Please do." as I handed it to him. I lifted up my hair and he slid his hands around the back of my neck fastening the clasp in place. He slid his hands down to the front of the chain and held the delicate heart on the tips of his fingers. He looked at it closely, and then brought his eyes to meet mine. _

_The look and emotion in his eyes was so intense, it took my breath away. I felt the tears pooling in my eyes as he leaned forward and pressed his mouth to mine. _

"_I love you Bella." He said against my mouth. _

_I gasped and pulled back to look him in the eyes again. Searching for any trace of doubt. None. He meant it. My heart jumped into my throat as I crashed my lips to his again. No words necessary. He already knew I loved him._

The five of us made our way down the pier towards the ship that would take my husband and their father away for yet another six months of our lives. As we boarded the ship, and walked him down to the Chief's Mess, sailors and their families preparing for this somber day greeted us. After Jacob dropped his bag off in his berthing we made our way to the forward bow of the ship. We sat on the tomahawk launching deck and the kids wrapped themselves around Jacob as best they could while they sobbed and cried. Hating every minute of it, I just sat down next to them. I hate seeing them hurt like this. It was like a piece of my heart broke off every time they beg him not to leave.

Stupid Navy.

After about an hour, we were now standing at the end of the pier as the ship makes it's last turn around the bend in San Diego harbor, and out of site edging out towards Point Loma, and into the deep blue Pacific for the next six to seven months.

I sigh, look down at my children who are bawling and resolve to "just get thru it". We did just finish a year; we can do this too right? _What's six months?_

Hard. That's what it is. This sucks. I hate it. I'm mad. I'm sad. I'm frustrated.

Stupid Navy.

The next few days passed by in a blur until we got back into our routine. The girls, Lynette and Madysen, were in school and it was just Robert, my son, spending the days together until they got home, and me. I also had a bit of unpacking to do since we just moved back to San Diego last month. We spent the year that he was deployed at home in Forks, surrounded by friends and family so we didn't have to be entirely alone while he was gone.

I had decided that this deployment it's time for me to get myself back in shape. After three kids, I'm done feeling unattractive and unhappy in my own skin. Before Jacob left, we joined the local gym and were given information about the personal trainers that they offer. I was sold.

So today, Robbie and I are headed to the gym to meet Chris, the trainer who has called and set up a consult with me. I'm nervous, but ready. Let's get this show on the road!

I walk thru the front doors and scan in. I take Robbie down to the kid care and head over to the trainer offices. An all too cheery blonde asks if she can help me, and I tell her I am here to see Chris. She goes to get him, as I take a seat to wait. I hear laughing and stand up, the door opens, and….shit….if _he_ had a twin…

"How's it going? I'm Chris Davis." He says, extending his hand out to shake mine. I offer my hand back, and he has the same blue eyes. He's built a little different, bulkier and the hair is a little shorter, but the smile…the voice…the _eyes_….

Shit.

We take a seat in his office and go over all the standard releases and contracts and paperwork of having a trainer. Then he takes my measurements and weight and we begin discussing in great detail what exactly I am hoping to gain from training.

And then for the next hour he literally kicks my ass up and down and around the gym and I thought I was going to die! Seriously, a few times, I really thought I was going to vomit! But after I got Robbie, and drove home, I started to become excited at the idea of getting my body back. And of course, having a hot trainer whose smile and blue eyes bring back happier days helps too!

Later that evening after the kids are in bed and it's my "me time", I hop on the computer, check my emails. Still no word from Jacob, but I'm sure he'll call or write soon. I log in to Facebook. It's been years since I've thought about him this much, but what are the odds he has an account? He never did have a MySpace, and yes I looked. It was about 6 years ago, while watching an episode of _American Idol_, and one of the contestants made me think of him,but I looked. I wonder again, and after checking through my notifications, I decide to just search his name and see. Can't hurt right?

And then there he is. Not looking directly out of the photo, his head is turned to the side, but he's smiling with a beautiful little girl, who has his eyes, sitting on his lap.

WRONG! It hurts.

I immediately shut the browser and stare at my desk. Stupid. Why did I DO that?

I shut down the computer, turn off the lights and head to my room to try and sleep. I flip on the TV in my room, brush my teeth and change into my pajamas. I crawl under the covers and slide into the middle of the bed. Perks of deployment, I get the entire king sized bed to myself. Watching the evening news, I drift off, thoughts of Edward, Jacob and my life filling my mind. I feel stupid. I should have never looked. It wouldn't hurt this much if I hadn't seen his face…his child…way to open up old wounds Bella.

Next thing I know the tears are soaking my pillow and I'm sobbing. That was supposed to be OUR life…OUR child.

I fell into a restless, fitful sleep.

Waking up to the alarm clock buzzing, and feeling like I didn't sleep at all, I drag out of bed and get the girls ready for school. Every muscle in my body is screaming at me from the day's previous workout. I honestly think he tried to kill me.

Once the girls are gone and Robbie has been fed and is entertained with morning cartoons, I draw a hot bath, and sink in, trying to soothe my aching body.

"_Toss me the rope and I'll tie it up." Edward shouted from the pier as I steered the boat towards the dock for the second time. Trying desperately not to knock the side of it into the pier. Charlie would have a fit if I scratched his baby. _

_Jacob swung the rope to Edward and he wrapped it around the tie down. Then he ran around to the other pier, Jacob tossed him another rope and he tied that down too. Suspending the boat in the water between the two docks out front of my grandparents' lake house. I cut the engine and dove off the side of the boat into the lake away from the boat. Jacob and his "flavor of the month" Carly, hung back in the boat doing whatever, I didn't care to stick around and find out. _

_As I surfaced, I suddenly felt a hand around my ankle and was tugged back under water. Kicking free, I pushed to the surface to see a smug and laughing Edward wiping water from his face. I splashed him and then launched up onto his head to force him under. Punk!_

_He pulled me down with him and we surfaced together wrapped in each other's arms. Having to tread water to keep our heads up, I kissed him quickly and swam over to the pier. I grabbed hold of one of the cross boards that was about three feet under the surface of the water and pulled up to sit on it. Edward swam up settled between my legs and I wrapped them around him. I pulled his face to mine and kissed him fiercely. His hands were wrapped under my ass, and he pulled me off the board and up against him. Completely submerged in the water up to our shoulders, I reached down and pushed the waistband of his bathing suit down and freed his now very ready erection and began pumping. _

"_Bella…stop…not here….Jacob…." he whispered while panting._

"_Shhh…they aren't paying any attention to us, and they can't see us anyway. I need you Edward. Do you have any idea how hot it was seeing you out on that wakeboard today? We can be quiet." I whispered as I continued to pump him and rub my thumb over the tip of him. "Please?"_

"_God Bella!" he hissed. _

_With one hand he held onto the board. I wrapped my legs around him and with his other hand, he pulled the crotch of my bathing suit bottoms to the side and pushed into me slowly, never taking his eyes off mine. _

"_Shit!" I moaned in a whisper into his neck as I dropped my forehead to his shoulder._

_He began to move quickly. "Fuck Bella, this has to be quick, I'm not going to last long. You're fucking beautiful." He said in a hushed groan and began to move even faster._

"_Oh Edward! I love you." I moaned as I unraveled around him. _

"_Fuck! I love you Bella!" he said into my mouth as he spilled into me hard and fast. "I love you, too."_

"Mommy!"

Shit.

"Coming baby boy!" The water was starting to cool, as I must have fallen asleep. Jesus, this is the LAST thing that I need right now. It's been ten years since he walked out of my life, why are these memories haunting me now?

Today was our weekly "lunch with the McCarty's" after school. The girls have a half day every Wednesday and my neighbor, Rosalie McCarty and I take our kids to lunch. Usually to McDonalds or Chuck-E-Cheese, so the kids can play and Rosalie and I can chitchat. Her husband is also in the Navy and while he's on shore duty now, he's still gone often, having to travel to many places around the Pacific Rim doing his job. Rosalie and I met just about a week after we moved in. She was pregnant with her daughter Zoe and moody as all hell, but I was persistent. Her son Ben and my Robbie are just a year apart and have become the best of buddies, so it helped her relax with me.

I'm not usually persistent at making friends, but something told me that her and I would be great friends, and so far, I'm right. We have a lot in common and we laugh together a LOT!

I climbed out of the tub, and began to dry off. I slipped into my robe and went to the living room to fetch the boy.

"Mommy, I wanna watch McQueen please!" This boy has a slight obsession with all things _Cars_ and would watch this movie on a reel all day if I let him. Boys and their toys I guess.

I popped the DVD into the player for him and got him a sippy cup of milk and a snack. I set about my daily routine of housework and unpacking a few more boxes. Today was the laundry room. I needed some kind of order in there before the kids started making it "Mount Washmore".

Once I was satisfied with the organized chaos of the laundry room, I quickly mopped the kitchen and made all the beds. About another thirty minutes and it would be time to get the girls.

I got Robbie dressed and we headed next door to get Rosie and the kids. Today we were walking to the school, which is only a mile from the house, to get our kids and then to McDonalds.

Robbie ran ahead and rang the doorbell. Rosie came to the door looking a little frazzled, Zoe screaming in the background and Ben crying at her feet.

"Save me!" she whined as she opened the door.

I fought back a giggle as I walked in past her to get Zoe out of the swing. "Hey there sweet baby girl! Why are you giving your mommy a hard time today?" I cooed as I reached down to scoop her up.

"Sweet Zosafina! Sweet Zosafiiiiina don't you cry!" I crooned at her as she began to calm down. Yes, I made up that goofy little nickname, but you can only say "Zoe-Zo" so many times before you end up coming up with another name.

By this time Ben had calmed down, excited to see Robbie and they were dumping over a basket of Lego's while Rosie tried to tie his shoes. Once she gained her bearings, we loaded them up in strollers and headed towards the school.

"So, how's _your_ day going Bella? Since it's obvious how mine has been!"

"Same ol, same ol. I got my laundry room unpacked finally, and tomorrow I should be able to finish the dining room and kitchen. It's coming along."

"Yep, worst part about moving all the time…the unpacking!" she said.

"Yea, I could move all the time if the Navy would pay to _unpack_ also! This part sucks royally!"

We made it to the school just in time to hear the bell ring, and watch for our girls. Her oldest, Samantha, or Sam as we call her is in the fifth grade, while Lynette is in the third and Madysen is in first. They all get along really well, so it makes for good times when Rose and I want to hang out without being disturbed.

After the girls find us and tell us about their day, we head over to McDonalds, get their food ordered and head outside to sit out by the play yard. The best thing about San Diego, the weather, hands down. It's never too terribly hot or cold. Today the weather was absolutely gorgeous as we watched the kids eat and play.

It really was nice to finally have a really close friend again. Angie and Ben got married back in '98 and they were living in Houston, as he got a job at NASA. Alice lived all the way across the country in Jacksonville. Her husband is in the Navy too, and coincidentally, we also met in San Diego, years ago. But while I talk to her almost daily, I haven't seen her in a few years. So, needless to say, it's been lonely.

"Rosalie, I need to talk to you about something, but I need you to not judge me for what I am about to say. You're the only person I have to talk to here."

"Spill. You know I would never judge you for anything you tell me." She has this way of automatically making you feel comfortable, and you know you can tell her anything.

"Well, it's sort of a long, LONG story. I don't even know where to begin." I say rather shyly.

"Ok, so then start at the beginning." She smiles.

"Umm…how much time do we have?" I laugh.

"All day girl! Spill! You've got my interest peaked now! Out with it!"

So as the children played on the play set I told her everything, from the very beginning with Edward. I told her all the details of the mad passion and the heartbreak with him. I told her how I ended up with Jacob, and what was happening now. The unresolved feelings that came bubbling up recently, the dreams and flashbacks. Finding him on Facebook. All of it. I left nothing out, and when I was done, I didn't even realize that I was crying. Stupid female hormones!

"Ok girl. We're not done talking about this, but we need to get these kids home. I'm coming over tonight and we'll talk more. It sounds like you've repressed some serious issues and feelings, and never talked about them. So…here I am ready to get you through this!"

Later that evening after the kids were all in bed, Rosie came over, baby monitor in one hand, so she could hear if Ben or Zoe woke up, and a case of beer in the other hand. We sat out on the back patio drinking our beers and talking about our pasts. I lit a fire in the fire pit to keep us warm. San Diego nights are chilly and we live about a mile from the coast, so it's breezy too. Seriously, perfect weather.

She had been previously married to a man named Royce. She, like me, married him because she thought she should. She knew that she wasn't in love with him the way he was with her, that he was her best friend, but the "spark" wasn't there. The only difference between her story and mine was that they already had a baby together. Sam is biologically his, even if Emmett, her current husband has raised her since she was three and he was who she calls daddy.

I didn't feel any reason like that, that I _had_ to marry Jacob. At the time, I married him because I _thought_ that I was head over heals for him. I _thought_ that he was _the one._ I knew that he loved me, and was willing to do anything for me. Every woman's dream right? That feeling didn't last very long. I knew what "head over heals" and to give your whole heart to someone felt like, and I didn't have it with Jacob, still don't. I know that I can live without him.

Now, it sounds like I am not being very fair to him, and that may be true, but when you know what true love feels like and when you know you settled for less than that, you tend to wallow and especially tend to wonder "what if".

Jacob is not perfect. He's not the perfect father or the perfect husband. He tries, but he is after all a man, and he has his many faults. He's a tad controlling and he can be emotionally abusive, making me feel guilty for doing or feeling things. But he tries, and I think that's why I am still here. Also considering we have three children and I, not having had a job since we got married and moved half way across the country from home to his first duty station. I didn't finish college, so at best I could be a glorified receptionist. It's not easy to just pack up three kids and leave your husband because you're not _in love_ with him. Believe me, I wish it were.

"So, what are you going to do about it?" Rose asked, breaking me out of my deep thoughts.

"About what?" I asked taking a sip of my beer and staring into the flames in the fire pit.

"Edward? Jacob? You? Are you going to contact Edward? Maybe he's looked for you too ya know?"

"Oh Rosie! When he broke up with me, he took a piece of my heart with him. I would be entirely too terrified of letting him get close enough to take the rest."

"You may not like the sound of this, but you need closure. It sounds to me like you never got that, and maybe that's why you're feeling the way that you are now. Let's think about what we know, or may know. We know, or at least assume, he has a child, but do you know if he's married?" I could feel her eyes on me as she said this.

"No." Still staring at the flames but feeling the tears building.

"Girlfriend?"

"Don't know."

"Bella, let's get on Facebook and see what we can find out."

"NO!" tears fell down my face. "I'm sorry. I just…I…it ripped another hole in my heart just seeing that little girl in his lap." I sighed.

"So, you never expected him to go on with his life, even though you went on with yours? Is that what you're saying? You wanted him to miss you as much as you missed him and not go on?"

"Oh GOD! This sucks completely Rose! I haven't cried over this man for at least ten years! Why now? Why is this all coming up now?"

"Come on!" She stood and grabbed my hand, leading me inside the house to my office.

She sat down at my desk, and I sat on the couch, resting my arms over the back and resting my chin on top of my arms. It backed up to my desk, so I could see the screen as she pulled up the browser and directed it to Facebook. Her fingers flew over the keys, and once again, there he was. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Ok, so he must not know much about Facebook, because his profile isn't private. So, let's see what we can find out." She said, seemingly to me, but to herself as well.

I laid my head down on my arms, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach. Did I want to do this? Did I want to hear that he was living some happy life with someone else? I could hear Rosalie clicking the mouse every now and then, but she said nothing and I still didn't look back up.

"Well, I have good news? I think?" she paused, and I looked up at her, "So, he's not married, but yes, it appears that that is in fact his little girl. Looks like her name is Kaylie and she's around six years old. But…" I swallowed the lump in my throat and just kept looking at the side of her face as she looked at the computer screen. I couldn't bear to see the photos of him, not yet anyway. "…he has a girlfriend. Looks like they've been together, well as best as I can guess, almost 2 years. So, I don't think she's his _baby momma."_ She snickered.

"And I am married Rose, so all of that's insignificant." I laid my head back down on my arms.

"His little girl is a really cutie! He's not too bad himself. Hot!" She turned to look at me.

I lifted my head and looked at her. My guess is the look on my face was enough for her smile to drop and to quickly turn her face back to the computer screen and mumble an apology.

"Should I friend request him for you?

"No! Are you kidding?"

"Bella, seriously, why not? After all, it _has_ been ten years, and you both have your own lives now. You're adults. Let him see what he gave up and be jealous a little too."

I groaned and laid my head back down on my arms. Was I ready to make that connection…any connection, with him again? Am I not better off without him in my life? Would he even care to hear from me?

"Fine Rose." I said, not lifting my head, "but then we're getting shit faced drunk! Deal?"

* * *

><p><strong>Just be patient with me...it's all necessary evil. :) The next chapter will be ready to go to review on Monday, unless I get time to finish it this weekend. But so far, it's complete to this point. I love hearing what you think.<strong>


	6. Chapter 5 : Call Your Name

**A/N: **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

This chapter's theme song: Call Your Name, Daughtry

Remember photos and songs can be found on the story blog...which is linked in my profile. Enjoy!

* * *

><p><em>Facebook Notification: Edward Cullen has accepted your friend request.<em>

Oh holy hell.

It's only been three days, and even though I tried not to think about it, that little voice in the back of my head wondered daily why he hadn't accepted the request. One side of the voice said, he doesn't look at Facebook enough, while the other side thought the worst. That he doesn't want to even go there.

So, for the first time, I allow myself to browse through his profile and photos. His daughter _is_ beautiful, and she looks just like him. She especially has his eyes. He's living in Port Angeles now, and his profile says he's working at the Yacht Club. His girlfriend…meh…she's all right. Not really someone I'd ever picture him dating but then again, I don't know much about him anymore. Or really, I don't know _anything_ about him anymore…at all.

With that heartbreaking thought, I shut down my browser and get started on more unpacking. Today I'll tackle the bedroom. It's very hard to unpack Jacob's side of the closet knowing that he won't be using much of any of these clothes over the next two years that we're stationed here. I miss him, but not like I should and I instantly feel guilty. I miss my _friend_ Jacob that I laugh and joke with. I miss the father of my children Jacob that helps me take care of our children. I don't miss the sex, because, let's face it, it doesn't hold a candle to…dammit.

_Don't go there Bella._

Let's just say that I settled in that department too.

The doorbell rings bringing me out of those thoughts and I make my way to the front door. Rosalie and her kids greeted me.

"Bewwa!" Ben said, as he leaped into my arms.

"How are you big man?" I asked him, wrapping him in a big hug. I love her kids, as if they were my own.

"Whe'as Robbie? I wanna pway Staa Waas!" Holding up his toy light saber. _He's so dang cute with his learning to talk._

"He's out in the backyard, buddy. Go get him." Setting him down, he bounds off to the back door calling for Robbie.

We make our way into the kitchen and Rosie sets Zoe up in her bouncy seat and takes a seat at a barstool at the kitchen bar. Sam heads down the hall to find Lynette in her room and we hear the faint sounds of music coming from her room.

"So, how's it going today B?" she asks leaning forward on her forearms.

"I know where you're going with this Rose. He accepted my friend request last night or this morning sometime. It was there when I checked Facebook earlier." I turn to the fridge and grab two bottles of water. "Water?"

"Sure." Taking the bottle from me, opening and taking a sip. "Ok, so that's good right? I mean, that initial contact is made. You should send him a message. Just casually, say 'long time no talk' or something to that effect. Break the ice."

"I don't know Rose…I…"

"Look," she interrupts, "from what you have told me. You guys had a pretty serious connection. He's probably just as weirded out as you are, seeing that you're still married to Jacob and now with kids and all."

"Key words Rose…still married to Jacob."

"Ok, so look, it's just an email, it's not like you're going to go knock on his door and jump into his bed."

_Given the chance for that…damn. _

_Stop it Bella._

"I've just been watching you the past week, and I can see a difference in your demeanor. If he's that way at all now that he's seen you…well…"

"Well, nothing Rose…I'm _married!_"

"Yes, you are…to a man that you are not in love with. How is that fair to either one of you?"

"Jacob doesn't know that Rose. And I do love him."

"Yes, yes. You love him. You love him because he's the father of your children. And you love him because he was and is your best friend. But you're not passionate about him. You're not pinning away for him to come home from deployment so you can have your way with him and make more babies. So, I ask you again…how is that fair to either one of you?" she asks, staring me dead in the eyes and not budging.

"Ok, so let's say for arguments sake that Edward is feeling close to what I am right now. What does that matter? It's not like we can be together. He's in a relationship, and for the millionth time…._I am married!"_

"Jesus Bella, who are you trying to convince here? I'm not asking you to do anything immoral. Just talk to the guy. Besides…I'm a sucker for true love. You're meant to be together, I can feel it. So, go blather to someone else about the joys of your married life, but you know there's nothing in this world you want more…than Edward. Call me a liar." Staring me down again. I was frozen. "I thought so." She smirked, and with that, she got up off her barstool and sauntered out into the backyard calling after Ben. She picked him up walked over to the swing set, set him on one and began pushing him.

I stared after her for a long while soaking in everything she just threw at me. My thoughts were swirling around and my brain felt like it was on overload.

_True Love?_ Yea. Sure. If it was a fact, then why…

"_Edward stop!" I laughed hard, trying to catch my breath. "Ohmigod, please stop!"_

_His strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind and the swing came to an abrupt halt, his feet skidding across the dirt in a cloud of dust. _

"_Sorry, love. I guess I got a little carried away." He said into my ear. _

"_It was fun, but…I thought I was going to fly right off the dang thing as high as you pushed me that last time. Do you want to kill me?"_

"_Never. I just don't want you to be able to walk." He chuckled into my ear and placed an open mouth kiss in the hollow below it. Shivers ran up my spine as I momentarily closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I stood up pulling out of his embrace, pushed past the swing and walked over to the play set, climbing up into the castle-like wooden tower. _

"_Looks like I can walk just fine Mr. Cullen." I teased him as I walked away. "Whatcha gonna do about it?" Turning and peeking at him over my shoulder, pretty seductively as I climbed. He growled._

"_You seem to have a fetish for public areas Miss Swan." He teased back, making it to the wooden ladder in just a few strides and up to the tower where I was just seconds later. Placing his hands on my hips and crushing me into the side of the wall. _

"_Nope. I have a fetish for you." I ran my hands into his beautiful copper hair, scratching my nails over his scalp, and down to the back of his neck. His eyes fluttered closed. _

"_And I you, Bella." He ran his nose along my temple, taking a deep breath, and then down along my cheek to my chin. My eyes fluttered closed, and my heartbeat picked up. He pulled back and we looked into each other's eyes. "You know that right? Do you understand my feelings for you?"_

_I swallowed hard at the emotion in his voice, fought back the tears welling up in my eyes and nodded my head. _

"_I love you Edward." I whispered._

_He pressed his lips to mine in a gentle kiss and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. It was the single sweetest moment of my life. Here in the middle of a park playground, nothing special or romantic about the setting, with simple touches, and gentle kisses Edward and I gave more of our hearts to each other. _

I slumped my head down onto my arms on the kitchen counter. _This sucks._ _Why does life have to be so damn difficult?_ I picked up and headed into the backyard with Rosie and the boys. She was sitting on the patio at the table watching them. I sat down to her left and set my bottle of water on the table. I saw her turn to look at me out of the corner of my eye, but I didn't look at her.

"Ok." I half sighed.

"Ok?" She countered.

"I'll send him an email. But I want to state for the record, that I don't like this. For a few reasons, but the two that are bothering me the most. Feeling like I am somehow betraying Jacob and feeling like it's going to be _bothering _Edward."

"I get the Jacob part. Bella, you're not messing around on him. You're just sending an email. You email other guy friends don't you? There's nothing to feel guilty about there, unless of course you profess your undying love for Edward, and beg him to come rescue you from your life." She snickered. "But seriously, what's the Edward part? If he didn't _want_ you to be able to contact him, do you think he would have accepted that request? Maybe it's possible he doesn't want to contact you first because he's not sure that he can without drama. Does that make sense? I mean, what if…?"

"Rosalie look, I'm not getting my hopes up about anything. This is just a 'hey how are doing' kind of thing, and that's it. I can't let myself get carried away in 'possibilities' or 'what if's'. I just can't go there."

"Yet." She states, matter-of-factly.

"Rose." I counter, sternly.

"Ok, ok. No more pushing from me. I promise. I just don't want you to have any regrets, that's all." She smiled.

The following Monday.

_Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You_

_March 17, 2008_

_Subject: Hey!_

_Hey there stranger! How are you? Looks like you're doing well. Your little girl is beautiful. Can't believe you're on Facebook. Just thought I'd drop you a line and say 'hi'. Hope life is treating you well._

_Talk to you soon!_

_Bella_

_Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You_

_March 18, 2008_

_Re: Hey!_

_Wow, Bella. It's good to hear from you. Looks like life is treating you kind. Yes, that's my daughter. I got pretty lucky huh? I'm doing ok. Living and working in Port A, but planning a big move to San Diego at the end of the year._

_That's about it._

_Edward_

This is some kind of sick, cruel joke right? He's _moving_ to San Diego? As in where I am living _right now?_

Fuck. My. Life.

_Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You_

_March 20, 2008_

_Re: Hey!_

_That's really good to hear. Talk about a small world. I live in San Diego! Have lived here on and off for the last 6 years. It's beautiful here you'll love it. Mind if I ask what brings you this way?_

_B_

_Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You_

_March 22, 2008_

_Re: Hey!_

_Small world huh? I used to live there in 2003. For one it's to be closer to my kid. She's in Arizona. My uncle is the chief of the fire department in El Cajon, so he's helping set me up with a job. I am going to finish my EMT training and work for the forest rescue. Jumping out of helicopters to fight the wild fires. An old friend of mine lives out there now too, so it will be good for me._

_E_

_Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You_

_March 23, 2008_

_Oh, that sucks. That's pretty far away. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be that far away from here._

_Fire fighting huh? Scary! Sounds adventurous, I'm sure you'll be good at it._

_Well, it was good catching up with you. Hope you're move goes well. Hit me up when you get here. We could do lunch with the rug rats!_

_:)_

_Bella_

"Yea, that was all very innocent. Nothing for you to get all flustered about. But, that's _huge_, him moving here! I mean, really, what are the odds?" Rose said, as we assumed our all too familiar seating of her at my desk, and me looking over the back of the couch on the following Friday evening.

"Should I have said that though? I mean, telling him to 'hit me up when he gets here'? Is that appropriate? He didn't respond. Why do you think he didn't respond?" Seriously? Could I sound anymore like a teenager lost in some juvenile crush?

"Everything you said is fine, relax. You included the kids in that invitation, you didn't ask the guy out on a date. It's fine. He'll respond."

"Rose, he's moving here? How in the world am I going to deal with that? Him being that close?" I sighed laying my head down on my arms.

"You'll deal with it. You'll be an adult, and you'll let him see that you are just fine. He's obviously not objecting to catching up with you, so you'll just go with it. I'm sure at some point you'll both have the opportunity to discuss the past and you can get your closure."

I sighed.

"Would you mind hanging out here for a little while? I want to go for a run. Clear my head."

"Go right ahead. I'll get dinner started for the munchkins."

I love this woman! We took turns on the weekend cooking dinner for each other's families. With our husbands gone most of the time, it was our little bit of adult interaction that kept us sane.

I quickly got changed, grabbed my iPod and headed out. Our housing neighborhood is located in Pacific Beach, situated right on the edge of Mission Bay. There is a bike and running trail that runs along it all the way down along Crown Point Drive, to the beachfront at the Pacific Ocean. It's a good four to five miles if you stay along the trail, and the scenery is breathtaking. I set the music to my "running" playlist and start off with a brisk walk to warm up.

The gentle guitar strains of Daughtry, _Call Your Name_ come through my ear buds.

_You never said, you never said, you never said that it would be this hard_

_Love is meant to be forever, now or never seems to discard_

_There's gotta be a better way for me to say_

_What's on my heart without leaving scars_

_So can you hear me when I call your name?_

_And when you fall apart am I the reason for your endless sorrow_

_There's so much to be said_

_And with a broken heart your walls can only go down but so low_

_Can you hear me when I call your name?_

_When I call your name_

Yea, that's about enough of _that_ song. I hit the next button on the iPod.

Kanye West, _Stronger_. That's more like it. I start running.

You know those defining moments in life where you feel like you can go one of two ways and it will change the course of your life forever? I was having one of those moments. I don't know exactly how to explain it, but I felt like I could make one of two decisions about Edward and Jacob and my entire life in general. I could walk away from my life with Jacob, and be ok about it. This I was almost one hundred percent sure about. It would be terribly hard to be a single mother, but it's not like I don't know that feeling already. All he's really been over the past year is a paycheck anyway. The hard part would be worrying how to take care of the kids and myself. But it's not like I am completely unemployable. It probably means that I would have to move back to Washington, since the cost of living is much cheaper than southern California, but I am ok with that. My family is there. As much as I hate the idea of moving the kids away from their father, its not like he can't get stationed up there to be close to them. The other part would be that I would have to do it for me, and not for the _possibility_ of anything ever being with Edward. I couldn't even let him factor into any decision. It's just not logical seeing as this is the first time I have had any contact with him since Jacob and I got married.

I still remember the last time I spoke to him. It was on the phone, and I was cooking dinner for Jacob and I. He had come in for the weekend. He was stationed in Pensacola, and I was still living in Port Angeles. We'd been married about a month and I hadn't heard from Edward for about 7 months. I was placing the chicken into the oven when the phone rang. I didn't recognize the number on the caller ID.

"_Hello?"_

"_Hey Bella…it's…Edward."_

_Seriously? Is this for real?_

"_Umm…hey Edward. How are you?" trying to be as nonchalant as possible and not let my voice give my nerves away._

_Jacob was sitting at the kitchen bar just watching with an unreadable expression on his face. I leaned back up against the kitchen sink, crossing my arm across my stomach and stared down at my feet._

"_I'm doing all right. How about you?" he asked, as my heart pounded in my chest._

"_Oh you know, same ol thing. Work and school."_

_He chuckled. "Yep, I know the feeling."_

"_Are you still in Bremerton?" I asked, not really sure how to talk to him with my _husband_ staring me down._

"_Yea. Sorry I haven't been in touch for a while. I sort of ran into a little trouble."_

"_What happened?" I asked, a little worried._

"_Well, I kinda got put in jail. I umm…was driving drunk and ran my car into a ditch umm…back in September."_

_September? When he broke up with me? He was driving drunk? Could that be a coincidence?_

"_Jesus Edward! Are you ok? You didn't get hurt did you?"_

_I looked up at Jacob who held up his left hand and pointed to his wedding ring. Crap. I have to tell Edward. _

"_No, I was, or am ok. Just really sucked. I missed a bunch of school and now am set back a semester. Luckily I was able to get my job back, so I'm not completely broke. But I don't have a car anymore, so that sucks." _

"_Yea, I can imagine." I looked up at Jacob again. "So, umm, Jacob and I got married." I half blurted out._

_Silence. But I would swear I heard him gasp and then exhale really loudly._

"_Yea, I guess I could have predicted that." Was his response._

_What?_

"_Really?" I asked, sort of shocked to hear him say that._

"_Bella, you don't see yourself very clearly. Jacob was crazy about you. That was always very obvious to me. It seems, almost poetic that he asked you to marry him as soon as I was out of the picture."_

_I furrowed my brow in confusion, looking at Jacob. _

"_Hmm…" was my brilliant response._

"_Well, hey, it was really good to hear your voice again Bella. Glad to hear that you're doing well. Congratulations to you and Jacob. I hope you have a long and happy life together. Goodbye Bella."_

_I choked back all the emotion threatening to spill out. "Bye Edward."_

_And just like that, he was gone from my life again._

My run did nothing to help my head. I made it back to my house, and sat down on the bench on the front porch. I leaned forward, elbows on my knees and hands cradling my head.

I'm not over him. Shit. _I never_ _got over him._

What does that say about my life? Has it all been a mistake? A lie? There's no magic time machine to let me go back in time, and wait a little longer or change my decision to marry Jacob. There's no changing how my life has turned out to this point. There is only me now…here…today. I need to grow the fuck up and make a decision that will change and affect at least five lives, forever…or get over it.

I leaned back and rested my head against the house. Under the overhang of the roof was a caterpillar hanging upside down ready to morph into a chrysalis…about to make a life altering change.

"_Poetic…"_ he'd said.

I knew what I was going to do.

I was going to Washington.

I was going to see Edward.

* * *

><p>Ohhh...<p>

Ok, so you guys have been wonderful! Thank you! I am so glad that you are enjoying this. Bella will get over herself soon don't worry!

The songs are:

_Call Your Name_ - Daughtry

_Stronger_ - Kanye West

They own them, I don't.

More juicy lovin' coming up again soon. :) And just wondering if anyone has seen a surprise coming up? I'd love to hear your guesses! :)


	7. Chapter 6 : Bleeding Love

**A/N: **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Song for this chapter: Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis

* * *

><p>Early Saturday morning I woke to my iPhone ringing. I rolled out of bed, grabbing it off the charger on my dresser, seeing that it was "Unknown".<p>

Jacob.

"Mmm…lo?" Said in much of a whisper. I got back in bed and cuddled under the covers.

"_Hey baby. Sorry I woke you." Jacob's husky voice came through the phone._

"S'ok" I mumbled back. "Where are you?" I yawned and stretched a little.

"_We're in Guam. Should be here till Monday or Tuesday. How's it going?"_

"Guam. Fun. S'going fine. Rosie and I are keeping each other busy and the kids entertained." Stretching a little more, I rolled onto my back and put my arm over my eyes.

"_That's good. I'm glad you've got a friend to lean on." _You have no idea Jacob.

"She's really great. I can see us being friends for a lifetime. Her husband should be home in about two more weeks, but I think it's only for like a week or two and then he's flying out to Thailand for a month or two I think."

"_Well, that sucks. He might as well be on sea duty like me." He chuckled._

"Yea, she's hating it, but like I said, we're keeping each other entertained."

"_Well, that's good. Got any big plans for the weekend?" he asked._

"Not really. I think we're taking the kids to Crown Point today. There's a little craft fair going on, but that's about it."

"_Sounds like fun. Any of the kids awake yet?" he asked._

I listen for sounds of the TV coming from the living room, but I can only hear the white noise of the ceiling fan humming above my bed. "I don't know, let me check."

Lynette was laying on the couch, my little early riser, remote in one hand, and her beloved stuffed bunny in the other flipping the channels.

"Lynie, daddy's on the phone." I said, holding it out towards her, as she leapt off the couch to get it from me.

"Hi daddy! I miss you!" I heard her say, as I made my way back down the hallway. Madysen was stirring in her bed, rubbing her eyes, as I peeked in her room. "Hey baby girl, daddy's on the phone if you want to talk to him."

"Ok momma." She replied sleepily, her voice scratchy and climbed out of bed.

Robbie would be out for hours still, and he's only two and a half, he won't care that I didn't wake him to talk to Jacob, so I left him alone.

I went back to my room and climbed back under the covers. It's Saturday for crying out loud. My one day to sleep in.

About thirty minutes later, Madysen brought me back the phone. "Daddy has to go, but he said he wanted to talk to you first."

"Thanks baby girl. Love you."

"Love you too, momma."

"So did you get the scoop on the latest in the world of seven and five year olds?" I chuckled.

"_Oh yea, they are hilarious. I miss them." He sighed. "Is the boy still asleep?"_

"I know, and they miss you too. Yea, you have to call a little later if you want to talk to him about Lightening McQueen." I chuckle.

"_I miss you Bella."_ Crap.

"I miss you too Jacob, but I am doing fine, so don't worry about me." _Nonchalant enough?_

"_I know that's cuz you're a tough woman." And I could hear the smile in his response._

"So, umm…Jake, I was thinking that when the girls get out of school in May, I'm going to drive home and spend a few weeks of the summer there. Stay at my dad's. The kids can see their grandparents, and we'll celebrate the girls' birthdays with the family. Since we don't know a lot of people here, it will help make the summer go by faster, and give me a much needed break." _I probably said all of that way too fast._

"_I think that's a good idea. I know the kids will love it." He sounded happy, but I could hear the jealousy in his voice._

"Yea, and I'm sure my dad will love to have us there too. So, yea, that's what we're gonna do then." I sighed, glad that he wasn't making me feel bad for wanting to go home. I've said it before. He's good at making me feel like my decisions or feelings are invalid or insignificant.

"_Are you kidding? Charlie will get a kick out of it, and I'm sure Lynie will be thrilled to go fishing with him."_

"She will indeed." I yawned. "Ok, Jake, I'm gonna go back to sleep now and try and catch a few more hours of rest."

"_Ok Bella. I love you. Hope you have a good day."_

"Love you. Bye Jake."

I squint my eyes open and check the time on the clock. Nine-fifteen. I guess it's time I get out of bed. I can hear the girls in the living room laughing at whatever it is they are watching on TV. Robbie must still be asleep or he's being really quiet with them.

I jump in the shower and let the warm water soothe me. I can't remember if I dreamt last night, but that doesn't mean that my thoughts aren't already swirling around Edward. It's ridiculous really. How can one person control another's thoughts so dominantly throughout a lifetime? I'll be thirty-one this year, and as far back as I can remember, he's never been far from my thoughts. As much as I have tried to suppress the memories, they've been there. Every once in a while coming to the surface and making me stop and think about a moment or event with him.

Never like this though. Never before have they been this often that I can't put them back in their little locked box in my brain. Never before have they been everyday and more than once a day. Why now?

I shut the water off and step out. I wrap up in my terry cloth robe and wrap my long brown hair up in a towel. _I need a haircut._

My phone chimes a text from where I left it on my bed.

_**Hey lady! We still on for the craft fair today? – Rosie**_

**Yep! I just showered. So let me eat & then we can get going. – B**

_**Hot! lol ok, text me when ur ready to go. I'm ready when u r. – Rosie**_

**I knew u loved me for my body! lol – B**

_**lol u know it! See ya in a few! – Rosie**_

I quickly towel-dried my hair and combed through it. I pulled it up into a messy bun on the crown of my head. I brushed my teeth and threw on just a little eyeliner and mascara. I still don't wear much make-up. I threw on my favorite pair of torn jeans and a quarter-sleeved gray thermal.

In the living room all three kids are snuggled up on the couch under a blanket. Robbie was in the middle with his head on Madysen's shoulder. They're so sweet to each other in the mornings. _Why can't they get along so nicely all the time?_ The scent of syrup and waffles is in the air.

"Morning guys! Did everyone sleep well?" I ask sitting down next to Lynie.

"Yes!" they say in unison.

"Did y'all eat breakfast already?"

"I made waffles for everyone mommy." Lynie said proudly.

"That was very nice of you sweetie. Thank you. We're going to the park today with Rosie, so let's get dressed and ready to go ok?"

"Ok momma!" they all said as they jumped up from the couch and trotted off down the hall.

"Brush your teeth!" I remind them as I turn off the TV.

I make a quick bowl of cereal, and send Rosie a text.

**R we walking? – B**

_**Sure! – Rosie**_

Everything is so close here, that sometimes it's just more fun to walk and enjoy the fresh air. Plus, gas prices these days are outrageous, and I drive a Chevy Tahoe that thinks gas is chocolate milk and gulps it down. So, I usually only drive it to the gym and to base when I need to go to the commissary or the exchange. I'm really considering trading it in for something more economical. Everywhere else is close enough to walk. Plus, Chris said that the more active I am the quicker I will see results from the weight-training regimen he has me on. Have I mentioned lately that he tries to kill me on a regular basis? Because I honestly believe that he's on a mission to complete that task. Death by weights.

I finish up my cereal, set my bowl in the sink and head to Robbie's room to get him dressed. He's fighting to get a shirt over his head and I smile at him. The shirt is winning the fight. _My baby boy is such a big boy._

"Hey guys? Where's Robbie? Anyone seen him? I can't find him!"

"MOMMY! Hep me!" he whines, peeking his eyes through the neck of the shirt, and I giggle at him.

"Oh, THERE you are! I couldn't find you." I laugh at him, and help him get his shirt on straight. I put him in a pair of jeans and his favorite blue Crocs.

"There ya go big man. Let's go see Ben!" and with that, he trots off down the hall to the garage.

"You ready girls?" I call out.

"Coming momma!" Madysen yells back from her room.

"I'm ready!" Lynie calls from the living room.

Back in the kitchen I pack us a snack bag and toss in a few juice boxes for the kids and water bottles for Rosie and I. I slip my flip-flops onto my feet and head into the garage. I unfold the double jogging stroller and hit the button to open up the overhead garage door.

"Sa-piiise!" Ben yells, arms up in the air as he catches sight of Robbie.

"You guys finally ready?" Rosie smirks from the driveway.

"Give me just a sec." I run back inside, grab the house keys and my cell phone and wallet. I hit the button again on the garage door and walk out the side door and through the backyard gate.

"Morning McCarty family! How are all of you this fine day?" I sarcastically asked, smirking at Rosie.

The craft fair isn't too crowded yet, but I suspect it won't be long. The girls are wandering in front of us stopping a booth after booth to check out all the different items that are being sold. Ben is in my stroller with Robbie and Zoe is sleeping in hers.

"Jacob called this morning. They're in Guam."

"That's cool. How's he doing?" she asks, as she's eyeing a handmade diaper bag.

"Seems ok. I can tell that he hates being gone again so soon. He sounded a little down, but ok for the most part." I was looking down at the stroller handle feeling a little nervous, but I needed to tell her.

"Rosie, I think I am going to go to Washington this summer." Still looking at my hands on the stroller I bite my bottom lip, but I can feel her turn to me.

"Seriously?" she half whispered.

I met her gaze. "Seriously. For more than just what you're thinking…"

"I'm not thinking anything." She interrupts.

"Rose."

"Bella, if seeing him and talking to him will get you're your closure or possibly even make you happy, then I am all for it. I just want you to be smart about it. Go with your head and not your heart." She turns her head and looks out towards the bay, seemingly gathering her thoughts for a long dramatic pause.

"I'm coming with you." She states rather matter-of-factly.

"What? Why? I mean, I'd _love_ to have you with me, and to come meet my family, but I don't need a babysitter Rose."

"No, no. Emmett has family in Washington, Seattle actually. We could drive up together, in our own cars of course, but then you could see your family and we could see his. And we could get that chance to go out as adults since there will be plenty of people to watch the kids! It'll be great!"

And just like that, our summer plans were made. Deep down, I was thrilled that she was coming. I would need her support more than ever if I planned on facing Edward.

"Mom look! They have a _Twilight_ blanket! Can we get it? _PLEASE?_" Sam begged.

"Twilight?" I asked, not sure what the heck she was talking about.

"Oh Bella, do I have a book series for _you_ to read! Vampires and Werewolves, mmm, mmm, mmm."

"Oh no, no, no. Rose, I don't get into that hype. I didn't do the _Harry Potter_ craze and I am not about to let you suck me into some crazy vampire craze." I laughed at her.

"Whatever, I'll turn you on to my secret addiction soon enough and you'll love me for it." She laughed back slyly. "The books are being made into movies and the first one comes out later this year. I have no doubt I'll have you hooked in no time!"

_Great. Just what I need…vampires and werewolves consuming my thoughts too._

Later that evening after the kids were in bed and Rosalie had gone home, I sat down at my computer. Not that I was expecting it, but in the back of my mind I kept hoping that Edward would talk to me again. I didn't want to be the one that kept initiating the contact. No one likes a girl that seems desperate right?

Sure enough in my notifications was an inbox message from Edward. It'd been just over a week since I'd heard from him last, or we last had any communication. My heart rate sped up and probably missed a few beats as well.

_Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You_

_March 29, 2008_

_Subject: Just Curious…_

_I don't want to overstep any boundaries, so I wanted to ask first. You're not uncomfortable with me emailing you are you? I know you're married and I have a girlfriend, and I just wanted to make sure that everything was cool._

_Just wondering._

_Edward_

_Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You_

_March 29, 2008_

_Re: Just Curious…_

_Hi Edward. No, I am not uncomfortable. Everything is fine. Just busy with kids and life ya know? I hope that we can be friends._

_So, when's the big move? Are you ready? I know you said you had friends and family here, but if you need help with anything, just let me know. I know this place like the back of my hand, so if there is anything I can help with I'm happy to._

_Bella :)_

_Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You_

_April 1, 2008_

_Re: Just Curious…_

_I'd love to be your friend Bella. I am hoping to have things wrapped up here by September or October. The next training cycle is in November so definitely before then. I'll have my kid this summer till the end of August._

_Edward_

Jacob comes home in October. Jacob comes home in October. Jacob comes home in October.

_Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You_

_April 4, 2008_

_**Subject: Forks**_

_So, the kids and I and a good friend of mine are coming to Washington this summer. My girls' birthdays are in July so if you want something to do with your daughter, once I get the details worked out, I can let you know. I'm sure you have plenty to keep her entertained but the offer is there if you're interested._

_Talk to ya soon!_

_Bella_

_Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You_

_April 4, 2008_

_Subject: Forks_

_I'm sure that'd be fun. Just let me know and maybe we can make it happen._

_Edward_

The next few weeks went by pretty slowly as Rosie's husband Emmett came home on Monday, so she was soaking up as much time with him as she could before he left again.

The good thing about being alone a lot, you make your own routines and you don't have anyone to answer to. So, having something to keep me constantly going helped keep my mind busy. I was going to the gym three days a week now, and Chris and I were actually becoming pretty good friends. As much as I hated him during my training, he was still easy to talk to and we laughed a lot. Since I wasn't getting to see Rose much, I at least had him to talk to about daily life. It had been just about a month and I was starting to notice a difference in the way my clothes were fitting and seeing definition in my arms. Nice. Ok, so I didn't hate him _that _much. He was just doing his job.

The Sunday night before Emmett had to leave to go to Thailand, Rosie invited us over for dinner. I've only met him once before, right after Zoe was born in January, but I didn't talk to him much since it was in the hospital and then he left a week later. This was only the second time that he'd been home since then, and I tried to give them their family time.

"So Bella, Rosie tells me y'all are headed to Washington this summer." Emmett states as we're sitting down for dinner.

"Yep. The girls' birthdays are in July, and since we don't know a whole lot of people here yet, I figure why not spend it with family."

"That's cool. I have some family in Seattle and some good friends of mine live in Port Angeles. Also have some other family out on Whidbey Island. Washington is great." He smiles, putting a fork full of food in his mouth.

"I went to college in Port A at Western Washington. I lived in Forks in high school. Small world."

"Indeed. You girls will have fun. Don't let me Rosie sneak away with any pasty white boys though. I'm counting on you to keep her in check." He scoffed and she elbowed him.

"Oh baby, you know there's not other man for me, and no other woman would put up with you the way I do." She winked.

"True dat." He winked back.

After we had finished, Emmett had Ben and Robbie on the floor in the living room involved in a wrestling match. I was helping Rose clean up the table and do the dishes. I filled up the sink with soap and water. I was washing while she was drying.

"_Holy crow! Would you like some water with those bubbles?" I joked scooping up a handful of bubbles from the kitchen sink and blowing them in Edwards face._

"_Very funny. So maybe I used just a little too much soap, but there's nothing wrong with a little bubbles." He chuckled back._

"_Nope, but babe…this isn't just a little bubbles…this is…"and before I could complete that sentence a wet handful of bubbles landed on top of my head._

_My mouth gaped open, and I turned and looked at him in shock. He had a sexy ass, smirk on his face, and I was going to wipe it right off. _

"_Very funny." I said once I gained my composure to keep from cracking up. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. I sucked his top lip into my mouth and he sucked my bottom one. My stomach filled with butterflies. Shit. I meant to get him back. I slid one hand up to his face and cupped his jaw while using my other hand to scoop a handful of bubbles. Just as I was about to land my hand on top of his head, cold and wet hands smacked into my cheeks, and I felt his mouth form into a smile._

_I pulled back, "Oh, you're so dead!" I laughed as I grabbed two handfuls and threw them at him. He quickly ducked and grabbed more bubbles, throwing them in my direction. _

_We were laughing so hard, and just as I was about to turn and get more bubbles; my feet hit a slick patch of bubbles and water on the floor and slid out from under me. I reached out to grab a hold of anything to keep myself from crashing to the ground. One hand found the edge of the counter and the other Edwards shirt right behind his shoulder. He swung around and grabbed hold of me with his other hand, but I was still sliding and my feet were going between his legs now. I landed flat on my back, but Edward managed to get a hold of my wrist, so my head didn't hit the ground. Thank God._

_We were both silent for half a second before bursting out into laughter again. He reached down and helped me stand up, placing his hands under my arms. I wrapped them around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug. Breathing him in. Mmm…wet Edward. He turned his face and buried into the crook of my neck and shoulder. _

"_I love you." I said, closing my eyes._

"_I love you." His voice muffled in my skin._

_He picked his head up and looked into my eyes. Desire. I placed my lips on his, and he kissed me hard. Running his hands up and down my back and then resting them on my hips, he rocked his into me. Oh yea…desire. I ran my tongue along his lips and he opened his mouth, his meeting mine in the middle. I could kiss him forever._

_I ran my hands down his chest and under the hem of his shirt to the edge of his pants. I started to unbutton his pants. He grabbed my wrist and I pulled back to look into his eyes. _

"_Angie." He whispered. Oh yea, I have a roommate. Oops. I tend to lose all coherencies when he is kissing me._

_He turned, kept one hand around my waist to keep me from falling, and we walked quickly to my bedroom. I locked the door and turned back to find him lying across the bed, hands behind his head with that sexy ass smirk. Oh Edward, the things that look does to me._

_I climbed up on top of him and leaned over to kiss his lips. He placed his hands on my hips and rocked up into me again. "Do you feel what you do to me Bella?"_

_Oh. Good. God._

_I quickly pulled his shirt off over her head, and ran my hands down his chest to the waistband of his pants and began undoing the button. I back up and pulled them and his boxers down off of his legs, leaving him gloriously naked on my bed. Eyeing him as seductively as I thought I could, I crawled back in between his things and ran my nails up the inside of his thighs. He groaned. Taking one finger, I ran my nail gently from the base of his erection all the way to the tip and then licked the small drop of pre-cum that glistened on the end._

"_Shit, Bella." He huffed. "You don't have to do this."_

"_Shhh…just lose yourself in the sensation Edward."_

_I circled my tongue around the tip again, and then slowly slid my mouth all the way down as far as I could before he hit the back of my throat and I wrapped my hand around the base. I took him in and out of my mouth many times sucking and swirling my tongue; teeth and no teeth until he was bucking his hips and crying out…_

"_Bella…stop…I'm gonna..."_

_I took him all the way to the back of my throat again and moaned over him, and that did it. He exploded into my mouth and I swallowed him down quickly. I don't particularly care for the taste, but Edward is the only one I have ever done that for, and knowing that I can bring him that much pleasure makes me feel powerful._

"_God Bella." He groans as he pulls me up to him. He kisses me hard, plunging his tongue into my mouth. "You taste like me." He smiles._

"_I love tasting you." I smile back._

_He rolls us over and kissed me again. Sliding his hands down over my breasts, and squeezed them through my shirt. My hands were in his hair as I run my nails over his scalp and pull gently on his roots. He groans and pulls my shirt up uninhibitedly. He reaches back and unclasps my bra, tossing them both off the bed. He leans back and pulls my pants and panties down in one swift motion and before I can comprehend his mouth is on my core. _

"_Oh shit Edward!" I cry out._

_His tongue and lips are making my body feel amazing. I feel the tightening start to coil in my stomach, but I stop him._

"_Edward, I want you. I want to feel you. Come here." I pull him up and wrap my arms around his shoulders._

_He centers himself between my legs, our eyes locked and I feel the tip of him teasing me. I reach down between us and grab him, rubbing his erection up and down my folds. He pushes forward just slightly, the tip of him just barely entering me and I pump him. He lets out a deep breath and I lean up and press my lips to his. He pushes forward more, and I slide my hands around to his ass and pull him forward. He plunges into me to the hilt and we moan together._

_My God he's amazing._

_We begin to move together slow at first and then he picks up the pace. He lifts both of my legs up and hitches them under his arms and I wrap my ankles around the small of his back. He goes even deeper if possible and it's hard to tell where he ends and I begin._

_He rolls over onto his back, puling me with him and not breaking our connection. He places his hands on my hips and sets the pace and again feeling even deeper this way. He slid his hand between us and rubs my bundle of nerves, pinching and rolling it causing all kinds of crazy sensations to course through my body. He sits up and latches his mouth onto my breast and sucks hard._

"_Oh Edward!" I all but scream out, throwing my head back, as my body takes over my mind. I am lost in all things Edward. "Fuck!"_

"_Come for me baby." he whispers under my chin, licking down to the hollow of my throat. "You're so beautiful."_

_And with that, my body explodes as my orgasm crashes in waves over my body. He's still moving in and out of me and moves his hands back to my hips to hold me as he pumps._

"_Oh Bella…God!" he cries out as he explodes into me, and I'm right there with him again in another smaller, but just as breathtaking orgasm._

"_Shit!" he pants as he falls back to the bed, and I fall on top of his chest._

"_Mm hmm…" was all I could muster out as I tried to catch my breath._

_I guess the dishes can wait._

"Thanks for dinner Rosie! Call me tomorrow." I said as I embraced her in a hug.

"See you later Bells." She said walking me out the front door.

"Good to see you again Emmett. Have a good trip and stay out of trouble." I chuckled as I waved bye.

"See you later Bella!" he waved back from the couch. Holding a sleeping Zoe cuddled up in his massive arms.

"Ok, see ya tomorrow girl. Oh, and we're gonna talk about what happened tonight." I turned back and looked at her confused. "Don't think I didn't notice your little trip to 'daydream land' while we were doing to the dishes."

_Busted._

She smiled, waved and walked back inside and I turned to walk home.

_Why's she always have to be so damn observant?_

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter they will be leaving for Washington and we'll get to what happened and why Edward broke her heart. Thank you for reading! Leave me some love! :)<strong>


	8. Chapter 7 : Need You Now

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Song for this chapter: Need You Now - Lady Antebellum (they own it, I don't!)

All the music and photos for the chapters can be found on the story blog site linked in my profile.

* * *

><p>The end of the school year was near and with parties and celebration days the girls were a hum of excitement. Anticipation for our upcoming trip home, knowing that Rosie and the kids were coming with us and that their birthdays were coming up soon, just added to their excitement.<p>

So, on a Saturday morning the second week of June when both vehicles were loaded up and we were set to hit the road, I was thinking I may need a Valium just to make the two-day drive and not bound and gag them. The first day on the road would get us to Northern California where we would stop for the night. The drive through California itself is pretty bland. There's not much to the scenery, just miles and miles of farmland and surprisingly, desert. Sunday morning after a quick breakfast at the hotel restaurant we began day two of our trip. This is the part of the trip that makes you completely appreciate the Pacific Northwest. Oregon and Washington states have to have some of the most breathtaking scenery ever. I could be partial, but honestly, it's simply stunning.

It was about ten at night when we arrived at my father's house in Forks. He still lived in the same charming house that him and my mother bought when they first were married, and where I spent every summer until I finally moved in with him in high school. The front porch light was on, and I could see the glow of the television coming from the living room window. As I stepped out of the car, I was met with the cool moist air, and the scent of pine and damp earth. Home. Not a second later, my dad was opening up the front door and bounding down the steps.

"Bells!" he said as he wrapped me in a tight hug.

"Hi daddy." I sure have missed him. I miss getting to see him everyday, and even if we didn't talk, just knowing that he was right there gave me that unsaid comfort a father offers a daughter.

"Glad you made it safe and sound kid. I've been worried the entire weekend." He said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"Worry wart. We were fine." I said, elbowing him in the ribs.

"Yea, yea. But what kind of father would I be if I didn't worry about ya?" He smiled. "The kids asleep?" He asked turning his head towards my Tahoe.

"Yep, and you can help me carry them in, but first, come meet Rosalie."

I introduced my father and Rosie, and he was taken with her immediately. Of course he would be. She's beautiful with her flowing blonde hair and green eyes, not looking one bit like she just had a baby five months ago. _I wish I had her genes._

We each took turns carrying a sleeping, dead weight child into the house. The kids were going to share the guest room, and Rosie and I would share my old room. There was a queen-sized bed in the guest room that the girls shared; we made a palette on the floor for the boys and Zoe in her playpen. My old room now also had a queen bed, since my dad said that he'd like to have room for guests. _Since he gets so much company these days. _I think it was secretly his way of letting me know I could always come home, and being married now, my little twin bed wouldn't be big enough for Jacob and I to sleep in.

Sleep. That sounded perfect right now.

enter;" align="center"* * *

The next day dawned to the scent of bacon and eggs, and the pitter-patter of feet across the wood floors of this old house. I stirred awake realizing that Rose was already out of bed. After making it to the bathroom, brushing my hair and teeth, I wandered downstairs to the sounds of giggles and chatter. In the kitchen Rosie was standing at the stove flipping bacon. My dad had Robbie and Ben each on a knee bouncing them around and the girls were all seated around the kitchen table chatting and laughing. Zoe was in her bouncy-saucer thing, just jumping around. I smiled at the site.

"Good morning sleepy-head." Rose chimed.

"Morning everyone." I said to the room as I made my way to the coffee pot.

Rose finished up cooking the bacon, and pulled a fresh batch of biscuits out of the oven. After a few sips of my coffee, I gathered up the dishes and silverware and set everyone a place in the dining room. I got the milk and orange juice and began filling the kids cups. Rose brought in the bounty of eggs, bacon, biscuits, gravy and hash browns. Seriously, she's a God sent. Dad brought in two wiggly boys and set them down in chairs on either side of him. I swear he wishes I had been a boy sometimes.

After we were all bursting at the seams at the delicious breakfast Rose made, the girls wandered out into the backyard to explore while Dad and the boys went to the living room for a round of wrestling on the floor.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Rose asked as we did the dishes.

"Nothing really. I should probably at least call my mom and Jacob's dad and let them know that we made it into town." I said with a roll of my eyes.

I don't spend quite that much time with Renee. She's a very selfish person, and it's just easier to keep her at arms length then deal with her on a regular, annoying basis. The kids adore her, as they should since she is their grandmother, but I can only tolerate her for a little while. I love her; I just don't like her that much.

"And we should probably plan on stocking Charlie's fridge with all these kids in the house." I laughed. "Tomorrow we can go to La Push if you want, and I can show you around the beach and reservation and then you can also meet Jacob's dad."

"Sounds good to me. Maybe Friday we can go to Seattle and see Emmett's parents." She suggested.

"I'd like that. It's been a long time since I've been to Seattle. We could make a weekend of it and take the kids to the Space Needle if you want."

"Sound great!" She said, as we finished the dishes and joined my dad and the boys in the living room.

We spent the next few days catching up with my dad, visiting Renee, grocery shopping. We also took Rose and the kids the reservation and introduced them to Billy, Jacob's dad. There's not much to do in Forks, and I was hesitant to make a trip to Port Angeles just yet. So, on Friday morning as we drove through on our way to Seattle, I all but held my breath till we hit the city limit sign. Something about even being in the same town as him clenched my stomach. God. How will I be when and _if _I see him? Would I be able to face the past without faltering? He left me broken. How would I face that? Face him?

_September 1998_

"_I'm sorry I can't make it to Port A for your birthday this weekend, but I have to work. They won't let have the weekend off." Edward said over the phone, seemingly sincere._

"_That sucks! Maybe Angie and I can drive down there and then at least I'd get to see you?" I asked hopeful._

_We have been together for just over a year. Edward had been a little distant in the last few weeks and I couldn't quite figure it out. We never fought, we never argued. We had, what I thought, was the perfect relationship. I was over the moon for him, and I was certain he felt the same about me. He'd told me and showed me he loved me in so many ways and I believed him, holding onto that as I felt him distancing himself. He still lived, worked at a bar and went to school in Bremerton and I was still doing the same in Port Angeles. However, we spent just about every weekend together, either me going to him or him coming to me. But it was the weekend of my birthday and I hadn't seen him for two weeks because he'd had to work every weekend. I missed him and I wanted to spend my day with him._

_He loves me._

"_I don't see how it would be any fun for you. I'll be working, so it's not like I will be able to spend any time with you."_

"_Edward, it's ok. I just want to see you. Angie and I can keep ourselves busy hanging out at the bar and dancing, but it would make my day just to even be in the same town as you for my birthday."_

"_I just don't think it's a good idea Bella." He said rather sharply._

"_Well, ok then." I replied back sarcastically. _

"_I really am sorry Bella. I'll see you next weekend though, okay?"_

"_Sure Edward." Trying to control the emotion in my voice._

"_I have to get ready to go now. I love you Bella. Happy Birthday."_

"_I love you too Edward." Still maintaining my façade. "And Edward?"_

"_Yea?"_

"_I miss you." And my control faltered._

"_Miss you too."_

_I spent my birthday curled up on my bed watching reruns and ignoring the world. Edward didn't call. What was going on with us? Why did I feel like he was slipping right through my fingers? What did I do wrong?_

_It was Monday after class; I was sitting at the campus coffee shop going over an essay I had written on my laptop when my phone rang. The ringtone let me know it was Edward._

"_Hey baby." I answered happily. After all, I am always happy to talk to him._

"_Hey Bella. Umm…we need to talk." His voice was distant and lacked any sense of emotion. _

_My heart leapt into my throat. Something was wrong and I knew it. I could feel it coming all weekend, but I just didn't let myself believe that it would actually happen. Could this be real? Maybe I was dreaming. I could hear him talking, but my brain wouldn't let me process it. The last thing I heard him say as the tears began to fall from my eyes…_

"_I do love you Bella, and I will always hold a place in my heart for you, but it's just not going to work. You deserve better."_

_Was he serious? Did he not understand that he was IT for me?_

"_Oh Edward." I sobbed in a whisper. Traitor emotions. I pushed my laptop across the table, closed my eyes, folded my arms and laid my head down. This is it. This is what it feels like to have your heart ripped out of your chest._

"_I'm so sorry Bella. But I think this is for the best."_

"_I don't even know what to say." I sobbed again. "I just wish you had a small understanding of how much I love you and want this to work out. I can't explain how much this hurts."_

"_I never, ever wanted to hurt you. I do love you …I just think we need to go our own ways." he started._

_Silence. I don't know how long we said nothing just listening to each other breathing._

"_Love isn't supposed to hurt like this." I sighed._

"_God Bella. I'm sorry. I really am. I'm gonna go now, ok? I'll talk to you…later." His voice gave his pain away. Why was he doing this? I don't understand._

"_I love you Edward. Please don't ever forget that." I sobbed again, this time letting him hear all the pain in my voice._

"_Goodbye Bella." He softly whispered._

_And just like that, he was gone from my life. I don't know how long I stayed like that in the coffee shop, but sometime later Angie and Jacob showed up and took me home, so I must have called them and told them._

_I woke up that night screaming, tears streaming down my face realizing that the nightmare had come true._

_Edward was gone._

Emmett's parents were very welcoming and his father reminded me a lot of him. Same stocky build, same deep blue eyes and same dark hair with just a bit of grey around the edges. He was just as boisterous as Emmett too.

We left the girls back in Forks with Renee at her insistence, so we only had the boys and Zoe. Emmett's parents all but pushed us out the door telling us to go have some "girl time" while they watched the kids.

Who were we to argue?

We headed into downtown for lunch. Stopping at Pike Place Chowder for a delicious bread bowl of their award winning chowder. I had the New England Clam and Rosie had the Smoked Salmon. Seriously, this stuff is to die for. I highly recommend it.

"So what's on your mind?" Rose asked. "You've been a little _off_ today."

"Honestly, I am starting to second guess my decision to come home."

"That decision or the one where you see Edward?" _She knows me so well._

"I'm just not sure it's such a good idea anymore. I mean, God, just the thought after all these years makes me feel like crawling out of my skin. In that 'so nervous I want to throw up' sort of way." I rambled.

"Ultimately it's your decision and you are the only one who knows exactly how comfortable you are with it. Personally, if it were me, I would see him. Just to get it over and done with. Then you can move on with your life." She paused and blew on a spoonful of chowder before putting it in her mouth. "Because then you will also know how he feels. Don't you have just the slightest curiosity about that? You've already told me that the phone call six months later still haunts you. Aren't you curious as to _why_ he called?" She paused again and just looked at me as I took in everything she was saying. "It's all closure babe, one way or the other, it's closure on the past so you can move on with your future. Be it with or without Edward _or _Jacob."

"Have I told you lately that I love you Rosie?" I winked at her.

She smiled back. "Of course you do! I'm awesome!"

We laughed. I took a deep breath and decided that she was right. One way or another what I needed the most was closure; and that meant facing my fears and seeing Edward.

It was a beautiful day in Seattle, so after lunch we decided to walk down First Street and soak in the sights and sun. A few blocks down and we were outside of Milagros, a day spa. We looked at each other and smiled and walked right in. We opted for manicures, pedicures and facials. We were taking full advantage of our girl time.

A few hours later after we had been buffed and polished we left feeling completely refreshed and headed back towards Pike Place. Just as we were getting into the truck to head back to Emmett's parents' house, Rose's phone rang. It was Emmett.

She stood outside to talk to him, while I got in the truck and turned on the radio to give her some privacy. As if all the Gods were conspiring against me, the song on the radio had to be the single most heart wrenching one out at the moment. I leaned my head back on the headrest, closed my eyes and lost myself in the lyrics.

_Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor_

_Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore_

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind_

_For me it happens all the time_

_It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now_

_Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now_

_And I don't know how I can do without_

_I just need you now_

_Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door_

_Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before_

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind_

_For me it happens all the time_

_It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now_

_Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now_

_And I don't know how I can do without_

_I just need you now_

_Yes Id rather hurt than feel nothing at all_

_Its a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now_

_And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now_

_And I don't know how I can do without_

_I just need you now _

I didn't even realize that Rose had finished her phone call, or that tears were sliding down my cheeks until the volume of the song was turned all the way down.

Shit.

"Hey. None of that." She said, "We're having a good day, and we're not going to let any memories ruin it. Deal?"

I wiped the tears away with the pads of my fingers. "Deal." I sniffed and smiled at her.

"So, you wanna hear some awesome news?" She asked excitedly and grinning ear to ear.

I nodded still smiling.

"Emmett's coming up here too!" She bounced in her seat.

"What? How? When?" I threw out.

"Well, they finished their assignment a week early, and they are already in Hawaii. He's taking leave for the next two weeks and found a MAC flight up to Whidbey tomorrow morning!"

"Oh Rose! That's awesome!" I smiled giving her a hug.

"Don't worry, I won't be ditching you. We'll just make him tag along with us and you two can get to know each other better. Plus he knows the areas just as well as you do. It'll be great!"

The next night, Rose picked up Emmett on Whidbey Island and brought him back to my dad's place in Forks. She was gone most of the day for that trip. He looked completely exhausted as they made their way inside later than evening and I heated them up some leftovers from the dinner we'd had a few hours earlier. All the kids were already in bed, so after he and Rose were fed, which I swore he'd never stop eating, we sat in the living room as he caught us up on his latest work "gossip."

Emmett was not his usual fun-loving self, and he began nodding off as we sat around talking, so I knew it was time to turn in. I grabbed some blankets and pillows from the hallway closet to make up the couch for him. Dad headed upstairs to bed first, leaving us alone.

"Thanks for letting me crash here with the fam Bella." Emmett yawned.

"It's no problem, really Emmett. You get some sleep and we'll catch up some more tomorrow." I suggested getting up to head to bed too.

"I'll be up in just a few Bells." Rose said, and as I turned to head up Emmett stopped me.

"Hey Bella, see if Charlie or your mom will keep the kids tomorrow night. I'm taking you ladies out to show you a good time!" He chuckled sleepily.

I smiled back at him and said, "Ok, Em." before turning and heading up to bed.

"Goodnight you two."

The next day was spent letting Emmett recover from his jet lag. Renee was thrilled at the idea of keeping the kids overnight and even offered to let Sam, Ben and Zoe stay with her too. We weren't going to argue. If she wanted them all, all of them she would get. I'm pretty sure I had an evil laugh going on inside my head.

Against my better judgment, I let Emmett and Rose talk me into going out in Port Angeles. Emmett had some old college buddies that he wanted to catch up with that lived there. They were planning on meeting at a sports bar one of them owned. He didn't understand my hesitation, and instead of making a big deal out of it, I agreed.

_What are the odds we'll run into Edward on a Sunday night anyway?_

Rose and I began getting ready and I let her doll me up just a bit. Probably because I was so hesitant on going in the first place, I wasn't feeling all that into getting ready. So I let her take over.

She sprayed and curled my hair, pulling it up into a low side pony that looked damn hot actually. I wore black skinny jeans with a silk purple and black halter-top and 'deadly' patent leather 'fuck-me' heels Rose called them. I looked good, but damn the shoes scared me!

Rose wore a blue floral canopy top with torn skinny jeans and blue suede, and dangerous looking heals. She curled her hair and let it flow naturally down her back.

Emmett wore a pair of black washed jeans and a loud grey and black silk skull button down. He looked nice, but he was seriously the only man I could ever see pulling that shirt off. It definitely went with his personality.

I kissed Charlie goodbye and he slipped a hundred dollar bill into my hand making me promise to call a cab if we drank too much. _Always the protective father._

An hour later we were making our way into the city limits of Port Angeles. This time I allowed myself to look around at the sites of my old 'stomping ground'. There were a lot of things that had changed about this place over the last ten years, but so much was still the same. It was still a sleepy little town. We pulled up out front of Steele's Bar and made our way inside.

As we made our way to the bar, everything happened in slow motion. Leaning up against the bar on his right arm with his back to us, was a somewhat familiar built man talking to a few other men. He was wearing dark washed blue jeans and a white button-down shirt with his sleeves rolled up his arms. His cropped bronze hair was almost a dead give away.

Oh. Please. No.

"Edward!" Emmett boomed walking quickly towards him and smiling. I gasped and froze as it all became very clear to me. Emmett…oh my God…._of course!_ Freshman year…they were roommates…I'd never met him because they only saw each other every so often.

Holy. Shit.

Edward turned when he heard his named called and he greeted Emmett in one of those one-armed, manly hugs and patted backs. Rose was standing next to me just as frozen. She snapped out of it first and we quickly turned our backs to them.

"Bella," she whispered, "I swear, I had no idea. Emmett never said the names of the guys, just said college buddies. I swear, I didn't…"

"Rosie! Come meet the guys!" Emmett boomed again.

We both turned back towards the bar and at that moment I locked gazes with those beautiful blues eyes that had haunted me for the last ten years.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

Yay! Edward in the flesh! So...did you see it coming? Some of you had to have seen it! Right? )


	9. Chapter 8 : I Will Possess Your Heart

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Song for this chapter: I Will Possess Your Heart - Death Cab for Cutie

It's Not Over - Daughtry (they own them, I don't!)

* * *

><p>As we walked towards the group of men standing at the bar, our eyes remained locked and sure enough, butterflies. <em>Damn it. <em>

I placed my hand on my stomach and took a deep breath. He offered a small smile as we approached and I smiled back suddenly feeling extremely nervous. This was not anything I was prepared for. I was hoping to have some more time before this moment and prepare myself for what I'd say.

"Rosie, Bella, this is Jasper, Garrett and Edward. Guys, this is my Rosie and her good friend…"

"Bella." Edward finished.

I sucked in a quiet gasp and swallowed hard at the sound of my name on his lips again. From the corner of my eye, I could see Emmett looking back and forth between Edward and me, and then at Rose and back again at us.

"Wait. Am I missing something here? Do you guys know each other?" Emmett questioned waving his hand between us, obviously confused at the silent exchange.

I cleared my throat and turned to look at Emmett. "Yes, Emmett we do, or we used to actually. Edward and I used to date many years ago. So, technically, you and I should have realized that we knew about each other already. Until tonight when I saw you walk up to him, I didn't put it together that you were Edward's roommate all those years ago, and you never put it together that I was…."

"Holy shit!" he half shouted cupping his hand over his mouth. He pulled his hand away, his mouth hanging open, he pointed at me, "You're _Bella_!" he paused and looked quickly at Edward and then back at me. "Of course, you're Bella! Oh my God! It never….I never even…." Emmett smacked himself in the forehead and I giggled at his antics. "Holy shit!"

"Yes, very good…_I'm_ Bella." I winked at him, pointing my finger at my chest and he shook his head letting it all soak in.

Rosalie stepped forward and offered her hand to Edward, "It's nice to meet you Edward. I've heard a lot about you from Emmett, though not directly by name. I haven't heard a thing about you from Bella here, but I will be expecting a full report from her later tonight." She turned back and winked at me, and I was trying to cover my smirk with my hand. _Love this girl!_ Edward offered his fuck-hot crooked grin as he shook her hand and his eyes found mine again. I greeted Jasper with a hug. We'd met all those years ago, and he was such a nice guy. His hair was a little longer now, and he had a goatee but he was still handsome.

"Ok, so first round of drinks are on me!" Emmett called out raising his hand to the bartender.

Beers were passed around to everyone and Emmett held his up. "I propose a toast. To good friends old and new; may you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live."

We all clinked the necks of our beer bottles together. Edward and I were last, and he held my gaze as he took a sip from his beer. _Oh, I'm screwed._

Rose and I remained fairly quiet as we listened to them laugh and catch up on their latest "guy gossip." Come to find out, Jasper owned this sports bar now. He was almost as tall as Edward with his chin-length blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail at the back of his head. He was adorable with his southern accent. I couldn't help but smile when he spoke. I realized I had missed him too. Garrett was in the middle of moving from Oregon back to Washington. Apparently he never seemed to stay put too long, but he was talking about a girl he'd met and was thinking about finally putting down roots. He was about as tall as Emmett with short brown hair and a rugged look. He seemed like a really laid back kind of guy.

I almost choked on the sip of beer in my mouth, when I felt Edward's hand cup my elbow and him lean into my side, "I hope it's not inappropriate for me to say that you look beautiful tonight."

I couldn't look at him, as the blush rose in my cheeks and I simply said, "Thank you" while staring at and peeling the label on my bottle, feeling a sudden sense of déjà vu.

"So, small world huh?" he asked, leaning his back up against the bar. I turned more towards him and took a moment to admire the view. Come on! I'm married, not dead! He's still as beautiful as he ever was. A little older, but more defined in his jaw, with day old stubble and he was leaning back with both elbows on the bar…_gah!..._he was wearing skinny black tie that completed his look perfectly and damn if I didn't want to grab hold of it and yank him to me. _Shit!_

"I know right?" was my brilliant answer. "What are the odds that your old roommate is now my neighbor, _and_ two states away? It's crazy." I shook my head and took a sip of my beer trying not to make too much eye contact with him. I was lost on how to talk to him. _Stupid. You've never had trouble before. Its just Edward, talk to him!_

"So, where's your girlfriend?" _Because I promise I really don't care._

"She's working tonight. She's a graphic designer and has some huge project deadline to finish." He smiled. "Where's your husband?" he countered.

"Somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean I suppose." He looked confused. "Jacobs' in the Navy and he's on deployment for the next four, possibly five months."

He nodded in understanding and we both took a sip from our drinks. I shifted my feet and remembered the dangerous heels I had on. I glanced down and slid a foot forward to peek at them. This wasn't a very smart move as my other leg buckled and I lost my balance, careening forward. Before I knew what was happening, I felt an arm around my waist and my hands and almost my face, were pressing into Edward's hard chest and I heard my bottle crash and shatter onto the floor. I took a deep breath and realized that nothing about his scent had changed one single bit. _Fuck._

"Shit Bella! Are you ok?" Rose asked, half giggling.

I looked up realizing that Edwards' hands were now gripping my hips and I was still leaning into him. He smiled as our eyes locked again, and I bit my lip. _No Bella! _What felt like hours but was likely mere seconds, I watched a play of emotions flash through his eyes as I lifted off of him, and stepped back.

"Sorry." I mumbled dropping my chin.

"Not much has changed about you huh Bella?" Jasper smirked as he waved someone from behind the bar to come clean up my mess. I was suddenly mortified.

"Umm, I guess not." I stammered. "Rose, will you come with me to the ladies room?"

"Absolutely! Excuse us gentlemen." She smiled as she linked her arm with mine and we turned to head to the restroom.

"Fuck Rose! I'm not ready for this! I _knew_ it was a bad idea to come to Port A, I just _knew _it! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I growled as I paced in front of the sinks.

"Calm down Bella! You're doing great all things considered. I mean, seriously, what are the odds that my Emmett and your Edward…?"

"He's not _my_ Edward, Rose." I interrupted and took a deep breath. I placed my palms on the counter and leaned forward with my head down trying to regain some sort of composure. This is what I wanted. I wanted to see him. I wanted closure. I wanted to know what the hell happened all those years ago. Why did he just bail on us when things were seemingly so perfect? And then why did he just suddenly call me again six months later after not a word? When it was too late and I had made a life-altering choice. There was that part of my life that I couldn't ever have back, that haunted me and made me question every decision that I had made for the last ten years. He was my first love and he still owned part of me to this day. Unfortunately, even Jacob has never made me feel the way that Edward did. I'm still not certain of my future with Jacob. All I know right now is that I am not happy, and no one deserves to live like this.

_Let's do this!_

I took a deep breath and looked at Rose who was leaning her hip up against the counter next to me.

"You ready?" she asked.

"I think so. I may not get to talk to him like I want to tonight, but I'll get there. Just be patient with me."

"Ok, just promise me one thing…or two things really. First, promise that you'll use your head and not your heart. Think things through before your react or speak, because it's obvious to everyone out there the connection you two have is _huge!_ But you can't let that interfere with things that need to be said. Second, promise that we won't go back to San Diego until you've talked everything out with him. I don't want you to be telling me all the things you wished you had said to him. Promise?"

"I promise. This all ends here this summer."

"Or begins." She winked.

"Oh Rosalie McCarty, what am I going to do with you?" I smiled. I quickly washed and dried my hands, applied a little more lip gloss, took a last look in the mirror and turned to head back out to the bar. I took a deep breath as we came out of the hallway and put a smile on my face. _I_ would win tonight, not my emotions.

"Ok, but one question…how'd it feel to be in his arms again?" she smiled bright leaning in towards me.

"Oh Rose. Damn." I inhaled deep. I couldn't help the shy smile that spread across my face as I shook my head.

The guys had moved over to a pool table on the far side of the place and were setting up for a game. Rose and I stopped at the bar and ordered another drink before we headed over to them. We sat at a bar height table along the wall near their table. Emmett walked over and took Rose's hand. "Come on, you're on my team." He said, smiling pulling her with him to the table, winking at me. Edward came and took her seat, crossing his arms over each other and holding a fresh beer in one hand.

"So, tell me what you've been up to lately Bella." He said as he bore his deep blue eyes into mine.

I mirrored his posture on the table keeping my beer between us. "Not much really, just keeping busy being a mommy." I told him.

"And a wife." He added with a somber look.

I sat back a little, not really sure where that came from or why he'd said it. Apparently that look was on my face as well because he broke our eye contact and looked over at our friends involved in their pool game. _You broke up with me Edward. What the hell was that?_

"So, yea. Umm, how about you? Did you finish school at Olympic?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"I did." He nodded and looked back at me. "I got a BA in Business Management and have been managing the Yacht Club here in Port A. But like I told you already, I'm planning a big move to San Diego soon. I'm looking for a change."

"Right. That's just a crazy coincidence." I laughed. "Is your girlfriend going with you?" _Really? Try not to be to obvious Bella!_

"No, she's not actually. She's really close to her family, and they all live in Seattle. Plus, she has a really good job that she doesn't want to give up." _She's an idiot! She doesn't love you enough. Stupid, stupid girl._

"Hmm." was all I could manage to respond with. "So, how old is your daughter?"

"She's seven, she'll be eight in November." His eyes lit up at the mention of her.

"Mind if I ask how she ended up in Arizona with you still here?" _This is the part I wasn't sure I really wanted to hear. This was the part that was sure to break me into a million pieces._

"Well, when Tanya, my ex-wife" I flinched "remarried, her new husband got a job there, and there was nothing I could do to stop them from taking her with them. She has full custody, and I only have visitation." His sadness was apparent.

"That really sucks, I'm sorry Edward. I can't imagine how hard that must be."

"Yea well, she's a crazy bitch and I hate her for it, but at least I still get to see my daughter right?"

"So, what happened with her? Your ex?"

"Yea, so she cheated on me." He said matter-of-factly and at that moment I wanted to hunt her down and beat her ass. Stupid, stupid woman! Doesn't she know how _good_ this man is? I shook my head. "Kaylie was only a year old when I found out. For a while I wasn't even sure that she was mine biologically." I gasped. I _really_ wanted to hurt this woman.

"But I had a test done to know for sure. She couldn't at least take that away from me." Then I saw it. She broke him. Yep, I wanted to hurt her.

I was stunned. "Edward, I'm so sorry." I whispered reaching my hand out and placing it on his arm and we started into each other's eyes. He shrugged his shoulders. The jukebox song changed to a guitar riff and piano chords that came over the speakers; and then came the lyrics.

_How I wish you could see the potential_

_The potential of you and me_

_It's like a book elegantly bound_

_But in a language you can't read just yet_

_You got to spend some time, love_

_You got to spend some time with me_

_And I know that you'll find love_

_I will possess your heart_

_You got to spend some time, love_

_You got to spend some time with me_

_And I know that you'll find love_

_I will possess your heart_

I patted is arm and then pulled my hand back. I looked towards Rosie and Emmett. She was leaning over the table aiming to take a shot and he was leaning down whispering in her ear. She turned her head to look at him and I was instantly jealous of their loving little actions. I turned back to Edward and he was staring at me. "Excuse me a sec." I got up quickly and headed over to the jukebox. There were a few songs I was interested in hearing, so I punched in the call numbers and went back to the table, grabbed my beer and slugged down the last of it.

"So a Navy wife huh?" he asked.

"That's me." I smiled back. "Never saw it coming really, but it's alright for the most part. I can't hate on it completely, because I made two of the best friends a girl could ask for." I smiled nodding my head in Rosie's direction.

"That's good to hear." He smiled. "How'd you meet your husband?"

I laughed. "You trying telling me you don't remember Jacob?"

"It's been a while I guess." He shrugged.

"Does the lake bring back any memories? Third Eye Blind concert?" I asked half laughing and genuinely shocked.

"Bella, I remember those moments fondly, but my memories of those events do not include anything to do with some guy." He winked leaning back in his chair. _Is he flirting with me?_ "Would you like another?" he asked pointing at my empty bottle and standing up.

"Sure. Thanks." I stammered. Still trying to decipher what just happened.

The music changed again to _It's Not Over_ by Daughtry_._ Yep, who ever selected these songs was trying to kill me. I turned in my chair and leaned my back against the wall. I put my head back and closed my eyes just listening to the music.

"Maybe you don't need anymore to drink?" Edward asked as he slid back into his chair.

"No, no I'm fine. Just relaxing. I don't get to be an adult much these days ya know." I smiled as he handed me a beer. I took a sip and leaned my head back again.

"So, do you mind if I ask how you and Jacob got together?" he asked resuming his position of arms crossed on the table and leaning forward towards me.

"Well…I guess you could say that he was the shoulder I cried on when a certain someone dumped me." _Fuck! Where'd you're filter go Bella?_

I peeked my eyes open and he was looking at his beer bottle. _Shit._ I lifted my head and looked at him until he met my eyes. "I'm, sorry, I didn't mean it to come out that harsh."

"No, I'm pretty sure I deserved it." His brow furrowed as he took another sip.

"Umm, so anyway, we just started spending a lot of time together, and I guess the rest they say is 'history'. It just sort of happened. It wasn't something I was actually looking for."

"No, I get it. He swooped in to pick up the pieces." He smirked. "If I remember correctly, I used to be a little bothered by the way he looked at you."

"Yea, something like that I guess." I was suddenly really nervous. Should I start the hard part of this now? Should I wait? Maybe this was something that was better reserved for a time when we were alone? Was it even a good idea to be alone with Edward?

_Shit._

"So…" I started.

"Do you…" he started.

We laughed. "You first." He said pointing his bottle at me.

"I was just going to ask how it's been having your daughter with you so far this summer."

He smiled. "It's been great of course. There's always an adjustment period though, because I am a little more strict than her stepfather. He's too passive and she thinks she can get away with things. So the first week or two are always challenging, and then we're ok. We've already spent time at the arcade and hit every pizza joint in town. Next weekend my parents are taking her to their cabin in the mountains for a week. The child can't get enough to do when she's here, I swear." He exhaled.

"So I guess you don't have a hard time finding things for her to do then do you?" I laughed.

"Not usually." He smiled, "My family generally fights me for her once she's here."

"The offer still stands for the girls' birthday party if you're interested. It'll probably be the last weekend of July. It may be fun for her to have kids around her age to play with." I offered.

"Good point." He nodded "We'll probably have to take you up on it."

I smiled, trying not to give myself away. "So, what were you going to say?" I asked.

"I was just going to ask if you're still interested in having that lunch." He asked almost shyly. "Maybe sometime this week, with the kids of course?"

I froze not sure how to answer him now that he was sitting right here in front of me. _Oh Edward, I want so much more than to go to lunch with you, but can I trust you ever again?_

He must have sensed my hesitation. "It's ok, you're married. I completely understand if you're not comfortable with it."

"No Edward. I was just…it's fine. Its just lunch with our kids, Its not a date or anything." I laughed it off.

"Of course not. I'd never disrespect you like that Bella. Just friends and their kids having lunch." He smiled and I suddenly felt very guilty. What would Jacob say if I told him I was having lunch with my 'old friend' Edward? He's blow his fucking top that's what. _Stop it. Enjoy yourself tonight Bella._

The evening ended up being a really good time. We all took rounds at tag-team pool. Rose and I beat Emmett and Jasper, leaving Emmett pouting like a two year old and Rose having to promise to make it up to him. Garrett and Edward beat us, and though I'd never say it out loud, I was definitely distracted by Edward. I swear he was doing little things on purpose to throw me off my game, like leaning over the opposite side of the table when I was going for a shot, smiling his damn half grin at me and winking. Having had enough alcohol in my system to feel braver. I did a little flirting too, running the end of my pool stick slowly up the inside of his leg, or my finger over the tip of his ear. Hey. Two could play this game and it was harmless flirting. No harm, no foul.

Before we all went our separate ways for the night, Edward and I exchanged numbers.

"It was really good seeing you again Edward."

"You too Bella, I've missed you're fun little self. I'll give you a call later and we can plan that lunch." He smiled nervously.

"Sounds good." And then I leaned forward to hug him. He pulled me in so tight I thought I'd lose it right then. I've missed these arms and this feeling and oh, how I've missed the butterflies.

I had settled for less than butterflies.

Something has to change.

On the drive home in the backseat of Rosie's car, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I smiled ear to ear and settled back in my seat a little when I saw it was Edward. I felt like I was fifteen again, all smiles and giddy.

_**I forgot to tell u that I had a good time 2nite. – E**_

**Me too. :) Was good to see u again. – B**

_**Sleep well Bella. Talk to you soon. – E**_

**Nite Edward - B**

I sighed and leaned my head on the window watching the night whiz by. As we rounded Crescent Lake, the bright full moon reflected off the water giving the illusion of black glass that stretched on for miles. There was a slight disturbance of the surface and a ripple shattered the moon into a thousand tiny slivers. Once the water was calm and the ripples stopped, the moon was whole again.

_Poetic._

Two days later, I dressed in denim Capri's and a yellow smocked tube top with a banded bottom to cover my tummy 'flaws'. With the kids entertained by the DVD player in the back seat, I rounded Crescent Lake once again heading towards Port Angeles for lunch with Edward and his daughter. We chose Gordy's Pizza on First since you can't go wrong with kids and pizza. It was some of the best pizza in town and had a laid back atmosphere that the kids wouldn't be too overwhelmed in. Edward and I hadn't really spoken other than a few texts since the day we set up lunch, and I was nervous about bringing up all the things I wanted to talk about.

When we arrived, Edward and Kaylie were standing out front waiting for us. He was wearing dark washed jeans hung low on his hips with a black and white buffalo check button-down opened up over a white t-shirt. He had his sleeves rolled up above his elbows and he was leaning against the side of the building with one hand in his pocket and the other holding hers. _Hot. _She was even more adorable in person and I felt another piece of my heart break. She had his same bronze colored hair and his exact blue eyes, but her face was shaped a little rounder than his, and I assumed that was something from _her._ I swallowed hard.

I parked the truck and after unbuckling Robbie from his seat and setting him down on the ground, I grabbed his hand and walked up towards Edward and his daughter. The girls were flanking behind me. We made eye contact and I smiled at him. He spoke first.

"Kaylie, this is Ms. Bella." He said looking down at her as he moved to face us walking up.

I crouched down in front of her and offered her my hand. "It's nice to meet you Kaylie. I've heard a lot about you. You sure are adorable." She smiled shyly and leaned in closer to Edward's side. "Kaylie is this is my son Robbie, and my daughter's Lynette and Madysen. Would you like to play with them?" The girls had come to stand right next to me and were saying 'hi' to her. She nodded and smiled at them.

"Kid's this is mommy's old friend Mr. Edward." I said as I stood up.

"Let's eat!" Edward exclaimed after shaking hands with each of my kids and giving a little extra 'fist bump' to Robbie. Inside I was doing cartwheels, but maintaining a calm façade on the outside.

We sat in side-by-side booths at the back of the restaurant; the girls all in one and Edward, Robbie and I in the other. After drinks and pizza were served and the kids were lost in conversation and coloring on the kids menus, Robbie wanted to move over to the table with the girls, so I figured now was as good a time as any. Just as I worked up my courage to breach the subject, Edward spoke up.

"So Bella, can I ask you something that might be a little too personal?" he asked, not making eye contact with me.

My heart rate sped up. I took a sip of my lemonade and took a deep breath trying to not show my internal 'freaking out' moment.

"Of course Edward." I answered as nonchalantly as possible. "You can ask me anything, we're friends."

"Ok." He paused, seeming to gather his thoughts…or courage. "So, please don't get mad or take this the wrong way. But, why did you marry Jacob? I mean, so soon after we…or I…um…broke up with you?" He was looking me dead in the eyes now, and I could almost decipher…_pain? Oh Edward._

"Wow. Umm…" I looked down at my plate and then back into his eyes. I cleared my throat. "Jacob was always my best friend and I always felt safe with him. He was there when I was in a lot of pain and it sort of grew from that. Like I said before, it wasn't anything that I ever planned for, or even expected to happen really. When he told me that he was leaving to join the Navy, I realized that I had feelings for him, and I told him. I'm not sure when or why, but it just sort of happened. I didn't think I'd ever hear from you again Edward. You had told me that it was over, and I was doing the best I could to move on and being with Jacob just felt sort of…natural I guess. Looking back now…well, anyway, that's what happened."

He nodded and took another bite of his pizza. _Now's my chance._

"Why did you call me all those months later Edward?"

He jerked his head up looking almost surprised that I asked. Did he think I'd forgotten?

"Do you remember that? You calling me, and me telling you that Jacob and I were married?" I asked.

"Yea. Yea, I remember. I just wanted to see how you were doing. Just wanting to catch up." _Really?_ I quirked an eyebrow at him and he snickered. "You were always so damn cute when you did that. Calling my bluff." He smiled and I blushed looking back down at my pizza.

"The night after I called you…" he started quietly, "when I pussed out and broke up with you on the phone…I umm…well…I got shitty drunk and put my car in a ditch. I spent the next five months in jail and another six months on probation. That night when I called you, I had finally worked up the nerve to do so, knowing that since I'd been in jail and had made no contact with you, you probably thought that I didn't want to talk to you at all." He paused and I felt the tears prick at the back of my eyes. _No! No crying!_

"I never once stopped thinking about you that entire five months Bella. Everyday in there made me realize that I had made a mistake and I was being a chicken-shit about everything." _Fuck! Stop talking Edward. I can't hear this right now!_

"Edward…" I started.

"No, please let me finish. I don't know if I'll be able to get this all out later." He pleaded and I took a deep breath and nodded. "When I called you that night I had planned on groveling, begging you to forgive me and doing whatever I could to make things right by you again. But I was too late." He looked down again and I felt the traitor tears slide down my cheeks. _Shit._

I grabbed my napkin and quickly wiped my face but not before he'd already seen. He reached across the table and grabbed my hand. "So, I'm swallowing my pride and saying 'I'm sorry' for that night. I never, _ever_ meant to hurt you, and if I could go back in time and change it I would. But, Bella, you're married with three children. I won't be the one that comes in between that. I know what it's like to be the man out and I can't do that to someone else. I won't." his voice trailed off into a whisper.

"Can I talk now?" I asked and he nodded letting go of my hand. "What if I told you that I never got over you?" I paused looking him in the eyes, and my emotions took over. The tears that I'd been holding back for ten years came flooding out. "What if I said that I feel like the last ten years of my life have been a mistake, or…don't get me wrong, I love my children with every part of my being," I sobbed, "but that doesn't mean that I haven't thought countless times about 'what if'. So many times I have wished I could turn back the hands of time, and make a different decision. Somewhere in the back of my mind, you have always been there Edward…and…sometimes you've been at the front of my thoughts too." I paused again and wiped my eyes with my napkin. I took another deep breath and bore my eyes into his. "There is a place in my heart that no one has ever touched but you. Ever."

His eyes held pain, sorrow, remorse, anger, and disappointment. Inside I was screaming for him to say something, but I just held his gaze and waited twisting my hands together under the table. I spoke again.

"When you told me that your girlfriend isn't going with you to San Diego, my first thought was 'how stupid is she?' Can I ask you the real reason why?"

"We have our share of issues, and it's just not something I see as being long term with her. She's a great gal, but I don't know." He answered meekly.

"If that were us, God Edward, there would be nothing stopping me from going with you! That proved me to right there, no woman will ever love you, ever….the way that I love you. For someone to love you that long and it never changed, unconditionally, that's a pretty powerful thing."

From the depths of my soul, I knew those words were true and for the first time in…well…ten years, I knew I was finally being honest about my feelings. I felt wide open and at the same time vulnerable to this man. Here I was baring my soul to him, yet again, and he could very well rip it apart again.

"Tell me why Edward. Tell me what happened that made you throw us away. I need that from you right now, more than anything else." I pleaded.

"Bella…" he exhaled my name. "I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve you. I proved that years ago." He took a deep breath, his brow furrowed. "I'm a coward."

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

Sorry for another cliffie, but this chapter was getting wayyyy too long! The good news is that chapter 9 is halfway complete now, so just a few days wait. :) Thank you as always for reading! I love hearing that you love this story! It's close to my heart...so it makes me happy to hear it!


	10. Chapter 9 : Didn't You Know?

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Song for this chapter: Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You – Kellie Pickler (she owns it, I don't!)

* * *

><p>Edward took a deep breath, dropped his chin and closed his eyes. He rubbed his hands up and down his face and pinched the bridge of his nose between his middle finger and thumb and let out a sigh. I sat silent and patient, waiting. It was his turn to talk. I'd said plenty. I'd bared my soul without hesitation, but I wasn't going to look back on this moment, no matter what the outcome, and have any regrets for something not said. I didn't know if there would be another chance. Speak now, right?<p>

I looked over at the kids who were chatting, coloring and still munching on their pizza. They were thankfully, oblivious to us, enthralled in the excitement of their new friend and their own little universe. Lynie looked up from coloring and chatting to me and smiled. I smiled and turned back to Edward.

"It's hard for me to say this but…I made a huge mistake with you." He started looking down at his hands on the table.

I felt like he had reached across the table and slapped me and I sat back abruptly. _I was a mistake?_

"No wait. That didn't come out like I meant it to. Not _us _as a mistake! God Bella, before Kaylie…you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I meant…I made a mistake by pushing you away. That was the biggest mistake of my life. But by the time I came to my senses you were already lost to me forever." He slowly lifted his eyes and met mine. He was in pain. "I got scared Bella. I have no better explanation than that. Everything between us was _al;"too_ perfect and I just thought it had to be too good to be true. So, I put up this wall and pushed you away. You were so patient and loving with me, even though I know you felt me pulling away. You never stopped telling me that you loved me. You never stopped showing me that you loved me, and it only scared me more. Even as I was breaking both of our hearts by leaving you, you were still telling me you loved me."

"Are you kidding me right now Edward?" I let out an exasperated breath and began feeling a little angry. _This…THIS is his reason? All for nothing…because he was a chicken shit?_

"I told you, I'm a coward."

"Yea, no shit! Oh my God Edward! Why didn't you just _talk_ to me? We could have avoided so much pain and regret and…fuck…mistakes! Didn't you _know_ how much I loved you? Didn't you know that I would have been willing to do anything; go through anything for you? I would have…God!" I was trying to maintain my composure and keep my voice steady and low, but at the same time, years of frustration and emotion were coming to the surface.

"Bella, please…I…"

"No Edward. You ripped my heart out. You were _it_ for me. " I shook my head, closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead.

"Shit Bella, I know that and I am so sorry. But you seem to still have me on this pedestal, and I am not a nice guy. I'm an ass. Didn't I prove that to you?"

"It's just a cover Edward. I know the real you. You know the real me. I was never fake with you." I said with no emotion as glared at him.

"I had never felt that way about anyone before, or so quickly for that matter. I haven't since either. When I found out you were married I shut myself off completely. I swore I would never let anyone get to me like that ever again, and I have never taken that wall down. Maybe that's why Tanya cheated on me."

"Tanya's an idiot and I want to beat her ass." I huffed as I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest like a pouting child. I turned my head and looked at the children again.

He snickered. I felt the tears prick my eyes again.

"She got to have your child and then just throws you away like…" I caught myself and snapped my mouth shut. _Fuck! Filter Bella!_

"Part of the reason I came home was to find some sort of closure on the past and us and to get some answers from you. Now I feel even more confused than before." I turned and looked him in the eyes and the tears fell yet again. "Do you have any idea how badly I want you to tell me that you want to be with me? And how much that makes me feel like an idiot?"

He held my stare and I tried to determine what he was thinking. The corners of his mouth turned up just slightly, but his eyes were still giving away nothing.

"Bella, you're married with three kids."

I shook my head and looked away. "I'm not happy Edward. I haven't been for a while. If it wasn't for the kids, I'm sure I would have left a long time ago."

"I really hate to hear that. I want nothing more than for you to be happy. You deserve that." He said softly.

"So do you Edward. You're obviously not happy with this girl you're dating now, or you wouldn't be so eager to move and start over. And if she even loved you a fraction as much as…well, she'd drop everything and go with you. Then don't even get me started on Tanya. You deserve so much better than that." _Stupid women._

Still watching me, he said nothing and we just stared at each other. _Speak damn it! I feel like such an idiot right now!_

Our waitress came by and broke the moment asking if we needed anything else. Edward shook his head but never broke our eye contact. The man had the power to see into my soul and at this very moment I hated that.

Kaylie and Madysen then came to our table and asked if they could go to the restroom, so I stood and grabbed each of their hands.

"I'll take them. Can you keep an eye on Robbie please?" I asked quietly and he nodded. I felt defeated and I didn't know where to go from here.

In the bathroom, I ran cold water onto a paper towel and wiped my face. My skin was blotchy, my nose was red and my eyes were blood shot. _Awesome._ However, at the moment I was ready to write a note to whoever created waterproof mascara or I could have looked even worse. I cleaned up the best I could, and the best I cared to. Once the girls were done, I helped them wash and dry their hands.

"Miss Bella, why are you sad?" Kaylie asked me sweetly.

I crouched down to her eye level. "Oh sweetie, I'm just so happy to see your daddy and meet you. Your daddy was a very important person in my life a long time ago, and I'm just crying because I missed him."

"I cry when I miss him too." She said and looked down at her feet. _I really hate Tanya._

"It's ok to cry when you miss him. That's what you're supposed to do when you miss someone that you love." I said back pulling her into a soft hug.

"Do you love my daddy?" I froze and pulled her back. Madysen was standing next to us watching this entire exchange. I looked over to her and then back at Kaylie.

"Enough talk about being sad and missing people. Let's go see if your daddy wants to go do something fun. What do you say?"

They both cheered and jumped up and down. As we headed back to the table, I noticed that Edward had moved over to the kid's table and was seated next to Robbie with his arm laid out behind him on the seat and their backs to me. As I approached I could see that they were playing tic-tac-toe on the menu. I smiled.

"Awww man! You beat me again! You're so smart!" Edward said, tousling Robbie's hair. My heart swelled.

"Yep!" Robbie smiled back proudly! Then he stood up on the seat and threw his arms around Edward's neck. I stood there stunned as Edward wrapped his arms around his little body and hugged him back. My heart clenched. Then as if it was nothing, Robbie sat back down and picked his crayon up to start another game.

I slid back into my seat and the girls gathered at the table with Edward. I quietly observed his interaction with the children. He was a natural. A long time ago, I had envisioned a future that involved Edward and children…_our _children. It was almost gut wrenching to see him being so good with _my_ children. I sighed and finished eating the slice of pizza that had grown cold on my plate.

I was still struggling internally. _Where do we go from here?_ He still had yet to really tell me how he felt _now_. Did it even matter? Could we ever be together again? _If_ it were possible, could I ever trust him again? There are still so many questions and uncertainties hanging over us. Let's not forget the main one, I am married.

"Please daddy! Please?" Kaylie's sweet voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"Well, why don't you see if Miss Bella wants to go?" Edward half whispered to her.

I felt the seat shift beside me and looked down into a carbon copy of my favorite pair of eyes. She was him almost completely, it was heartbreaking. _Sulk much Bella?_

"Miss Bella? Will you go bowling with us? Please?" she asked so sweetly that I had to giggle. I gave her a little tickle in the ribs. "Of course! I'd love to!"

Edward paid for a lane with bumpers for the kids and a lane for us. He flat out refused to let me even pay for one game. We got the kids all set up with a few light weight balls, their names entered into the game computer and I put on and tied Robbie's shoes. They were anxious to get started and Edward and I hadn't even changed our shoes yet. What I wouldn't give for even just a small dose of their energy.

Finally they were deep into their game so Edward and I started on our game. Everything was easy and carefree for a while. We were just old friends having a good time with our children. Of course it couldn't last long. We were on our fourth frame of the game and I had just rolled my ball down the lane for my turn.

"Strike!" I fist pumped as I turned back to the seats. Edward smiled a big grin as I sauntered and gloated. I did a little dance and wiggled my hips eliciting a laugh from the kids.

Right as I stepped off the wood lanes and down to the seating area he was right in my face. His eyes met mine, and I knew that look. _Desire. _He grabbed my hips and I felt my breath catch in my throat and my face burned. I swallowed hard.

"You have to stop moving like that if you expect me to respect the fact that you're a married woman." He whispered in my ear. His velvet breath on my neck was enough to make my knees give out. Just as he let go, I slumped into the closest chair and made every attempt to regain my composure as he made his way to the lane to take his turn.

_Fuck._

The atmosphere immediately became awkward.

_Shit._

He bowled his frame while I tried to focus on something, _anything_ other than what had just happened. I watched as Robbie rolled his ball down the makeshift ball slide they had for young bowlers. He clapped when it knocked over a few pins and ran back to his seat. I watched Edward step up and pause to take another shot. I wanted him, but I couldn't have him. But did he want me too? _What the hell just happened?_

I pulled out my phone and text Rosie.

**Mayday! SOS Need help! Going down in flames! Save me! – B**

Thirty seconds later.

_**What happened? R u ok? Call me? – Rose**_

**Can't call. Bowling. I'm so confused. There is so much to tell you. – B**

_**You can't leave me hangin like this. Just tell me you haven't done anything. – Rose**_

**Nothing like that happened. Just told him how I felt and he hasn't really said anything since. It's so confusing bc he sort of just said he wants me, but I don't know what that means. I hate this. – B**

_**Sounds like there is still stuff left to be said. Guess you need to find more time for that. I have to feed Zoe call me later. xoxo – Rose**_

I didn't feel any better, and I was still whirling from our little…what was it? A moment? An episode? _Ok, get it together Bella._

Edward sat down in a chair next to me. "You're up!" he huffed and laughed. I looked up at him from under my lashes and met his stare.

"Bella. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that a second ago. That was inappropriate and I apologize." He said softly.

I put my hand on his knee. "Forgiven. But we still have a lot to talk about. Don't you think?"

"Yes, I do." He said placing his hand on top of mine. He gave it a little squeeze and I stood up to take my turn.

The rest of the afternoon was fun and easy going again. The kids had a great time and ended up playing two games to Edwards and my one. I beat him, and he claimed he let me. I knew better, but it was a lot of fun and the awkwardness was gone for the remainder of our time at the bowling alley.

"I'd like to invite you and the kids back to my house, but only if you're comfortable with it. There's a neighborhood playground behind my house that the kids can play at if it's not raining." Edward said rather shyly as we put our shoes back on.

I looked up at the kids and then back to him. "What about your girlfriend? Will she be there?"

"We don't live together, so no. But she's at work anyway and we don't usually see each other during the week. She's knows I was having lunch with you and the kids, so it's fine. Unless you don't want to…" he paused.

"No, that's fine. Somehow I don't think the kids are ready to be split up yet." I smiled as I nodded in their direction of the girls talking animatedly and Robbie acting like he was in on the conversation.

We pulled up in front of an adorable pale yellow barn-shaped Dutch Colonial home. Complete with black-trimmed windows with planter boxes and a small brick staircase that led to a red front door. _Edward's home._

I was fully expecting to be met with the same old nineteen twenty's style décor when we walked through the front door but was surprised at how modern and contemporary it was. It had obviously been restored or remodeled. As we walked into the living room I took notice of the wood floors and guessed that they were the original ones. The living room was a light tan color with wide white crown molding and baseboards. He had a black sofa with a brown velour blanket thrown over the back. In front of the sofa was a black coffee table and both faced a flagstone fireplace with a flat-panel television hanging over the mantle. The place was immaculate and not at all what you would expect the home of a single man to look like. Or maybe neater than I assumed a single man's home would be.

"So…this is my home." He said standing in the middle of the living room with his hands in his pockets and a smile in his eyes.

"It's beautiful! Not at all what I expected to find when I walked through the door."

"Would you like to see the rest of the house?" he asked as the kids ran off down the hallway to Kaylie's room.

"Sure. Did you do all of this decorating?" I asked as we walked into the kitchen. It reminded me a lot of my dad's kitchen with the same old home charm, only instead of yellow cabinets, they were white with frosted glass fronts and they were lit from inside. The counter tops were a slate colored marble and the appliances were stainless steel. It was beautiful.

"Kind of. I bought the house right before Tanya and I got married. It was definitely a 'fixer-upper' back then, but I have put a lot of blood, sweat and even a few tears into getting it to how it looks today. I'm pretty proud of it." He said proudly.

There was a dining room off to the left of the kitchen and a door to a laundry room and outside to the right. We headed back thru the living room. Behind the couch were glass French-doors that opened up to a small library. Off to the left of the room was a black baby grand piano. My eyes focused in on the shiny instrument and I was suddenly taken back to the first time I'd ever heard him play. It was also the first time I had ever met his parents.

"_I want to show you something. Follow me." Edward said as we headed upstairs. We had just finished dinner with his parents, and I was feeling a little sneaky going upstairs with him._

_On the second floor he took my hand and led me into a massive sunroom. Funny. Who has a 'sunroom' in Washington State? The Cullen's, that's who. Situated in the middle of the room was a very beautiful cherry finished grand piano. Edward tuned and closed the sunroom door and then pulled me over to the piano and lifted the cover off of the keys. I gasped and my eyes grew wide._

"_I didn't know you played." I said in a shocked whisper._

"_Not many people do. The big football star playing the piano? Could you imagine?" he scoffed._

"_Oh please. I think I just fell even more in love with you." I winked at him._

_He smiled softly back and tucked my hair behind my ear before kissing me softly on the cheek._

"_I want to play you something. But I have never done this before…played for anyone I mean. Other than my parents of course, so you'll understand if I am crazy nervous right?" he said shyly as we sat down on the bench._

_I couldn't speak for the lump that was in my throat. I just nodded my head as I watched him turn and face the keys. It was as if his fingers were made for nothing but playing. The tinkling of the piano echoed throughout the room with a melody that took my breath away. He was perfect. How could it even be possible that this man was mine? I fought the back the tears that were threatening to fall as he played the last chord. He turned to face me then, seeming unsure and I crushed my lips to his. His hands cupped my face as mine went to his back and I pulled him closer. His slid his tongue into my mouth and I pulled him even tighter._

"_Here. Now Edward." I whispered breathlessly._

"_Oh woman, what am I going to do with you?" he whispered back against my lips._

"_Make love to me. Please?"_

"_Since you said please." He chuckled still against my lips. "But you have to be quiet."_

_Then he sat back, pulled the cover down over the keys and pulled me to stand up. He pushed the bench back, grabbed my hips and lifted me on top of the piano. I went for the buttons on his pants as he slid his hands under my skirt and found the edges of my panties. I pushed his pants and boxers off of his waist and helped them down further with my feet as he pulled my panties off my legs and put them in his pocket with a wink._

_He sat back down on the bench and pulled me to straddle his lap. I placed my knees on either side of his hips and reached down to stroke his erection with one hand, and grabbed hold of his shoulder with the other. He kissed the hollow of my neck and sucked hard. I guided him to me and slid him into me almost painfully slow. He looked up into my eyes and I began moving on him. I leaned down and kissed his lips and I could feel my body begin to warm to his ministrations. He reached between us and rubbed me, and my head fell back of it's own accord._

_I dug my nails into his shoulders and he suddenly stood up, pushing me up against the covered keys and placed his leg up on the bench to support us. I braced myself with one hand across the piano and held onto Edward with the other, my feet on the bench. It wasn't the most comfortable position but he was hitting places I'd never felt before and it wasn't long before I was losing all control of my body and mind. He was pumping hard and fast and my God, I never wanted him to stop._

_Edward covered my mouth with his and swallowed my moans as my orgasm exploded all around him. A few hot and sweaty pumps later and he was following right behind me. He slowed down but didn't stop moving in me as he rested his head on my chest. I reached down and grabbed hold of his ass as he continued to slowly move in me. He was bringing me to another high and I squeezed and pulled him tighter to me as another wave crashed over me. _

_Oh my God!_

_He stopped but we didn't move. We were both covered in a layer of sweat and when he finally stepped back and pulled out of me my legs were like jelly. He held onto my waist as he guided me to sit on the bench. I righted my skirt and he pulled his pants back up. _

"_Well, I've never done _that _before either." He winked._

"_That was hot. I mean like…really hot…and damn." I was still trying to recover and couldn't make a coherent thought._

_He chuckled and placed his lips on mine. "I love you Bella."_

_I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my lips to his. "I love you."_

"Bella?" I felt Edward grabbing a hold of my left bicep and shaking me slightly. My eyes were still focused on the piano. _Shit!_

_Shit! Shit! Shit!_

"Are you ok? You seem to have spaced out there for a minute." Edward grinned that fucking hot crooked grin and his blue eyes sparkled. _He knew exactly what I was just thinking about! Kill me. Kill me now._

"Umm…yea…I'm fine. Sorry." I stammered and my face was on fire with embarrassment.

"So, like I was saying, I bought the piano after the divorce, but haven't ever played it."

"Why not?" I asked, quite shocked. "From what I remember, you were really good at it." I cleared my throat and avoided eye contact.

He full out laughed out loud and then looked down at the floor. "I knew it!"

_Seriously God…right now…I'm ready. Please, just kill me now._

I cleared my throat again and crossed my arms over my chest. "Knew what? What are you talking about?" trying desperately to hide my embarrassment of being busted in my daydream of him.

He turned his head and looked at me from the side and…_holy shit…he _blushed. He shook his head and then shifted his weight and turned back towards the doors. "Can I show you the rest of the house?" He held out his hand towards the door.

He showed me Kaylie's room of pink and white and butterflies and the hall bathroom. I stood in the doorway of his bedroom, but I refused to go in. As bad as I wanted to see his master bathroom, I wouldn't allow myself over the threshold of his door. Somewhere deep inside it felt like crossing some kind of 'marital vow' line.

"You have done a great job with this place Edward. I mean, I didn't see it before all of the work you've done, but it's beautiful now. I love it." I gushed as we walked back to the living room.

"Thank you. I love it too." He smiled.

We sat down on opposite ends of the couch facing each other. I held my hands in my lap and he laid his arm across the back of the couch.

"Ok, so let's finish this conversation Bella. I'm pretty sure that we both have plenty left to say to each other, right?

I nodded my head and twisted my hands in my lap. I looked up into his eyes and waited for him to start.

"Bella, I never got over you either."

Butterflies.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

Don't hate me for following a cliffie with a cliffie...these chapters are just running away with me! )


	11. Chapter 10 : What I'd Give

Beware: This chapter had me in tears a few different times, so consider yourself warned.

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Songs for this chapter: What I'd Give - Sugarland

Someday - Rob Thomas

If you can, I strongly suggest listening to the Sugarland song as you read this chapter...and then you may need a box of tissues too! :)

* * *

><p>My breath caught in my throat and I am pretty sure my heart skipped a beat or two. I looked down at my hands and fisted them in my lap. Part of me had been dying to hear him say this, and another part of me was scared that he'd say it. Now he had…now what? It's not like we could do anything about it, immediately anyway. We had two completely separate lives now. Lives that involved children and a marriage.<p>

_Why do I have to keep reminding myself of that?_

"But, I said it before and I will say it again. I won't be that guy that breaks up a family. _Your _family. I won't. As much as I want to take you in my arms right now and hold you and kiss you and, damn it, tell you that we'll make it work, I can't. I won't be _that_ guy."

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and simply nodded my head. I couldn't find my voice and I was fighting the tears threatening to make an appearance. I felt his fingers on my chin as he pulled my face up to look at him. I opened my eyes and saw the pain in his. This was another of those defining moments. Two people who loved each other, and yet there were too many roadblocks in their path to that love.

"Please say something." He whispered and his voiced cracked.

My resistance dissolved and I launched myself into his chest, wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder. I felt his arms wrap around my waist and he pulled me tight to him. He buried his face into the hair on my shoulder and he placed his lips at the junction of my neck and shoulder. I could feel his ragged breaths, hot on my skin and I shivered. It took me a moment to realize that my hot tears were soaking his shirt where my face met his collarbone. I couldn't bring myself to let go or care. All I wanted was this. To be in his arms like this and feel whole again. It felt like home. I took a deep breath and breathed in his scent. _My Edward._

"I miss you. I miss you so much that…memories of you, of us, invade my thoughts everyday. I miss you so much that it physically hurts." I sobbed into his shoulder. "I want so badly for you to tell me that it will work. I want so badly for you want me too and want _us."_ I sniffled and just held on, afraid to let go. I didn't know if I would ever get the chance to be in his arms like this again. I felt Edward lift his head and press his lips to my temple and he sniffled. _This sucks!_

We stayed embraced like that long enough for me to regain some composure and my tears to run dry. I reluctantly began to loosen my hold on him and started to move back sliding my hands down to his chest, when Edward suddenly grabbed the back of my head and pressed his lips to my hairline on my forehead for a long moment and then rested his head to mine. Our noses brushed against each other's just briefly and I had to pull away to keep myself of pressing my lips to his. Lord knows I wanted to with every fiber of my being. He pulled my hands into his in our laps and I looked down at them. He ran his thumb over my wedding ring and my heart clenched and I closed my eyes again.

"I won't do it Bella. You have to believe me when I tell you that this is killing me…destroying me to do this…but please understand why." He cupped my face his in hands and his blue red-rimmed eyes bore into mine. "I will spend the rest of my life regretting ever letting you go…" his voiced cracked and tears fell from my eyes again. He caught them with the pads of his thumbs and rubbed them away.

"God…" I sobbed as I closed my eyes and wrapped my hands around his wrists. "I want so badly to be mad at you right now. I want to hate you for walking away from us so easily all those years ago." I opened my eyes and looked into his again. "I want to hate you for haunting me and making me second-guess my life. Most of all, I want to hate myself for loving you." I sighed. "But I can't do any of that…because it would just tarnish something beautiful. What we had…hell, who are we kidding…what we _have_…people spend most of their lives searching for that kind of love Edward. Yet here we are, it's staring us in the face and we have to turn around and walk away from it? How fair is that?"

"It's not fair." He whispered and I pulled his hands away from my face and put them in his lap. I stood up. "I think I should probably go." He didn't answer as I turned and headed down the hall to the bathroom. I stepped inside, closed the door and leaned my back up against it. I was angry, hurt, confused, defeated, exhausted and just all around heartbroken.

How many times had Charlie said, _'No matter how you look at it, life's not fair kid. It never was, still isn't and never will be. But you have to take the good with the bad, and just live it to the fullest.'_

I hated this conflicting feeling. I wanted to hate him, but I couldn't because I loved him. I wanted to tell myself that it was over, and go on with my life with Jacob, but I knew that it would just be me continuing to settle for less than what I really wanted in life. I wanted to turn off all of my feelings completely so that I didn't hurt any longer. I was tired of hurting. At the same time, I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all. As long as the hurt was there, I could know for sure that Edward and I did exist, and that our love existed even if we couldn't act on it.

I knew one thing for sure. I didn't want to feel like this any longer. I wanted to be happy, and I am _not_ happy. _How do I do this?_ One way or another someone was going to get hurt, and the last thing that I ever wanted to do was hurt either of these men. Jacob had been there through the good and the bad, never faltering in his love and commitment to me. He didn't turn his back when life got tough; he stood tall, faced it head on and refused to ever let me give up. And there had been plenty of times that I had been ready to do just that and leave.

Edward ran. Edward pushed me away, put up a wall and shredded every fiber of trust that I had in him. Edward shattered my heart into a million pieces. When it got 'too good' or 'too perfect' he tucked tail and ran away from it instead of embracing it for what it was, perfect. _Chicken-shit._ Yet, I have still never felt for Jacob what I felt for Edward.

Then there are the children. They don't deserve to have their perfectly happy little world torn apart just because I am selfish. But how many times had I told people in the past that staying together for the sake of the children isn't a way to live. They will only be more miserable because eventually your unhappiness will be evident to them.

I suppose it should be pretty obvious. The most important person to worry about hurting is myself. I either stay, and it would ultimately be for the sake of the children and for fear of being on my own for the first time in ten years. Or I leave knowing that the possibility of a life with Edward isn't even a for sure thing. There would be struggles all the way around with that. I mean, we obviously share a strong love, but is it enough? There is a huge lack of trust that he created and it would take so much for him to make that up to me and prove that when life or love proved to be 'too perfect' he wasn't going to just freak out on me again and leave. He had obviously learned how to commit himself to someone, he did marry Tanya, but he surely had trust issues too since she's a skank and cheated on him.

_What a gigantic cluster fuck._

I was tired of crying and I felt like I hadn't slept in a week. I went to the sink, splashed cold water on my face a few times and took a towel off the rack to dry it. I needed to compose myself for the kids. I still had to go back out there and face Edward again too, and I needed to try not to break down anymore. _Who am I trying fool? That's not likely._

Just as I felt I had composed myself enough and was ready to head back out, my phone rang. _Unknown._

_Shit. Jacob._

I took a deep breath sat down on the edge of the bathtub and rested my head in my hand.

"Hey Jake." I answered as confidently and fake as I could muster. I was pretty sure that I sounded all kinds of congested from crying.

"_Hey babe. How's it going?"_ He sounded tired. He was probably having a hard time adjusting to time changing so rapidly as they crossed the ocean towards Africa.

"Going just fine. How about you? You sound tired."

"_I was just going to say the same thing to you. Are you ok?"_

"Yea Jake. I'm fine. Just been a long day with the kids is all." _Oh yea, and I am emotionally spent from confessions with Edward._

"_Why don't you drop them off at your mom's for a night?"_

"I did last weekend. We've just been busy today that's all. No big deal." I was being short with him but I couldn't help it. I really didn't feel like talking to him right now.

"_Ok. You sure you're all right? You don't sound like yourself."_

"I'm fine Jake." I huffed. "What time is it there? Can you call me back later?"

"_It's noon. I was just getting ready to go eat lunch, so I thought I'd give you a call. It's fine if you don't want to talk to me. It's just been a long day already and I wanted to hear the voice of the one person that's on my side for a change."_ And insert the infamous Jacob guilt trip. I sighed.

"I'm sorry Jake. I'm just spent too. We'll talk later ok? Or email me? I'm not sure yet what we're doing tomorrow, but you can call us then."

"_Bella what's going on? Why do I feel like you don't care if I call you at all or not?"_

_Ughhhhhhhhh! What's going on is that I am finally realizing that I can't do this charade any longer and I don't know what to do about it! What's going on is that I am finally realizing that I never got over Edward and now all those old feelings are coming to a head and again and I don't know what to do about it. That's what's going on! But you're halfway around the world and talk about being an insensitive bitch if I told you all of that right now._

"Nothing's going on Jake. Do we really have to do this right now? You're tired, I'm tired that's all."

"_Fine." He sighed. "I guess I'll talk to you later then. Love you. Bye."_ And with that he hung up. He is so fucking immature! I swear half the time it's like I have four children. _Jerk._

I took a deep breath and righted myself to leave the bathroom. The house was really quiet and I peeked around the corner into Kaylie's room to see that the kids were no longer in there. I turned and headed back to the living room. No Edward. I walked into the kitchen and he was leaning up against the doorframe of the back door, looking out into the backyard. His hands were in his pockets and his posture was slightly slumped…defeated. I could hear the kids voices coming from outside as I edged closer to him.

"The kids wanted to go to the park, but if you're ready to leave I can call them back in." he said softly without turning around and virtually no emotion in his voice.

I stopped and stood there looking at him from behind. I didn't want to leave. I knew I should, but I really didn't want to. I wanted to stay right here with him and hide away from the world. Pretend that this was our life and to hell with anything and everything else.

I reached my hand out to place it on his back, but refrained and pulled it back to my side. I cleared my throat and tried to speak but I was choking down a sob. "Edward, I don't want to leave with things like this. But I also don't know what I am supposed to do from here." I said softly and looked down at my feet.

"You're supposed to go home to your husband and never tell him any of this, because it will completely destroy him." He said as he turned and walked towards me.

"So, I'm just supposed to live a half life forever then? Never be completely fulfilled?" I asked looking up at him desperately trying not to cry again.

"Bella, have you always been this unhappy with Jacob? I am sure that there was a time when you were very happy and in love with him. You can find that again."

I furrowed my brow as the pain took over my expression. "But I have never given myself to him completely. I know that now because I've never loved him completely. Not as completely as I love you."

He took my hands and looked down at them between us. "I know I have probably over used this word in the last few days, but I am _so_ sorry Bella."

I nodded my head and looked down at our hands between us. What else was there to say? I couldn't make it any more clear to him that _he_ is what I wanted, and I wasn't going to make any more of a fool of myself by begging. He was standing his moral 'high ground' and I had to accept it, or at the very least, try and understand it. That's what he was asking of me.

_Was this it? Was this my closure? Edward and I would never be again? Forever?_

"I guess I should get the kids so we can go." I said reluctantly looking into his eyes.

After everyone had said their 'goodbyes' and were loaded into the truck, I turned on the DVD player and handed everyone their headphones. Edward and Kaylie stood by the driver side door, hand-in-hand and both with somber looks on their faces. I crouched down in front of her and took her hands in mine. I wasn't sure if I would ever see her again and that hurt.

"It was so wonderful to meet you Kaylie. You're a sweet girl. You take really good care of your daddy ok?" I choked back the tears, but my voice still cracked. She nodded her head. "I hope I get to see you again someday. Have a fun summer." And I pulled her to me. She wrapped her little arms around my neck and I took another deep breath to fight the tears. I patted her back, let her go and stood up to face Edward.

Inside I was dying. I felt another piece of my heart tear off as I registered his expression. We'd never been here before. We'd never had to look each other in the eye and say goodbye and it was killing me. I could see it in his eyes too. _Damn it Edward!_

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my waist forcing my arms up over his shoulders and I wrapped them around his neck. Our faces were buried into each other's shoulders and I sobbed again.

"I'll always love you Bella." He said quietly enough for just us to hear and I sobbed harder.

Taking a deep breath and memorizing his scent once again, I slid my hand up the back of his neck into his hair and I turned my head to place a long kiss on his cheek. I squeezed my eyes and tears rolled down my face. I pulled away from him and wiped under my eyes with my fingers. He placed his hand on my shoulder and pressed his lips to my forehead for a moment. "Be safe." He murmured.

"Okay…well…I guess I'll see you later then." I stated forcefully trying to compose myself. He nodded and held my gaze for a lingering moment. I nodded my head and turned and climbed into the truck. I shut the door, turned on the ignition and never looked back at him again as I pulled away from the little yellow house.

I made it to the corner of his street and I could feel my chest constricting and the pain began to take over. I turned it and pulled my truck over to the curb put my head on the steering wheel and tried to breath. I needed to get it together long enough to get back to my dad's house. I sat back and rested my head against the seat. I hit the volume button on my steering wheel to turn the music up and try and drown out my sorrows.

…_.hold all your feelings inside_

_You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry_

_And maybe, someday_

_We'll figure all this out_

_Try to put an end to all our doubt_

_Try to find a way to make things better now and_

_Maybe someday we'll live our lives out load_

_We'll be better off somehow_

_Someday_

_Now wait_

_And try to find another mistake_

_If you throw it all away then maybe you can change your mind_

_You can run, oh_

_And when everything is over and done_

_You can shine a little light on everything around you_

_Man it's good to be someone_

I lifted my head and looked out the windshield and turned that shit off real quick. I needed to hear the voice that I hadn't heard in way too long. The bubbly pixie would make me feel better. She always could.

"_Bella!" _she screeched through the phone.

"Hey Alice. It sure is good to hear your voice." My voice was raspy and I knew I was going to be busted.

"_Uh oh. What's wrong? Why have you been crying Bella? Are you having an 'I miss Jacob' day?"_

"Actually Alice…promise you won't freak out ok?"

"_Okayyyy I promise. What's going on?"_

I took a deep breath, "I'm just leaving Edward's house after spending the day with him and our kids." I paused. She knew the majority of my 'Edward story'; she just didn't know that I was here doing this right now.

"_Go on."_

"Nothing happened like you may be fearing, but now everything is all fucked up and I really needed to talk to you."

So, I filled her in on the details of the last few months, since I had sort of kept her in the dark about it. Not intentionally, but I just wasn't sure where all this was going and I knew when I needed her, she'd be there without hesitation.

"_So what are you gonna do? Do you really think it's over with you a Jacob?"_

"Most of the time I feel that way yes. I am not in love with him, that I know for sure. But it's such a scary thought to just end things."

"_Right Bella, but I think I know you pretty well and you're not one to do things just to do them. You're a strong person and I know whatever decision you make, you'll be fine. It will be the one that's best for you. Do you think it's fair to either one of you to keep going on the way you are?"_

"I'm so sick of talking about what's fair. Nothing is fair! Life is not fair!"

"_Bella, calm down. Where are the kids?"_

"Watching a movie in the back."

"_Just relax. You know I am here to help you work this all out. I want to talk about you and Jacob for a moment. You know you can't make this decision based on Edward right?"_

"Of course I know that Alice. I've been telling myself all along that I can't factor him into any decision that I make, because that part is so uncertain."

"_Ok, just making sure that you're thinking with your head and not your heart."_

We spent a little more time talking things through and she was able to calm me down enough that I could drive home safely now. I really missed her and wished that we didn't live on opposite ends of the country.

_Stupid Navy._

The kids were in bed; dad, Rosie and Emmett were downstairs in the living room as I slumped down into the hot water of my bath. I laid my head back and replayed the day's events. The talking, the laughing, the fun, the tears, the feel of his arms around me and the feeling of being at home in them. It was almost surreal. My phone chimed a text from where it sat on the bathroom counter. I almost ignored it, deciding that whoever it was, it wasn't going to be who I wanted it to be. It chimed again, so I dried my hands on a towel as I leaned out of the tub to grab it. I almost dropped it in the tub when I saw that it was in fact, Edward. _What the hell?_

Guess who showed up in my stomach at that realization?

_**I just wanted to make sure that you made it back to Forks safely. – Edward**_

_**Also, I had a really good time today. – Edward**_

**Yes, we r here safe and sound. Thanks. Me too. – B**

_**I know it may take a while but I hope that we can be friends. I don't want to not have you in my life again. – Edward**_

**I'd like that. But yea it will take time. I have to figure out how to only be your friend and not want more. – B**

_**I understand I hope we can figure it out – Edward**_

**Me too – B**

_**Goodnight Bella – Edward**_

**Goodnight Edward xoxo - B**

_**xoxo - Edward**_

After a good long thought-filled soak in the tub, I dried and put on my pajamas. I brushed my hair and teeth and went to my room. Lying down on my bed, I stared up at the ceiling making patterns out of the swirls in the plaster. Something was plaguing me and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I felt like there was still an unanswered question looming over Edward and I and this whole situation. I grabbed my Mac Book out of my bag and booted it up. First, I checked my email to see if Jacob was acting like and adult yet, but there was nothing from him. _Fine. You're just making my decision that much easier. _Writing was an easy way for me to say everything without leaving things out or getting flustered, so before I realized it, I was typing out an email to Edward.

**From:** Bella Black

**Date: **June 25, 2008 11:37:17 PM PST

**To:** Edward Cullen

**Subject: Consider this…**

Edward,

Just hear me out please. I wasn't sure where to begin with this. I don't want to make things any more awkward than they already are, but there is something else I need to say. The very last thing that I want to do is push you away, so for just one second put down your wall and read this please. I want you to understand where my head is, so just hear me out.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

Thank you SOOOO much for reading! I love hearing what you think! You're all awesome!

3


	12. Chapter 11 : Truth

A HUGE thanks goes out to BamaGurl for helping me get the convo with Bella & Charlie right.

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Songs for this chapter: Truth - Kris Allen

All songs and photos can be found on my blogsite linked in my profile.

* * *

><p><em><strong>From:<strong> Bella Black_

_**Date: **June 25, 2008 11:37:17 PM PST_

_**To:** Edward Cullen_

_**Subject: Consider this…**_

_Edward,_

_Just hear me out please. I wasn't sure where to begin with this. I don't want to make things any more awkward than they already are, but there is something else I need to say. The very last thing that I want to do is push you away, so for just one second put down your wall and read this please. I want you to understand where my head is, so just hear me out._

_I know what I want…it's you. Just keep reading. It has always been you. Since the day we first met, it's always been you. It's sad to me that I have spent 10 years in a marriage where there was always "someone else" and I can't continue to lie to him or myself any longer. I think it was just me trying to do the "right thing." Trying to do what everyone else would think was what I was supposed to do. But that just meant making everyone around me happy and not letting myself be completely happy. Believe me, I have TRIED to give all of me and give it the chance, but I just can't go another 5, 10, 20+ years pretending. He is and has always been my best friend, but "love of my life" he hasn't been. When I married him, I thought that would be enough, and maybe someday it would eventually be there. That he could love me enough for both of us. I was wrong._

_I get what you said your move to San Diego is about. I get that you are tired of the relationship that you are in, and the ones you've had, that you want to make a clean break and a fresh start. I am not asking you to jump from one to another. But there is something that I need to know from you. Can you **consider** the possibility of us? Not today, not tomorrow, not even 6 months from now…but at all? Can you envision a future with me in it? Be honest with yourself. I know you remember how good it was. Put out of your mind all the crap that you have been thru, and think about the possibility of being with that one person that wants nothing more than the best for you. Being with that one person that would do anything in the world to make sure you know you are loved and make you happy. I know you remember how good we were together. Can you even slightly picture that? Maybe not, but can you at least try._

_You deserve to know what it feels like to open up your heart completely and let someone in. To trust someone and have them trust you completely. To take down the walls and just let it be. That's where I have not been fair to Jacob, b/c I have never been able to give him all of me. It's not for lack of trying, but part of me has always been with you. You've always been there._

_However, if the only way that I can have you in my life is as my friend, then I am willing to accept that, and drop it, won't ever bring any of this up again. I don't want you to avoid me and put up more walls. That would be too hard. But there is something that I need you to really, honestly understand….I am **NOT** like these other women that you have been with in the past. You deserve so much better than that! I would never and have never cheated on Jacob (and I am not looking for that now). I am just trying to finally be true to my feelings and move on. Don't you think it says something when it's been 10 years and the feelings haven't changed? Doesn't that account for something? I think it does. I meant it when I said that there would never be another woman in this world that will love you and care about you the way that I do. But if the only way that I can love you is as my friend, then I can accept that, and I am willing to have to deal with it._

_The reason that **I** know you're not an ass…you could have very easily been hurtful and mean to me. But you weren't. You were anything but. If you really believe that you are that person, if that's who you think you are, then be the ass…if you want nothing to do with me, say it, tell me to go to hell and don't worry about sparing my feelings. That will be my closure. But I know you're not an asshole. It's just your cover._

_Regardless of your answer, my marriage is ending. It's been coming for a while now, so please look past that fact and consider what I am saying. You're not **that** guy; so don't think of yourself that way in this situation._

_I'd like to see you again before we leave. No strings. It's just been really good to be home and I've missed you (as I miss all my friends from home). Don't avoid me now because I said all of this, just think about it and let me know your thoughts. You're a good man Edward, and from our conversations, I can see that you have good intentions; you've just not had the right relationships._

_Think about it. I'll wait to hear from you._

_Bella_

I read it and reread it over and over again. Then I saved it. I wasn't sure I was ready to send it just yet, but it felt good to just write it. I didn't want to look like a complete fool. I think I'd done a good enough job of that this far.

I shut the laptop down and went to bed.

The next few days passed by in a blur. I didn't hear from Edward and I wasn't sure if I was expecting to really. He let me know where he stood and I said that I would let him know if I could be just his friend. Jacob hadn't emailed or called again. But he would soon. This is how his little temper tantrums worked, and when he did make contact again, it would either go one of two ways. He'd either try to make me feel really guilty for not "being there for him" or he'd act like nothing happened at all. Either way, I needed to prepare for the emotional rollercoaster of my "dear husband".

Rose, Emmett and their kids were spending the weekend in Seattle with his family, so it was a little quieter around the house with just myself and the kids and dad at work. It was early Saturday evening when my cell phone rang. It was Jacob, so I took a deep breath and answered. _Here we go._

"Hey Jake."

"_Hey. How's it going?"_

"It's going. How about you?"

"_Fine. Same ol' crap different day. This Master Chief is a real prick and I am sick of watching him kiss the Captain's ass."_

"I'm sorry. How are your sailors?"

"_Fine for the most part. I have few that are dumb as a box of rocks, but I also have some that bust their asses, so…"_

"That's good."

"_Bella, are you ok? You haven't emailed me at all since you've been home. I feel like you don't even care if you talk to me."_

"I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind is all and been busy with the kids."

"_So what's on your mind? Talk to me."_

"Please don't worry about it. I am fine."

"_Do you even love me anymore?"_

"What are you talking about? Yes, I love you." _Even if you are acting like a douche._

"_Are you in love with me?"_

"Jake, I don't want to do this right now. Why are you trying to fight with me when you're halfway around the world?"

"_That's not an answer Bella. But I guess it was."_

"Jake…"

"_Just tell me if you're going to be on the pier when I come home."_

"Of course the kids and I will be on the pier. I wouldn't do that to you."

"_So, then what is it? What's going on?"_

"I'm just trying to figure some things out is all."

"_Like what? Are you leaving me, Bella?"_

"Like me, Jacob. I've been on my own for the last year and a half, and I've changed. I see things differently, and I am just trying to figure it all out. God, I really don't want to be having this conversation with you on the phone."

"_Well, I guess we don't have much choice do we?"_

I sighed. This really wasn't a conversation that I wanted to have over the phone but he just wasn't hearing me. I'm not a total bitch and I know that he can't do anything about being on deployment, but I would rather have a conversation like this in person.

"Jake, I really, really don't want to talk about this right now."

"_When are we supposed to talk then? In four months when I get home, and you've already made up your mind to leave?"_

I was silent for a long pause.

"_Bella, this is all I can think about right now and wondering what is going on. I don't like it that something is bothering you and you won't even talk to me about it. You don't answer my emails and you're distant when we talk on the phone."_

"I'm sorry, Jake. I'm just beginning to realize that there are things I want out of life that I am not getting right now. I'm learning who _Bella_ is again, and I've missed her. But the root of it all, I'm just not happy. But I am working that out, so don't worry about it." I was being cold, but he was forcing me to talk about this right now when I didn't want to.

'_I can't just not worry about it. Will you please talk to me? I know you are enjoying being home and I know that is something you miss. I also know you too well and I don't know if that is all that is going through your head, but I feel like you being there is a large portion of it."_

I remained silent. I wondered if there was some thought in his head about Edward.

"_All I am asking is that you talk to me about it. I don't like knowing something is wrong and you're trying to deal with it all by yourself, even if it is just to lend an ear. Bella, I love you more than you will ever know, so please let me be there for you."_

"I don't know what to tell you. There really isn't anything you can do, so don't stress yourself out about it. I know you love me and I know you're there for me. I just don't want to talk about it with you halfway around the world. Do you understand that?"

He sighed and I could hear the confusion and frustration in it. I felt bad, but what could I do? I can't help the way that I feel.

"_Just answer me. Are you in love with me?"_

_Shit. He's forcing me to do this anyway, so it's his fault if he doesn't like the answer._

I sighed, "No."

"_I thought so."_

We were both silent for a long while not really sure where to go from here.

"_How do I fix it?"_

"I don't know."

"_Why did you let me re-enlist last year then? If this is where things were headed, why did you let me stay in the Navy? I could have gotten out and things would have been fine."_

"Re-enlisting was the right thing to do, Jake."

We were quiet again. I could hear the kids out in the backyard laughing and playing. A few years ago my dad had a swing set put into the yard for the kids. It was one of those gigantic wooden structures with a fort on top, swings and a circular tube slide. They loved it. Standing up from the couch I walked over to the window and looked out at them. _Innocent bystanders._ I sighed and continued to watch them play.

"_I don't want to lose you, Bella."_

I didn't respond. How did I tell him that he never really had me? I'm awful. Shame on me for keeping this man from finding someone that could have given her whole self to him. He deserved that. But I deserve to be happy too right? I deserve to give myself completely too right?

"I need to get the kids inside and start dinner. Did you want to talk to them?"

"_Not right now. I'll call them later."_

"Ok, well then can I let you go?"

"_Yea, I'll call ya later. I love you, Bella."_

"Love you too, Jake."

"_You have no idea how much I wish it was enough."_

I sighed again. "Bye, Jake."

Later that evening after Charlie came home and we had eaten dinner and the kids were in bed, I sat on the couch with my laptop checking my emails while dad was in his chair watching baseball. There were a few emails from the ship's family group talking about halfway parties and upcoming social events. There were a few emails from Jacob as well. One that stood out was one he'd sent that day. It had come not too long after we talked.

_**From:** ITC Black, Jacob_

_**Date: **June 28, 2008 04:37:22 PM PST_

_**To:** Bella Black_

_**Subject: Hey**_

_Hey baby,_

_First and for most I am not mad. I understand why you feel the way that you do and I want you to know that I will do anything to make this work and make you happy again. I will not give up. I will be here for you when ever you need me to. All I ask is please don't give up without giving it a chance when I get home. I know you have done more than you should have over the past few years and I can't say sorry enough to make up for it. I am still in love with you and don't want to lose you because of the Navy. All I am asking is for a fair shot when I get home. I know there is not much I can do from here and that is what is killing me inside but I will do what ever I can._

_I LOVE YOU and that will never change._

See. Jacob didn't tuck tail and run. Any woman would be thrilled with that. I must be an idiot. I responded.

_**From: **Bella Black_

_**Date: **June 28, 2008 10:27: 33 PM PST_

_**To: **ITC Black, Jacob_

_**Re: Hey**_

_Please just give me the time to get this all worked out in my head. Everyone says to follow my heart and do what is going to make me happy. And they're right. I have spent too long doing what I thought would make everyone else happy and not focusing on anything that makes me happy. So, that is what I am trying to sort out…continuing the way I have been or changing it? Just be patient with me. No matter what happens, I am sorry for hurting you._

_I have always known that you love me more, please don't take that the wrong way and I am not saying it to hurt you, just being honest. But I have tried to give you that in return and always feel horrible for not being able to give you all of me. I think somehow you've known that tho…I'm sorry._

After I sent it, I took another look at the email I'd drafted to Edward. I made a few edits and sent it. _Now or never I guess. _I shut down my computer and looked up at Charlie. I need his advice more than anything at this point. My dad and I were pretty close, but conversation wasn't always our strong point. We had a nice silent relationship for the most part and it worked well for us.

"Dad, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure kid, what's up?" he asked as he turned the volume down on the TV and looked over at me.

"Well, I sort of need some fatherly advice, but I need for you to keep your opinions about certain people out of it and just think about the situation. Can you do that?"

He raised his eyebrows in a surprised confusion and nodded his head.

"Ok…umm…I'm sort of…I don't…." I took a deep breath. "Dad, I'm not in love with Jacob anymore, and I am seriously considering leaving him."

He furrowed his brow, "Did something happen?"

"Not exactly. Nothing other than me having learned more about myself over the last few months. I mean hell, I spent a year without him and I've become a different person. He doesn't seem to see that though and thinks that it's all about the Navy."

_Stupid Navy._

"Jacob loves you, Bells."

"I know he does, but I can't help the way that I feel. I want more."

"Is there something else to this?" he asked knowingly.

I fisted my hands in my lap and looked down at my fingers. "I saw Edward on Wednesday when I went to PA."

He didn't say anything, and I chanced looking up at him. I suddenly felt like I was seventeen again and not a grown woman with three children. His expression was blank yet, fatherly? He wasn't Edwards biggest fan.

"Nothing happened. I swear. We just talked…a lot, and I probably cried a little too much. But I realized that I never really had any closure with him and I never really got over him either. Do you have any idea how hard it is to accept that?"

He let out a long exhale and nodded. "I do kid. I know exactly how hard that is." I instantly knew he was talking about Renee. As crazy and erratic as she was, he loved her and to this day he's never gotten over her either. I sighed. Weren't we a pair?

"What do I do dad? It's not like this is some easy decision to make."

"You're not trying to say you want to leave Jacob to be with Edward are you?"

"No! I know better than that dad. Things with Edward are so…I don't even know…messed up! We both know that we have this deep love for each other that we've never felt for anyone else, but...it's so complicated. I hate it. I mean maybe someday…I don't know?" I choked back the tears yet again.

"And Jacob?"

I let out an exasperated sighed. "Jacob. Well, like you said, he loves me. But…I just…I feel nothing romantic for him at all anymore. It's like we've, or I've, crossed back over to that friendship zone where we started out. I don't even think about him like _that_ anymore. " I blushed.

Charlie cleared his throat and blushed a little too. "Well, I don't have the best track record at dealing with the past, and I know how hard it can be to let go of it and move on, but you have to make choices that are healthy for you, not just based on what you want. You know, sometimes you gotta learn to love what's good for you. You know what I mean? Does that make sense?"

I nodded and he continued. "Because not everything that you want is always healthy for you." He paused again. "But what I want most is for you to be happy and you haven't been yourself since you got here. I knew you'd let me know what it was eventually, so I didn't pry."

That did it and I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. "I'm sorry, daddy. I didn't want to bring a burden here. I really wanted to see you and let the kids have a distraction for the summer."

He stood and came to sit next to me on the couch. Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, he pulled me to his chest. We weren't the cuddliest pair, but this we could handle without too much awkwardness.

"You are never a burden, Bells. Ever. You know you are welcome here anytime, no matter what, don't ever think that."

"I wish this was an easy decision. I wish I could just say, 'my marriage is over' and get on with it, but it's _so_ not easy!" I sniffed, wiping my tears with my shirt. "How do you make a decision to just throw away almost ten years of marriage? I feel like I've made some huge mistake with my life and now I can't change it. Like I chose a path and it was the wrong one, and now everything is all screwed up."

"Is that how you honestly feel? You can't say that those beautiful babies upstairs are a mistake Bells."

"No dad, no." I shook my head. "I wouldn't give them up for anything in the world, but…" I groaned and sobbed into his shoulder. "I know no other life than Jacob, and it's terrifying to think of leaving all that behind for the unknown future. And when I say future, that doesn't necessarily include Edward…just for the record."

He was quiet for a while just holding me while I calmed back down.

"Dad?"

"Yea Bells?" he answered softly.

"Thank you."

He chuckled. "I don't know that I've been much help, but you're welcome."

"Just being here is helping…and dad?"

"Yea?"

"I think I know what I am going to do now. I guess I've known for a while."

"And what's that?"

I sighed heavily. "I'm going to ask Jacob for a divorce." I half whispered.

He sighed and squeezed me tighter.

"Are you disappointed in me?" I sobbed.

"No, Bella. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself and making a tough decision for yourself for a change. I'm sad that you have to go through this though."

"Me too."

"I'll be here for you, no matter what you need. You know that right?"

"Yes dad. Thank you. I love you."

"Love you too kid."

* * *

><p>Thoughts?<p> 


	13. Chapter 12 : I Still Miss You

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Songs for this chapter: I Still Miss You - Keith Anderson (he owns not me.)

* * *

><p>Before the sun broke the horizon Monday morning, I was wide-awake. I'm not quite sure what woke me, but it was with a sense of urgency. I felt like there was something I had to do and do it now, but I wasn't sure exactly what that was. I don't remember my dream, but I was sure it must have had something to do with this feeling. I laid there in bed for a long while just staring out the window at the moonless sky. I could hear a soft breeze in the trees and a light rain dripping off the roof of the house. This is a typical start to a day in Forks.<p>

Charlie and I had discussed in a little more detail, my decision to move forward with the end of my marriage. It's still not an easy decision, and I'm still not sure how to approach Jacob with it yet. It seems almost heartless to do it while he's deployed and virtually helpless about it, yet waiting to drop it on him when he returns feels just the same. I needed some time to figure out how I was going to tell him.

Still feeling that strange sense of urgency about something unknown, I grabbed my laptop off my desk and lay back down on the bed. I opened up my email to find two new emails from Jacob, basically just stating his desire to work this out and give me time. I sighed. I hated knowing that this would hurt him, but I like Charlie said, I had to stop worrying about how everyone else is going to feel. He said to remember that it was time to stop trying to please everyone and worry about pleasing myself for a change. He was right.

Any hope that a response was waiting from Edward was immediately lost. I tried to remind myself that _if_ he had already read it, he could still be processing it. After all, it was a pretty 'soul bearing' email. Maybe I could have figured out another way to say what I'd said rather than emailing it, but it was done now, so all I could do was be patient. I was fairly certain that he would respond; it would just be when he was ready. At this point, I wasn't even sure what type of response I was expecting, but anything was better than nothing.

Emmett, Rose and the kids were due back today, and I was very thankful for that. I needed her, and him too and get another perspective on things. Rose had been through a divorce before, and if you can't already tell, she's no bullshit. She was the perfect person to seek advice from at this moment more than ever. Plus she's one of my best friends and I just needed her right now. I had talked to her briefly on the phone yesterday and filled her in on my decision, but was ready to be face to face with her and really get to the depths of the decision and have her there to 'hold my hand.'

We made plans to meet in Port Angeles at Smuggler's Landing for lunch because Emmett had made some last minute plans that would have put them back in Forks later than they originally planned. I left the girls with Charlie, so it was just Robbie and I. We spotted them already seated at a corner booth near the window, when Ben saw us, he cheered as he came running towards us "Waa-bee! Bewwa!" The boys embraced and then we headed to the table.

"Hey guys." I smiled as I sat down sliding into the booth opposite Rose and Emmett. I handed Robbie a kid's menu and crayons.

"How's it goin' Bells?" Emmett asked as he texted on his phone. He had a menacing look in his eye, and I was immediately sure that Rose had told him my decision.

"It's going ok I guess. How was the weekend with your parents?" I asked trying not to let the conversation become about me.

"It was great. Dad and I did some fishing with Ben while mom and the girls did some shopping."

I smiled at him and then looked at Rose. I could tell she was conflicted. She wanted to get right down to it and talk, but with Sam there and old enough to understand she wouldn't, or at least specifically anyway.

"You doing ok?" She asked softly.

"Yea, I think so. It's sort of liberating but heartbreaking all at the same time. Does that make sense?" I darted my eyes to Emmett and back to her.

"Completely. I think it's fair to say that if it wasn't bothering you, you'd be a cold-hearted you-know-what. But since we know you're not that kind of person at all, it's perfectly natural to feel conflicted. This isn't some small little thing, it's life altering."

I blanched. _Gee, thanks Rose…as if it wasn't freaking me out enough._

"Sorry, I'm not trying to make it worse. Just trying to make you feel better about how you feel. Ya know? I think I know you well enough to know that you're making the right decision for you."

"Bella, mind if I ask you something?" Emmett chimed in. I nodded. "Feel free to tell me to mind my own business, but how much of this decision is based on Edward?"

I froze and held his gaze. "Before you answer that Bella," Rose started, giving Emmett the evil eye, "please believe me when I tell you he knows nothing about anything you've told me. Remember he knows of you from Edward." Emmett looked from Rose back to me and nodded his head. His phone chimed a text and he responded before going on.

"She hasn't told me anything. I've been doing a lot of figuring out on my own. Any one would have to be blind not to notice the crazy intense connection you two shared the other night at Jasper's bar. You don't see love like that very often."

I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. All I could do was stare into his baby blue eyes and try to absorb what he was telling me. "Emmett, it's complicated." I whimpered.

"What's complicated? You either love him or you don't. Seems pretty cut and dry to me."

Just then the waitress came and took our orders. I was relieved for the break in the tension that was building. I was feeling overwhelmed and that damn sense of urgency that I woke with this morning, or it almost felt like a pull now, was back. _Why did I feel like there was something I had to do, or somewhere I needed to go?_

We didn't talk again about the situation and ate our lunch in an awkward silence. It wasn't that easy. Yes, I love Edward and yes he loves me, but that's a given. There is so much more. I lost my trust in him. It wasn't as if I could just open right back up to him. What if he freaked out again? I am not sure that I could handle losing him twice. He now had trust issues too, and let's not forget the fact that he has walls built up so high, I am not even sure that _I_ can break through them.

After we had finished eating and paid our bills we walked out to the boardwalk. Emmett grabbed Ben and Robbie and said that they had some 'guy things' to handle and they'd meet us back here in a few hours. Rosie, Sam, Zoe and I walked down the boardwalk towards the pier. _The same pier where Edward and I shared our first kiss._ I sighed. There was a small concert going on in the pavilion. The band was pretty decent with a light rock sort of sound. It wasn't too crowded, so we made our way to a bench off to the side and sat down. I glanced down towards the end of the pier at the tower and smiled. _Happy times._

Before I realized it, I stood up, turned to Rose and told her I'd be back. I walked along the weathered boardwalk up to the pier. _Somewhere I needed to go. Something I had to do._ As I slowly walked along the pier in the direction of the tower, I absentmindedly ran my hand along the cold metal railing. Breathing in the salty air I smiled as I stopped almost to the tower and leaned over the side of the pier. Turning my head I looked back towards the pavilion and could hear the sounds of the band and the crowd. A shiver ran up my back, and it was if I could almost feel him wrapping his arms around me here in this very same spot ten years ago. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath. Pulling away from the railing I headed towards the tower. I stood at the bottom with my foot on the first step and looked up. Still feeling that pull, I told myself that I needed to face this. This is where it all began, and for whatever reason I needed to go up there and face it. Closure maybe? Something was pulling me back to this very spot at this very moment for one reason or another.

As I made the turn on the final landing I stopped before the last flight of steps, the pull was overwhelming. _What the hell?_

Five steps to go, and I froze. This could not be happening. Is _he_ pulling me here?

Four steps. His back was to me as he leaned over the railing.

Three steps. His bronze hair was in disarray and blowing in the breeze.

Two steps. He turned to face me, his blue eyes shining and placed his hands in his pockets.

The final step up onto the landing. He smiled a shy smile.

_Edward._

"What are you doing here?" I asked gently, swallowing hard.

"I'm thinking that you and I have been part of an Emmett scheme." He chuckled. "I didn't realize you were going to be here until I saw you walking up the pier."

"Oh. Well, you don't have to stay if you don't want to. I was just taking a walk after lunch while we waited for Emmett…to…" I paused. "Humph. Emmett's not off doing anything is he? He's probably down there now with Rose." I blushed as I turned and looked down the pier.

"If I know Emmett, he had nothing to do. He told me to meet him in the tower, but my guess is that since you're here, he's not coming. I'd like to stay if that's ok. Maybe we could discuss your email?"

Mortified…yep, that's how I felt at this very moment. I wanted to jump right off the tower and plunge into the ocean.

"So, you _have_ read it?" I shifted my weight, looking down at my feet and felt the blush rise up my neck.

"Well, sort of. Victoria read it first." I gasped, jerking my head up and meeting his stare.

"Oh my God. I'm…that's a pretty big invasion of privacy, huh?"

"I asked her to check my email for me because we were waiting on an invite…it's not important, but you should know she got pretty pissed."

"Shit, Edward. I'm, well I won't say I am sorry for sending it, because that would mean that I didn't mean any of it, and I did. But I am sorry for any issues it caused you and her. That was not my intention at all."

"I know, don't worry about it. She's slightly overdramatic most of the time anyway." He snickered. "But in all fairness, she wasn't technically doing anything wrong."

I nodded my head and pressed my lips into a thin line. Now it was awkward. _Say something, Edward. It's your turn again._

"So," he cleared his throat, "I guess I should start by telling you that we broke up."

I raised my eyebrows at him and internal Bella did a back flip handspring. He didn't show much emotion as he said it but I caught a slight glimmer in his eye. I maintained my composure as best I could.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I really hope I didn't cause too much trouble." _Lie. Lie. Lie._

"No really Bella, we were headed that way anyway. We had a good share of issues and they just all came to a head. You did nothing wrong. It was inevitable really." His expression was difficult to read, but I didn't detect much sadness.

"Well, I'm still sorry. Break ups aren't easy no matter how or when or why."

"Yea, well anyway. So, wanna talk about that email?"

_No! No! No! I'm a chicken-shit!_

"Sure. What do you want to discuss?" I asked trying to keep my voice steady and my confidence up.

"Bella," he took a deep breath, "a marriage is only over when someone gives up. Please don't give up. It would break my heart." He begged with his words and his eyes.

"Edward…" I whimpered.

He took a few steps toward me his eyes still fixed on mine. The air caught in my throat and my body hummed with electricity as he neared.

_Butterflies._

"Please say you won't give up." He pleaded.

"Edward, I'm not giving up..."

"Good" he interrupted.

"No, let me finish. I'm not giving up on true love. You see, I don't see it as giving up on anything, but rather finally making a decision based on my life and myself and not what someone else wants. I'm making a decision based on what _I_ want for a change."

Neither one of us moved as we stood less than a foot apart, locked in an intense gaze. I couldn't speak, hell I could hardly breathe this close to him. I watched a stream of emotions play across his face, but the one that I had memorized was love. I could see it deep in his eyes. I sighed.

"Bella, I know what it's like to live without you. I see now what it did to both of us, but this is so hard for me knowing that your marriage will end because of me."

I smirked. "It's not all about you, Edward."

"This is my fault isn't it?" He said softly.

"No, it's not Edward. This is _my_ fault. It's my fault for marrying him in the first place. It has nothing to do with you, but all to do with me making a rash decision and being too selfish to do something about it sooner."

"I made a decision this weekend." I said shyly. "My dad and I talked, and I'm…I'm going to tell Jacob I want a divorce." His brow furrowed and he exhaled thru his nose.

"This is going to kill him, Bella. Trust me when I say that."

I let out a deep breath. "I already know that. But the longer this goes on, the more hurt he will be. It has to stop now. I can't keep pretending or continue being selfish any longer. It's hurting me too you know?"

"You're right you know? You have always been that person that does things to make other people happy instead of yourself. It's one of the things I love most about you. You're not selfish Bella, you're the most selfless person I know. I hate that it's hurting you though, I wish I could ease that part for you."

"Just having you back in my life is enough for me, Edward."

He snickered, closed the gap between us and placed his hands on my hips. I slid my hands up his arms stopping at his biceps and my heart rate picked up.

_Shit. Still married. Still married._

In almost a whisper, with his eyes boring into mine he spoke. "To answer your questions…yes…yes, I can consider the possibility of us and yes…I can envision a future with you in it. I can't imagine a future without you in it. Not now that we've found each other again."

I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him close. His hands slid up to the middle of my back and pulled me in. Our hearts beat together in rhythm.

We pulled back from the hug but held the embrace and our eyes locked again.

"What?" he grinned.

I smiled and then looked away. "Just…you," I sighed, "_us_…and how much I wish things were different. I wish things weren't so…complicated." My voice trailed off to a whisper.

He inhaled deep and exhaled through his nose, furrowing his brow. He seemed almost, angry?

"What?" I reciprocated.

He shook his head and seemed to be battling internally what he wanted to say. He frowned again, "I should just…I should leave you alone, Bella. You don't need me to complicate your life any more than it already is."

He began to release me from our embrace.

I pulled him back. "Edward…stop. I don't care about that. Don't you understand? I don't care about the complication of you and me. I want _you_ Edward. I've always wanted you. I _need_ you in my life…and I think you feel the same."

He nodded and his blue eyes sparkled.

"But I…I really don't know what to do here. Maybe it seems simple to you…but you're not married. I know I don't want to be with him anymore, but…_shit_...it scares the _hell_ out of me all the same…and then there's you and…that's all _kinds_ of fucked up." I said shakily as my eyes began to well up with tears.

"I...I don't want to imagine my life without you now." He squeezed his eyes closed and pressed his forehead to mine. "I'm going to do everything in my power to make you trust me again Bella. Everything."

He pressed his lips to my forehead and took a deep breath. "I promise you, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

I pressed my lips to his cheek. "I want that Edward, but you don't need…I just need you in my life. Say you'll stay."

"I'll stay as long as you want me to." He whispered.

"I just need to know that when things get good, you're not going to run away. And when things are hard, you're not going to run away then too. I want you to stay forever."

"God, Bella, you have no idea how much I've missed you." He breathed pulling me in tight.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "You have _no_ idea how bad I want to kiss you right now." I whispered.

I felt as if I was in the middle of a dream as he pulled back and his liquid blue eyes met mine. He looked at my lips and then back to my eyes. He brushed his knuckles along my cheek and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and then cupped my jaw. My heart rate jumped into overdrive. I felt him tilt my head up as he leaned down. I could feel his breath on my face, his warmth surrounded me, and yet I still shivered. My eyes fluttered closed. His lips faintly brushed mine and he ghosted them slowly across from one side of my mouth to the other. _Heaven._ We both sighed and I dropped my chin.

"I'm sure I might." He chuckled.

God, I wanted him to kiss me, with every fiber of my being, I wanted him to kiss me. But, I didn't want to be _that_ girl either. I couldn't do to Jacob what Tanya had done to him. I knew I'd never be able to live with myself if I did. _Damn morals!_

He took my hand, laced our fingers and turned us towards the stairs. We made our way down the tower and back towards the end of the pier. Rosie and Emmett were at the concert with all the kids and right before we greeted them, he dropped my hand. I sighed at the loss of contact.

_Soon Bella. Soon this man will be all yours and you can scream it from the rooftops!_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

So...what do ya think? Toss the morals and jump his bones or wait it out? I can't say what I would do...I mean, Hello...it's Edward? What would YOU do? Ha!

These two obviously still have a ways to go, but stick with me...as long as Jacob doesn't cause any problems...

Next chapter coming up soon! You know I don't like to make you wait too long!


	14. Chapter 13 : If I'm Not In Love With You

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Songs for this chapter: If I'm Not In Love With You - Faith Hill (she owns not me.)

All songs and photos can be found on my blogsite for this story linked in my profile.

* * *

><p>December 2008<p>

It was the weekend before Christmas and I wanted to get some last minute gifts for the kids. The last couple of months have been difficult for them so I wanted to make sure that they had "gift overload" Christmas morning. My guilt taking over, I'm sure. I pulled my truck up alongside the curb in front of his apartment building. It was Jacob's weekend to have the kids. He had only lived in this building about two months. After a few rounds of late night arguing in our bedroom when he'd returned home from deployment and countless hours spent "talking about how to save us", he finally gave in when I told him that what I wanted was a divorce.

The night it finally happened, it had been about two weeks since he'd returned from deployment. I was happy to see him when he first stepped off that ship, but was even more resolved in my decision. Being with him in person only reconfirmed for me that I was not in love with him. He was my friend and the father of my children, and that's all. He'd kept pressuring me to tell him what I wanted and even though it _was_ what I wanted, it was still scary. So in a heated argument, I finally told him I wanted him to leave so I could make the choice without being forced into it by him on his terms.

xxx

_October_

"_So, that's is then? This is what you want? You want me to leave?"_

"_Jacob, this isn't easy for me, you have to know that. But yes, it's what I want. I want you to be able to move on with you life and find someone who deserves your love. I want to be happy too, and I'm not."_

"_So you can just go running into his waiting arms now?"_

"_This is _not_ about him and you know that!" I shouted, as I felt my temper rising._

"_Oh bullshit, Bella! You can't get him out of your head! Isn't that what your text message to Rosalie said?"_

_I was so livid when I caught him sneaking my phone when he thought I was in the shower, and reading texts between my friends and I. Livid._

"_Your such an ass. You can't even see that for just one second this might have everything to do with my choices and me. I don't need a fucking man to go running to. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I haven't even seen him since he moved here anyway!"_

"_Whatever." He huffed and walked into the master bathroom._

"_You're going to believe what ever you want to believe, so I don't even know why I'm bothering trying to explain myself to you."_

_He appeared in the doorway. "You have no idea what it's like to want someone who doesn't want you. None."_

_I sighed. Sure Jacob, I have _no_ idea what that feels like at all. "It doesn't have to be like this ya know? We don't have to fight. Why can't you just understand?"_

"_Because, Bella…YOU are my one true love, so I don't know how to just let you go."_

_Two weeks later he moved out and I went and spoke to a lawyer._

_xxx_

The kids jumped out of the truck and ran up the sidewalk to his apartment. They were excited to see him, and they should be, but in all actuality, they are taking us splitting up a little hard. I should actually say that the girls are more so than Robbie, he's pretty oblivious and really too young to understand anyway. Being so soon after he returned from being gone for seven months, it was to be expected that it would be difficult for them. It tore at my heart, but I was a child of divorce, and I knew they'd be ok too. Just to make sure, I'd put them into counseling to help them through it.

Jacob opened his front door and greeted the three of them with showers of hugs and kisses. He scooped Robbie up into his arms, propped him on his hip and waved at me. I waved back from inside my truck and smiled. _See Jake, it doesn't have to be hard. Just be civil. We can still be friends._ I sighed. Jacob didn't think so. He had flat out told me that due to his feelings for me, it was not possible for him to be my friend. I think it was his last ditch effort to hold on to me…and throw a little guilt trip my way too. That was something that would most likely never change about Jacob.

I pulled away from the curb and headed towards Mission Valley to the mall.

We were smack in the middle of our ninety-day waiting period until our divorce was finalized. We had agreed to custody and child-support in mediation and it was actually all going really civil. We were trying to move on with our lives. Well, at least I was anyway. He still had his moments of, I guess you could call them, weakness where he would call me crying and begging to not go through with the divorce. Saying that he would do anything to make me happy. Most of the time it was late-night drunk phone calls. I had to heartbreakingly tell him one night when he wouldn't stop; that nothing he could do would bring us back together. I simply didn't love him like that any longer and I was making a change in who I was and I wanted more than what he could offer me. It made him cry harder, and I felt like a royal bitch for it, but it was honest, and at that moment it was what I needed to be in my attempt to finally get through to him. It was the last time he ever called like that again, and things had been slightly awkward ever since.

He was still holding fiercely to his "I can't be your friend" motto, and it was really pissing me off. The kids and I had invited him to dinner one night at their favorite restaurant, and he refused to come. He said it would simply be too painful. Douche.

Edward had moved to San Diego in September, just as he had planned. The last time we had actually seen each other was when he brought Kaylie to the girls' birthday party at Renee's. It was awkward, because I wanted to devote so much attention to him, but I couldn't. He hung out with Emmett and stayed reserved for the most part. I'm sure it had everything to do with the fact that Charlie was all but rude to him and snubbed him when Edward went to shake his hand. _Thanks Charlie._ He wasn't Edward's biggest fan, for many obvious reasons, but he didn't have to be a jerk.

We had texted back and forth a few times when he first got here, but I hadn't seen him since I left Washington. He called me on my birthday, and I remember thinking how surreal it was. He was keeping his distance, and while I knew and understood why, it still hurt. I wanted it to be easy, and it wasn't, so it just became frustrating instead. Frustrating for me at least.

I had made my way through a few different stores finding the perfect gifts for the kids. Famished, I stopped in the food court to grab a bite to eat. I plopped down into the chair and unwrapped my chicken flatbread sandwich. I had just taken my second bite when I _felt_ it. It was like an electric current shot up my spine and made every hair on the back of my neck stand up. I was frozen on the spot. I chewed and swallowed before slowly turning my head to look around the dining area. I was trying to look casual as I scanned the faces, but deep down I knew it had to be _him_ and it made my breathing pick up and my heart flutter. Behind me I hear a chair squeal as it slid across the tiled flooring. I whipped my head around and gasped.

"Well, well…if it isn't the beautiful Isabella Sw-Black." His velvet voice wrapped all around me as he smiled softly. "May I join you for lunch?" he asked as he motioned to the chair next to me.

_Get it together Bella. Breathe._

"Edward." Realizing my mouth was hanging open in surprised, I snapped it closed and cleared my throat. "Yes! Please! Of course! Sit!" I answered, visibly shaken at the surprise of seeing him.

_Oh my God, it's so good to see him!_

"So, what brings you to the mall madhouse the weekend before Christmas?" he asked still grinning while he opened up his Chinese take-out box and grabbed an egg roll.

Pulling myself together, I answered slowly. "I wanted to find some last minute gifts for the kids. This Christmas is going to be hard on them, so I wanted to make them feel a little better about it with more things to open. Probably trying to help me with my guilt more than anything really."

Edward furrowed his brow in confusion. "Why is this year going to be hard? Did something happen?"

I blinked. _I guess I assumed that Emmett would have told him._ "Umm… yea… umm… Jacob moved out and I filed for divorce. It umm…should be final right after the first of the year." I shifted my eyes away not sure I wanted to see his reaction.

"I'm sorry, Bella. This can't be easy for you. It can't be easy for them either." He said softly, yet a hint of a smile played on the corners of his mouth.

"Yea, it's not. I have them in counseling, so I am hoping that will help them some. I mean, in reality, I know that they will be fine, but it doesn't ease the guilt I feel."

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently. I met his gaze and his beautiful blue eyes were drenched in concern.

"Bella, please don't beat yourself up over this. You can't help the way you feel. People are people, and sometimes we change our minds or it doesn't work out. You can't help that."

In his eyes I saw it; this man loved me. I took a deep breath. Butterflies.

"It's so good to see you. How's the transition been?" I asked smiling.

"Not too bad. I finally found someone to rent out my house in PA, so that's one less thing for me to worry about."

We fell into our easy banter as we ate our lunch. As usual, conversation and interaction with Edward was never difficult. He had begun, what he described as his grueling training with the fire department. He would finish the training right after the first of the year and he was looking forward to actually using his skills. Truth be told, his new career scared the shit out of me, but I kept up my supportive façade.

"So you never told me what you're doing at the mall the weekend before Christmas. Did you come to sit on Santa's lap and tell him your wishes?" I joked.

He chuckled. "No, no Santa's lap for me. Just doing some last minute shopping like you."

"Just a couple of brave souls huh? When do you get Kaylee?"

"She's not flying in until the Saturday after Christmas this year. That's going to be different." His mood faltered.

"Well, Jake is getting the kids at noon on Christmas day until New Years day. Do you…I could…would you like to spend Christmas with…me…keep each other company?" I flushed.

His grin grew wide on his face, and his crystal blue eyes sparkled. "I'd really love that Bella. Would you like to come to my place? I'd love to show it to you."

I flushed again and my smile grew wide. "I'd really like it too. Should I bring something for dinner?"

"How…how about I cook Christmas dinner for us?" He asked with his crooked grin and making my heart just about leap out of my chest.

"Sounds great." We smiled at each other. I could hardly contain my inner excitement. For the first time in almost eleven years, I would get to spend Christmas with Edward.

"So, I should probably get back to shopping. Wanna join me?"

"Sure. Let's go _shopping!_" he said, faking enthusiasm.

I giggled at him as we cleaned up our table and headed back into the mob of holiday shoppers. We laughed as we made fun of the gobs of people looking frantically for last minute gifts. A few times he placed his hand on the small of my back to guide me thru a doorway or crowd of shoppers. It was such an easy and natural feeling, and it sent sparks all through my body at such an innocent gesture. _I've missed this._

A few hours later, I was done with what I needed to get and my feet were killing me from the hours of walking the mall.

"Thank God! I thought you were about to move into this place!" Edward joked.

"Ha ha. I just wanted to make sure they were super spoiled this year, meanie." I said as I bumped my shoulder into his.

"Spoiled indeed. Look at all this sh-stuff!" he said gesturing to several bags I had in my grasp.

I chuckled and shrugged. "At least they'll have fun opening them."

"That's for sure!" he smiled and winked.

It was getting late in the evening and Edward had offered to walk me to my car. As we made our way down to the parking garage, he grabbed the bags that took up my right hand and carried them for me. Just that small gesture made my heart swell and without thinking about it, I grabbed his free hand with mine and threaded our fingers. He glanced at me sideways and smiled. It just felt right and nothing needed to be said.

I pressed the button to unlock my truck and placed the packages behind the third row seat. It had been such a lighthearted afternoon and I didn't want it to end. I closed the rear hatch of my truck and turned to Edward. He had stepped back and had his hands in his pockets looking a little shy. _He's so fucking beautiful!_

"Thanks for spending a torturous afternoon at the mall with me." I teased.

"There is nothing torturous about spending time with you Bella. Even if it _was_ at the mall." He stepped closer, placed his hands on my biceps and pressed his velvet lips to my forehead. My eyes fluttered closed. _Breathe._

I cleared my throat as he stepped back. "So, umm where'd you park? Do you want me to drive you to your car?" I asked not really ready to leave him yet. It'd been months since I'd been able to get lost in his eyes, and how I have missed him…again.

"Actually, I thought of one more thing I wanted to see about picking up, so I am going to head back into the torture chamber." He joked.

I smiled at him, "Ok, well give me a call or text me later this week and let me know how to get to your new place."

"Will do." He paused and locked his eyes to mine. "I'm really looking forward to Christmas Bella."

"Me too Edward." I stood up on my tiptoes and placed a soft kiss on his cheek and then walked around to the driver-side door to get into my truck. Edward stepped back as I backed out of the parking spot and waved as I drove away.

I couldn't wipe the smile off my face the whole drive home. My heart was fluttering at the excitement of Christmas day. I couldn't wait to spend time with him again. I felt a calm come over me. I was becoming more independent and learning to take care of myself without any man. I had also been going to counseling to vent my frustrations and concerns with the divorce. I was learning how to live for myself again and having every other weekend to myself was allowing me the opportunity to be _Bella_ again. I didn't have to be mommy or wife every hour of the day and night.

I believe I was also getting to the point where I was possibly ready to move forward with Edward. That is if he was ready also. It would take some time and effort on his part to prove to me that I could trust him again. But he said he was willing to do anything to prove that to me, I had to afford him the opportunity. I had to give us a chance. There was just too much love there to pass up. I was just terrified of getting too close again and him running away. That would take some serious work on his part.

It was peaceful around the house without the kids and I relished in the quiet. After pouring myself a glass of wine, I sat back on the sofa with a book. My feet were still throbbing from all that mall walking today as I propped them up on the ottoman. Just as I was about to dive head first into my novel, my phone began ringing.

_Are you kidding?_

Uncurling myself from my comfortable position on the couch, I grabbed my phone out of my purse. I felt giddy with excitement when I saw that it was Alice. I hadn't spoken to her in about a week, which was unusual for us.

"Hey sweet-ums! How are ya?" I answered happily but was greeted with silence. I heard her sniffle. "Alice? Alice what's wrong? Are you ok? Answer me!"

"Oh, Bella…" she sobbed.

"Alice what is it? Talk to me, you're freaking me out!" I was so confused. She was the liveliest person I knew. This wasn't like her at all.

"Bella…" she sobbed harder. "Oh Bella…I…I just…it's James."

"Talk to me. What happened? Did he…did he hurt you?" I asked, trying to hide the panic in my voice.

So quiet, I almost didn't hear her, she whispered, "Yes."

My adrenaline kicked in as I felt my heart rate spike and anger set in. "What the hell happened, Alice? Please start talking. You're scaring me." I pleaded.

I had never been a huge James fan, but she loved him so I did my best to support her. I couldn't stand the way that he talked to her. He was degrading, self-centered and short sighted. Everything was always about him and it infuriated me with how he made that apparent in their lives and marriage. He'd even done his very best to come between her and I on more than one occasion. I was sure that he was insanely jealous of how close hers and my relationship was. She could talk to me about anything and she would tell me everything and he hated it.

I heard her clear her throat as she tried to compose herself.

"I guess it's been coming for a while now. We haven't been getting along very well at all lately. I don't know what's been going on with us. Last night we had this huge argument and he'd been drinking. So, I got in my car, went to the gas station, took two hundred dollars out of savings and bought an Icee. Then I went down the road and got a hotel room. He didn't even bother calling to find out where I was all night long." She sighed.

"So, then this morning I thought we'd have both slept it off and I went back to the house. Bella…he was _still_ drunk. I never thought he'd ever hurt me…" she started sobbing again. "…but when I answered his question about where I was all night, I saw a flash of anger in his face that I had _never_ seen before. It was so terrifying Bells."

"Alice…God…" I breathed as I placed my head in my hands.

"He came at me so fast, grabbed me by my shoulders and slammed my back hard into the living room wall. I hit my head so hard that it made me see stars. I was begging him to stop but the grip he had on my shoulders was so tight and it hurt so bad and he slammed me into the wall again." She sniffed and cleared her throat again. "Then he…he…he slapped me across the face and I fell to the ground. He called me an ungrateful whore. Me. A whore? Can you believe that Bella? I've only ever been with _him_ and he calls me a whore!" She was sobbing again.

I was now crying for my best friend. She was the last person on earth that deserved to be treated that way. I wanted to jump through the phone and hug her close. "Where are you now? Are you safe?" I asked her quietly.

"Yes, I'm at the police station. After he knocked me to the ground he stormed out of the house. I called 911 and the police came and brought me here until they can find him. They are waiting at my house for him to come home."

She sounded so broken and it split my heart in two. "Alice, I want you to fly out here. You don't need to be there alone for Christmas. You need to be here with the kids and me. I won't take no for an answer."

"Oh Bella…I couldn't…" she started.

"Did you hear me? I won't take no for an answer. You're obviously not going to be having a joyous holiday there alone, and I sure as hell am not going to let you spend it with him."

"You have no idea how bad I want to see you right now." She sobbed. " I would love to be there for Christmas. Ok…I'll call and get a ticket out there as soon as I can."

"Good. I hated the idea of thinking of you all alone out there."

"I know it's sort of a dumb question, but are you ok?"

"Yea, they had the EMT's check me out at the house, and other than a really fucking enormous headache and a bruised cheek…and a broken heart…I'm ok."

_Poor Alice._

I gasped. "Alice! I'm so excited! I get to spend Christmas with you for the first time in what? Four years?" I laughed trying to lighten the mood.

She chuckled. "Crazy huh? Can we talk about something else? Get my mind off of this crap? How are things going with you and Jacob?"

"Oh, he's still being the same ol' Jacob. Refusing to do family things for the sake of the kids. Whatever. He's just being an ass."

"He'll regret it one day." She said softly.

"Guess who I saw today at the mall?" I asked shyly. I felt myself blushing too.

"I give up…who?"

"Umm…Edward." I tried to say without squealing.

"Oh my God, Bella! That's the first time since he moved there right?"

"Yep. We had a really good afternoon shopping and just spending time together doing nothing of significance." I sighed.

I suddenly remembered our plans to spend Christmas day together and half choked. Those plans would now have to be canceled. Alice needed me, and I would not abandon her when she needed me the most. Edward would understand. It broke my heart, but it was beginning to look like I would spend yet another Christmas without Edward.

* * *

><p><strong>Uh...oh...James has arrived...dun, dun, dun...<strong>


	15. Chapter 14 : You Save Me

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Songs for this chapter: You Save Me - Kenny Chesny (he owns not me.)

This chapter is photo heavy, so if you want to see how I picture things, check out the blog! Also the poem at the end of this chapter is posted there as well for you. Linked in my profile.

* * *

><p>Alice arrived on Tuesday afternoon, the day before Christmas Eve. The kids and I greeted her, and her <em>four<em> suitcases, with lots of squeals and hugs and tears in the airport baggage claim. She tried to cover it as best she could with make-up, but the bruise on her face was evident to me. I cringed at the thought of her crumpled on the floor and hugged her close again.

"Promise me we'll never go this long without seeing each other again Bells. I can't believe how much I've missed you and these babies." She smiled weakly as we loaded her luggage into the back of my truck.

"I promise. If I have anything to say about it, you won't be going back to Jacksonville at all."

"Auntie Ali are you moving here?" Lynie piped up from the back seat.

"She's going to be visiting for a while babe. She missed us a lot, right Auntie Ali?" I teased.

"You bet I missed you guys! I can't wait to see what Santa's going to bring you!" She said enthusiastically as we climbed into our seats and headed out of the airport parking lot.

That was met with lots of chatter from the kids on what they told Santa they wanted and what they thought they were going to get. Alice fell right into conversation with them as if they'd never missed a day. This was her first time to actually meet Robbie in person, but you would have thought he'd known her forever the way he carried on with her.

Once we arrived at the house, I left Alice alone in my room to unpack and shower. She could use the side of the closet that used to be Jacob's, and his chest of drawers. Did she ever need all that space too! She pretty much brought every item of clothing she owned as well as every pair of shoes. She sited that she didn't know what to expect with the weather so she brought enough options to cover any situation. _Sure Alice. Nice excuse._

While Alice showered, I pulled out my cell and sent Edward a text.

**Hey you. Looks like we have a change in plans. Alice needed me and flew in from Jax today. Forgive me? – Bella**

_**I hope everything is ok. Of course I forgive u. I'm sure we can work it out. – E**_

**:) Thx I'll keep you posted. She's ok now that she's here. I'll let her tell you when she's ready. Miss you. – Bella**

_**Me too. Can I call u later? – E**_

**Yes. Xoxo – Bella**

Just as I sent the last text and was grinning ear to ear, Alice stepped into the living room her hair wrapped up in a towel donning a cute navy blue drape cardigan over a white tee and jeans.

"What's got you grinning like the Cheshire cat?" she teased in her singsong voice, "Could it possibly be a Mr. Edward Cullen?"

I flushed and giggled. "It is. He said he missed me." I hugged my phone to my chest.

"Well, look at you. Swooning! I thought I'd never see the day that Isabella Swan _swooned_ over a man! Someone call the news station!" she teased more.

I sighed still smiling and bit my thumbnail. "That's because you've only ever known me with Jacob. You don't know me with Edward."

"So, when are you seeing him again?" she asked as she plopped down on the couch next to me.

"I'm not sure yet. There's been a change in plans now that my favorite pixie is in town." I smiled and wrapped my arm around her shoulder and squeezed.

"Oh Bella, no…do _not_ change or cancel any plans because of me! Please! I will never forgive myself! Please keep your plans with him!" she bounced on the couch as she spoke.

"Are you kidding? You're here and you need me, and I will not abandon you when you need me more than you've ever needed me in your life!"

"Nonsense! You're keeping your plans with Edward. Period. I'll come with you if I have to." _Damn little pixie,_ _still as bossy as ever._

I leaned back and stared hard at her. She'd changed a lot since the last time that I saw her, yet she was still the same little thing. Her hair was a little longer than she usually kept it, but still short and wispy at the ends. She was paler than I expected her to be, seeing as she lived in Florida, and she was definitely thinner since the last time. She didn't look sick, but I really wanted to feed her a cheeseburger.

I narrowed my eyes at her, "Alice, you understand that I can make plans with Edward some other time right? You're my best friend and I know you well enough to know that you're putting on a very good show for me right now. You're putting up a strong front, but I know you want to cry, and that's what I am here for…your shoulder to cry on."

Tears slid down her cheeks and her blue eyes met mine rimmed in red. Hers were a darker shade than Edwards, but still just as beautiful. The bruise on her cheek made my eyes prick with tears at the fear that it could have been so much worse.

"Bella listen to me. Something tells me that you need to spend that time with him. Don't ask and don't argue, just do it. I will be perfectly fine. I feel safe here and it feels like coming home being back in San Diego. I'll be fine, I swear." She said softly.

I hugged her close. "I've missed you woman."

Rosalie, Emmett and the kids joined us for dinner on Christmas Eve. I was so excited to have my two best friends in the same room for the first time. The only thing that could have made the night more complete would have been if Edward joined us. _All in due time._

Rose and Alice hit it off right away and as we finished up dinner, they helped me get the kids bathed and settled for the night. Emmett took their kids back to their house and was back just as I finished up wrapping them a plate of leftovers. I joined the ladies as they were pouring the wine and Emmett lit a fire in the backyard fire pit. We enjoyed a cozy night of good friends and fine wine.

A few hours later Rose and Emmett prepared to leave. We all knew that the kids would have us up bright and early, so we couldn't make it too late of a night if we expected to survive the wake-up call. Once the house was locked up, Alice helped me place all the gifts under the tree and fill the stockings for the kids. I'd even gone and bought an extra stocking for Alice to hang with ours. When she wasn't looking, I slipped the gift I had secretly bought earlier that day into her stocking and smiled. After we were satisfied with the arrangement of the gifts, or I should say, after _Alice_ was satisfied, we turned down the lights and left the tree lit. We headed to bed. She slept with me since I don't mind sharing my king sized bed with her rather than make her sleep on an air mattress.

After we went about our bedtime rituals and had climbed into bed, we began chatting and giggling like little schoolgirls. The wine had definitely gone to my head and we joked about nothing and everything. It was good to see her relax after such an emotional few days. We eventually fell asleep….

…only to be woken by cheers and squeals of the children shouting, "Santa came! Santa came! Mommy, Auntie Ali, Santa came!"

_Oh God, kill me now!_

"At least they waited for the sun to rise." Alice grumbled from under the covers and I chuckled at her.

"Come on sleepy head, let's see what Santa brought for us." I yawned as I climbed out of bed.

You would have thought that the kids had eaten a pound of sugar the way they were humming with excitement. It was so damn adorable. Before I let them tear into their presents, I grabbed the three of them in a group hug and squeezed them tight.

"Look what Santa brought for me Auntie Ali! Three beautiful children!" I cheered as I squeezed and tickled them. The girls squirmed out of my grasp, but Robbie flung his hands around my neck. I hugged him tight. _My little momma's boy._ He planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek and said, "Wuv you momma."

"I love you too baby boy. Merry Christmas." I set him down on the floor and let Lynette pass out the presents to everyone. Once the kids had their separate piles they went to town tearing into their gifts with no abandon. It was awesome seeing and feeling their excitement over the morning. It was so much better than I thought it would be. I really thought they'd be a little off with Jacob not here, but they proved me wrong.

As they began to play with their gifts and the excitement waned, I put a batch of cinnamon rolls into the oven for breakfast. Alice was perched on the floor with Robbie helping him open one of his Lightening McQueen toys. I grabbed her stocking and announced, "Auntie Ali, I think Santa left something for you too."

Shock crossed her face and her mouth fell open. I could see the tears welling in her eyes and I winked at her. I handed her the stocking and she removed a small white box from it. With still no expression she slowly tore the paper from the small package and removed the top. Inside was a black velvet box and she gasped as she spied it. I just smiled brighter. This was something Alice had told me she wanted countless times, and I was overjoyed when I happened to see one yesterday. It was perfect. Her tiny fingers pried open the box and the hinge creaked in resistance. Her hand flew to her mouth as she eyed the sterling silver marcasite with red enamel heart locket. She looked back up at me as the tears slid down her cheeks and then back at the necklace.

"Oh" she gasped. "It's so beautiful!" she choked out.

"Can I see Auntie Ali?" Madysen asked as she crawled to her side. Alice leaned over and showed her the delicate heart. They ooh'ed and ahh'ed over it and then Alice removed it from the box and clasped it around her neck. The placed her hand over the top of it and mouthed "Thank You" to me. I smiled back and nodded my head. Her reaction was thanks enough.

At twelve noon on the dot Jacob arrived to pick up the kids. We exchanged an emotionless greeting as they went running to him. This was going to be the longest I would go without seeing them since the spilt and it was heart wrenching. I held my composure for their sake and peppered their faces with kisses as I loaded them into his truck. I promised to call them everyday, and they promised to call every night before bed. I waved as they drove away, and then burst into tears as I turned to head back into the house. Alice wrapped me in a bear hug and I sobbed momentarily.

"Ok girl. Give that hunk of a man a call and find out when he wants you over while I go prepare your outfit." She winked as she trotted off down the hall.

Edward answered the phone almost breathlessly, and the sound of his voice like that made me weak in the knees.

"Hi Edward, am I interrupting something?" I asked steadily.

"No, not at all! I was just doing a little cleaning up for company." He chuckled.

I smiled and felt myself blushing. _Damn him._ "So what time would you like me to come over?"

"Whenever you're ready, I'm ready. I have everything ready for dinner, just waiting one someone to cook it for." He teased and I could almost see his crooked grin playing on his face.

"Ok, well how about around two? Is that ok?"

"Yea, that's great! I can't wait for you to see my place. You'll be the first one. My dad hasn't even seen it yet." He sounded so giddy. _Adorable._

"I can't wait either Edward. See you soon."

An hour later Alice had me plopped in a chair in the hall bathroom as she polished and buffed me. She went easy on the make-up per my request, but just enough to enhance my features and add to the dress she had hanging in my room. It was scary looking on the hanger, maybe a little more sexy than I had actually planned on going tonight, yet at the same time it was hot, and I knew it'd definitely get Edward's attention. She was currently rolling my hair up in chunky curlers and chatting away. _Typical Alice style._

Once she was satisfied with my make up, she pulled my hair down and had me flip my head over as she teased and sprayed. I flipped it back over and she comb through it and pulled the left side up. She clipped a beautiful vintage black crystal flower hair clip into the hair there to hold it in place. I loved my hair down and curled like this. It felt natural, yet still elegant.

She pulled me into my room, handed me the dress and ordered me to get dressed. She stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her. Lying on the bed was a brand new matching black lace panty and bra set. _What the hell?_ I untied my robe and slid into the delicate undergarments. The dress was actually really pretty as I pulled it up my body and slid my arms into the sleeves. It was a long sleeved grey sweater dress that had a slight shimmer to it. Once I had it fitted right, I adjusted it over my chest. The plunging V-neck on this dress left little to be desired honestly. _Wow. _Oh yea, Edward will _love_ this! I slid my feet into a pair of black suede bootie heals. They complimented the dress perfectly and made my legs look five miles long. I took one more turn in the mirror, checking the dress from all angles. It hugged perfectly, yet wasn't too constricting. Alice really is a fashion genius. Last but not least, I opened my jewelry box and pulled out the velvet satchel holding the heart necklace Edward had given me the night he told me he loved me for the first time all those years ago. I fastened it around my neck and placed my hand over it. I smiled remembering that moment.

I opened the door to a semi-patient Alice who clasped her hands together under her chin and smiled wider than I ever thought possible.

"Oh Bells! You look unbelievable! Turn around!" She ordered, circling her finger around motioning to me.

"Yep. He's not going to be able to keep his hands off of you in that sexy get up." She smirked.

"Alice, I don't know if I'm ready for all of that yet. However, it _will_ be nice to see him get all hot and bothered for sure!" I winked.

I took a deep breath as I stepped off the elevator onto the fifteenth floor of Edward's building. There were only four doors on this floor, but he'd already told me that his was the first one on the left. As I stepped closer to his door, I could hear the tinkling of piano keys. My heart fluttered and I moved closer to the door to listen harder. _Was that Edward playing?_ Suddenly the song changed and the bridge played over into a song I recognized. My breath caught in my throat as I realized he was playing _my_ song. It was the song that he'd written for me all those years ago. _Shit._

I took another deep breath and forced back my emotions. I knocked softly on the door and I heard the music stop. I heard his footsteps move across the floor and then the lock rattled in the door. It swung open swiftly and there he was in his entire panty dropping glory.

"Bella…" he breathed, as he looked me over. When he finally reached my eyes he blinked as if coming out of a fog and cleared his throat. "Please…uh…please come in."

"Hi Edward." I grinned as I walked past him. Internally I fist pumped as I gauged his reaction to my attire.

I heard him whisper something under his breath as he shut and locked the door. I took a quick look around from my standpoint inside the door. Through a doorway to my right I could see his kitchen where magnificent smells of our meal wafted from, ahead of me I could see his living room and beyond that, the magnificent view of downtown San Diego and the harbor. Without realizing it, my feet were guiding me towards the living area, as I fixated on the view.

"Welcome to my castle in the sky." He said from behind me. I spun around and quickly took notice of his attire. He had his hands in his pockets; my favorite stance of his. He had on a dark blue sweater with a collared shirt underneath, the cuffs rolled up on the sleeves and dark wash jeans. _Scrumptious._

"Can I show you around?" he asked and I nodded.

He gave me the grand tour and he was so proud of his new place. It was a beautiful and modern condo with hardwood flooring, granite counters in the kitchen and high ceilings. Almost the entire rear wall of the place was floor to ceiling windows highlighting the appeal of the place, the mesmerizing view.

In the corner off of the living room he had set up a Christmas tree and decorated it the best that he could, but it was definitely in need of a woman's touch. I smiled at the effort he gave and it warmed my heart knowing he did it for his daughter.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me out onto his balcony looking back at me with a smile. The air was crisp as I stepped up to the railing. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Edward, your home is beautiful. Thank you for showing it to me. This view though…I cannot get over this at all. It's…God…it's just…awesome!"

"Thank you for coming and for spending Christmas with me." He replied softly and I was suddenly shivering, but not from the air. "Let's get you inside. Dinner should be ready soon."

He slid his hands down my arms and grabbed one hand turning me to face him. His gaze enchanted me and his hand cupped my right cheek before he spoke. "Bella, I'm dying to kiss you. Tell me it's not too soon."

I couldn't speak; I simply nodded my head holding our stare. Ever so slowly he inched his face down to me. He brushed his nose against mine and my eyes fluttered closed. I could feel his breath ragged on my cheek, and much like the last time we were this close in Port Angeles, he ghosted his lips across mine. My heart and breathing sped up at the anticipation of his lips finally on mine after all this time.

He moved up to my left cheek and placed a soft, chaste kiss there. Slowly he moved down my jaw to my chin, placing another soft kiss there. My skin was on fire in every location his lips touched my skin. He made his way back up my jaw to my other cheek, kissing it softly as well. His nose brushed mine again, and I unconsciously placed my hands on his hips. He pulled back slightly and I opened my eyes to meet his stare. He angled his head and moved closer yet again. He pressed his lips to mine and my knees almost gave out. It was as if I was taken back in time and we'd never been apart. My body responded to his as if it had found its missing other half of a whole. I began to kiss him back softly. It was sweet, yet hot. _God, I missed this!_

He sucked my top lip in between his and I really thought I was going to faint. His tongue brushed against it and I parted my lips feeling his tongue greet mine delicately. Everything about this kiss was soft and sweet. It felt like a reconnection or reintroduction of sorts. I slid my hands up to his chest and pressed my body against him and he pulled me closer placing his hands on my lower back.

He broke the kiss and rested his forehead to mine. I remembered at that moment to breathe and took a staggering deep breath, trying to regain my bearings. He was breathing heavy too, and I knew his body was responding to mine in the same way. _We belong together._

He pulled back, looked into my eyes and smiled his shy crooked grin. "God, I've wanted to do that for so long Bella." He looked down and ran a single finger over my heart necklace. Then he placed a quick, yet soft kiss on my lips once again.

"Now really, let's get you inside out of the cold and feed you."

I still couldn't speak, I just nodded my head like a love struck idiot and smiled. I was definitely not feeling cold at all, but I was hungry…just not at all for food. _Simmer down Bella. Take it slow, we have work to do if this is going to work out._

He led me to the counter island in the kitchen and pulled out a barstool for me to sit in. He quickly kissed my temple and then walked around the island into the kitchen. An open bottle of wine rested on the counter and he grabbed two glasses, pouring us each one. "To a beautiful evening." He said holding his glass up to me in a toast. I held mine up to meet his, nodded and took a sip. It was sweet as I swirled it on my tongue.

He spun around and opened up the oven removing a baking dish. He placed it on the counter next to the stove and shut off the oven. He then grabbed to serving bowls out of the cabinet and filled them with items he had cooking in pots on the stove. I had never remembered Edward ever cooking something more than mac and cheese. This was a major turn-on.

He motioned me towards the dining room, where I hadn't even noticed he'd set two places. Walking over to it, he pulled out a chair for me, and I slid off the stool making my way to him. I placed my hand on his forearm as I turned to sit and he slid my chair in. He moved to the kitchen and returned with the baking dish and placed a serving of Chicken Cordon Bleu on my plate in front of me. My jaw dropped open and I looked up at him shocked. He just smirked as he placed a piece on his plate and returned to the kitchen once again. He came back to the table with two serving dishes, one with mashed potatoes and the other with broccoli and carrots. I smiled at him as he passed me a bowl and spoon to serve myself. Lastly he set down a basket of rolls and lit the two taper candles on the table in front of us.

Never…_never_ had Jacob ever gone to this much trouble or effort for me. Not in all the years we were together, not before kids or before things headed downhill. Never. I looked up at Edward as he took his seat across the table from me and placed his napkin on his lap. I can't explain all the thoughts and feelings that went through my head in that moment, but I knew that we would find a way to make us work.

Dinner was fantastic and Edward had earned himself another brownie point when he brought out the Crème Brule, complete with flame torch and all. I almost melted into my chair.

We moved to the couch with our wine and Edward had set up his iPod in the stereo system. As usual, conversation was effortless. We listened to music, talked and laughed.

"Bella, I have something I'd like to give you." Edward said as he rose off the couch and walked over to the Christmas tree. He reached down and pulled out a small red gift bag. As if the first of the evening hadn't already been a surprise, this was even more unexpected. I had picked something up for him, simply because it called out to me when I saw it, but I really did not expect that he was going to be giving me anything.

"Edward, you didn't have to do this." I said softly as he placed the bag in my hands and sat back next to me on the couch.

"I know, but I wanted to." He said, his eyes shinning with anticipation.

I looked down at the red bag and pulled out the tissue paper. Nestled inside was every girl's favorite colored blue box wrapped with a white bow. I gasped.

"Edward…what did you do?" I asked as I removed the box and set the bag off to the side.

He just grinned wide and quietly said, "Open it."

I pulled the box open to reveal a pair of silver heart drop earrings. They were the matching set to my necklace. My mouth went dry as all the liquid went to my eyes. I was in disbelief. I looked up to him as memories flooded me from the night he'd given me the necklace.

"It's always been yours Bella. I just wasn't smart enough to listen to it."

Rendered speechless once again, I leaned forward and placed my hand on his cheek while I looked deep into his liquid blue eyes. I pressed my lips firmly to his and his hand went to my neck. I pulled back and whispered "Thank you" trying to fight the tears from falling. I cleared my throat, removed them from the box and placed them in my ears. He smiled as he pushed my hair to the side and admired them.

"I actually have something for you too." I stood and went to my purse. I removed a small black velvet sachet and walked back to him. As I placed it in his hand I said, "Now, I have a confession to make first, and don't be mad. I am so proud of your new endeavors with the fire department and I love seeing how excited you are about it. However, it scares the crap out of me!" I chuckled and he smiled softly. "I saw this a while back, and I immediately thought of you. You carry it with you and it's supposed to bring you safety."

He looked a little confused, so I placed the bag in his palm. He eyed me cautiously as he untied the strings and turned the bag over. He shook it and the large gold coin fell into his palm.

"Now before you read the prayer, the ending is not completely true for you specifically, but the rest is."

He looked it over, read the poem and smiled at me. "This is so thoughtful Bella. Thank you. I will carry it with me always."

"Merry Christmas, Edward." I said as I placed my lips to his again.

"Merry Christmas, Bella. I love you."

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

Squeeeeee! ) See you again soon!


	16. Chapter 15 : Fall

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Song for this chapter: Fall - Clay Walker (he owns not me.) **If you've never listened to it...I recommend it...it's beautiful!**

* * *

><p>"<em>It's always been yours Bella. I just wasn't smart enough to listen to it."<em>

I played it over and over in my head. Confusion muddled my thoughts. "Edward?"

"Bella…I really hope you can forgive me…because I honestly don't know how to live without you." His eyes were full of pain and love. He moved his hand up my neck and cupped the side of my jaw. He caressed my cheek with his thumb, continuing to hold my gaze and the blue in his eyes liquefied. "I swear I will never fail you again." _Oh Edward._

"Edward…" I whispered. "I…I…" I faltered as tears filled my eyes and a massive lump formed painfully in my throat. The look in his eyes was so intense it simply took my breath away. He pulled my head forward and I crashed my lips to his. This kiss was nothing like the one shared on the balcony, it was much more primal and needy. My hands flew to his hair as I weaved my finger through it and pulled slightly. He sighed and when his mouth opened I pressed my tongue in to meet his and they danced back and forth between our mouths.

I was suddenly taken back to the living room of the apartment I shared with Angela in college. Memories of nights like this with Edward flooded my mind and tears rolled down my cheeks, as the kiss grew sweeter. He broke the kiss and pulled back when he felt the wetness fall from my eyes onto his fingertips.

"Bella?" he questioned, pain and confusion clouding his eyes.

My breath staggered as I tried to reign in my emotions, I dropped my eyes to my fisted my hands in my lap. One of his beautiful hands still cupped my face and he brought the other up to my other cheek and pulled my face up forcing me to look into his eyes.

"I'm sorry. That was too soon." He said flatly. His eyes searched mine and his brow furrowed as he very seriously said, "I just couldn't let this night end without you knowing how I feel."

I whimpered at his soft words. I searched his eyes for any sign of hesitation or lack of sincerity. He'd said the words I had longed to hear, yet again. The emotion in his face was evident as he brushed his knuckles across my cheek and pushed a lock of my hair gently behind my ear.

"Please say something." He spoke softly.

I turned my body more towards him as I gripped his wrists and pulled his hands down from my face. I intertwined our fingers in between us on the couch and met his gaze.

"Edward…I have dreamt of the day that you would hold me…kiss me…tell me you loved me. I never knew that this day would ever really come." I sniffed and paused as the tears continued to fall from my eyes of their own accord. "You are all I have ever wanted and will ever want. You know that right?"

He froze and I suddenly realized that he was sensing I might reject him. _Silly Edward._

I released his hands and grabbed his face, "All I will ever, ever want…is _you._" I said forcefully as I poured my soul into my eyes and words. "It's always been you. It will always be you." I smiled softly and saw his eyes flicker with understanding. I softly pressed my lips to his, sealing my words to him. I pulled back and looked into his eyes again.

"There is a 'but'…it's not a bad one." He nodded cautiously. "I just need a little more time. I'm finally learning how to be _me_ again. During these past few months, I've learned how to be on my own again for the first time in ten years and it's…refreshing. It's challenging of course, because there are three kids in the mix, but I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders not having to babysit a relationship." I paused hoping to make sure that he understood that this was all about me. "I don't want to tarnish anything about you and me by jumping right into something again. Not without giving me some time to be _me_ again. I want to be who I am completely with you, not this manifested version of me that I have become. Does that make sense?"

He nodded. "You own me. Do you realize that?" he asked with a sheepish smile.

I snickered softly. "That's a good way of putting it I suppose. You've always owned me."

Ever so slowly he placed his hand over my heart and it began beating erratically. I watched his face as he watched his palm caress the skin on my chest. Flames erupted across my skin at his touch and sent a heat all over my body. He met my eyes with a heated stare and at that moment I felt something inside of me shift.

"It's yours." I whispered softly.

He removed his hand and leaned forward, pressing his lips on the skin right above my beating heart and I wrapped my fingers up in his crazy bronze locks. He kissed a trail up across my collarbone to the hollow juncture of my neck and shoulder and my eyes closed. My head slowly fell to the side allowing him more access as he continued up to just below my ear. As he let out a heated breath, he said it again. "I love you Bella."

"Edward." I whispered as my body ignited in a craving for him.

He kissed down my jawline and I breathed in his luscious scent until his lips met mine again. His hands were sliding up my thighs, up over the bottom of my dress and up to my hips. One hand went around the small of my back and one slowly climbed up my ribs as the kiss intensified. I was losing all sense of reason very quickly. _Too soon! Too soon!_

I broke the kiss, my head falling back against the couch as his lips went once again to my neck.

"Wait." I whispered softly sliding my hands down to the back of his neck and he slowly looked up at me, both of us breathless. "If we don't stop right now, I may not be able to stop myself at all."

He smiled his fuck-hot crooked smirk, "Is that such a bad thing?"

I flushed and smirked back. "When it comes to you, no…but…"

"Bella," he interrupted. "I was just enjoying the moment of finally being able to love you again. I don't want to _make love_ to you…until I know you can be mine completely."

_God is this man for real?_

"Edward, did you not hear anything I said? I _am_ yours…completely."

"We still have one thing standing in our way though." He paused and I looked at him slightly confused. "Your divorce."

_Duh Bella._

"Right." I flushed again and looked over the back of the couch towards the magnificent sunset lit sky.

He grabbed my chin with his thumb and index finger and turned my head to meet his eyes. With a mischievous look he said, "However, the moment…hell, the very second it's official…you better hold on tight. I plan to make you scream my name until you have no voice left my love."

_Oh. My. God._

He stood and pulled me up from the couch. He picked up the remote from a side table and pointed it at the stereo, clicked it a few times, selecting a song and turned up the volume. The soft strains of _Fall_ by Clay Walker filled the entire condo, and I suddenly noticed the internal speakers throughout the ceiling. He pulled me out onto the patio just as the sun was dipping below the horizon. He had a perfect unobstructed view of it. _Stunning._

"Dance with me." He smiled as he pulled me close.

I wrapped myself up in his arms as he slowly spun us around to the tune. He pressed his cheek to the side of my head and sang to me as the second verse began.

"_Forget about the world tonight, all that's wrong and all that's right, lay your head on my shoulder, and let it fade away. And if you wanna let go, baby, it's ok…"_

I lifted my head and looked deep into his eyes. "I love you, Edward."

I rolled over and fluttered my eyes open to read the digital screen of the alarm clock. Seven-thirty. My damn internal clock was still set to wake up for the kids, and they weren't even here. I groaned and pulled the covers up over my head. _Too early._

My mind drifted back to the night before and a smile spread across my face. _He loves me. He wants to be with me. _I reached my hand up and clasped my necklace in my fist unable to control the excitement that was bubbling to the surface. I felt the bed stir beside me, and peeked my head out from under the covers. Alice was smiling sleepily at me.

"Morning smiley." She chimed, her voice heavy and raspy with sleep.

I smiled at her. "Morning pixie. Sleep well?"

"Yes, I did. How about you? You got in awfully late last night." She teased.

I couldn't fight the smile that sat permanently plastered across my face.

"I take it from that look, you had a great night." She winked.

"It was the most perfect night ever, actually. He was so incredibly romantic. He cooked dinner for us, we talked, we laughed, we kissed…a lot…" I giggled. "We danced to a beautiful song on his balcony at sunset…" I sighed, still smiling.

"There you go…swooning again." She laughed as she rolled to her back and stretched.

"I can't help myself. I never, ever thought that I'd ever see this day again. Ever Ali!"

"I'm so happy for you. I really am. I only hope one day I am as lucky." She sighed.

We hadn't spoken much about James since she arrived other than her contacting the arresting officer to find out the status of his bail. He was release on Christmas Eve but we hadn't heard any word from him. He had to have gone home and seen that she packed up most, if not all of her clothes. I'm sure he was on the hunt to find her. I was really surprised that he hadn't called me yet.

"Alice, I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that your 'Edward' is out there waiting for you. You are a catch. Any man should be so lucky to have you by his side. James is just an idiot."

She snickered. "You think he'll come looking for me? That kind of scares me ya know."

"I'm sure he was probably ordered to stay away from you. So if he does for some reason end up here looking for you, it won't take much to have him arrested." I took a deep breath and asked what I had been wanting to for a few days now. "What are you going to do Al? I know how hard this question is to answer, but are you going to file for divorce?"

She took a deep breath and pushed herself up into a sitting position. Crossing her arms across her stomach she leaned back against the headboard.

"I've been giving it a lot of thought actually. Especially after spending time with Rose and Emmett and seeing you the way that you are about Edward, I can honestly say, I don't think that James and I ever had that same connection." She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. I rolled over onto my side and propped up on my elbow. "We've been together so long, I think it just became routine. Honestly, we'd become nothing much more than roommates."

"I can understand that." I said reassuringly.

"When I think about it now, I'm sure that he was very emotionally abusive. He consistently made me feel worthless. If it wasn't about him, or didn't directly revolve around him, it wasn't important." That alone made my blood boil. Anyone that has ever had the privilege of knowing Alice knows how bright and intriguing she is. She's honest to a fault and loyal to the core. If there was no one left in this world for me to turn to, I know I'd sill have Alice.

"He's a selfish, short-sited ass Al. You deserve so much better."

"It's scary though…"

"You think I'm not aware of that? You have a job to help support you and I haven't worked in almost nine years. And thank God, but you don't have children to worry about how to take care of either." She frowned and I felt instantly like a jerk. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. But be honest with yourself…isn't it more scary to think of staying with him, knowing what he's now capable of?"

She remained silent, which is very unlike her, so I knew this was weighing heavy on her mind.

"I'm only afraid that if you decide to forgive him and go back, even if he swears up and down that he'll never do it again…how can you be sure? And then what happens if it does happen again, and it's so much worse? What if he hurts you so bad that…that you have to go to the hospital? Or…God Alice…what if it's worse?" I could barely get the words out as I squeezed my eyes shut at the thought. The mere thought of him hurting her bad enough to take her out of my life completely slammed through my chest like a wrecking ball.

She sighed heavily and turned to look at me. I was choking back tears, holding them off at the brink, but when her sad, broken eyes of sapphire met mine, I lost my control. Giant drops slid down her cheeks and she giggled.

"I'm so stupid Bells!" she exclaimed wiping her face with her fingertips. "What halfway rational woman would even partially consider staying with a man like that?"

"No, you're not stupid. It's not an easy situation to deal with, and I am sure your emotions are all over the place." She nodded and looked back at the ceiling. "Do you want me to set you up an appointment with my counselor? Maybe talking to a professional will help you? God knows she helps me!" I laughed.

"I think I would like to talk to her actually. I'm sure I need some kind of professional help at this point."

We were both silent for a few beats before she turned over on her side and pulled the covers up to her chin.

"Bella…can I also get an appointment with your lawyer? I'm gonna need one of those too." She smiled shyly.

I exhaled a sigh of relief. "So, does this mean that you're gonna stay here in San Diego too?" I joked poking her in the shoulder.

"Yep! I'm movin' in with your ass! I like snuggling with you." She teased as we fell into a fit of giggles.

A few hours later after we'd showered and eaten breakfast, I let Alice talk me into going to the mall to hit some "Day after Christmas Sales". I think I went temporarily insane when I agreed to that. The mall the day after Christmas is without a doubt _insane!_ I talked Rose into going with us as well, for my moral support.

Parking was a nightmare, but we were finally able to find a spot. As we made our way through the crowds, I was reminded of the last time I was here and smiled. Alice turned a corner and ducked down an employee corridor, grabbing my arm and pulling me with her.

"What the…? What's wrong Alice?" Rose questioned startled by the sudden change in her demeanor.

"We're being followed. I can feel it." She half whispered, her eyes wide with fear.

"What are you talking about? Are you sure?" Rose asked, obviously not believing her. Feeling panic rise in my chest, I tried to remain calm as I gave Rosie a knowing look. Alice had always had this sort of 'sixth-sense' and you never bet against her when she had a 'vision' or 'feeling' about something. You just went with it.

I peeked my head out of the hallway, scanning the crowd for anyone who might be suspicious. "Do you have an idea who it might be?" I asked her slowly.

She just shook her head, her eyes still wide with fear. "Do you want to leave?" I asked her, placing my hands on her arms and rubbing up and down trying to calm her. Her eyes met mine and I could see the fear wavering. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and said, "No way! We're here to shop and damn it, that's what we're going to do!"

I chuckled and we linked our arms together as we made our way back into the crowd of shoppers. Her level of stress seemed to lessen some as we found sale after sale and she relished in some retail therapy. We had hit about five different stores before she got her feeling again and we headed to the food court. We grabbed a table near the restroom exit, just for her comfort. She could quickly hide in there if she felt necessary. I quickly bought us each a soda and joined them at the table.

"I have a very strong feeling Bella. I think its James. I think he's here."

I gasped. "Are you sure?"

"Fuckin' A." Rose said at the same time.

She quirked an eyebrow at me as if to ask, "_You doubt my mad skills?" _ I sighed. _This cannot be good._ "Should I call Edward?"

"Not yet. Let's just keep shopping. If he thinks I'm scared, he wins, and I refuse to let him win." She's such a little force to be reckoned with.

"Ok, but I am at least going to text Edward and Rose should let Emmett know too, what's going on. Okay? James won't mess with us if they're around."

After another hour of shopping and a panicked phone call from Edward, we decided that we'd had enough of shopping. It wasn't relaxing any one of us the way that it should. Ok, it wasn't relaxing Alice as it normally would…I still hated every minute of it regardless. Rosie seemed indifferent either way.

Edward insisted on meeting us at my house, so as we turned onto my street, I spotted his car parked along the curb in front. As I turned into the driveway he stepped out of his car and my stomach fluttered at the sight of him. He met me at the back of my truck as I opened the hatch to remove our shopping bags and smothered me in a massive bear hug that lifted my feet off the ground. I was completely caught off guard but squealed at the embrace and buried my face in his shoulder as I returned the hug. He made me feel completely safe in that moment.

After he set me back on my feet, he grabbed my face and pressed his lips to mine. "I was so worried about you, I broke every traffic law getting here." I just smiled.

"We're were fine. Just more worried than anything. But I feel much better with you here." I placed a peck on his lips and grabbed my share of the bags. Alice and Rose then came around and grabbed their bags, and Emmett was making his way across the lawn with Zoe on his hip. He grabbed Rose in a one armed embrace and kissed the top of her head. I turned to Alice.

"I think it's time you told the guys what's going on, what do you say?" I implored and she nodded in agreement.

As I approached the door, I froze. Edward brushed past me and bent to pick up the vase of flowers. I felt Alice come up beside me and she froze as well. Edward plucked the card from the arrangement and opened the envelope.

"They're for Alice…from James, I assume, there's no signature." He said dryly as he handed the card to her. She dropped her bags at her feet and gently took it from his hand. Without even reading it, she ripped it into shreds and crumpled the shreds into her tiny fist. She then bent down and grabbing the vase abruptly she spun around and disappeared around the front of the house. The next sound we heard was glass shattering and the slamming of the lid on my trashcan. She came back into view dusting her hands and smiling her chin held high. I tried to stifle a laugh as I turned and unlocked the front door leading us all in.

Rose and I made lunch while Alice filled Emmett and Edward in on the details leading to her sudden appearance here two days before Christmas. Both of them looked as if they were trying desperately hard to control their anger. She was just a tiny little thing, and the thought of someone hurting her was a pretty hard pill to swallow. My biggest concern was that now he was here, he knew she was with me and he knew where I lived. It was a little comforting that my house has an intrusion alarm, but the fact remains we're two women alone in a house and he knows this. One other plus, I own a gun, and I know how to use it if I have to. He will _not_ hurt her ever again.

Rose and Emmett headed home after a few hours to feed their kids dinner; Alice headed to the bathroom to soak in the tub and "wash away the stress" she'd said. Edward and I sat on the couch just enjoying each other's company. He sat back and I leaned my back into him and snuggled under his arm. This was the closest we'd been since he greeted me earlier in the day. I relished it.

"I missed you today." He said into the top of my head placing a kiss there as well.

"Silly, you've been here most of the day." I said as I hugged the arm he had around me tighter.

"Yes, but I haven't been able to hold you like this. So I missed you."

"In that case, I missed you too." I turned my head up and met his soft, luscious lips with mine.

"Are you excited? Kaylie comes tomorrow?" I asked as I turned back around and snuggled into him again.

"I really am. Santa left way too many presents at my place for her." He chuckled.

"How long until I get to see her? I get the kids back next Saturday, and I know they'd love to all be together again."

He wrapped his other arm around me and pulled me across his lap. "You can see her just as soon as you want to. Do you want to come with me to the airport to get her?"

As much as I wanted to, I had a feeling that it might be a better idea for him to pick her up alone. I know how much I loved it just being my dad, and me so I'd allow them that time too and join them later.

"No, its ok. This will all be new to her; so let her enjoy just being with you first. I can come over Sunday after she's had some time to enjoy you and have Christmas with you."

He pulled me tighter again, and kissed the top of my head. "I love you woman."

After Edward had reluctantly left to go home, and I set the house alarm, Alice and I enjoyed a glass of wine at the bar in the kitchen. We were going over the day's events when my cell phone rang. It was the kids calling to tell me they were going to bed and say goodnight.

I spoke to Robbie first and he told me all about his new train track Santa brought him. My heart was breaking upon hearing his happy little voice. I missed my little man. Lynette was next, and she was just as excited about a new electronic game of some sort she received. The kids seemed like they were doing great and it made me breathe a little easier. However, when Madysen came on the phone, I could tell that something was bothering her.

"Hey baby girl. What did Santa bring you to Daddy's?"

"_I got an American Girl doll that looks just like me momma! And I got a bathing suit for her too with goggles, so she can come with me to swim practice."_

I laughed at her enthusiasm. "That's awesome! I can't wait to see her! I bet she's beautiful! Are you having a good time?"

She paused and I heard her exhale. I can read her like a book even if she's not in front of me. "What's the matter baby?"

"_Nothin." She said softly._

"Now that's not true. Are you ok?"

"_Daddy said that he hated the holidays."_

I felt my blood pressure rise. If there was anything I was adamant about, it was making sure _not_ to put them in the middle of this. They are young and innocent and need to be reassured not made to feel any sort of guilt or shame. _Dammit Jacob! You selfish ass._

"Oh sweetie. I bet he didn't mean it. Did you ask him why he said that?"

"_Yes ma'am, he said, just because."_

"Well, you just remember that Christmas is a wonderful time of year ok? Why is it so wonderful?"

"_Because it's celebrating Jesus."_ She said sweetly, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

"That's right. So you just think about how lucky we are to have His love and daddy will remember too ok?"

"_Okay momma."_

"I love you beautiful girl. Sleep tight and sweet dreams."

"_Love you too mommy. Sweet dreams. Here's daddy."_

I heard her shuffling the phone and Jacob say something as she handed him the phone.

"_Hello?"_ he said dryly.

"Mind if I ask what the hell your problem is Jake? Why would you tell Madysen that you _hate_ the holidays? What's wrong with you?"

"_I don't hate the holidays. I'm just having a hard time this year."_ Oh great…enter Jacob the martyr.

I sighed. "Jake, I understand that this year is difficult. It hasn't exactly been easy for me, but it's not about us. It's about them. Can't you for once put them first?"

"_I do put them first! Don't lecture me! But you have no idea how hard it is to want more than anything to be spending the holiday with the one person that I love the most in the world and that person wants nothing to do with me." _His voice was rising in frustration.

"Look, I don't want to argue with you. But you can't say stuff like that to them. It's not right Jake. You can't put them in the middle like that, I won't allow it."

"_Are you threatening me?"_

I huffed. "God Jake. No. I just want you to think about what you say to them before you say it. You're an adult and a parent, fucking act like it! Do something for their sake for a change! You don't have to be selfish all the damn time ya know?"

"_Are you done now? I need to go put my children to bed." _ He huffed. It didn't escape me that he emphasized _his_ kids.

_Fucking prick._

"I don't understand why you have to make everything so difficult. It doesn't have to be like this you know? This could be a whole hell of a lot easier if you would just stop feeling sorry for yourself and making everything about you."

"_What the fuck ever Bella. Bye."_ And he hung up on me.

"Ughhhhhh! Jerk!" I yelled at the phone. _Asshole._

It makes no logical sense to me why that man has such a hard time just chilling the fuck out for the sake of the kids. Yes, I am not blind to the fact that this hard for him, it's hard for me too, but I am not sulking around and pushing the brunt of it off on the kids. Oh, that's right, he's never had to be a full time parent. He's always had the "luxury" of taking a break from that reality, so he doesn't know how to make them the center of his world. He's too fucking stuck on keeping himself as the center of his world. He's a fucking child! Thirty-two and still growing up!

_The man infuriates me beyond belief!_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

Thank you SO SO much for reading!


	17. Chapter 16 : If You Only Knew

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Songs for this chapter: If You Only Knew - Shinedown (they own I don't)

All songs and photos can be found on my blogsite for this story linked in my profile.

* * *

><p>I awoke to the shrills of Alice's cell phone the ringtone blaring Katy Perry's <em>California Girls<em>. I couldn't help but smiled as she stumbled out of bed and grabbed it off the top of the chest of drawers.

"Hello?" she answered sleepily. I rolled over and faced her, cuddled up to my chin in the blanket.

"Yes, this is Alice Hunter…No, it's fine…Oh, okay…Is there anything I need to do?...Okay…Yes, I understand…Thank you for calling…Goodbye."

She sat back slowly onto the bed, staring down at the phone clasped in her hand.

"Alice?"

"That was the Jacksonville Police. They were calling to let me know that James skipped his court appearance and is in violation of his bail." I could hear the fear in her voice as she spoke. "My feelings were right Bells, he's here. I just know it." She sobbed as she slowly turned and faced me.

_Shit._

"I won't let him near you. If he comes around all we have to do is call the police and he goes to jail. Emmett is right next-door and Edward is a phone call away. We won't let him hurt you again Al." I reached out for her hand and squeeze as she nodded and tears slid down her cheeks.

Truth be told, I was pretty scared of the fact that James was most likely here in San Diego. It tied my stomach in knots, and not necessarily because I had ever been afraid of him, but he hadn't contacted Alice at all since she left him and then he just mysteriously shows up here without a word? Her sense that he was following us couldn't have been far off, but again, why would he suddenly be stalking her? _Creep._

After talking through her feelings about her situation, we managed to get a few more hours of sleep. The next time I opened my eyes it was to the sound of the shower running. I rolled out of bed, grabbed my robe off the back of the bedroom door and made my way down the hall to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Kaylie's flight from Arizona should have already arrived, so I am sure her and Edward are enjoying being together. I couldn't help myself as I sent him a quick text.

**I love you. Hope you have a good day. – B**

_**It's a perfect day now. Love u too. – Edward**_

Seconds later a picture text chimed showing me a smiley blue-eyed beauty with her arms wrapped around her daddy's neck their cheeks pressed together. Kaylie's top two teeth were missing and it made me giggle. _So cute._

**Now those are some beautiful blue-eyed babes right there. :) – B**

_**I prefer brown-eyed babes myself. ;) - Edward**_

I blushed and smiled hard. Edward had always been sweet, but it seems as though over the years he'd gotten even more romantic. If that wasn't proven on Christmas night, then I don't know what would. He was definitely trying to prove his love to me again. And as bad as I wanted to embrace it full force, there was that small part of me that was still afraid to open up to him completely for fear of him running away again. Time. We just need time.

Alice joined me not too much later for a cup of coffee as well. Today we were going to just relax and keep things low key per Emmett and Edward's request. I went to the living room and pulled out a bunch of movies from the DVD cabinet for us to veg out with for the day. It was a beautiful day as usual, so I opened up all the windows in the living room and opened the front door, locking the deadbolt on the metal screen door. This way we'd get a nice ocean breeze through the house as we enjoyed our girl time.

"Maybe I should call him." Alice said as she sat down in the recliner with her coffee mug. I stopped dead in my tracks and swung around to look at her, shocked.

"Don't look at me like I have two heads, Bella." She snorted. "If I call him, maybe I can figure out where his head is, and why he feels it necessary to sneak across the country to stalk me instead of just calling."

My mouth was hanging open, and I was trying to form a coherent thought. On one hand it could be a good thing for her to contact him and find those details out, but on the other hand, he'd physically harmed her and I was not ok with the idea of him being in the same city as her at the moment, so contact with him scared me.

"I…Alice…I don't know…what?..." I took a deep breath. "Did the police say anything about contacting him or the restraining order? I mean, if you call him, does that break any rules?"

She shrugged. "It's just pissing me off that we have to be on guard is all. I figure if I call him, maybe we can get it all out there. I already know that Monday I'm filing for divorce, nothing is going to change that."

"Ok, well I'm gonna call Emmett and Rose over. I know it's just a phone call but I'll feel better with that bear around."

Alice took her phone into the bedroom to call him while Rose, Emmett and I sat out in the backyard with the kids. I could only pray that this conversation went well with them and she could somehow convince him to leave or...something.

"Have you talked to Edward today?" Emmett asked.

"Only a brief text a little earlier. Haven't spoken to him, no."

"He'll be pissed if we don't tell him about this, you know that right?"

"Emmett, it's just a phone call. It's not like we invited James over here or anything."

"Then why did you want me here?" he asked, his eyebrow cocked and a knowing look in his eye.

"I don't know. I just…I just did ok?"

We were in a stare down when a loud commotion came from inside. Both of our eyes grew wide, as we heard clangs of metal and a distinctly angry voice accompanying it.

"Open this fucking door right now, you crazy bitch!"

"You need to leave James!" Alice screamed back.

_Holy shit. James. Is. Here._

Emmett bolted from his chair with so much force that it sent it flying behind him and landed off the patio in the grass. Rose ran to where the kids were playing on the swing set as I followed behind Emmett. From the backdoor, I could see into the hallway and Alice was cowering on the floor, her arms wrapped around her knees and her head leaning back against the wall. From this angle James could not see any of us as the living room wall blocked his view from the front door. Emmett stopped just inside as he saw that Alice was still safe, turned to me and placed his finger over his lips signaling for me to remain quiet. He then pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialed and handed it to me. The screen read '9-1-1', and I met his eyes. He nodded his head for me to go back outside with Rose and the kids.

James was still raging and banging on the screen door, and for the first time in my life, I realized how excited I was to have a metal screen door with a deadbolt. It kept him out of my house. After what seemed like a lifetime, I gave the operator the details of the situation and she informed me that someone was on their way. Emmett waited for me to complete the call and then I watched in shock as he walked into James' view.

"Is there something I can do for you man?" he asked calmly, slyly.

"Yea, you can open this fucking door, so I can see my wife, asshole." James snarled.

"Look dude, it sounds to me like she doesn't want to see you, so maybe you need to take a moment and just chill out." Emmett said calmly still.

"Fuck you! I don't need to fucking chill out! I'll kick your fucking ass when I get the chance!"

Emmett chuckled. "Ok man. Whatever you say."

"If you're such a hot shot, then why don't you open this fucking door and man up? Or are ya scared?" James taunted.

"Yep that's it dude. I'm scared all right. I'm scared I might just rip your damn head off that pencil neck of yours and kill your stupid ass. See, because me and you….that would be a fair fight. Or…oh that's right…you don't know anything about that now do ya? You like to push women around when they are defenseless. Who needs to man up now huh?"

"Fuck you!" James spat.

From my angle right inside the back door, my eyes locked on Alice. She was shaking and tears were rolling down her cheeks falling from behind her squeezed closed eyes. I wanted so badly to go to her, but I didn't want James to see me. I walked towards the kitchen and grabbed my phone off the bar. I could see out the kitchen window at James. There was a fire in his eyes that I had never seen before and he was stalking back and forth like a caged lion. He looked angry enough…to kill someone.

_Where the hell are the police already?_

Without thinking it through, I sent Edward a text.

**James is here – B**

Almost immediately the phone rang. I darted out the back door to avoid James overhearing anything I said. As I leaned against the corner of the house I answered.

"I'm so sorry Edward, I should have called you."

"_Bella, Jesus, what the hell is going on? Are you ok? Is Alice ok?"_

"Yes, we're fine. Well, sort of. She called him to try and talk things through. I knew you were spending time with Kaylie. I didn't think it was a big deal…"

It was if everything happened in slow motion. From behind me I heard the distinct sound of the gate to the backyard click as it latched closed. Before I could turn around and register the sound, a hand was in my face and I felt and arm grip forcefully around my waist. My phone fell from my hand and landed in the grass. I tried to scream by his hand went over my mouth and muffled my cries. He was pulling me back around the side of the house out of view of Rose. Wriggling and squirming, I tried to free myself from his grasp, but it was futile. I felt his hot breath in my ear as he spoke.

"You stupid bitch! You thought you could just hide her away from me? You think I didn't know this would be the first place she would go running to? You always try and come between us…but not anymore. She's mine and I am not going to let you come between us ever again." he sneered quietly into my ear. I could barely keep my footing as he drug me back swiftly towards the side door to the garage. I began clawing at his arms, trying to reach his face, eyes, anything. I was trying my best not to panic, but my heart was racing and I could feel the fear bubbling up in my chest.

I kept struggling against him as he tried to open the door and he'd let go of my waist. I continued to fight for my life, determined to not let him get me into the garage. Who knows what he would do to me. Then I felt a sharp, dull, blinding pain rip through my side and my breath left my lungs in a whoosh. My eyes rolled back in my head as I fought to stay conscious. I lost the fight.

As I slowly regained my bearings, I was acutely aware of the feel of cold grass pressed against my cheek. My head was throbbing where it was pressed against the ground and the entire right side of my body screamed in pain. His beautiful velvet voice was soothing me as his hand stroked my hair.

"Bella…Bella, can you hear me? Oh love, please open your eyes."

_Edward._

"Edward…." I croaked groggily slowly opening my eyes.

"Guys! She's waking up!" he yelled out and resumed stroking my hair. "Bella love..."

I placed my hands on the ground to push myself up. A pain shot through my side like a hot iron and my head throbbed. I winced as my vision began to clear and I made eye contact with Edward. The look of panic and worry in his face was permeable. I wrapped my arm around my middle and tried to massage the pain.

"Where does it hurt baby? Let me help you. We should get you to the hospital." He said slowly moving to stand and help me up. He wrapped an arm around my waist and put my arm around his neck, guiding me towards the back of the house.

"My ribs and my head." I said softly, breathless. "What happened? Where's James?"

"We took care of him, and when the police showed up, they arrested him. God Bella, I was so worried. I didn't know Emmett was here...and..." He choked as he pressed his lips to my forehead.

"How did you stop him?" I asked, still not remembering how I got away from James.

"Emmett watched James walk away from the front door, so he came out back to tell you and Rose. She never saw James grab you, and Emmett knew you had come outside when I called you, so just as James was about to drag you into the garage, he came around the corner and saw you slumped in his arms..."

"It took everything in me not to kill the guy Bella." Emmett interrupted as he came out the back door handing me a bottle of water. "When I saw you…I thought… I just saw red. But you made a sighing sound and at that moment, I knew you were still breathing, so I charged. He threw you into the ground just as I lunged at him."

Edward guided me to sit in one of the patio chairs. I winced again, as my ribs were throbbing. He sat on the arm of the chair and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. Rose joined us handing me an ice pack and sat next to me, taking my hand into hers. "What happened to me? Why was I unconscious?" I gasped. "Where's Alice?"

"She's fine. She's laying down in bed right now." Rose said softly.

"From what I can tell, he punched you hard in the ribs and it caused you to black out. Then when he…threw you…you hit your head." Edward said sourly.

I turned and looked up at him. His eyes were so full of love and concern. I threaded my fingers through his on my shoulder and squeezed gently. He smiled painfully and kissed the top of my head. My head began to clear little by little and I shivered as I remembered trying to fight James off. Just then the doorbell rang. Emmett jumped up and went inside. I looked back at Edward slightly confused.

"It's probably the paramedics. The cops called them when they arrived and saw you passed out." He said softly. I nodded.

Emmett appeared in the doorway. "Bella, I know you're probably not feeling up for it right now, but the police would like you to go down to the station and make a statement in the next twenty-four hours." I nodded, still not believing how this day had begun. "The paramedics also want to check you out. You don't have to go with them, but at least let them take a look at you."

I entered the living room and two EMT's were standing waiting patiently. I flushed, never enjoying being the center of attention. They motioned me over to the couch and moved closer to begin poking and prodding. They checked all my vitals and made me do a number of movements and breathing exercises to try and determine the extent of the injury to my ribs. Not being completely sure without an x-ray, they suggested that I should follow up with my doctor, since I was opting out going with them to the hospital. I agreed and thanked them. Edward let them out and then joined me on the couch, cradling me against his chest.

It suddenly dawned on me…

"Where's Kaylie?" I asked sitting up too abruptly, it made me hiss as the pain shot through me.

"She's in Madysen's room. I didn't think you'd mind." He smiled sheepishly but his brow was furrowed in concern.

"No, of course not. Can I see her?" His grin grew wide on his face as he nodded. He removed his arm from around my shoulder and reached for my hand. I stood up slowly, feeling slightly lightheaded still, but better than just a little while ago. We made our way down the hall, Edward never removing his hand from my back as we approached the door to Madysen's room. It was slightly cracked open and the sounds of _The Little Mermaid_ echoed from inside. I slowly pushed it open to see her dancing around and singing along with the movie. _So adorable._

"Hey there pretty girl." I said softly, a huge smile plastered on my face.

"Bella!" she exclaimed as she jumped up and came running to me. As quickly as I could, I dropped to one knee and met her embrace. I'm not going to lie, it hurt like hell, but I was happy to see her nonetheless. I let out the breath of air I was holding in anticipation of her grip and winced again at the pain.

"Easy Kay. Bella's a little sore." Edward said, pulling her back.

"I'm sorry Bella, did I hurt you?" she asked sweetly stepping back.

"No baby girl, you didn't hurt me. Don't worry about it. How are you?" I asked poking her in the tummy. "I sure did miss you."

"I missed you too." She said giving me another hug. "My daddy got a new place to live and we can see all the way to Mexico from the living room." She said enthusiastically while nodding her head.

"Really? All the way to Mexico huh? Well, you're just going to have to show me that." I smiled touched my finger to the tip of her nose and started to stand up. Edward grabbed a hold of my elbow and helped me gain my balance.

"Did Santa come to your daddy's new house?" I asked, giving him a soft jab in the ribs.

"Yes he did! I got a new Nintendo DSi and some games and a new Barbie doll and some CD's for my stereo in my room…" she took a breath. "and some clothes and pajamas and some candy…" she paused again to think.

"And I think you may have had a little too much of that candy there young lady." Edward chuckled. "Why don't you finish up your movie and we'll get ready to go so Bella can get some rest."

I patted her head as she turned back to the movie. We headed back down the hall to meet Rose and Emmett in the backyard. Right before the end of the hallway Edward swung me around and pressed me up against the wall. I sucked in a deep breath, both from being startled and the twist of pain I felt. He cupped my face in his hands and stared intensely into my eyes. "Do you have any idea how scared I was today? I didn't know if I would get to you in time. God…" he breathed and he leaned his forehead to mine. I ran my hands up his back and left them on his shoulder blades.

"You're here now." I whispered softly.

Very softly he slid his hands down to my neck and pressed his lips gently to mine. I pulled him closer to me and his body pressed to mine. He softly moved his mouth over mine, sucking on my bottom lip. Warmth grew in my body as he pressed even more into me. This kiss felt different somehow. It had a feeling of relief and softness, love and something more. I couldn't pinpoint it. It was something refreshing and exciting. I could feel his growing arousal pressing into my stomach and my body responded. My hips pressed into him of their own volition. I pulled back, gasping for air as his lips went to my jawline. He dropped his head to my shoulder, wrapped his arms around my waist and my hands found their way into his hair. We just stood there holding each other, not speaking, just breathing and embracing.

Unexpectedly, I was aware of wetness on my shoulder. Edward was crying. I instantly pulled him tighter to me and I heard his sniff and gasp as tears filled my eyes as well.

"I'm ok…it's ok. Everything is fine." I whispered into his ear, my cheek pressed tightly to the side of his head. He took a deep, trembling breath and lifted his head, his blood-shot baby blues meeting mine. "I love you."

I don't think I would ever get tired of hearing those words on his lips for me. My gaze softened and I pressed my lips to his softly. "I love you." I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist and pressed my head to his chest. I didn't want to lose this moment...but all too soon it was over. He grabbed my hand and led me back to the patio where Rosie and Emmett were still seated. Rose smiled sadly as we walked out.

"I'm so sorry Bella." She said quietly as I sat down next to her.

"What are you apologizing for? You didn't know that psycho was going to grab me." I said placing my hand on her forearm.

She burst into tears, and for Rose this was a shocking site to see. "I should have…maybe if…" she floundered.

"No Rose, don't do that. Neither of us had any control of the situation." I sat forward and wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

"I was just so scared that he…that you…" she sniffed.

"If anyone should be apologizing, it should be me." Emmett said shamefully leaning up against the side of the house.

"Look you guys. Stop. I'm fine okay? Please don't beat yourselves up with the 'woulda, coulda, shoulda's'. Okay? Please?" I said forcefully as I leaned back and looked into Rose's eyes.

They both nodded and at that moment Alice stepped into view of the backdoor. As I turned in her direction, her blue eyes were piercing through the red swollen skin around them. She looked completely spent. I stood slowly and moved towards her as she walked out the door. She nearly collapsed in my arms as we both began sobbing.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry. I had no idea he was near the house when I called him. He was so mean and cold. I've never heard him talk like that before." She sniffed and I squeezed her tighter. "He actually said to me, 'you won't let me be nice to you'. Can you believe that? Typical of someone that just got out of jail for hitting me." I cringed at her words as we pulled back and looked at each other.

"It's over now sweetie. We'll press charges and he won't be able to get anywhere near you ever again." I said as I swallowed my emotions down.

"Or you." She said in almost a whisper. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm a little sore, but I'll be ok." I shrugged, trying to reassure her.

"Maybe we should take you to the hospital and have them check you out." Edward said from behind me. "Make sure no ribs are broken."

"I think that's a good idea Bells." Alice said, still gripping my arms.

Figuring it was useless to argue with them, I agreed.

"Edward, if you don't mind, I'd like to take her. Since this is all my fault anyway." Alice said shyly.

"Stop it! This is _not_ your fault. Do you hear me? I don't want to hear you say that Ali. He did this, not you." I said sincerely as I looked deep into her eyes. She nodded reluctantly.

We arrived back at my house around dinnertime, to find Emmett happily parked on my couch flipping the channels on the television. After spending four hours at the hospital, filling out countless forms and lying in awkward positions for them to x-ray my ribs, all I wanted to do was take the pain pills they had prescribed me and go to bed. The x-rays determined that none of my ribs were broken, just severely bruised from the heavy blow of his fist.

Emmett didn't hang around long, but as he left he made sure we set the house alarm. I usually set it at night before bed, but I was fine doing it now instead to ease his and our minds. Alice and I made quick sandwiches for dinner and snuggled into the couch to try and relax after an extreme day. She wasn't back to herself yet, and I knew that it would probably take a little time, but what bothered me most was the guilt she was feeling for it. She had told me in bits and pieces what was said between her and James that possessed him to show up at my front door. It had to be bothering her on some level that the man she had been married to and loved for so many years, was suddenly a stranger to her. I know it would be hard for me to process if I were in that situation, so I tried to be empathetic to her pain.

I called Edward once we were settled and let him know we were home safe and sound. For the first time, I found myself slightly jealous that Kaylie was here only because it meant that he couldn't be here with me tonight. Of course I didn't hold it against her, I loved that little girl, but after today all I wanted was to be in his arms.

"I sure wish you were here to hold me right now."

"_I do too love, but we'll come see you tomorrow."_

"You don't have to break any plans for me Edward. Spend time with Kaylie while she's here. We'll make up for it soon enough."

"_Oh, you better believe we will."_

I giggled as I felt my body respond to his words. It's amazing how simply his voice had that power over me. _Yes Edward, you better believe we will._

"You can't say stuff like that to me you know. You just can't."

He chuckled and teased me more. _"Just call it foreplay my love. Then we can just skip right to the good part when the time comes."_

"You're such a tease." I joked, feeling my cheeks flush.

"_Before I get carried away and forget…I think I am going to have a New Years Eve party here at the new digs. Jasper called today. He and Garrett are flying down from PA on Monday. So, I called some of the guys from the Academy, and now I just need to find me a hot date. You wouldn't happen to have any single friends you could hook me up with do you?"_

"Hmm…can't say that I do. All I know is washed up old single moms."

He exhaled heavily, trying to control his laughter. _"Old huh? I suppose that will have to do."_

Now it was my turn to chuckle. _"Bella?"_

"Yes Edward?"

"_Will you do me the honor of being my…date…for New Years Eve?"_

"I would absolutely love to. I can't imagine starting the new year any other way, than with you."

"_Good. Because I don't want to start the year any other way that with you either."_


	18. Chapter 17 : Give In To Me

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Songs for this chapter: Give In To Me - Leighton Meester & Garrett Hedlund (from the Country Strong soundtrack)...if you haven't seen that movie yet...WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? It's awesome!

All songs and photos can be found on my blogsite for this story linked in my profile.

Bring on the New Year's Eve party! :)

* * *

><p>"Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've been to a party or had any reason to get dressed up?" Alice asked casually, her head cocked to the side as she wrapped a strand of my hair around the curling iron.<p>

I smiled at her in the mirror. She cherished any reason to dress _me_ up; that was a fact. She'd threatened to gut me if I gave her any grief tonight about it too. "Well you and I deserve it after the weekend we've had."

"Damn right we do!" She chuckled. "And I can't wait to see Edward's face when he sees you in that dress. The party may not even happen! He may kick us all out and have his way with you!" she laughed out loud and I joined her, blushing profusely. _I'm pretty sure I wouldn't object._

My dress was a deep royal blue, fitted and strapless. The torso was lined with silver and white rhinestones that fanned out from one side of my waist to the other. Knowing that blue is Edward's favorite color, made choosing this particular dress very easy. I knew it was perfect just as soon as I tried it on.

Alice was styling my hair into long lose curls. She gathered the hair at the crown of my head, teased it slightly and pulled it back, securing it with bobby pins giving it just a bit of volume. When she was finally satisfied with her work, she started on my make-up. Tonight I was giving her special liberties, since it was New Years Eve after all. Plus, I knew that anything she did would look ten times better than anything I could do.

She went a little heavier on my eyes promising that I would be satisfied with them when I saw Edward's reaction. Again she made me blush. She moved from in front of me and I gasped as I saw myself in the mirror. My eyes popped with silver, shimmering eye shadow and she had lined them with a smoky gray liner and black mascara. She'd dusted a light powder all over my face and a tint of blush on my cheeks. I was sure it wasn't necessary as my own reactions tinted my cheeks well enough, but it was stunning. Lastly she brushed a pink shimmer gloss over my lips. She stepped back leaned up on the counter as we admired her work.

"Alice, you did awesome! I love my eyes! Wow! Thank you!" I gushed as I stared at my reflection.

"You're welcome. Now get in there and get dressed so I can get ready too." She laughed as she playfully shoved me out of the bathroom. Alice's dress was also strapless, but it had a flowing skirt and large gold sequins with a gold satin bow tied at the waist. It was _so_ Alice and I couldn't wait to see her all dolled up in it and finally smiling freely again. She deserved it.

Once in my room I unwrapped the new lingerie I had purchased to accompany my dress. Removing it from the tissue paper, I held it up to admire it. It had been years since I had thought about wearing something like this, much less bought it. It was an ice blue lace bustier with a garter belt with deep black, lace trimmed thigh-highs and matching ice blue thong. I blushed at the thought of the slight possibility that Edward would see it. Even if he didn't, I would feel powerful and sexy just wearing it under my dress. I fitted myself into the confines of the barely-there lingerie and shimmied the thong into place. I couldn't help a quick glance in the mirror and smiled shyly at the girl staring back at me. Hanging on the back of my bedroom door, I unzipped the garment bag that enclosed my dress. I could swear the damn thing shimmied at me as I removed it from the hanger. After unzipping it, I stepped cautiously into it and slid it into place. I called out for Alice to come help me zip it up, and she gasped as she walked into my room.

"Hot damn! Edward is going to cream his pants." And we burst out laughing.

"Help me zip this up woman, so we can get going. You're making me anxious." After zipping me up, she winked as she spun on her heels and left the room.

I slipped on a pair of silver strap heels, and put in silver chandelier earrings in my ears. I took a final spin in the mirror and felt my stomach do a little flip with excitement. I walked down the hall to the bathroom to find Alice doing a little twirl in her dress, the skirt fluttering up slightly as she did.

"And you my friend, are going to be the hottest one there tonight! I'm sure there will be quite a few single firemen fawning all over you!" she giggled and blushed.

"That is so weird to hear you say. It's been such a long time since I thought about another man looking at me that way. I'm not even sure I'll know how to react. I just know I want to have a good time tonight."

"There will be no worries tonight, that's for sure my friend. It will be the best start to the New Year, and only good things are in store for both of us."

We embraced quickly. "Ok, enough of this sappy bullshit, let's go party!" I said heading to the front door. We grabbed our coats and headed across the lawn to Rose and Emmett's. He opened the door smiling ear to ear and looking absolutely dashing in his tux. He opted for no tie and instead had the top few buttons of his shirt undone, and I actually had to stop myself from staring at him. He looked _hot!_

"Well happy New Years Eve ladies! Aren't you two some fine specimen of women."

"Stop hitting on my best friends Em or you're spending the night alone at home while us girls go party." We both laughed as Rosalie's voice came from behind him.

He pouted as we stepped past him inside the house. Rose stepped out of the hallway and Alice and I both gasped. She was nothing short of stunning in a black satin dress with an organza one-shoulder. It had a gold embroidered beading around the bottom edge and more embroidering right under her bust line. Stunning.

"Wow Rose. Just…wow." Was all I could manage to say. She looked gorgeous.

As we stepped off the elevator to Edward's floor we could hear the faint sounds of music and laughter coming from his apartment. I felt the excitement bubbling up in me in anticipation of seeing Edward and spending a magical night with him.

Emmett clasped and rubbed his hands together. "Hell yea! Let's do this ladies!"

We were all grinning ear to ear as he knocked on the door to the apartment. We heard clicking footsteps leading to the door, and immediately I felt a strange pull in my stomach. It was definitely the sound of female shoes and I suppose I wasn't anticipating a woman to answer his door. As the door swung open, I let out a sigh realizing how ridiculous I was being as I caught sight of Kaylie. She looked absolutely adorable in her Navy blue tufted dress and silver flats. It had a row of satin roses at her waist and she was beaming.

"Hello beautiful girl!" I said excitedly as she came forward to hug me.

"Hi Bella! I'm so excited you're here for mine and daddy's party!"

"Me too Kaylie. You sure do look beautiful."

"You look beautiful too. Come on! Come see the decorations we hung up!" She said as she grabbed my hand and led us into the apartment. There was a group of men standing in the living room, drinks in hands laughing and chatting over the music. Brittany Spears' _Toxic_ was coming through the apartment-wide sound system. There were what must have been thousands of white twinkling lights strung back and forth across the ceiling, around the windows of the living room and kitchen and wound around the railing on the balcony. Also hanging from the ceiling were silver and white shimmering, swirling streamers. It was very festive and I was a little shocked that Edward and Kaylie had done this all themselves.

Kaylie pulled me into the kitchen where more silver and white decorations donned the counters and windows. I saw him before he saw me, and my knees went weak. He was leaning up on the counter talking to someone in front of him. Wearing a black tux and his right hand in his pocket, a drink in his left.

"Daddy! Bella's here!" Kaylie exclaimed as we entered the room.

He turned slowly and his mouth fell open as his eyes made their way from my face down to my feet and back up again. He slowly made the two strides towards me, setting his drink down on the counter as he did. Just as his left hand wound its way around to the small of my back, I caught his scent and felt my knees weaken even more. His right hand went to the back of my head and he crashed his lips to mine gently but with so much passion I almost fainted. The kiss slowly escalated and I lost all sense of anyone else's presence as my hands slid up his back and pulled him closer to me. Brought back to reality at the sound of a few throats clearing, I gasped and dropped my head to his shoulder, flaming with embarrassment at that very public display of affection. I pulled back and looked at his face running my thumb gently over his bottom lip, wiping my lip-gloss from it. _So fucking beautiful._

"That's my line." He whispered. My eyes widened as I realized I'd said that out loud, and I dropped my head to his shoulder again.

"Hi." I said softly as I pulled back and looked back into his eyes.

"Hi yourself. Happy New Year's Eve." He winked and kissed my nose.

"Wow Bella…you look gorgeous!" I heard Jasper say from behind Edward. I peeked over his shoulder and smiled at him as I took in his appearance. It was the first time I had ever seen him all dressed up, and he looked sharp. Garrett was standing next to him smiling widely too.

"Thank you Jasper." I said shyly, as Edward turned and we faced him.

"Back off Jazz." Edward teased him, as he kept his arm wrapped protectively around my waist. "This one's all mine for the night. Go find your own." He chuckled softly and pressed his lips to my temple. Jasper just smiled and winked at me, eliciting another rush of red to my cheeks and I looked down at my feet. I raised my head as Rose and Emmett stepped around us.

"Wat up Jazz!" Emmett boomed as he shook his hand and they hugged their one-armed "man hug".

"How's it going you big bear?" Jasper chuckled.

"Happy fucking New Year dude!" Emmett smiled with both his hands on Jaspers shoulders and shook him slightly. Rose pushed him out of the way and embraced Jasper in a hug. "Happy New Year, Jasper. You look very handsome." She said sweetly.

"Handsome is not a word I would use to describe you Rose, you look absolutely illegal." He chuckled, drawing a slight growl from Emmett, knowing just what he was doing.

I turned to Alice who was shyly smiling at the three of them, yet when she caught my stare, her eyes widened and she nodded so slightly in Jasper's direction, that only I would notice. I quickly realized her unsaid thoughts and reached for her hand and pulled her to me.

I turned back to the trio, "Jasper, Garrett, this is one of my oldest and dearest friends, Alice Hunter. Alice, this is Jasper and Garrett."

"Well, I'm not sure about old, but dear sounds like a slightly appropriate description." Jasper said as he stretched out his hand to hers and their eyes locked. She stepped forward from my side and took his hand. He raised it to his lips ever so softly, "Might I add stunningly beautiful too?" And he kissed the top of her hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you ma'am." He said in his gentle Southern accent. Alice giggled softly and blushed as she turned her head to the side, their eyes remaining locked.

Edward squeezed my side gently and I turned my head up to look at him. He looked down and me and winked pressing his lips to my forehead. I smiled, closed my eyes and took a deep breath, breathing him in. This would be a perfect night. I could feel it.

A few of the men from the living room joined us in the kitchen and Edward made the introductions. I hadn't noticed that Kaylie has left us in the kitchen until she returned with the remote for the stereo.

"Daddy, is it time yet?" she asked handing it to him.

"Not yet sweetie." He smiled as he squatted down to her eye level. "I promise I'll tell you when you can put that song on, ok?"

"Ok daddy." She smiled as she turned and skipped back into the living room placing the remote back onto the coffee table.

I looked down at him, puzzled and he raised back up next to me. "She got to download all the music for tonight, with my discretion of course, and is very excited about playing DJ tonight. She knows that _Auld Lang Syne_ is the midnight song, and may be a little anxious." He chuckled.

Emmett took over the role of bartender and began making everyone something to drink. I took note of a bottle of Champagne Henriot that was resting in a bucket of ice centered among the impressive rows of top shelf alcohol. Edward had really gone all out for this.

A few hours later, and after Emmett had refilled my glass a few times with who-only-knew what kind of fruity alcohol concoction, I began to feel very at ease. It hadn't escaped my attention that Alice and Jasper had not left each other's sides since their introduction, and I knew Alice well enough to know that look in her eyes. She was smitten. Of course, who wouldn't be? He was such a sweet, Southern gentlemen, and she hadn't had that in years.

I found myself out on the balcony with a few of Edward's firemen buddies, just enjoying the view and light conversation. The night was crisp, but with the alcohol in my system, I was warm as I leaned up on the railing. The music that Edward and Kaylie had chosen was just perfect for the evening, and I began to softly sing along to U2's _Beautiful Day._ It fit my mood perfectly.

I was vaguely aware of the sound of the doorbell, but there was a sudden commotion from inside. A few of the guys filed inside, and I turned my head slightly following their path with my eyes. Rosalie suddenly appeared in the doorway with Kaylie.

"Hey Bella! Kaylie and I thought we'd join you out here." She smiled brightly, with a hint of something in her eyes. I was confused, but smiled back.

"Miss Kaylie, you did a wonderful job on the music. I love it!" I smiled down at her as she came to stand next to me. She was wrapped up in a thick, white wool sweater.

"You see those lights over there, just on the other side of the bridge Miss Bella?" She asked as she pointed out over the railing. "Daddy says that's Mexico."

I followed her motion and squinted, trying to focus. "That's pretty cool, huh?" I nodded.

The commotion inside began to taper off, but I was suddenly aware of Alice and Jasper out on the balcony with us as well. I turned to look at Alice, and she had a look of…something…I couldn't quite place in her eyes. I frowned at her in question, and she simply shook her head as if begging me not to ask. I turned and looked back out at the skyline, trying to gain a sense of control on my thoughts through my alcohol haze._Where was Edward? What was going on inside? _I took and let out a deep breath and turned to make my way inside, just as Rose grabbed my wrist.

"Maybe you should stay out here with us Bella." She said softly. "It's such a beautiful night."

I frowned in confusion again as I looked deep into her green eyes. Okay, something was amiss, and they were trying to keep me from finding out what it was. I looked down at Kaylie, who was smiling up at me. I smiled softly back, and looked back to Rose.

"What's going on Rose?" I asked confused, starting to feel a slight sense of anger. I turned my head around and met Alice's stare, almost begging me with her eyes not to go inside. I looked to Jasper who wouldn't meet my eyes, as he simply looked out over the city lights. Turning my head to the apartment, I tried to focus through the glass window and could see a few of the firemen standing in the living room. I caught a glimpse of a head of tousled copper hair. _Edward._ I gently shook lose from Roses' grasp and headed inside and she didn't try to stop me this time. The music switched over to Kool and the Gang's _Celebration_ and was loud enough to muffle any conversation to be heard. I kept my eyes on Edward, as he had his back to me. _Where did all these people come from?_ I thought, as I noticed there were many more people than when I first arrived. A few of the firemen were chatting and dancing with some girls that I hadn't met yet, and I hadn't even noticed had arrived. I glanced at the clock on the wall, noting that there was just an hour until midnight. As I made my way through the crowd of people, Emmett suddenly appeared in front of me.

"Hey there beautiful lady. You ready for another drink?" he beamed as he held out a glass towards me.

I smiled, "No thanks Em. I was just looking for Edward."

"Of course you are! You two are one in the same." He winked. "Why don't you join Rosie back out on the balcony and I'll get him for you." Still smiling.

"That's ok really. I have to use the ladies room too." I lied, hoping to just get to Edward.

"Maybe that's not such a good idea right now Bells." His expression changed up to what looked like sorrow, guilt?

_What the hell?_ I was more determined that ever to get to him now. Something was going on, and I needed to know.

"Just why not Emmett?" I half growled at him.

"Just…Bella…come back outside with me. I'll get Edward for you."

That was it. I tried to push past him, but he stopped me. "What the fuck Em? What is going on?" I could feel my stomach begin to tangle in knots and I was suddenly feeling nauseous.

He looked out over my head and then down at the ground, avoiding my stare.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Way." I said through clenched teeth and he moved to the side to let me pass.

Thanks to Emmett's' gigantic stature to my small one, I had lost sight of Edward. I moved through the crowed in the direction of the front entry where I had seen him last. He wasn't there. I peeked into the kitchen. No Edward. I spun back around towards the living room, and rose up on my tiptoes to see if I could find him again. No Edward. I turned and headed in the direction of his bedroom down the hallway. His door was closed but I placed my hand on the knob and began to turn it. Locked. I tried again and I began to feel weak and slightly woozy. Still locked. I pressed my ear to the door and heard nothing, so I knocked softly.

"Edward? Are you in there?" I called out, still with my ear pressed to the door. No sound. I let out a sigh and regained my balance. The hallway was dark, but I could make out a soft light coming from under the door to Kaylie's room. I stepped across the hall and placed my hand on the knob. I heard faint sounds of moaning and my stomach lurched again. I turned the knob and swung the door open violently, stumbling through the doorway. Pressed up against her closet door were one of Edward's buddies and some hussy in a hot pink dress that screamed "slut". His hand halfway under the bottom of her dress and locked in a very heated kiss. They both jumped at the sound of my not-so-graceful entrance.

"Excuse me." I mumbled with a slight relief that it wasn't Edward. But that still didn't explain where he was. "I think the two of you should find somewhere else to carry on. This is a child's bedroom." I spun on my heels, leaving the door open and hearing the hussy giggle as I walked back towards the front door.

I made my way back to the entry and rested up against the wall, taking another deep breath. I glanced back into the living room to the views of the guests smiling, laughing and dancing, but still caught no sight of Edward. I heard the sound of a thump from the other side of his front door. Turning my head towards the sound, I frowned trying to figure out if it was Edward, why would he be out there? Regaining my balance, I made my way to the door and could make out muffled sounds. I leaned my hand on the doorframe and pulled it open with the other. The sight before me almost made me fall to my knees. Against the wall opposite the door was Edward…in an intense lip-lock with a fiery red head. I felt the bile rising in the back of my throat and the hand that held me up on the doorframe, flew to my mouth as I fought it back down with a whimper. The sound caught their attention as she pulled back and Edward's head shot around her. His eyes met mine with a wide-eyed look of horror. The red head turned at that moment too, wiping her lips with the pads of her fingers and a guilty yet, smug look on her face. _Victoria! _I stumbled back as he grabbed her shoulders and moved her away. I spun around and stumbled as quickly as I could to the hall bathroom.

"Bella! Wait! Bella!" Edward shouted from behind me as I turned to lock the door and fell to my knees in front of the toilet. I emptied the entire contents of my stomach violently. Tears streaked down my face as I collapsed onto the floor leaning my head against the wall. _What is going on?_

"Bella. Baby, please. It's not what you think. Please open the door. Bella, please." Edward called out from the other side of the door, knocking and trying to open the door.

"Leave me alone Edward!" I called back, my voice weak and scratched from vomiting and crying.

I reached up and grabbed a hand towel from the bar above my head and dabbed under my eyes, certain that my make-up was a wreck at this point and still couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

"Bella, please! You have to let me explain. Please! Please open the door." He pleaded. I wanted so badly to give in to him, but it certainly looked exactly like what I thought it was.

"What's to explain Edward?" I said angrily. "You're ex-girlfriend is here to celebrate New Years Eve with you. Seems pretty cut and dry to me. Go away!"

"No Bella! Don't make me break this door down!" He fired back.

Victoria's voice caught my attention next. "Come on Edward. Leave her be. You know she can't make you feel the way I do." She said seductively.

"Fuck you Vic!" He countered violently. "You don't know shit about how she makes me feel! She's a thousand times the woman you'll _ever_ be!" he paused and I heard her gasp. "Now I'm going to ask you one more time to fucking leave before I throw you out!"

I sat silently, processing what I had just heard. I reached over, flushed the toilet and began to slowly rise from my crumpled mess on the floor. I caught site of myself in the mirror as I leaned forward onto the counter. _Shit._ I wet a corner of the towel and began to dab around my face, doing my very best to clean up the mess I had created from puking and crying.

Edward knocked softly again and with so much pain in his voice he softly said, "Bella, please let me in."

I took in my appearance again, and let out a deep breath. It wasn't how I looked when I'd arrived, but I had cleaned up well enough. I pulled a bottle of mouthwash from under the counter and poured a small cup. I swished it around for a second, spit it out then turned off the water, picking up the towel and pressing it to my mouth to dab the moisture. I smoothed my hands down the front of my dress and fingered through my hair. Facing the door and placing my hand on the knob, I closed my eyes. The lock popped open with a slight turn and Edward slowly pushed the door open.

"Can I come in?" he asked softly.

I shrugged and stepped back allowing him to fully open the door and step in. He relocked it and turned to face me, as I leaned with my back up against the counter and folded my hands across my chest.

"Are you ok?" His voice velvety and soft as he stepped in front of me with his hands in his pockets like he was fighting the urge to embrace me. I nodded my head and sniffled, feeling completely sober now.

"Can you please let me explain what you saw out there?"

I looked into his eyes and saw a mixture of pain, honesty, fear and love. I couldn't help myself as I fell into his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist, feeling the tears beginning to sting again. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I felt him tremble as we melted into each other. _This is where I belong._

"Bella, I swear to you, I had no idea she was going to show up. I swear. What you saw out there…I was trying to get her to leave, but she's so damn persistent." He paused and I closed my eyes not sure I wanted to hear what was coming next. He held me tighter as he said, "I explained to her that she wasn't welcome here; that there was no more "she and I". That the only woman I would ever want…is you. I was going to at least walk her to the elevator when she caught me by surprise and pushed me up against the wall….and….kissed me. But I swear, I did not kiss her back!"

It was my turn to tremble and he squeezed me tighter still. "Fuck Bella! I am _so_ sorry you had to see that. Of course, you had to open the door at the worst possible moment, and I can't say I blame you at all for your reaction. I'm _so, so_ sorry."

He released our embrace and placing his hands on my shoulders, he pushed me back and leaned down to look into my eyes. "You, Bella. You are everything to me. I love _you_ and there is _no way_ in _hell_ I would ever intentionally do _anything_ to hurt you or mess this up again." He held my stare. "Please tell me you believe me."

"Edward." Was all I could painfully whisper before he softly placed his lips to mine. His hands moved up to cup my chin as mine rested on his waist.

"I _love_ you." He whispered with his brow furrowed and pain still in his eyes when he pulled back to looked at me.

There wasn't even the slightest hint of doubt in his eyes and I nodded my head. "I believe you." I whispered softly as he wiped my tears with the pads of his thumbs. With those words he crashed his lips to mine again, this time with so much love, devotion and relief that we quickly became carried away. His tongue slid slowly across my lips and I opened my mouth gingerly, greeting his with mine. His hands made their way down to my hips and he lifted me up, placing me softly on the counter and stepped between my legs. My dress was pushed up dangerously high and he rubbed up my thighs, making me warm and tingling all over. I broke the kiss and my head fell back as his lips fell to my neck, my hands grasping at his hair. His hands slid slowly under my dress and he pulled back abruptly.

"Jesus Bella! What the hell are you wearing?" his eyes wide as he looked down and fingered the strap of my garter belt that was clasped to my stockings.

I smiled seductively as our eyes met. "Just for you my love."

"Oh good God." He said with desire in his tone. "Remind me again why I am having a party?"

I grabbed one of his hands as our eyes remained locked and guided him up my hip. His other hand mirrored ours on my other hip and it forced my dress to slide up even higher as I felt the cold of the counter against my bottom. His eyes looked down again, as he took in what he could see of my lingerie and he let out a deep sigh.

"God woman, what are you doing to me?" he said with even more desire in his velvet voice. "I want you so bad right now, but not like this."

"Edward." I whispered as I he looked back into my eyes. "I love you. I'm sorry if I overreacted."

He kissed me again softly but firmly, slid his hands under my hips and brought me forward where I could feel his erection pressing up against my heated center. _Dear Lord, had I forgotten how awesome that felt?_ I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer to try and deepen the kiss. Edward pulled back this time and took another deep breath, and I wiped my fingers over my lips.

"Woman, you have no idea." He said smugly with a crocked grin.

"Oh honey, believe me, I do." I teased back.

He patted my hips and stepped back trying to regain his composure, and I giggled at the sight of his erection through his tux.

"Yea, so how exactly am I supposed to go back out there like this?" he said pointing both hands down at his "predicament." We both laughed out loud and I cupped my hands over my mouth. He tried to adjust himself and pressed it down to do the best he could at concealing it. I made a move to get down from the counter and he swiftly stepped back to me placing his hands once again, dangerously high on my thighs.

"We _will_ finish this later." His voice made me tingle all over.

"You bet your fine ass we will." I countered back as I pressed my lips to his.


	19. Chapter 18 : Bring It On Home To Me

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Song for this chapter: Bring It On Home To Me - Little Big Town (they own, I don't)**

**All songs and photos can be found on my blogsite for this story linked in my profile.**

* * *

><p>After we straightened ourselves out from our heated make out session in the bathroom, Edward and I made our way into the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sucked down a few gulps. Emmett came in bouncing Kaylie on his back.<p>

"Daddy! Uncle Em said it's almost time for me to play my song! Is it daddy? Is it almost time?"

He glanced at the clock on the stove and smiled brightly back at her. "It sure is baby girl! Go get me that remote." He said excitedly as he picked her off of Emmett's back and set her to the floor. She bolted into the crowd of people towards the living room. Edward turned back to me and grabbed my hand. I threaded my fingers through his and met his eyes as he guided us to the center of the living room. Kaylie handed him the remote and he paused the music. He dropped the remote to the table and she grabbed onto his other hand. I looked down at her beaming smile as she looked up to him with a great deal of admiration and excitement. _She's so adorable._

"Hey everyone! I wanted to take a moment and thank all of you for being here tonight. Considering I have only lived in this city a short time, I feel honored that you came to celebrate this holiday with my daughter and myself." Edward turned his head and smiled at me with a wink before turning to look down at Kaylie. "So, according to my beautiful little girl here, it looks like we only have a few short minutes left before we begin a new year!"

At that moment, Rose and Alice walked into the living room with trays of champagne and began passing them out to the guests. There was a small flute of a bright pink bubbly on Alice's tray that Edward took and handed to Kaylie. "This is a special drink just for you baby girl." He said as she smiled brightly. "But don't drink it yet, just hang onto it for a few more minutes, ok?" she nodded in agreement as she held the flute in her little hands. He then took two more from Alice and handed one to me with a kiss on the cheek. After all the champagne had been passed out, Rose and Alice returned to the living room. Emmett draped his arm over Roses' shoulders while Jasper wrapped his arm delicately around Alice's waist. I smiled to myself at the sight of my two very best friends and their contentment in the moment.

"Here's to health, wealth, much love and much happiness in the new year everyone!" Edward said as he raised his glass and we all mimicked him. "Let the countdown begin Kaylie!"

She smiled shyly up at him as she grabbed the remote from the table and then Edward's wrist to look at his watch. "Ten, nine, eight, seven…" We all said in unison. Edward cocked his head to the side and glanced at me as he set his drink down on the table. "…six, five, four, three…" He then turned and looked down at Kaylie, still holding his watch to her face. "…two, one! HAPPY NEW YEAR!" the crowd erupted. Kaylie hit play on the remote and _Auld Lang Syne_ boomed across the apartment. Suddenly, Edward swopped down and grabbed hold of Kaylie, hoisting her up on his hip, while he grabbed me around my waist and pulled me to him. He planted a smacking kiss on her little cheek and she giggled loudly. "Happy New Year baby girl! I love you so very much!" She wrapped her little arms around his neck, almost spilling her drink all over him, planted a kiss on his cheek and said, "Happy New Year daddy! I love you too. Now, will you please put me down, and give Miss Bella her New Year's kiss." We all three erupted in laughter as he replied with a "yes ma'am" and set her on her feet. He then turned to me, cupping my cheeks in his hands, "Happy New Year Bella. I love you so very much too, and I can't _wait_ to see what this year has in store for us."

With tears in my eyes, I smiled up at him and said, "I love you too, Edward. Happy New Year."

He then kissed me with the softest, most romantic kiss that made my heart flutter and my knees weak. Tears slid down my cheeks as I pulled him tightly to me and let myself get lost in the kiss. _Butterflies._

As we pulled apart we gazed into each other's eyes with the widest of smiles and he gently wiped the tears from my cheeks. I gave him a lingering peck and folded myself into his embrace. I took the moment to peek around the room at everyone and I shot my head away from his chest at the sight of Alice and Jasper locking lips. It didn't have the same intensity as the kissed I had just received, but it was much more than friendly too. _Whoa!_ I turned to view the other couples still lost in each other as well as a few of the firemen giving each other hugs and slaps on the back.

_This would be a Happy New Year._

In the weeks following New Year's Eve Edward and I began to make time to see each other more. He'd come over for dinner on the weeknights that the children were with Jacob, or I would spend the weekends with him that they were gone. We had yet to take that next step in our relationship, but the sexual tension was definitely building more and more. I think subconsciously we were both waiting for my divorce to be final before we fully crossed that line, and as excruciatingly hard as it was, I respected him for not pressuring either one of us.

On the morning of Wednesday, January twentieth, I woke up feeling completely nauseous. After getting showered, dressed, and dropping the girls off at school and left Robbie with Rose. I drove downtown in the rain to find myself seated across a large oak table of a dreary conference room from Jake and his lawyer. Today was the day. We would sign a few dozen papers, and the past almost eleven years would be done, just like that. It was really hard to believe that with a little ink your life could change. I would never again be Bella Black, Jacob's wife. As much as I wanted this, it was still difficult to think about without a bit of sadness and a slight feeling of loss.

Due to Navy regulations regarding a divorce, I had one hundred and twenty days to move out of housing and they would move me, as long as it was in the county of San Diego. If I chose to return to my home state of residence I was on my own dime with the move. Jacob and I agreed to allow the custody arrangement to stay the same with him getting them one night a week as well as every other weekend and holidays would be swapped out every other year. Child support would begin immediately with, I might add, a nice escalation in the amount. Our lawyers handed us each a copy of the decree to sign, and with that, it was over. My marriage was over. Done.

I looked across the table at Jake as he scrawled his signature on the final page, and took note of his somber demeanor. I hated to see him hurting regardless.

"I'm sorry that things worked out this way Jake. Please don't ever think that any this was easy for me." I said softly as he paused and remained fixated on the page in front of him. Without looking my way, he continued his signature and slid the packet of papers to his lawyer. He then pushed back from the table and stood up, stretching his hand out to him and they shook. Slowly he turned to me and with glossy eyes and pain in his voice he said, "I just want you to be happy Bella. Hopefully, you can figure yourself out enough for _that_ to happen." Then he turned abruptly and stalked out of the room.

I was flabbergasted as I felt the tears sting my eyes. _Typical Jacob. Always has to have the last dig. Jerk._ Composing myself, I turned to my lawyer and thanked her for all her help as we shook hands. She stated that after the judge signed off on the papers, the divorce would be legal and that typically it was only forty-eight hours, but could be as long as a few days. I asked how soon I could change my name back, and she answered all of my questions with sincerity. I nodded in understanding and gathered my belongings.

As I made my way down the street to my truck, it began to rain again. Not just a light rain either, but sheets of it. _Fitting. _The strange thing was, emotionally, I didn't feel anything. It seems like it's almost harder to get an email address than a divorce. I got into my truck and just stared out the windshield. I didn't cry, I didn't smile, I didn't feel. I just sat there. This was it. There is no more back and forth arguing over this and that. It was all on paper. It's just done.

I pulled out my phone and simply stared at it. I pressed the button and the screen came to life with texts from Alice, Rose and Edward. I didn't read them. This whole thing is a lot to process, and I can't help but wonder if it feels like a celebration to them. Shame on me for thinking that any one of them would be anything less that supportive, but right now it's not a celebration day for me. I get to be sad. I get to have that. I _should _have that. It doesn't matter that this is what I wanted. It's time for me to grieve the loss, ponder, reflect and then let go.

It must have been an hour that I sat motionless in the confines of my truck, parked out in front of the building. Frozen, that was a good description of me for the moment. Just here. Tossing my phone into my purse, I started the truck and pulled away from the curb. The thoughts in my head must have taken over because without remembering how I got there, I was suddenly parked in my driveway. I climbed out of the cab, and made my way inside. Standing in the doorway, I looked around the house noting the quiet and feeling a slight sense of relief that I was alone. After fixing myself a cup of green tea, I folded into the couch and leaned back, closing my eyes. I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing that I heard was my cell phone ringing. I ignored it, but it continued to ring. With a deep sigh and a now cold cup of tea, I fished it out of my purse and answered it. _Rose._

"Hey sweetie." She said cautiously. "I don't want to bother you, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and when you're ready to talk, I can come over…if you want."

I smiled softly and felt a pang of guilt for even having the thought before that she might not be supportive. "Thanks Rose. I'm ok. Just having some quiet time to myself."

"Okay, well I'm here if you need anything. Alice is here too, and she's going to stay the night with us to give you some time. Also, I am going to pick the kids up from school for you and bring them back here with me for a few hours when they get out."

"No, it's ok, she doesn't have to stay away, Rose you don't-" I started.

"No, really, it was her idea, and we understand. Just know that we both love you, and when you're ready, we will be there. Ok?"

"I love you guys too. You're the greatest friends I could ever ask for. Thank you both so much for understanding." I began to choke up and we ended the conversation.

I dropped my phone onto the couch and as I turned to walk down the hallway there was a soft knock at my front door. I paused briefly, debating on whether to answer it or not, before turning back to open it. Standing there with a very sweet, yet sad smile and a single white rose was my Edward. Just the sight of him made me immediately burst into tears. He flung the screen door open and engulfed me into his arms, closing the front door behind us. He moved us to sit on the couch. He didn't speak and he didn't ask questions. He gave me exactly what I needed. He just held me and I cried. I cried for Jacob. I cried for my children. I cried for the loss of my past and the loss of my marriage. I cried and I cried and I cried. When there were no tears left, I just sobbed. Edward held onto me the entire time, just comforting me without a word.

Some time later, I had regained my composure and was quiet in his arms as I stared at the surroundings of my living room. I turned my head up to look at him, and he smiled softly down at me.

"I'm sorry." I said with a scratchy voice.

"Baby, you have _nothing _to apologize for. You love him and that is completely understandable. You've shared a life with him. Just let me be here for you as long as you need. You need to know that I'm your safe place to fall." He whispered softly, pressing his lips to my forehead.

"I love you more. You're my future and nothing is in our way of having everything we want together."

I hugged him closer, relieved that he was there to hold me. That was the last time he would ever see me cry over Jacob.

Monday morning I received a call from my lawyer that my divorce was final and I could now take the steps necessary to change my name back. I thanked her for all her help and guidance and after we hung up, I decided to go for a run. I left Robbie with Alice and I made my way down my usual path to the Pacific Ocean. Instead of turning back to go home when I reached the end of my path, I slowed to walk along the rocky edges of the beach. Today, in my mind, I was once again Isabella Swan. I smiled as the crisp and salty ocean air kissed my cheeks. I found a large dry rock under the Pacific Beach pier and took a seat. Today was officially the start to the next chapter in my life, and I was ready to start writing it.

After my moment of clarity, I turned my iPod back on, and ran home. Rose was out in front of her house, cleaning out her garage when I arrived back on our street.

"Hey there sweaty lady! How was your run?" she asked teasingly greeting me at the end of her driveway.

"It was great! My lawyer called this morning. Looks like I am officially single." I answered a little breathless.

"How do you feel about that?" she asked cautiously, folding her arms across her chest.

"Good. I mean, it's kinda strange…but I'm really ok. I was just sitting out on the beach thinking about it. I'm ready for the next chapter of my life." I said with confidence.

"There's a whole new world waiting for you out there Bella. You're going to kick its ass!" she laughed and I laughed with her. It felt good. I excused myself to shower after we made plans to meet up to pick the girls up from school.

After showering and getting dressed, I joined Alice and Robbie in the backyard as she played with him in the sandbox. She had such a way with him, and I knew that when the time came, she would be a fantastic mother.

Later that night, as the five of us gathered around the table for dinner, I realized I needed to tell the kids. This was going to be the hardest part of all. Robbie was pretty much oblivious to it, but the girls had a good idea that it was going to happen, as we had discussed it a little before, and of course the fact that Jacob had already moved out. They had also discussed it in counseling, so I knew they would be somewhat prepared for it, but that didn't make the final nail any easier to hit.

"Kids, there's something that we need to talk about tonight." I said cautiously, as I made eye contact with the three of them and then Alice.

The girls looked up from their plates and met my eyes. Lynette, being the observant and brilliant child that she was, asked softly, "Are you and daddy divorced?"

I felt the lump rise in my throat at the glossiness in her eyes. _Dammit._

"Yes baby, we are." I answered, keeping my gaze fixed on her, as I rested my elbows onto the table.

"Do we still get to see daddy?" Madysen asked me, and I felt a sense of shock at her question.

"Sweetheart, of course you do! I want you to understand that just because mommy and daddy aren't married anymore, doesn't mean that we don't both love you very, very much. We are just both better at being friends with each other. You want us to be friends right?"

They both nodded.

"You will still see your daddy just as much as you do now, nothing about that will change at all. He loves you guys so much, and I don't ever want you to think any different. Ok?"

"Mommy? Can I please be excused?" Lynette asked me.

"Of course you can. Can you come here first?"

She pushed back from the table and made her way to me. I wrapped her tiny body up in my arms as she pressed her head to my shoulder. I felt her quietly sobbing and it shattered my heart. I held her back and looked into her eyes.

"Sweetie, you, your sister and your brother are the three most important people in the world to me, and one day you will understand that this is all ok. We are all going to be fine, and much happier this way. I promise you that. I know it hurts right now, and it's ok to be sad, but please don't feel like you can't come and talk to me or ask me anything. Ok?"

She gave me a timid smile as she nodded her head. I embraced her one final time and she headed to her room and quietly closed the door. I turned to face Madysen and said softly to her, "That goes for you too. I want you to know you can come talk to me whenever you feel like it."

She nodded and began eating her dinner again. Robbie was quietly watching our exchange, but didn't really acknowledge it much as he continued to dig into his dinner. I met Alice's eyes with a heavy sigh and she smiled at me with a wink as we finished our dinner.

"You think I handled that all right?" I asked Alice later that evening after the kids were in bed. We had curled up on the couch to watch some television and relax.

"I think you did just fine. I know it's hard on all of you, but you kept it together very well for them and I can't say that I could have done it much better. I'm proud of you." She answered as she softly rubbed my arm. "They'll be ok, it's just going to take a little time to get used to it, that's all."

"I hope so." I sighed. I felt awful, but I also knew in the back of my mind that she was right. We were all going to be ok.

Before we retired to bed, I sent Edward a text.

**I miss you and love you more than you know.**

_Miss you and love you too. Are you doing ok?_

**I would be better if you were here to hold me. But I'm fine.**

_Do you want to have lunch tomorrow? I'll hold you the whole time._

I smiled softly at the thought of being in his arms.

**I'd like that.**

_Ok, I will be there at noon then my love._

**I can't wait. Goodnight. I love you.**

_Sweet dreams beautiful. I love you._

Yes, we were all going to be ok.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

Whew...ok...THAT angst is out of the way...let's get to some happiness now right? That was DEEP...especially to write. )

Thank you all SOOOO much for your undying support! Much, much love coming to you! xoxoxox


	20. Chapter 19 : Are You Gonna Kiss Me?

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Songs for this chapter: Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not? - Thompson Square

All songs and photos can be found on my blogsite for this story linked in my profile.

I'm waiting to post the pics for this chapter, b/c I want y'all to read it before I give it all away with pics! )

Enjoy!

* * *

><p>It was April, and the kids and I had been adjusting to our new life rather well. I had found an adorable, yet perfectly sized house a few only streets away from our old housing, so I was able to keep the kids in their same school and still be close enough to walk to Rosie's. I was pleasantly surprised that I was approved to finance it, and for the first time in my life, I was now a homeowner. It was fantastic! I took a part time job at a bookstore just a block from the kids school and Alice found a job at a vintage clothing boutique a few doors down from me. We were all doing really well…for the most part anyway. We were adjusting to our new life.<p>

Edward and I were still managing to make time for each other, but it was few and far between. He was in the roughest and busiest part of his training and it exhausted him. On the weekends that Jacob had the kids, I was busy packing, working or moving. Alice and I had spent a great deal of our free time setting up the house, painting and decorating. Unfortunately that meant that Edward and I were lacking in our time alone. When he wasn't training, he was with us helping to pack and move.

The kids had taken to him really well, and he to them as he began spending what free time he did have with us. There were many moments when I saw glimpses of our future together when he was with them, and it made my heart swell. I could tell that they were falling in love with him. We still had yet to tell them about our relationship, but they had seen us hold hands and cuddle on the couch a few times, so I think they may have an idea, though they hadn't asked.

It was a Friday afternoon. The kids were packed and ready to spend the weekend at Jacob's, bounding around and full of excitement waiting for him to arrive. Alice was closing the store tonight, and I had the night off. Friday's were usually Edwards' hardest days, and so I assumed that I wouldn't be hearing from him until tomorrow morning, as it was usually the norm.

It had been less than five minutes since I waved goodbye to the kids as they pulled away in the truck, and I was just straightening up the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Thinking one of the kids had forgotten something; I rushed back to the front door expecting to find one of them. I swung open the door to find squatty older gentleman dressed in a tuxedo and holding a garment bag across his arms.

"Hello ma'am, are you Miss Swan?" he asked with a raspy voice.

With a hint of confusion, I answered, "Yes, I am. Um? How can I help you?"

"I have a card here for you, and I have been asked to bring you to meet your gentleman caller." He replied, peering over his wire framed glasses, winking and me.

"Um, I…I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about." I stammered, as I pulled the door a little closer, feeling slightly nervous.

"This is for you Miss." He said gently as he shifted the bag to one arm and handed me an envelope.

Hesitantly, I took the envelope from his wrinkled hand. I slid my finger under the flap and gently tore at the glued flap. I removed the card and a feeling of warmth and nerves fluttered across my skin as I read what was written inside:

_My beautiful Bella,_

_I would be honored if you would join me for a special evening. I miss you more than words can say, and I plan to make every moment of our time apart up to you tonight._

_Please don't turn me down._

_Yours forever,_

_Edward_

I was grinning ear-to-ear as I looked back up into the old mans eyes. He held the garment bag out for me to take from him and I did.

"I was instructed to ask you to wear this ma'am. When you're ready to go, please meet me back here and I will take you to the required destination."

With a gesture he turned to the side and I had been oblivious to the fact that there was a sleek black Mercedes SUV with dark tinted windows parked at the curb in front of my house. My jaw fell open and I was stunned. _What had he done?_

"Um, can you give me about forty-five minutes to get myself ready?" I asked sheepishly looking down at myself.

"Of course ma'am, take all the time you need. I will wait in the car and watch for you."

I closed the door and leaned back on it staring up at the ceiling. I was grinning so hard my cheeks began to ache. Taking the garment bag and the card I walked swiftly to my bedroom and hung the bag on the closet door. I was really nervous about what Edward had chosen for me to wear, as well as what he had in store. I slowly moved the zipper down revealing a stunning evening dress. It was deep Navy blue chiffon over silk, and as I pulled it from the bag, the bottom edge fell to the floor revealing its length. I gasped at its beauty. In the bottom of the bag I found a shoebox that held a pair of silver strap heels and a separate smaller bag of jewelry and undergarments. Inside a small box was a pair of glamorous pear drop dangle earrings and a pearlescent bangle with multicolored blue rhinestones. I smiled to myself; this ensemble had Alice written all over it.

I grabbed my cell phone and quickly typed out two messages. One to Alice,

**Ur a sneaky, sneaky girl! It's all so beautiful! Thank u!**

And one to Edward,

**So clever, how could I say no! I can't wait to see u! Love u!**

I took one last look at the dress and then hurried to the shower. As I was drying off, I heard the replies chiming from my phone, but let them wait for now as I smoothed lotion all over me. I quickly towel-dried my hair and ran some mouse through the long tresses. I didn't have much time, so I let it air dry a little while I applied a bit of make-up. _Where was Alice when I needed her? Oh right, scheming with my boyfriend!_

When I was satisfied with my face, I flipped my head over and began blow-drying my hair. It was just going to have to stay down and long tonight, since there wasn't much time to fuss over it. I curled the ends just slightly and made my way back to the bedroom to put on the dress. I stared at it again. I admit, it was a little intimidating, but I was much too excited to let my nerves get the best of me. My phone chimed again, and this time I grabbed it, as I was removing the undergarments from the bag. It was a matching deep navy blue lace thong…_swell_.

_**I'm so glad u said yes! I can't wait to see u my love. Just wait until u see what I have in store for us tonite. ;) – Edward**_

A smile crossed my face, and the resident butterflies took flight. I couldn't help the thought crossing my mind of us finally being able to be together. Like, really together. With the craziness that was our lives since New Year's Eve, the sexual frustration was eating me alive.

I slid into the dress and it fit me like a glove. _Good job Alice!_ I fastened the heels onto my feet, put on the jewelry and took a spin in the mirror. The back of the dress was definitely a sight to be seen. It was not much more than a few straps crossing over my back, and a low wasted "V" in the small of my back. The edging was adorned in rhinestones as well. It really was a stunning dress. I grabbed a small clutch from my closet, tossed in some lip-gloss, powder and eyeliner, my cell phone and ID and headed to the front door.

As I opened the door, I noted the chill in the air and grabbed a silver wrap from the coat closet. The evening was turning to twilight as I stepped out and turned to lock up the house. At the bottom of the front porch steps was my driver. He offered his hand and guided me down the steps to the awaiting car. He opened the back passenger door and helped me climb inside. Lying across the seat was a single red and white variegated tulip with a small folded noted tied to it with a strand of raffia ribbon. I couldn't help but smile again, thinking Alice had to be behind this as well. Picking it up, I unfolded the note to more of Edward's handwriting:

_A variegated tulip's meaning: Beautiful Eyes_

I blushed. This was already becoming the most perfect night, and I hadn't even laid eyes on him yet.

The driver slowly pulled the car away from the curb and drove us toward the ocean. We drove along La Jolla Boulevard and I watched as the lights around us zipped by. Before long the driver stopped out front of the _La Valencia_ Hotel and came around to open my door for me. I was nervous as I stepped out of the vehicle and I had yet to see Edward anywhere. He led me inside the stunning Spanish-style lobby to the bank of elevators. The bell chimed the arrival of the lift and the doors slid open. He bowed his head and gestured for me to step inside. He followed me in only long enough to select the floor and then wished me a beautiful evening. I smiled and thanked him.

As the elevator ascended my heart began to beat a rapid staccato. I took a few deep breaths as I tried to maintain a grasp on my nerves. The bell chimed, notifying me that it had reached the desired floor and as the doors parted, there he was. He was standing with his head bowed slightly, two more tulips clasped in his hand held up to his nose, one cream and one red. His other hand was in the pocket of his dark blue, almost black tuxedo. I silently gasped as he peered up at me through his lashes and tried to keep my balance as I noted just how beautiful he looked.

He extended the hand not holding the flowers towards me and I reached for it. As our hands connected, fire spread across my skin at the contact. _God, I've missed him._ He pulled me to him till we were just inches apart and then he spun me around causing the chiffon in my dress to flutter about.

"If I never believed in a God before tonight, I do now." He said softly, his words dripping with desire. "You are absolutely the most beautiful creature alive."

I blushed deeply and bit my lip as I smiled up at him. "That's funny. I was just thinking the same thing about you."

He pulled me a little closer and offered me the flowers. "These are for you, but somehow they don't seem quite as beautiful anymore. The red one means, true love and the cream one means, I will love you forever."

"Edward" I said blushing again, simply at a loss for words at his declaration. "Thank you." He reached his hand up and brushed the back of his fingers delicately across my cheek. I leaned my head into his touch. It felt like we hadn't had a moment like this in years and not just months. Then he raised my hand up to his mouth and kissed the tops of my knuckles.

"Shall we start our evening?" he winked as he guided me towards the Maitre'd, who then led us to a table seated alone near the window. The view of La Jolla cove was simply stunning and I stopped a moment to take it in. I felt Edward at my back as he gripped my hips and ran his thumbs up and down the edge of the "V" in the dress. Again, every inch of my skin was on fire with his touch as I leaned into him and closed my eyes. He took a deep breath as he placed his lips under the curve of my ear and kissed me softly. For a moment, I had almost forgotten that we were in a public place. I blinked rapidly to the sound of the Maitre'd offering me my chair, and caught Edward snickering as he sat down directly across from me. Childishly, I stuck out my tongue at him, only causing him to chuckle loudly.

Our waiter arrived and Edward ordered a bottle of wine and each of us the "Tasting Menu", which was a five-course meal of the finer offerings of the restaurant. We dined on amuse bouche, grilled radicchio, seared scallops, pork tenderloin, and wagyu, as well as all the trimmings for each and a berry trifle for dessert. It was fantastic, as was the wine and the view. However, all of it paled in comparison to spending it with Edward.

As we finished our desserts and sipped our wines, I was watching Edward as he stared out the window at the now darkened cove. Our fingers were threaded together across the center of the table and he was rubbing his thumb along the side of mine, seemingly lost in thought. He was so beautiful.

"I love you." I said quietly as I leaned forward on the table. He turned and smiled at me as our eyes met. "This was a beautiful evening, Edward. Thank you so much for everything."

"Bella…" he paused and his eyes held a devious look, "our night is only beginning." He winked and smiled that crooked smile. "You just don't even know it yet."

My mouth dropped open at the hint that he was giving, and I felt a chill climb up my spine. He motioned for our waiter and as he paid the bill I excused myself to the ladies room. I ran my hands under the cold water and tried to chill the excitement in my stomach. I couldn't help but think that we were finally going to be together again, in every way humanly possible, after all these years. I applied more lip-gloss, dabbed on a little powder and made my way back out to the dining room. I was met by the Maiter'd who asked me to follow him out to the terrace. It was completely vacant except for Edward standing at the far end from us. He motioned for me to walk towards Edward and then turned and walked back into the dining area. Suddenly, a soft light lit up the terrace as strands of twinkling white lights flickered on.

Edward was leaning on the railing of the terrace and I had to focus on putting one foot in front of the other as I walked to him. I could feel the wine and my nerves both going to my head. He watched me walk to him, and slid his hand around my back as I neared. There was something brewing in his eyes, but I couldn't place it. I just stared up at him, dying to finally kiss him when he turned and looked down to the ocean. I followed his gaze and rested my head on his chest as he wrapped me up in his arms.

"I love you, Isabella Swan." He said softly, placing a kiss on the top of my head.

"I love you, Edward Cullen." I replied, pulling myself tighter into his embrace.

"I'm really glad you said that, you know."

I was confused. Did he really not understand? Puzzled, I pulled my head up to look into his eyes, and about that same time he pulled back from me. He grasped our hands between us as we stood facing each other.

"No, seriously Bella. I love you, like I have never know love in all of my life."

I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant, and searching his eyes for any trace of doubt. I was left finding only truth.

"I sleep, and I dream of you. I wake, and every thought has you in it. All I am now is this man who loves you. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel _exactly _how you make me feel." The pained look of scared and love on his face pulled at my heart.

Before I could process what was happening, Edward reached into his coat pocket and simultaneously knelt down before me. I gasped and felt the tears prick my eyes as my hands flew to cover my mouth as he popped open a small box revealing a ring. _What? Really? Is this really happening?_

"I promise to love you every moment of forever. Isabella Marie Swan…will you marry me?" His voice quivered, and the look in his eyes, so full of love, made me fall to my knees right there in front of him.

"Oh, Edward. I…we… are you sure?" I asked, my hands grasping his face and tears flowing down mine.

"Bella, I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life." He said as he grasped my left hand and kissed my palm. "I want to be with _you_, forever."

My eyes flickered back and forth between his, and in that very moment, I knew.

"Yes" I whispered. "Yes, Edward, I will marry you."

He crushed his lips to mine, _finally,_ and I kissed him back with every ounce of love and devotion that I had for him, for us. I wrapped my arms around his neck and weaved my hands into his hair as he held the base of my neck and pulled me closer to him.

Suddenly, there was a loud commotion, and as we broke apart, I was shocked as I turned to see Rose, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and my _kids…with Jacob?_ Walking towards us all smiles and clapping._ Was I being Punk'ed? _

"What in the world…?" I half whispered as I turned back to Edward. He stood and helped me to my feet.

"I told you the night was just beginning. I'm full of surprises Bella." He had a shy smile on his face and he pressed his lips to mine once again. I felt him slowly slide his hand down my arm and lock his fingers into my left hand. He broke the kiss and slid an incredible diamond ring onto my finger. I had been so lost in the moment; I hadn't even taken notice of the ring until now. _Wow. _It was an oval shaped single diamond that had to be at least 3 karats. It was set in platinum and rose gold with a split shank design as the band split towards the diamond. There were countess smaller diamonds accenting the larger one and the sides. It was simply breathtaking and my hand was trembling as we examined it on my finger. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing as I looked once again into his eyes. I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck as he pulled me close again.

Almost immediately, a squealing Alice and Rose were pulling me from his arms and practically ripping my hand off at the wrist. The kids were gathering around as well hugging Edward and me. Jasper and Emmett threw in a few shoulder punches and razzed Edward for his romantic ways.

"Always the ladies man, huh Eddie boy?" Emmett teased as he wrapped his arm around Edward's neck and mocked punched him in the gut.

I took notice of Jacob hanging back a little and felt a pang of guilt. In all actuality, the divorce was still a fresh wound for him, and I still couldn't believe that he was standing there. I walked slowly over to him, not really sure what I was going to say, but not wanting him to feel excluded either.

"Congratulations Bella. You may not believe this, but I am really very happy for you." He said confidently.

"Thanks Jake, and thank you for bringing the kids here, so they could be a part of this too."

"No problem, but this was all Edward's idea. We actually met for coffee one day last week…and would you believe it? He asked _me_ for permission! I have to tell you, I was pretty shocked."

I was speechless. He asked _Jacob?_

"Then the kids and I met him for ice cream after I picked them up from your house today, and he asked their permission too. Of course, they were totally excited about it. They think very highly of him Bella."

All I could do was nod and smile as I glanced back towards Edward with tears in my eyes once again.

"I guess…I, I really don't know what to say. Thank you? It means a lot to me that you gave him your blessing Jake."

"Bella, all I want is for you to be happy. And if a man goes through so much trouble as to make sure that your children and your _ex_-husband are ok with the idea of you getting remarried…well…I can't really complain much now can I?"

"Come have a drink with us?" I asked, motioning towards the rest of the group.

Alice handed us both a glass, half-full of pink champagne and I walked back to Edward's side and folded myself into him as he pulled me close around my waist.

"A toast to the happy couple. Congratulations Edward and Bella! May your life and your love last forever." Rose spoke as she raised her glass into the air. The kids had plastic flutes full of a sparkling purple drink and raised them as well.

"Here, here!" Emmett boomed as we all clinked our glasses together.

Edward turned to me and placed his forehead on mine. "Forever." He whispered and I could taste the champagne on his breath as he slid the hair off my neck and placed a trail of warm kisses up my neck. _Lord help me!_

Edward slid the key card into the lock on the hotel door and held the door open allowing me to enter the room first. It was bathed in a soft glow of candlelight. A large white four-poster bed commanded the center of the room, and to the left was an expansive sliding glass door with a view of the cove. I entered slowly and took in more of the surroundings. There were cream, red and variegated tulips all around, and the smell of them combined with the light scent of the candles was intoxicating.

I felt Edward move up behind me and clasp his arms around my waist. I sucked in a shallow breath as he slowly began to trail his lips softly over my shoulder and up the side of my neck. He moved his hands to brush my hair over the opposite shoulder and began softly kissing a trail down my back. My skin exploded in chills and fire as he made his way down to "V" of the dress. Excruciatingly slowly, he slid first one strap and then the next off my shoulders and the dress fell to the floor, leaving me in nothing but the matching thong and heels. I turned to face him, and he let out a ragged breath.

"You're beautiful." He whispered as he ran his hands from my hips up to the sides of my breasts.

I couldn't control my want for him a second longer.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

Hope you enjoyed this one...I scratched it like 3 times before I was "happy" with it! :) Let me know!


	21. Chapter 20 : Only You Can Love Me

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Songs for this chapter: Only You Can Love Me This Way - Keith Urban

All songs and photos can be found on my blogsite for this story linked in my profile.

Yea, this one is a little shorter than usual...but really...I didn't want it to drag on and become just filler words. )

Enjoy!

* * *

><p>I locked my gaze into his as I slowly slid my hands under the lapels of his coat and up to his shoulders. He released my sides and the coat fell from his arms to the floor. My fingers found the buttons of his shirt and slowly, one by one; I unfastened them as he untied his tie. I broke our stare long enough to feast my eyes on the beauty of his chest, and slid my hands softly over the planes of his stomach. His breathing grew rapid as I followed the same path I used for his coat, and his shirt fell to the floor. It was a slow dance of desire and love, with soft touches and long gazes. My body was on fire for him, but I restrained myself just enough to enjoy every aching moment. <em>My fiancé.<em>

He rested his hands once again on my hips, circling his thumbs across my lower abdomen and I fought the urge to close my eyes as I brought my hands slowly back across his chest. My ring sparkled in the candlelight and caught my eye. Edward followed my stare and brought his hand up to grab my left hand, smiling at the ring. He locked our fingers as he kissed my ring, meeting my eyes once again. His lips moved slowly to my wrist and traveled up my arm to the crease of my elbow. A sigh escaped my lips as I watched him watching me. With my right hand, I slowly traced his chest and then abs, as I worked my way to the button of his pants. My left hand followed as he pulled me closer still kissing his way up and across my collarbone, and I freed the button and zipper. I gasped. _Edward has gone commando!_

He smiled a devious smile at me, and I couldn't contain the giggle that escaped me. A soft moan rumbled in his chest as I slid my fingers over his erection and then forced his pants off his hips. He toed his shoes off and moved to free his feet, removing his socks as well. Swiftly, he grabbed me by the hips and lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his back. His erection was pressed up against me and against my control; my head fell back at the contact and he took advantage of this by kissing up and down my neck. He slowly moved us to the bed and laid over me propped up on his elbows. For the first time since we entered the room, he spoke in a soft whisper,

"Do you have any idea how long I have waited for this moment?"

I nodded slowly in understanding as I ran my hands up the back of his neck and my fingers into his hair. My desire to be with him was just as great as the desire I could see in his eyes. He took a deep breath.

"Bella, I wanted to do right by you this time. I wanted every moment to be perfect." He kissed the hollow of my collarbone. "And now…" he paused, looking into my eyes, "I plan to make love to you, until you can't remember your name."

_Oh. My. God._

Devious Edward was back, and I squeaked or sighed, or something incoherent. Flames erupted all over my body as I forced his head to mine in a heated and heavy kiss. His tongue forced its way past my lips as he ground his hips into mine. He moaned into my mouth, and my hips rose into his of their own accord. Breaking the kiss and gasping for air, Edward slowly moved down my body. He fondled one breast while sucking the other hard into his mouth. I let out a heavy moan and felt him smile against my skin. He moved to the other breast and repeated his actions, and I felt the turning in my core about ready to explode. How one could orgasm from just his touch alone, I wasn't sure, but I was certain I was close to the brink. He moved his hands down to my hips and followed with a trail of kisses, circling my stomach, and across my waist from hipbone to hipbone. My back arched as he neared my thighs, licking and blowing warm air. He let out a hot breath against my core, still covered by my thong, and then slowly kissed, sucked and licked his way down my legs to the backs of knees. He sat back on his heals, raised my leg into the air, and I forced my eyes open to meet his as I watched him kiss me down to my ankle. He wiggled his eyebrows at the silver heel still on my foot.

"I think we're gonna leave these on." He smiled and ran his hands up the outside of my thighs.

At my hips he ran his hands across and to the inside of my thighs and ran a solitary finger across my panties.

"Ed-ward!" I moaned uncontrollably.

"Tell me what you want baby." He whispered as he sucked on the inside of my thigh, dangerously close to where I wanted him to be.

"Oh, God…Edward…you! I want you! Please!" I begged and moaned as I threw my head back into the pillows.

"How bad do you want me?" he teased.

My breathing was out of control as he ran his fingers under elastic of my thong at my hip, continuing his assault on my inner thighs, first on the left, then on the right, and back again. Never moving to where I wanted him. Driving me absolutely mad!

I lifted my head to find his eyes and threaded my fingers into his hair, scratching and gently pulling.

"Please, Edward. Please?" I whispered.

"Your wish I my command, my wife-to-be." And with that, he rose to his knees and slowly slid my thong down and off, discarding it somewhere onto the floor with the heap of our clothing. His mouth followed his hands back up my legs and he once again let out a hot breath at my core. My hips jerked up in response and he pushed them back down, resting a forearm across them to hold me still. He slowly slid his fingers across my folds and pressed first one and then two fingers inside and then back out again. I gasped at the touch and a soft moan fell off my lips. I bit down on my lower lip as I tried to control myself and just allow the feelings to wash over me.

His mouth took residence over my clit and my body jerked in response to every flick of his tongue as his fingers moved in and out bringing me closer and closer to the edge. One hand gripped his copper hair between my fingers, and the other gripped my hair in the same fashion. He began to move his fingers and his tongue faster in sync until I could no longer hold back. He removed his fingers and replaced them with his mouth as he continued to pull me deeper into my orgasm. My hands moved to death grip on the sheets, as my body lifted in response to the explosion he was giving me.

"Edwarr-rd…" I moaned, trying to breathe as he slowed his ministrations, bringing me back down to earth.

"Mmm…Bella…" he moaned as he pulled away and left a trail of wet kisses up my stomach. He took residence on my left breast once again, while keeping a hand at my core and plunging two fingers back inside of me. I could feel the tightening again rolling in my stomach. _My God, he's good._

I reached for his hand, bringing him to a stop. I wanted to feel _him_ this time, not his hands. He moved up over me, resting his hips between mine and propped himself up on his elbows. I moved my hands down over his bottom and skimmed my fingers up and down his hips as we just stared into each other's eyes.

"I love you." I said softly as my breathing began to even out again.

"And I love you." He repeated softly back, placing his lips against mine. When Jacob and I had ever been intimate, I was adamant about him not kissing me after he went down, but something about tasting myself in Edward's kiss actually turned me on.

Slowly, I moved my hands between us and ran my fingers up the side of his erection. He pressed his kiss harder into mine as my fingers made their way across his sensitive head and I grasped a hold of him. Spreading the bit of his cum that had escaped around the tip and then sliding my hand down to the base, caused him to shift his weight and he broke our kiss and dropped his head to my shoulder.

"Bella…" he let out in a staggering breath.

"Make love to me Edward." I whispered in his ear. "I wanna feel you inside of me. Make love to me, please."

I had barely said the last word when he placed his hand over mine and together we brought him up to meet my core. He rubbed the tip up and down my center, in a little tease as he looked down between us and watched. I followed his stare and realized that he was also holding onto my ring. His eyes met mine once again, and we both let him go. He wrapped his arms around the backside of my shoulders, and I placed mine on his lower back as he slowly pushed forward into me; our eyes never leaving the confines of one another's fixed expression of love. Once he was completely sheathed inside of me, he achingly slowly moved to pull back out, almost completely and then slowly surged forward again. Our breathing picked up, and I was losing control again as my grip moved to his ass and I dug my fingers in. With every slide forward he moved just a fraction faster and deeper until it felt like we were connected irrevocably. He moved his right arm and pulled my leg up, locking it over his hip and allowing him to move even deeper inside.

"Oh God, Edward!" I moaned and threw my head back. I had completely forgotten how good it felt to be with him like this, and I was fighting every urge to rush it.

He picked up the pace a little more, going even deeper and stronger. Without breaking stride, he slid his right hand between my shoulder blades and gently eased me slightly up. I propped myself up on my left hand and gripped the back of his neck with my right. The angle took my breath away and I had to fight to keep focus on his eyes as he continued to move inside of me. He then moved his left hand from the outside of my thigh and rolled his thumb over my clit, watching himself move in and out of my body as he did. I lost it completely and an earth shattering orgasm took over my body, but he never stopped. My head fell back and he continued to rock into me with just enough force and pace to draw it out longer than I had ever experienced before. The sounds escaping my throat were all too incoherent, and I was feeling too good to care.

"God Bella…you're fucking beautiful!" he said breathlessly as he eased me back down to the bed and locked his arms under me. His hands gripped the tops of my shoulders and he quickened the pace even more. I locked my ankles around the small of his back, gripped his shoulder blades and shifted my hips into his as he rocked faster and faster, deeper and deeper.

"Christ Bella!" he said in a strangled voice. I could tell he was close to his own release as well.

"Edward…oh my go-…" I couldn't complete a coherent word or thought as my head thrashed to the side and I squeezed my eyes closed.

"Look at me. Look at me, Bella." He commanded as he slowed just slightly.

I found his gorgeous blue eyes, and wrapped my hands up into his hair. He quickened his pace again, now slamming into me with a force that was taking my breath. He placed his lips on mine and our mouths opened, breathing each other's breaths. Without warning another orgasm rocked through me and my back arched up. Edward's release followed along at the exact same moment.

"Shit, Bella! I…ah…" was all he said as he exploded with me.

"Oh, Edward…"

My arms were wrapped like a vice around his shoulders, and his on mine as he began to slow. He dropped his head to my shoulder and my lips met his collarbone where I kissed my way up his neck and closed my eyes.

"God, I love you." He said in a breathless whisper still moving slowly in me. "I fucking _love_ you."

All I could manage was a nod in the crook of his neck and I felt him smile against my skin.

"What's your name?" he chuckled as he slowed to a stop, still holding inside of me.

_Marie? Isab-? What the fuck? My name is…umm…_

He chuckled again and lifted his head, "I see I have done my job well." He teased.

"Oh my God! What the fuck?" I laughed and then smiled softly at him. He pressed his lips to mine and kissed me slowly, like he'd never kissed me before in his life. It was a fucking hot kiss and I felt him grow hard again inside of me.

"Ready for round two?" I asked with a teasing smirk.

Much sooner than I desired, I felt the light of the morning sun dance across my face. I stirred slightly and was flooded with the scent of Edward, flowers and sex. Visions of the night before flooded my mind as a smile spread across my face. I was buried into the side of his ribs, our legs a tangled mess, his arms wrapped all around me. I nuzzled closer and felt his breathing begin to change, signaling to me that he was waking up. I glided my hand delicately across his chest and up to the crook of his shoulder feeling him turn his head into my touch as I cupped his jaw.

He yawned and stretched, and I raised my head to see him blinking his baby blue eyes open. He smiled and rolled to his side, enveloping me in his embrace as he placed a kiss on my forehead.

"Good morning beautiful." He said groggily.

"Good morning handsome." I replied back as I drew my leg up the side of his hip.

"More already?" he teased. "Didn't we just fall asleep?" he chuckled as he pulled me closer, slid his hands down my back, and squeezed my ass. I would never have enough of him. He was already hard as a rock, as he pressed himself between my legs and began sliding back at forth across my core, an excruciating tease. Before he moved forward again, I suddenly jerked my hips and he slid all the way in, surprising us both, and causing us to both moan and freeze at the same time.

"Bella, shit…" Edward moaned and he rolled to his back, pulling me up on top of him. He gripped my hips and I gripped his chest, as he quickly picked up the pace, turning and rocking us. He moved his hands to my core and began pinching and rolling my clit along with his thrusts. I slid my hand down to feel us coming together wrapping a few fingers around the base of him and squeezing just slightly. He threw his head back and rocked harder into me until we collapsed in a sweaty heap.

I rested my cheek on his chest just over his heart and drew circles with my fingers.

"Morning quickies are the best." He chuckled as he ghosted his fingers through my hair. About the same time, my stomach let out an embarrassingly loud growl. We both laughed in unison.

"Ok, let's feed you before you die of sex starvation." He laughed, patting my ass before he shifted me off of him, kissed my cheek and climbed out of bed.

I watched as he went into the bathroom, and admired the view of his tightly chiseled ass. I fell back into the pillows and let out a sigh. I couldn't believe that we were finally, after all this time, really here. It was no longer a dream of my subconscious, it was my reality.

I heard the toilet flush and a second later the water in the sink running. He must have been brushing his teeth, as I heard the sound of gargling and him spitting. I just smiled to myself and closed my eyes. Not realizing I had dozed off, I suddenly woke to Edward pressing his lips to mine and the smell of bacon.

I sat up to see that Edward had ordered room service, complete with a plate fresh of strawberries, cantaloupe, honeydew, pineapple and peeled oranges. There was French toast, bacon, scrambled eggs and yogurt each at its own setting on the table. My stomach let out another large growl as he smiled and helped me up. A white terry cloth robe was lying at the foot of the bed and he offered it to me. I wrapped the velvet luxuriousness around me and he pulled me by the hand to the table. He poured me a glass of orange juice and a cup of coffee and then held up his glass of juice to me.

"To the single best night of my existence. Thank you for agreeing to be my wife and I only hope that I can bring you as much joy and happiness as you have brought me. I love you Bella." He said with conviction.

Tears pricked my eyes and I leaned across the table and pressed my lips to his. A single tear slid down my cheek and he wiped it away with his thumb. "And I love you. I never really believed that this day would ever come Edward, and I honestly don't believe I could ever be happier than I am at this very moment."

He pressed his lips softly to mine again and then pulled back and we clinked our glasses. We enjoyed breakfast easily with small touches, kisses and smiles. Never breaking our contact, be it our feet under the table, or his hand on my thigh. All too soon it would be back to the realities of daily life, so I was soaking up this hideaway moment just as long as I could.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

Whew...yea...I need an Edward! LOL Umm...hope that was good for you...Lemony chapters make me nervous! )


	22. Epilogue : Everything

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

SM owns the characters, I just play in the sandbox.

**A/N:** So, after **much** debate with myself, I have brought this story to an end. I sat on the next chapter, and went back and forth and over and over "what's next?"...really realizing that if I went on any further, it would just be drawing it out just for the sake of writing SOMETHING...and that didn't really feel fair, or where this story should go. I didn't want it to become just an endless ramble of nothing...So in the last week, I have resolved that this story is done. They got their HEA...you didn't think I wouldn't DID YOU? LOL

Many, many, many THANKS to each and every one of you for reading and reviewing and making me feel like my first go at this wasn't stupid or pointless. :) Your encouragement and support has been unbelievable! You are all very wonderful!

Song's and images for this chapter linked in my profile.

Everything - Lifehouse

Hypnotize the Moon - Clay Walker (yes, again...full circle and all that!) :)

Without further a do...the wedding.

* * *

><p><em><strong>April 13, 2010 – The Wedding<strong>_

"Belll-lla…" Alice's singsong voice broke me from my revere. "You're doing it again." She huffed, an eyeliner pencil in one hand, her other on her hip in mocked annoyance.

In my mind, I was in my happy place, wrapped in Edward's embrace on a lone tropical island. The warm breeze swirled around us and the roll of the ocean calmed me as I melted further into his arms.

"Sorry Alice." I muttered. She waved her hand at me as if to brush me off, and leaned in again to continue her "work of art" as she called it.

Today was the day. Today I would finally be marrying Edward. It had felt like a lifetime ago, yet just like yesterday that he asked me to marry him. In reality, it had been one year to the day since he surprised me with dinner, a proposal and a magical night of reconnecting at the most intimate level two souls possibly could.

I had given Alice free reign over the wedding planning. I knew it possibly couldn't be something she would be able to contain her enthusiasm for, and quite honestly, the mere idea of planning a wedding terrified me. Jacob and I had gone to the Justice of the Peace, easy. A wedding, in all it's petrifying glory…I shuddered at the thought. So, knowing Alice, and knowing her love of _any_ kind of party, I let her have at it. I only had a few small requests, and the rest of it was in her hands. I wanted white tulips to be the main flowers, for obvious reasons, nothing too ostentatious preferably small and intimate, veto abilities on the guest list, and preferably a sunset ceremony. She had been a whirlwind to contend with at first, but she was having a blast. Only coming to me on a few occasions for my opinion, but after about the fifth time of telling her that I trusted her and her decisions completely, she left me alone and told me it would be the best surprise wedding I could ever imagine. So, as I sat in the hotel room and she prepared my hair and make-up, I was slightly giddy at the fact that my own wedding was just that.

I only knew the basics really. I obviously knew what my dress looked like, since I had been fitted for it about six months ago. But I hadn't seen it since then, and had no idea what the final outcome would be. The flowers were a "go". Rose, Alice and Ang were my bridesmaids, again, obviously. My girls and Kaylee were the flower girls and my Robbie was the ring bearer. Jasper, Emmett and Ben were Edward's groomsmen and Charlie would be giving me away. I also knew that Alice had chosen a white, sliver and muted blue theme, giving me only a peek of the bridesmaids dress color. The ceremony was taking place on a cliff-side in La Jolla, overlooking the ocean at sunset, and the rest remained a mystery.

Alice primped and prodded, while I huffed and puffed. I wasn't nervous in the least, but what in reality were merely a few hours of her doting on me, felt like days as she curled and pinned my hair, and applied my make up.

"Bella, stop being so fidgety!" she chastised. "You're making this harder than it should be."

So for about the hundredth time, "Sorry, Alice."

"Ok. Spill. What's wrong?" she asked as she stepped back and laid the curling iron down on the marble counter top of the en suite.

I took and exhaled a deep breath. _What the heck is wrong with me? Why am I acting so nervous? Am I nervous? Well aside from the obvious worry that I'll trip on my own two feet, ripping my dress in the process and taking a nose-dive off the cliff…ok, maybe slightly nervous._

"Nothing Alice, I promise. You know me, I hate being the center of attention." _I'm just ready to get this over with and get on with my honeymoon. Ha!_

"Get over yourself honey! Just remember, this is the day you have been waiting nearly your whole life for. Once you see Edward, everything else will just fade away." _Please, oh please, I hope, I hope._

I gave her a small smile, took another deep breath and nodded slightly. She got back to "working her magic."

When she was done, my hair was falling in a cascade of swirls down my back, with the sides loosely swept back and bobby pins with faux pearls on the ends holding it in place. My make up was heavier than normal, but not over the top. The sliver and blue eye shadow, dusted over my lids, made my eyes really pop. Just a hint of blush, as I was sure I wouldn't need, and my lips a sparkling neutral pink. I was speechless. Alice had done my make up on countless occasions, but something about this time…_it was fantastic!_

I turned from gaping at myself in the mirror to find her practically vibrating.

"Alice…" I managed to half-whisper.

"You don't have to say a word! The look on your face says it all! Now come on, the girls will be here in less than five minutes to get you dressed." She spilled out as she grabbed my wrist and pulled me up and into the living area of the suite.

As we entered through the doorway, I grabbed a hold of her hand that was tugging me along, and managed to stop her in her tracks. She spun around to face me, slightly bewildered.

"Just in case I get swept up the beauty and awesome of the day you have planned for me and Edward, I wanted to tell you this now." I grasped both of her hands in mine. "You are absolutely my very best friend in the world, and I couldn't have possibly done this day without you. Words are not enough, but they're all I have. Thank you _so very_ much for everything, Alice." I felt myself tearing up, but held back, knowing she'd likely kill me if I screwed up my make up.

"You little twit! You're going to make us both ruin our faces!" She blubbered, trying as well to keep her tears at bay and embracing me tightly. _The little pixie was freakishly strong!_

"Before we go getting even more sappy, and really, I'll kill you if you mess up that face before you see Edward," _told ya so_ "There is nothing you need to say. This has been an absolute pleasure for me, and I can't wait for you to enjoy it! YOU, Bella Swan-soon-to-be-Cullen, are _very, very_ welcome!"

Just then the door to the suite opened up as Rose and Ang walked in, Alice and I still embraced in each other's arms.

"Well, I hate to break up the love fest ladies, but there is a very gorgeous specimen of a man downstairs who would like to believe he's marrying that fine piece of brunette ass right there. So, unless you two are planning on running away to Vegas together, let's get this show on the road!"

Alice and I turned to each other and busted up laughing. _Leave it to Rose to break the tension._

"And that my friend, is why I love you deeply Rose." I said with a smirk.

"Yea, yea, you love me, but you're marrying Edward….hmm, what's wrong with _that_ picture? Hmm?" She teased.

The laughing resumed as I hugged her and Ang. They had both arrived from the salon downstairs in the hotel, having had their hair and make up done. Ang's was pulled back into a tight bun, with her bangs swept to the side, looking stunning. Rose had hers up as well in a loose twist of blond curls, and tendrils framing her face. Alice popped open a bottle of champagne and we toasted the day before they scurried off to retrieve my dress from the bedroom. Together they hung the garment bag in front of the window and revealed the dress.

_Moment number two of speechlessness._

I slowly made my way towards the dress. Somehow, I seemed to forget just how magnificent it was. _Was this even the same dress?_

It was an A-line fit with rouching around the bust and delicate beading just under it. It had an asymmetric waistline with a knot cinched with beading at the hip. Tiers of lace and organza made up the skirt and train, making the finishing touch striking. It was just a slight silvery-champagne color. _Gorgeous._

Alice's squeal of delight brought me out of my drool worthy moment, and the girls removed the dress, unzipping it and waited for me to step into it. I slipped out of my fluffy hotel-issued bathrobe, left in only my strapless bustier, wearing it only at Alice's insistence of appropriate "wedding lingerie" and white lace cheekies. I insisted on _not_ wearing a garter belt and hose, being that it was an outdoor wedding and I didn't want to be in stupid pantyhose.

As I stepped into the dress, the girls hoisted it up over my body and zipped up the back, which donned faux buttons to hide the zipper. The fluffed out the skirt, and pulled out the train, letting the dress fall around at my feet. Angela squatted down with my satin peep-toe heals, _sure to kill me at some point in the evening,_ and I lifted up the skirt as she slipped them, one at a time, onto my feet and then stepped back and starred. Rose and Alice flanked her sides, and they wrapped their arms around each others waists.

"Our little girl is all grown up." Rose mocked and dabbed her fake tears.

"You look absolutely breathtaking Bells." Angela said softly, while Alice just beamed and nodded her head in agreement.

Then in a spur of flurry, they dashed off to dress themselves, leaving me to my own thoughts and wonderment of the dress. I was too afraid to look at myself in the mirror; worried it may send me into some unknown panic attack. As each of them emerged from the bedroom, I gasped. Each of them in a silvery-blue dress of a different style, and all of them stunning and fitting to their individual personality and taste. _Damn, Alice is good!_

Another round of champagne, and my nerves began to calm. That was until the _real_ tornado busted into the room. Renee. _And…here we go..._

"Oh my goodness!" she gasped. "Bella..oh Bella, you look…just…" and at that, she burst into tears as she approached me and grasped me tightly around the shoulders. _Oh good Lord._

"Hey, mom." I said softly, as I loosened myself from her death grip. She pulled back, all smiles and tears, and grabbed a handkerchief from her purse.

As she dabbed her eyes, she spoke. "You look so beautiful Bella! I've never seen a more beautiful bride in my entire life!"

I blushed and smiled. Renee had her quirks, and she may get on my nerves more often than not, but she was still my mother.

"Thanks mom. You look beautiful too."

"I hate to break up this beautiful moment, but we need to get this show on the road!" Alice beamed. _God love Alice!_

xxx

As the limo made the final turn onto La Jolla Drive, I could see the sun beginning to make it's decent towards the horizon. I looked around at the faces of my friends and family riding with me, and smiled. The girls looked like they would burst with excitement, and while Robbie didn't seem to understand what it was really all about, he was excited because they were excited. They were laughing and giggling and talking about how they would all be brother and sisters soon. My smile grew wider at that thought. _My little family._

All four of the kids had easily and joyfully accepted the news that Edward and I were getting married, and even more so the idea that they would all be brother and sisters. My only wish was that we could have Kaylee more often than we did, but for now it worked, and they were always so ecstatic when she came to visit.

I was briefly aware that we were no longer moving and turned again to the setting sun. I felt a calm wash over me as I took in the surroundings. From the road, I could only see the top of the cliff, noting that a white carpet runner made a path from the edge of the grass to the top of a staircase that lead down to a mystery below. _Fuck my life. Stairs!_

The door opened in front of me, the scent of the salty air invading my lungs, and I momentarily noticed that I was now alone in the limo. The kids, Rose, Ang and Alice were standing towards the front, Alice deep in conversation with a petite blonde woman about her size who held fast to a clipboard and had an ear piece with a microphone in her left ear. I assumed this was Jane, whom she had told me was "second in command" as the wedding coordinator. Alice being the first, of course. _Of course! _I looked up, and was almost startled at the sight of my father. Charlie was holding his hand out, a silent request to assist me from the car.

"Dad?" I whispered. "You look…" I couldn't form a coherent thought. He looked _so_ handsome in his deep grey tux, with a silver-blue tie, matching exactly with the bridesmaid dresses with a small, white tulip boutonniere on his lapel.

"No Bella," he blushed slightly, "I don't look anywhere close to as magnificent as you do. I can only hope that I'm slightly appropriate to bestow the honor of walking you down that isle." I tentatively placed my hand in his as he helped me from the car, and threw myself into his arms.

"You have _no_ idea daddy." I whispered softly, trying as hard as possible to fight back the tears. "You look so handsome."

He chuckled softly with a soft "thanks Bells" and offered me his arm to which I slipped my hand into, and gathered up the train of my dress. Hidden under all the organza of the train, was a satin loop that I slid around my wrist to carry it as we made our way to the rest of the wedding party. Emmett and Jasper had now joined the ranks, as well as Edward's parents; Esme and Carlisle, and Renee and Phil. Our mothers began gushing around me, as I held fast to Charlie's arm. He would be my rock, and I would hold on tight.

Jane came to my side, and handed me a bouquet of at least two-dozen white tulips, bound together with a satin ribbon of the silvery-blue theme color and silver pearl-type pins. It was very simple, yet very elegant, and I brought it to my nose to inhale their light fragrance. The bridesmaids all held a bouquet of a spring mixture of white peonies, light blue hydrangeas and greens. The girls, _my girls_, all three of them, held kissing balls of white hydrangeas, strung from a white silk ribbon. Emmett, Jasper, Ben and Robbie, in his adorable little deep grey tux, all had the same simple white tulip boutonniere and silver blue tie as my father. Robbie was also holding a small silver pillow. Ok, so more like slinging it around, but he is only five after all. I smiled as I took them all in again.

I was doing my best to try and take in as much as possible, but I still had a slight fidget that my dad sensed as he gave my hand a gentle squeeze on his arm, and smiled softly at me.

Alice motioned to Jane, who placed her hand to her ear, and mumbled off into her mic. I heard the soft sound of music drift up towards us, as Alice made her towards where I held fast to my dad.

"Hey sweetie." She said, with her face all aglow, "It's time to get you down there and married to the man of your dreams. You ready?"

Her smile was infectious, and I nodded back to her.

Emmett and Jasper descended the stairs first, each with one of our mother's on their arm in escort. I closed my eyes for a brief moment and took in nothing but the scents and sounds around me. I felt another wave of calm wash over me as a picture of Edward floated through my mind. My hand that was holding onto Charlie instinctively let go, as I reached up and softly grasped my necklace. It was the heart necklace that Edward had given me all those years ago. I slowly released it, and my fingers found the matching earrings.

"_It's always been yours Bella."_

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, as I wrapped my hand around my dad's arm again. I looked up into his eyes, and he winked back down at me, obviously noting my flashbacks and resolve. _This was finally going to happen. We were getting our happy ending._

I watched and listened, as Alice corralled the children, and ushered them down the stairs. I tensed. _Oh Lord, please don't let Robbie go tumbling. He's about as graceful as I am!_ At that same moment, Kaylee reached down and clasped hands with him. Both of their big blue eyes sparkled, and they smiled at each other. Helplessly, a tear rolled down my cheek. How could I _not_ cry at the sight of her already slipping in with ease to the roll of his big sister? I quickly brushed it away with my finger, hoping not to endure the wrath of Alice. I heard the music change, but was paying very little attention to exactly what the song was.

Once the kids had fallen from sight, Ben and Angela made their way down, until I could no longer see their tops of their heads. Next were Rose and Emmett. She turned before they started blew me an air kiss and gave a wink. I smiled softly in return and then caught Emmett's eye as he also winked before prancing…yes, he pranced…down the stairs. I giggled. _Only Emmett. _ Alice and Jasper were last, and standing directly in front of my father and myself. She turned again, and motioned to Jane, who stepped to my side and took hold of the loop from my train. She then fluffed the skirt and let the train fall in a flutter behind me. As I looked over my shoulder, I smiled to myself and then back at Alice. She of course, was still beaming and giddy while I giggled at her enthusiasm…_who's wedding was this again?_

"Just remember to breath Bella. You look stunning. Edward will be waiting." She chimed, and then they set off down the stairs. We held back, remaining out of sight, and waiting for the "go ahead" from Jane. Once again the music changed, only this time I was well aware of the song, and my heart picked up a rapid pace and my breath hitched. _Did Edward do this?_

I kept waiting to hear the words from the song ring out, but all I heard was the continuous melody of the piano, as it played out and filled the air. _Hypnotize the Moon. _I felt my eyes swell up with tears for the umpteenth time, and looked up at Charlie.

"Don't let me fall, Dad." I whispered, not trusting that I wouldn't choke on the words. His smile faltered slightly, as I watched a play of emotions flash through his eyes. Then his free hand grasped mine on his arm, and we made our way down the stairs.

As I took the last step and my feet landed on the white carpet that was laid across the green grass, I finally chanced a look around and gasped. _It was perfect. _The sky was cloudless with a hint of orange, pink and red. The flowers about were all white tulips and hydrangeas. There were hints of the slivery blue wrapped in ribbons and bows amongst the flowers and along the sides of the chairs. As we slowly walked to the center isle, my breath caught again, as I took in the "alter". It was a rustic, grey wood built into a magnificent canopy. It looked just like the driftwood we used to find on the beaches of La Push when I was younger. Ivy climbed up all four columns and spread across the top. Garnishing the top and creating a canopy were more white tulips and hydrangeas. It looked ethereal, like something right out of a fairytale wedding magazine. Edward's back was to me, as he looked out across the rocks and waves. My father guided me slowly up the isle, and as we made it halfway to him, he slowly turned to face us, his hands clasped together in front of him. Every thing faded into the background, leaving just the two of us.

All I really saw was Edward's face; it filled my vision and overwhelmed my mind. His eyes sparkled with the blue of the ocean; his perfect face was almost severe with the depth of his emotion. And then, as he met my awed gaze, he broke into a breathtaking smile that nearly brought me to my knees. I couldn't help but return his smile forcing every ounce of love I had for him into my eyes, and willing him to feel it.

He stepped just slightly forward when we approached him, his hand reached out to mine. Charlie took my hand and, in a symbol as old as time, placed it into Edward's. In that moment, I was home.

I tried very hard to pay attention to what was happening around me, however as the minister said his part, I was lost in the eyes of my one true love. I took a moment to look at him, really look at him. He was wearing the same deep grey tux as the other men, but his stood alone with a silver-blue vest and champagne tie that matched my dress. He was clean-shaven, and his beautiful bronze hair was waving in the wind. He was breathtaking. I looked into his shining eyes and knew that I was winning too. Nothing else mattered. We had each other and _our_ children.

Just at the last sliver of the sun disappeared behind the horizon, and twilight began, Edward brought his had up to cup my jaw, pressing his lips to mine sealing our love in a kiss that held the promise of forever.

~ The End ~

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

There you have it folks! I hope it was worth the read...didn't want to drone on and get too boring! :) Yes, if you noticed...I placed a few BD moments in there! :)

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!


	23. Present Day : Part 1

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

Surprise! These characters and this story just wouldn't go away, and this ending played itself over and over in my mind until I decided to "put it on paper", but I feel as though it brings the story to a full closure...it turned out EXTREMELY long, so I am giving it to you in two parts! I hope you enjoy where they are today...and all I have to say is just...TRUST ME. :)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

SM owns the characters, I just play in the sandbox.

* * *

><p><strong>June 2011 (Present Day)<strong>

Silent. Peaceful. Heavenly. That's what my weekends are like when the kids are with Jacob. I relish the quiet and the calm from the chaos of the weekdays. I love my kids, but I love my quiet time too. Who doesn't? I know these moments won't last very long, so I am soaking them up as much as I can, even if this particular weekend, I am extremely lonely.

Edward and I celebrated our first anniversary as husband and wife this year, and since that day it has felt like a whirlwind had taken over our lives. Let me start by saying that our anniversary was beyond spectacular. He took me back to the hotel where he proposed, and we spent a weekend locked away in our hotel room, beneath the sheets. God, it was fantastic to "get away" and spend some time together, just being the two of us. I never imagined that I'd have to miss that time with him, but I do.

Eighteen days later came the news that tilted our world off its axis. He was being sent to Arizona with the rest of the Air Rescue squad, to help fight some major, and out of control, wild fires. I immediately ran to the bathroom and threw up all of the contents of my stomach when he came home that day and told me. I felt like I was being transported back to another lifetime ago, to the first time that Jacob had told me he was deploying for six months. I never thought that Edward being a firefighter would take him away too. Delusional…yes, I know. The fires have been horrible though, and way too many people have actually lost their homes, so I know it's where he _needs_ to be, I'm just selfish and I don't like sharing him. Period.

That next Sunday, it was one week until he had to leave, and I remember waking up that morning and running straight to the toilet, purging the contents of my stomach for what felt like hours. Edward came staggering in still half asleep, pulled my hair back and ran a cold, wet washcloth over the back of my neck. He then took me by surprise by asking me the most basic question, but it left me dry heaving into the toilet. Again, delusional me, had never really thought much about it being even a blip on the radar, but he'd obviously been paying more attention that I had. That night marked the second and most substantial flip of our world in just a matter of weeks. It's not like we had been trying, but we weren't exactly doing anything to prevent it either. We were just living, and now, we were having a baby.

Edward has been gone for just over a month now, and every moment that goes by, we know less and less about how much longer he'll be gone. He does make it a point to call me every night before he goes to bed, and me being all kinds of crazy and hormonal, cry like a baby every time the phone rings. The relief that he has made it through another day…well, it's overwhelming; especially in my condition.

So, here I sit, just over two months pregnant, sipping a mug of boring-ass decaf coffee on my back porch, while my children are with Jacob, and my husband is off risking his life. It's so quiet you could hear an ant fart, and yet, I know it won't last long, so I do my best to remember how much I love it.

I still haven't told Alice or Rose yet. I'm not sure why either. I know they will both be thrilled beyond belief that I'm having a baby, but something in the back of my mind has me waiting to get to that "less risk of anything going wrong" stage. They're both going to verbally kill me when they find out I've taken so long to tell them, but what can I say? I'm still a chicken-shit about the delicate first trimester.

Speaking of Alice. She moved out about six months after Edward and I got married. She ended up renting his old condo from him, and I swear, that girl was _meant_ to live in that place. He's pretty much given her free reign to decorate as she pleases, and let me just say…I barely recognize it as ever being his place anymore. That girl can decorate! Her and Jasper have become quite the item these days too, but since he still lives in Washington, they are doing their best at maintaining a long-distance relationship, and going about things pretty maturely. They are obviously head-over-heels for each other. Anyone who isn't blind can see that when they are together, but he's very delicate with her, considering her past with James. Things are just hard for them considering he has his bar, and she doesn't want to leave Rose and me. So, they make it work for now, but I have a feeling one of them will crack soon. My bet is on Jasper, because once she finds out I am pregnant; she will let nothing drag her away from San Diego.

Except this weekend, she's in PA with him, and won't be back until next weekend. Emmett and Rose took the kids to Disneyland for the first weekend of the summer, so that leaves me one hundred percent alone. _This fucking sucks._

I finish off the last of my coffee, wondering why I even bother since it does nothing to wake me up, and head inside. I know I need to do the laundry, but in case you missed it, it's my first trimester, and I am fucking tired! The pile of clothes mocks me from the laundry room as I walk past. I glare back, as if it's going to stand up and converse with me. _Jesus, I need to get out more._

I rinse my mug and head back to my room. A nice soak in the tub seems like the perfect idea at the moment, and hey, I have no responsibilities today. A soak it is!

I grab my iPhone, open up the iPod app and select the random play setting before docking it into the station on the counter. I turn on the water and as I let the tub fill, I strip down and take a good long look at my naked self in the mirror. I turn to the side, maybe hoping to see some kind of a bump, but there's really not much to see at this point. I busted my ass to get into shape before the wedding, and I have maintained it well. My stomach hasn't been this flat since before I had Lynette, and there's no sign of an impending bump at all.

I slide into the tub, turn on the jets and let the warmth and music surround me. _Yep, best fucking idea ever!_

I remember when I first wanted to buy this house; there were two things stood out to me the most. It's huge, beautiful kitchen where I imagined preparing countless meals, as well as hosting countless parties in. And the master bathroom, this room is like my own personal spa, and the tub….fucking _huge _with its jets in all the right places. Let's just say that Edward and I have christened it well. Oh yea, very, _very_ well, and often, and…._dammit._

Did I mention that in my first trimester, I am also _extremely_ horny? How fair is that? He's not even here to enjoy this with me, and when he comes back, I'll probably be all puffy and fat and miserable, and not want him within an inch of me.

Annnnnnnd, now I am crying. _Damn pregnancy hormones._

I sigh, turn off the jets, and hit the drain plug. Since my moment of pure bliss is now over, I stand up to climb out. Just as I am reaching for a towel, my phone begins to ring. I jump about a mile high, and my heart starts racing. _Shit. That scared the piss outta me._

I quickly wrap the towel around me and cautiously climb out of the tub. The caller ID reads "Unknown" and my mind begins racing. _Everyone I know is programmed into my phone? Who the hell could this be? Oh shit…._

And before I even let my mind go there, I answer.

"Mrs. Cullen?" an unfamiliar voice responds.

"Umm…yes?" still not sure who the hell this is.

"This is Dr. Ryan at Phoenix Grand General Hospital. Am I speaking with Mrs. Edward A. Cullen?"

I swallow hard, and try to ignore the horrid pain that is threatening to close up my windpipe and shut down my heart. _Calm down Bella. Breathe._

"Yes. Yes, that's me."

"Mrs. Cullen, I'm calling to inform you….admitted….life-flight….critical". There's a sudden ringing in my ears, and my vision is blurred. I try desperately to fight back the wave of nausea and hold on to what he is saying, but my body is giving out. I drop my phone to the floor and slump forward, bracing myself on the counter. I feel myself gasping, choking, desperate to get air into my lungs, but it feels like a noose is tied around my throat, preventing air from getting in. _Please God. Help me._

I feel my knees hit the floor, and I press my forehead against the cabinets. A noise from the floor below me causes my brain kick back on. I draw in a long, deep breath, and feel the blood rushing to my brain again. Another noise then registers with me, and I realize it's me, sobbing. Not moving, I blindly reach for my phone. I can hear the doctor trying to get my attention as I press it to my ear.

"Mrs. Cullen? Mrs. Cullen, are you still there?" he sounds slightly panicked.

"Yes." I answer softly. "I'm sorry. I'm here. Please…please tell me about my husband."

_Oh my God, Edward. Don't you dare fucking leave me now!_

"I'm very sorry to have to call to tell you all of this. It's not news that I like to deliver over the phone, but as are the circumstances, I am sure you understand."

"Yes, sir, I do understand. Please...is he…will he?" I can't even finish the thought or the question. I won't. Edward _will_ come home!

"As I was saying Mrs. Cullen. Your husband was brought in via life-flight about an hour ago. We have him stabilized, but he is still very in critical condition. We have him heavily sedated in a medicated coma for the time being, to give his body time to recover and rest. He was severely dehydrated, and suffered some first and second degree burns over about thirty percent of his body." _Holy shit. _"We won't know the extent of his smoke inhalation for some time, but when he arrived his oxygen stats were less than seventy percent."

I'm sobbing again. Warm, fat tears are streaming down my face as this all sinks in. I want to crawl through the phone and rush to his side. He needs me there, I know he does.

"Dr. Ryan?" I ask timidly.

"Yes, Mrs. Cullen?"

"Please save my husband. Please. Do whatever it takes, just please….save him." There's no stopping me now, the tears are coming fast, and I am openly begging and crying to this stranger on the phone.

"I assure you, we're doing everything we can." He answers.

"And please…tell him I love him, and I will be there just as soon as I can. Please tell him that. He needs to know. He _has_ to know that I am going to be there for him. Please." I beg.

"Mrs. Cullen, as I stated before –"

I cut him off, "PLEASE! Just…please, do this one thing for me." I beg without hesitation.

"Yes, of course. I will, Mrs. Cullen. I will tell him." He says solemnly. I immediately hate the tone of his voice. It's too final. Too _fucking_ final. Edward _will_ be ok! He just _will!_

"Thank you Dr. Ryan." I'm crying again, but I don't care.

The call is disconnected, and I just stare at the phone in my hand. I replay all the words he just told me like a broken record in my mind. _Critical condition, medical coma…oh God!_

My fingers grip the phone so hard they ache, and if I had super-human powers, it would likely crush into dust. _What the hell happened?_

I rush into my bedroom, toss the phone on the bed and put on my underwear, a pair of yoga pants, my bra and a plain white t-shirt. I quickly brush my teeth and pull up my hair. Running to the front door, I grab my purse and keys. I don't have a destination in mind, but I have to go…I have to just go. As I merge onto the freeway, I know immediately where I should go and press the accelerator hard, swerving in and out of the cars in my way. It's not until I make the exit onto El Cajon Boulevard, that I realize where I am headed. The station. Someone has to know something.

I park my truck and jump out. The doors are down, which is a good sign, because that means that the trucks are here and so are the guys. I race up the steps and burst through the door. Bree, the station receptionist looks up at me startled.

"Bella? What are you –"

"Bree, where's the captain? I need to see him. I need to see the captain…now!" I blurt out, clearly taking her by surprise, as her eyes widen, and the fear must mirror my own.

"Ok, ok. Hang on, let me call him up here." She says quickly.

"No! Just…just take me to him...now…please? I need to talk to Jared now, it can't wait." I'm practically hyperventilating, and likely scaring this shit out of this poor girl, but I can't worry about that now. I need answers. I need to get to Edward.

She stands up and quickly comes out from behind the desk. "Ok, let's go." She says without another thought. I hope I can remember to thank her later.

She swipes her badge over the card reader by the door, and it beeps, allowing her to pull it open. We walk quickly down the hallway to the station quarters where the guys will likely be hanging out. I've walked these halls countless times in the last year, hung out with the captain and the guys more times than I can remember in their stinky "man cave" as they like to call it, and somehow at this moment, it feels eerily quiet and haunted. We turn the corner, and she knocks on the captain's door, before pushing it open and walking in.

"Captain, Bella Swan is here to see you. She says it's urgent." I _really_ hope I remember to thank her later.

I hear his voice rumble and some papers shuffle across his desk, before I step into the doorway and see him. He has the phone tucked between his chin and shoulder, and the moment our eyes lock, I shudder. _He knows._

_Of course he does, Bella. He's the damn captain for crying out loud. Those are his boys over there fighting that raging inferno. Of course he knows._

He motions for me to come in, and I sit in one of the leather chairs facing his desk. I note the sound of the door clicking closed behind me, and realize that Bree has left us.

"Right. Ok. Yea, that's probably the best idea. Right, keep me posted. Uh huh. Bye."

He places the phone back on the cradle and our eyes meet again. He drops his elbows to the desk and scrubs his hands over his face before clasping them on the desk in front of him and looking at me again. He eyes are sad, and my heart breaks all over again.

"Bella. Shit. You should have heard this from me, and I just found out less than an hour ago. How the hell do you already know?" he asks me sincerely, with a trace of pain in his voice.

"The hospital called me." I answered softly, dropping my gaze to my hands as I clasp and unclasp them in my lap.

"Shit." He huffs.

"Jared. What happened? I need to know what I am facing here. And before you try and talk me out of it, I am getting on the first flight I can to Phoenix. He needs me."

He doesn't argue with me and for that I am grateful.

"Where do I even begin, Bella?" and I can tell he is fighting back the tears. This strong, hard man, who I have watched command a room without even speaking a word, is breaking down in front of me.

He takes a deep breath and sits back in his chair, locking his hands behind his head. "The guys had a late night and an early morning. Apparently the winds had died down significantly overnight, and it was the perfect time to get the bird in the air early, and drop them into the mountains at Cave Creek Canyon. Edward, Paul, Tyler and Mike, along with about ten other guys from other stations, pulled the first drop and began building the fire line. I guess I don't need to tell you that the area they were in was pretty treacherous, being it's a national park and all." I just nod and wait for him to continue.

"So, about two hours after sunrise, they had reported that they'd formed a pretty decent line, and radioed for the bird to fly back and take them to the next drop. What they didn't anticipate was the winds shifting…" he pauses, meets my gaze, and leans back on his elbows on his desk.

"Are you sure you want to hear this, Bella?"

I nod, though now that he's actually telling me, I am not so certain.

"Well…like I said, the winds shifted and began forcing the fire back up the mountain. Now, of course you know our boys know exactly what to do in that situation, but…Jesus…it was just too fast. It was just _too fast _Bella. They didn't have time. The bird couldn't get in there because the winds were so strong at that point…and…FUCK!"

I jumped in my seat, and he dropped his face in his hands. I choked down the sob that was threatening to escape my throat and began playing with my engagement ring. I looked down at it as tears once again fell from my eyes. _Please, Edward. Please don't leave me._

"Bella?" Jared asked, and as I looked into his face, I was met with so much pain. Tears were slowly making a trail down his cheeks, and I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from completely losing it again.

"Bella…we lost Paul. Paul…didn't…make it." He sobbed. _Oh my God! Paul!_

That was all it took. I jumped out of my chair and ran around his desk as he stood and pulled me into a tight embrace. We sobbed into each other; both overcome by the pain and fear.

"Mike's also in the ICU where Edward's at, but he only suffered some severe heat exhaustion and smoke inhalation. They have him on strict IV fluids and one hundred percent oxygen to get his stats back up…or something like that." He said softly into my shoulder. I simply nod. I can't let go of him. I'm too scared that once I do, I'll fall completely to pieces, and I can't do that yet. I have to maintain some form of hope. I _have_ to.

After a few moments of trying to get a grip on myself, I pull back, "Tyler? What about him? Is he…okay?" I ask shakily.

He nods. "Tyler saved Edward and Mike. I don't have the specifics on that yet, but from what we've heard so far, he was able to drag them away with the help of some of the other units men before they we rescued. Four men…._died_…on that mountain today. _Four…" _he choked.

My knees felt suddenly weak, and I leaned my side against his desk. I was at a loss for words. The selfish side of me was beyond thrilled that Edward wasn't one of those four; yet, he was hurt, and fighting for his life and that made it hard for me to breathe. I felt Jared's hand on my shoulders, and I looked into his eyes.

"Go to him, Bella. He's strong, but he needs you. Go to him."

He didn't have to tell me twice. I quickly hugged him, and then ran out of his office and back down the hallway. I heard muffled voices coming from the quarters, but I ignored them as I pushed harder to the front of the building. I burst into the reception area, and a startled Bree met my gaze.

"Be safe, Bella!" I heard her call out as I pushed open the front door. I halted dead in my tracks and spun around.

"Bree, thank you. For…everything."

She waved me off and I ran out to my truck. As I fumbled to get my keys into the ignition, I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. I need to call the kids. _Shit!_

xxx

"Thanks Jake." I said calmly, as he lead me into his apartment. My legs felt like lead, and my heart was in my throat. They love Edward, and this is going to scare them to death. I know I need to tell them that he's hurt, but how much do they need to know? Lynette is very perceptive, and she's going to pick up on me keeping anything from her. _Shit, this is going to be hard!_

The kids were in his living room playing Rock Band, and barely even noticed I was there. I smiled to myself sadly, knowing I was about to turn their carefree afternoon into one of chaos and fear. _Stupid fucking reality._

"Hey guys!" I said, in my best fake cheerful voice.

"Mommy!" they all three screeched together. A huge knot formed in my throat, because I _really_ didn't want to do this.

"I have to talk to you real quick. Can we pause the game a sec?" I asked, still maintaining my fake façade.

After some mild huffing and puffing, they paused it and sat patiently, or as patiently as they can when really wanting to play their game. I take a deep breath, and sit down across from them on the coffee table. I lean forward, putting my elbows on my knees and look at them one at a time. _Oh, my sweet, sweet babies. _I sigh and realize it's now or never.

"Ok, so…you remember that Daddy Edward is in Arizona to help save all those families houses from the bad fires, right?" They all three nod. "And you also know that he jumps from the helicopter when it can't land on a flat spot so he can help stop the fire, right?" Again, they nod. Here goes…."Daddy Edward had a little accident today, and mommy is going to fly to Arizona to see him, and make sure he gets better. Ok?"

Their eyes are wide, and none of them move. Robbie looks back and forth at the girls, likely waiting on their reaction as usual, before he gives one. Madysen's eyes are scared, and I can see her fear, so I quickly grab her hand and rub my thumb over her knuckles. Lynette has clasped her hands in her lap and is staring at them intently.

"Now, I want you to know, it's ok to be scared. Mommy's scared too, so don't try to hide that. If you need to talk to me, or Daddy, you know you can." I say as softly, and as reassuring as I can. "Does anyone have any questions?"

I look between the three of them, and can see the wheels turning in all of their minds.

Robbie surprises me by speaking up first. "Mommy? Did the fire hurt Daddy Edward?"

I swallow thickly as I look into his sweet, brown eyes. "Yes baby. The fire hurt him, but the doctors are taking very, _very_ good care of him. Mommy's going to go to the hospital with him to help him get better and come home to all of us. Ok?"

He nods, and then stands and wraps his little arms around my neck. That was all his young little mind needed to know, and he was satisfied. He sits back down on the couch, and as before, waits for his sisters to speak. I look to Lynette, knowing she understands the weight of this more than the others. Her eyes meet mine, and I can see the struggle she is trying to fight deep in them. "Lynnie?" I ask her softly. She just shakes her head and stays quiet. My heart cracks a little more, knowing how hard she is struggling to be strong for her little brother and sister. She's twelve now, and she's taken on a fierce role of protecting them.

"Madysen?" I ask as I turn my eyes to hers.

"Mommy, can you tell Daddy Edward that I love him very much, and I hope he gets better soon? And also…tell him I miss him."

If there is one thing in this whole ordeal that the four of us have been through with the divorce and my marriage to Edward that I am more than grateful for, it is that they without a doubt do not feel like they have to hide how they feel about Edward in front of Jacob. He has been more than understanding in their relationship with Edward. He knows that Edward loves them as much as he does, and he's never denied them that. _Thank God._

"I will absolutely tell him that baby girl. I know he misses you and loves you too." I pull her off the couch and into my arms, running my fingers through her hair. I kiss her gently on the cheek, release her and rub my palms down my thighs. I'm anxious to be with Edward, but feel torn between being there for him, and now being here for my kids. I feel Jake come stand behind me and place his hand on my shoulder.

"Do you guys have anything else you want to say or ask Mommy? She's leaving soon, you know?" I know he's trying to coax a response from Lynette, but I also know she's processing everything, and will come around when she's ready. They all shake their heads, and I pull them in for a group hugs.

"Now, be good for your daddy, and I promise to call you every day. Ok?" They all nod again.

I give them another round of hugs and kisses, and make my way out front. Jake has agreed to keep them without even blinking an eye, and for an undisclosed amount of time. He's being great about everything, and I am beyond relieved. The last thing I need right now is to deal with any of his issues.

xxx

It's an hour and ten-minute flight direct from San Diego to Phoenix, and I swear it has been the longest hour of my life. I grab my roll-along suitcase from the overhead bin, and make my way up the walkway. As I approach the rental car counter, I see I am not the only person who decided to fly to Phoenix on a Saturday night, and I begin to impatiently rock from leg to leg as I wait in line to get my car. _Could these people take any longer?_

_Finally_, it's my turn, and the rep behind the counter must think that I have all the time in the world, because she is about as slow as a fucking turtle as she's pulling up my rental information. On top of that, she's chewing on gum like it's her last damn meal, smacking and chopping away. I did everything online simply to avoid this crap, and as her annoying flame red fingers type along on the keyboard, it takes everything in me not to reach across the counter and slap that damn gum right out of her mouth. _Breathe, Bella._

Once she decides that she's finally done, she slides the contract across the counter for me to sign, and I really hope she can feel the burn of my glare on her face, but she won't meet my eyes. _Bitch. Jesus, anxious much Bella?_

She rips off the copy from the back, folds it, hands me my keys and directs me to the shuttle bus that will take me to the car lot. I sigh; grab the handle of my suitcase, and head through the double glass doors to the awaiting shuttle. As it makes its way away from the terminal, I rest my head back on the seat and close my eyes. I'm thoroughly exhausted, anxious and scared as hell, but I am grasping on to the smallest string of hope, and I will not let it go. Thinking of Edward soothes me, and I feel myself begin to drift to happier times over the last year. His beautiful blue eyes, his gorgeous, soft hair, always in disarray, his soft touch, his warm smile, his smell, his love. _Please God, just please._

Tears prick behind my eyes, and my hand drifts to my abdomen just as the shuttle jerks to a stop. The driver welcomes us to Phoenix and "hopes we enjoy our stay." _Psh…if you only knew buddy._

I find my car, toss the suitcase in the back seat, and slide behind the wheel. I plug in the address of the hospital to the GPS system in the dashboard and crank the engine. Within fifteen minutes, I am pulling into the parking lot of the hospital. Every single one of my nerves is on edge. I have _no idea_ what to expect when I see him. I don't even know if he'll know I'm here. _Wait. Of course he'll know I'm here, he'll feel me._

I walk casually up to the information desk, and ask the lady behind it how to get to the burn unit. She places a map of the hospital on the counter in front of me, circles the area, and places an "x" on where we are now. She then directs me to the elevators. I punch the button and wait. I feel like I have been doing that all day…hurry up and wait.

As I step off the elevator and make my way to the burn unit, I can feel my stomach twisting and turning fiercely. I push open a set of heavy wooden doors to the unit and slowly step through. To my immediate left is a nurse's station with all sorts of monitors beeping and recording way too much information for me to process at the moment. To my right is a long corridor of rooms. There are two nurses at the end of the hallway, deep in conversation, each holding a clipboard. Behind the desk at the nurse's station are another nurse and two doctors. I swallow hard, and walk up to the counter.

"Umm…excuse me? I'm Bella Cullen…my husband was admitted here today." I'm surprised at how calm I sound, while inside I feel like a swarm of bees are flying around and shoving their stingers into every possible surface. One of the doctors turns immediately at the sound of my name and makes his way to the counter. He's tall and blonde, and has a demanding, yet gentle demeanor.

"Mrs. Cullen. I'm Dr. Ryan." He says cautiously while he extends his hand.

I take it firmly, still trying desperately to hold onto that string of hope with everything in me.

"Yes, of course. It's nice to meet you doctor."

"Likewise, Mrs. Cullen. I'd be lying if I said that I am surprised to see you here so soon." He pauses briefly. "If you'll come with me, I have some things to discuss with you before I take you to Mr. C—your husband." I have no voice, so I simply nod.

We walk directly across the hallway, and he opens the door to an empty waiting room. It's not very large, with two couches facing each other on adjacent walls, and a flat screen television hanging on the far wall between them. He gestures for me to take a seat, and I do. He sits on the couch across from me, and leans forward on his elbows, locking his fingers together. I can feel the "doctor" conversation beginning before he even opens his mouth, and now I feel completely nauseous.

"Mrs. Cullen, I wanted to brief you on today's events before I take you to see you husband. I also want you to be as fully prepared as possible, simply because I can only imagine the thoughts of him that you have conjured up in the time it took you to get here." It must really suck to be a doctor and have to have these types of conversations with people. I can't even begin to imagine, and it makes me even more anxious. I nod again, wringing my hands in my lap and wait for him to get on with it. _ I just want to see my husband._

"Now, we still have him in a medicated coma while his body heals, and we expect that he will remain in that state for at least a few more days. We were able to determine the extent of lung damage from the smoke inhalation, and at best we believe at this point, he's only lost about twenty-five percent lung function." I blanched. _What does that mean? _"In layman's terms, what that means is, due to the extreme heat from the smoke and fire, his lungs began to shut down due to lack of oxygen, and had he been exposed any longer…well, he could have suffered irreparable damage or worse. So, this is good news. He may or may not ever regain full function of that twenty-five percent, but only time will tell how his lungs will or…will not heal."

I still have no voice, so again I nod. _He can still breathe with seventy-five percent of his lungs, right? Right?_

"As for the burns…I want you to prepare yourself. Please don't take this to mean any harm…but you need to understand that…you may not recognize the man lying in that bed as your husband. The burns that he suffered are on the left side of his body, from his neck, down to his upper buttocks. We also had to shave his head, as some of his hair on the back of his head was singed." Again, I blanched. "We have bandaged him with a hydrating and medicated wrapping that is helping his skin heal. We did some skin grafts to the back of his neck and shoulder where his burns were more severe. Luckily enough for him, those were the worst of his burns, but they will also be the most painful when he does regain consciousness."

My voice still hasn't returned, so all I can do is stare at the man who is fighting to save my Edward's life. I feel something warm and wet on my hands, and realize that tears are dripping from my chin. On the table next to Dr. Ryan is a box of tissues, which he quickly pulls a few from and hands to me. I wipe my face and take a deep breath.

"Is there anything you'd like to ask me before we go in there, Mrs. Cullen?"

_Is there?_ I'm not even sure _what_ I should be asking at this point, so I simply shake my head. He stands, and turns to open the door. I rise hesitantly, and follow him out of the room and down the hallway. It's not empty, and the sounds on the monitors at the station are the only noises to be heard. He stops a few doors down, and grasps the door handle. I hold my breath as he pushes the door open. I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting to see when I arrived here today, but nothing…_nothing_…could prepare me for what I saw when I finally laid eyes on Edward. I gasp quietly as my heart crumbles into a million pieces, and Dr. Ryan merely nods and motions for me follow him into the room. It's dark, save for a small lamp to the far side of the room. The bed is flat, and he is partially propped up on his right side. He has an IV drip and a blood pressure cuff on his right arm, and just by the way he's laying, I want to push him flat on his back, because he just doesn't seem comfortable. There is a breathing tube taped to his mouth and face and the machine it is attached to, has an accordion looking bag that pumps up and down. Each down, Edward's chest rises, as it fills his lungs with air. _Seventy-five percent. Seventy-five percent._

He is covered with a blanket up to his waist, and there is gauze and bloody bandages covering his back, arms, neck and head. The gauze around his head is only partial, like a sweatband, and I can clearly see the top of his head. _Gone. All his beautiful hair is…gone._ As if I'm being pulled, I slowly make my way closer to him. His beautiful chest has strips of gauze wound around it, holding the ones on his back in place. He has a heart monitor strapped to it as well, and a pulse ox bulb taped to his left middle finger. But he's dirty, or sooty, and I want to grab some soap and water and clean him. His fingers and nails are covered in dirt and soot too. I sigh. As I move closer, I can see his face somewhat more clearly. His cheeks look bruised and flushed, and he has dark circles under his eyes. He looks so completely fragile, and nothing at all like the strong man I know he is. A soft sob escapes my lips, and I bring my fingers to my mouth quickly as tears shed from my eyes. _Oh, Edward!_

Somehow I manage to find the chair next to his bed, and slump into it. I can't take my eyes off of him; for fear that he'll disappear from right in front of me.

"Can…can I touch him?" I ask shakily.

"Yes. You can touch him. Just be aware of his bandages and IV line."

Ever so slowly, I reach my hand out to his right one. As our skin connects, the familiar jolt of energy shoots up my arm, and I know…_I just know_…he can feel it, too. He can feel me here. He _has_ to know I am here. At precisely that moment, his heart rate picks up on the monitor, and Dr. Ryan eyes me curiously. I suppress a giggle, as I stare at Edward's face. _I'm here baby. I'm here. Please get better and come back to me. Please._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

Remember...TRUST ME! Part II will post next weekend, as I wrap up the finishing touches! :)


	24. Present Day : Part 2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

SM owns the characters, I just play in the sandbox.

* * *

><p>Part II<p>

Morning arrived, and I wasn't even aware I had fallen asleep. My back on the other hand, is groaning at me, as I try to sit back in the chair. Apparently, I had fallen asleep with my head on his bed, his hand in mine desperate for the contact. Today is going to be another torturous day. Today I have to call Alice, Rose and most importantly, Kaylie…which means Tanya. Today is going to suck. Hard!

I slowly stand, feeling every bit of the position I slept in, and the pain it has inflicted on my body. I stretch out my aching legs and back with a groan. I look down at Edward's face and he looks so serene. It kills me to know that he'll be in pain when they allow him to wake up. I run my fingers delicately across the pieces of his face that I can, and press my lips to his forehead. His scent is masked with the sterile scents of the hospital, along with blood and musty smoke, but it's there, and I breathe deeply trying to single it out. With another press of my lips to the top of his head, I reluctantly make my way out of his room and into the hallway. Much like last night, it's eerily quiet as I walk towards the nurses' station.

A nurse, who is seated at the desk, notices me as I walk up and offers a timid smile. "Good morning, Mrs. Cullen." She offers softly.

"Morning. Umm, is there somewhere I can use my cell phone on this floor?" I ask her.

"Yes, of course. You're welcome to use the family waiting area you were in last night." She says as she waves her hand in the direction of the room behind me.

I nod in thanks, and cross the hallway into the room. This is _not_ a phone call that I am looking forward to making for so, so many reasons. The main one being that I know Kaylie is going to completely freak out, and the second…well, let's just say that I still hate Tanya with a livid passion, and I am sure the feeling is completely mutual. We're civil enough for Kaylie's sake when we have to be, but I simply despise the woman. I _really_ do not want to talk to her.

I take a deep breath and lean back into the not-so-comfy couch. Tanya answers on the second ring, in her snooty-as-all-hell tone of voice. _Ugh! I hate this woman!_

"Tanya, it's Bella. I have some news for Kaylie, but I need to talk to you about it first."

"Oh great. Here we go. What is it now Bella? Did you find out you're having twins or some shit?" she sneers.

_Do not cuss her out. Do not cuss her out._

"Tanya," _deep breath _ "Edward's been in an accident….and he's in the hospital." I say through gritted teeth and fighting off my emotions.

"Uh huh." _Jesus Christ! That's your fucking answer bitch?_

"Seriously, that's all you're gonna say?" I asked, immediately regretting taking her bait.

"What else, Bella?" she sighed, as if this entire call was such a waste of her time. I could almost picture her inspecting her manicure.

_Swallow your pride Bella. Don't let her get to you._

I take another deep breath before going on, "He's in critical condition, and they have him in a medicated coma while his lungs recover. I am not sure when they plan to wake him up, but I wanted to call and talk to Ka-…."

"KAYLIE!" she screeched.

_Fucking bitch._

I do my best to regain my composure so that I can be as calm as possible for Kaylie. I drop my hand that is clutching the phone to my lap, and take a few deep breaths. _Do this for Edward. He needs you._

"Hi Bella!" _Oh my sweet, sweet Kaylie. _I immediately relax a bit upon hearing her voice.

"Hi sweetheart. How are you?"

"I'm good. I was just watching Justin Bieber on YouTube." _Lord, ten year olds and the "Bieb"._

I suppress a smile, and decide to just get right to it. "Kaylie, sweetie, I need to tell you something that's a little scary." I paused, and she was silent. "Remember how your daddy had to go to Arizona to help with the wild fires?"

"Yes ma'am." She half-whispered.

"Ok, well…" _Shit! _"Baby, daddy got hurt, and he's in the hospital. I'm here with him, and they are making him sleep until he gets better. They are taking very good care of him, but I don't know how long he will be here or when he's going to wake up."

Silence. I really wished that I could tell her this in person, rather than over the phone. I let the silence hang for a few moments, letting her process the information. Tears began to well in my eyes knowing that he heart was breaking just like mine.

"Kaylie, sweetie?" I asked, trying to get her to talk to me.

She asked softly. "Is daddy gonna…die?"

_Fuck! _Nothing could stop the tears from streaming down my face now.

"No! No sweetie! Please, please don't think like that. Daddy's gonna wake up, and the doctors are going to make him better. We have to be strong for him, ok? We have to think good thoughts." I'm a blubbering mess, but I can't help it. She voiced the thoughts I was too afraid to.

"Please Kaylie, don't think like that ok? Your daddy is a strong man, and he's…we just have to keep thinking good thoughts and say lots of prayers for him. Ok?"

Deep down, I am pissed at myself for not keeping it together better for her. My fears are surely making her even more scared.

"Ok." She chokes out through sobs, and I want desperately to wrap my arms around her and soothe both of our hearts.

"I'm scared Bella. I'm really scared." She sobs.

"I know sweetie, so am I. It's ok to be scared, just try not to think about bad things happening, and think about how excited we're gonna be when daddy wakes up. Sound like a deal?"

"Deal." She says reluctantly. "I love you, Bella."

"Oh, Kaylie…I love you too sweetie. I promise to call you and let you know how daddy's doing, ok? And of course, just as soon as he wakes up, too."

I give her a few more minutes to absorb the news, and lean on me, when I know that Tanya won't be much help at easing her fears. After we hang up with more promises to call her everyday, I wander back out to the hallway and to Edward's room. Nothing has changed since leaving him just minutes ago, but I still can't stop myself from scrutinizing all the machines for some sort of difference. I slip my hand into his, and give his fingers a small squeeze. Just like yesterday, his heart rate picks up, and I smile smugly before pressing my lips to his cheek and whispering in his ear.

"Yes, baby, I'm here. I love you so much. The kids love you, too." I pull his hand over and press it to my abdomen. "Just rest and get better for us…all of us."

xxx

Eight days. It's been eight days since the accident. That first day, I spent the majority of my time calling everyone; Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper, my dad and his parents. They have all either called or text me daily, however, it's been Emmett who has stayed in constant contact throughout the days, calling or mostly texting several times an hour. I don't think he'll admit it to me, but I can sense it when we talk; he's terrified, and it breaks my heart.

Dr. Ryan informed me last night that they would begin waking Edward up today, and explained slightly what to expect. It feels like Christmas and judgment day all rolled into one. I am excited, scared, nervous, anxious…hell, some emotions I can't even name or understand. He was very detailed in his explanation of what to expect during the process, but he also cautioned me not to expect too much from Edward either; that it may still be a few days before he is completely coherent enough to recognize that I am there. Of course, in the back of my mind, I know that Edward is aware of my presence already, so that has been enough for me.

I am mostly concerned about the pain that he will have when he wakes. The nurses have been very diligent about changing and redressing his burns, and I've been allowed to watch as they've done so. It hurts me to watch. I can only imagine how it feels, or will feel like to him when he's awake. The good news is, the burns aren't showing any signs of infection, but the bad news is, they aren't healing as fast as the doctor would like them to be. The worst ones on his neck and shoulder, where they had to do skin graphs, are the ones that he is most concerned about. The ones on his lower back have begun to "heal nicely" according to Dr. Ryan, and for that I am grateful, but I worry about what he's not telling me about the more severe burns. His lungs have been healing "as expected" and once Edward wakes, they will be running more tests to gauge his lung function at this point.

It's barely five a.m. when the morning nurse takes over her shift for the day. After she came into his room and checked all his vitals, she told me that Dr. Ryan would be by in less than an hour and determine exactly when he would begin the process of waking Edward up. My stomach flip-flopped at the thought, and I decide to run down to the cafeteria to eat before they begin, because it is going to take an act of God to get me away from Edward's side once they start. After my boring cup of decaf, a blueberry muffin and an apple, I send the usual morning texts to everyone and head back up to Edward's room. Dr. Ryan meets me at the door, asking if I am ready. _Duh!_ I nod and offer him a restrained smile.

I immediately notice all the changes that have taken place in the room while I was gone, and it catches me off guard. He's been rolled flat onto his back for starters, and I internally wince, thinking that it will cause him more pain. His blood pressure cuff has been moved to his left arm, there is still an IV in his right, and they have placed ECG leads around his chest and over the left side of his rib cage. His breathing tube is still in place, but gone is all the gauze and bandages on his chest and head. There is tape that's holding bandages to the burns on his shoulder and neck, and his chest and face seem almost cleaner. _Did they bathe him?_

I'm not sure where I should stand, but I want, no I _need_ to be close to him. There is a nurse on either side of him, both checking read-outs from the machines and giving their reports to the doctor. I settle for standing at the foot of his bed and observing, but I cannot handle not touching him, so I wrap my hand lightly around his ankles while I watch Dr. Ryan and the nurses begin the procedure.

I couldn't tell you what was happening, as I am much too focused on Edward's heart rate and breathing to pay attention. I am only mildly aware of the nurse on his right drawing up medication and injecting a syringe into his IV line. Now, realistically I know that he's not just going to sit straight up and say, "hey baby!", but I can't help but be minutely disappointed that there is not a single reaction to the medication. No blips on any of his machines, no changing in his breathing, just…nothing.

"So…what happens now?" I asked softly, my eyes glued to Edward's face.

"Now we wait." Dr. Ryan said firmly. "Remember that this medication will counteract the medication we've been using to keep him unconscious. But also, like I told you before, when he actually wakes up, is up to him."

"How long does it usually take? What can I do? How can I help him?" I can't help but ask.

"Mrs. Cullen, there is not a guaranteed time table. It's not a secret to any of us, that he is aware of your presence here. I believe that as long as you continue-"

"But…he _will_ wake up, right? I mean, he _has_ to wake up." I realize I am now squeezing Edward's ankles and loosen my grip slightly.

"There's no reason why he should remain in this condition any longer than a week. As long as his condition does not deteriorate, his prognosis remains good."

_A week? He may not wake up for another week?_

xxx

It has been almost three days since Edward was given the counter-drug to reverse the medicated coma, and he still hasn't woken up. For the last two days, I have done almost nothing but sit at his bedside and stare at him. Tonight, I've memorized him more than I ever thought I possibly could. The little bump on the bridge of his nose; the perfect plumpness of his lips, even if they are chapped and partially wrapped around the breathing tube in his mouth; the slight dip in the center of his chin, which is now covered with a great deal of stubble; his long, dark eyelashes and how they lay gracefully over his pale cheeks. His long and tapered fingers, and short, yet still dirty, fingernails. He is so elegantly defined, yet entirely masculine. He's perfectly beautiful. I catch myself imagining what our baby will look like. Will he or she have his beautiful blue eyes, like Kaylie does? Or even have his beautiful copper-colored hair? His hair, that has seemed to have grown just slightly over the past ten days, but it's still very short. I imagine that he's not going to be too excited about that, but it's only hair, it will grow back. Him being alive at all is so much more important.

I absentmindedly trace my fingers down the length of his arm, and am quietly fascinated at how soft his skin feels, and how my action is eliciting goose bumps to arise. I can't help but do it again. I let my fingers slide right down into the crook of his thumb and smile to myself as his long fingers start to curl around mine. It's such a tentative move, almost as sleepy as I feel. It's possible that's why it takes me a few seconds to realize that Edward's fingers aren't supposed to move.

My heart is suddenly in my throat, and I am terrified that I am about to get the biggest let down of my life, as I slowly drag my gaze back up his arm and across his shoulder. I take a steadying breath before I chance looking at his eyes. The air is burning in my chest as I fixate on his face once again. It feels like hours, but is likely only a few seconds that pass, but Edward's eyelids flutter. My heart skips a thousand beats, and I whisper hopefully, "Edward?"

His eyelids flutter again, and I catch a flash of blue and white. I nearly knock the chair over in my haste to jump up and frantically press the nurses' call button. I try desperately not to jostle him too much, as I sit next to him on the bed and grab ahold of his hand again and lean over his body.

"Edward?" I whisper again, slightly louder, but my stomach is doing somersaults in anticipation. His eyes flutter again, almost seeming to register my presence, opening halfway, before closing again. I can't stop the smile that spreads across my face and I lean forward, pressing my lips to his cheek softly.

As I pull away, I see his mouth move as he tries to take a breath. However, the breathing tube prevents it and he starts to choke. I leap off the bed in fear, and at the very same moment two nurses rush into the room. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry, as I watch them work feverishly over him and begin to remove the tube. This action causes Edward to cough and choke violently, and I turn away from the painful sight. The sounds he makes as they pull it out go straight to my stomach, and I fight myself to keep myself coherent.

_Oh my God! Edward's awake! Edward's awake!_

My heart is beating wildly, and my chest begins to constrict with so many emotions, that if they don't let me get to him soon, I may explode. As soon, as they walk away from his bedside, taking the tubing with them, I dash back, and sit again next to him on the bed. I grab hold of his hand, and lean over him again.

"Baby? Can you hear me?" I say softly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

Edward's eyes flutter again, and again, until _finally _they open completely. His pupils are dilated, large and black, but he seems to focus on me only slightly. He looks so terribly weak.

"Be…" he croaks, but the sound catches in his throat and his face masks in pain as he attempts to swallow. I jump up from the bed once again, and pour a cup of water from the bedside tray. I press the incline button on the side of his bed to raise him up until he's almost half-sitting. Holding the straw to his lips, I watch in excited fascination as he takes a small sip and swallows thickly. One of the nurses begins taking his vitals again, while the other softly states that she's going to inform Dr. Ryan that Edward is awake. He takes another small sip of water and rests his head back heavily against the pillow. Just this simple, small movement from him causes me to feel every emotion plausible crashing down on me. I shakily set the cup down on the tray and turn back to him, only to see him staring right back at me, looking tired and confused.

"Hey baby." I say with a soft smile, as I place my hand on his chest directly over his heart.

"Bella." He says so softly, that I have to lean closer to hear him. I don't fight it anymore, and I lay my head on his chest, letting the weight of everything simply spill out in my tears.

I feel his right hand, weakly slide up my side and stop at the base of my neck, while his left meets mine on his chest. _He's awake!_

"Wh…what happened? I'm…hospital?" his voice is still so soft and scratchy.

I make no attempt to move as I answer him. "There was an accident, Edward. The fire took the team by surprise, and you were…hurt."

I feel his fingers on my neck making small passes back and forth, and am immediately calmed. He takes a few ragged breaths. _He's awake!_

"I…feel…awful." He croaks again. This time, I slowly and gently pull back, desperate to look into his eyes, but not about to let go of his hand. _Oh, how I've missed those eyes._

His eyes flutter again, before opening wider, holding my gaze and offering me a weak crooked smile. _Oh, Edward! _I gently lean forward and softly press my lips to his. Velvet against sandpaper is what it feels like, but I don't care. I only care that I am even able to have this moment at all.

"It's…bad, huh?" he asks, as I pull away.

As if on cue, Dr. Ryan and one of the nurses enters the room. "I heard congratulations are in order. Welcome back, Mr. Cullen." He offers warmly. Edward smiles weakly in response, never breaking eye contact with me. His right hand drops back to the bed, and I clasp both of his in mine between us, as Dr. Ryan introduces himself and fills him in on everything that's happened. I can't stop the tears from falling, as I watch the play of emotions pass through Edward's eyes as he absorbs the details. _I still have to tell him about Paul. _I look down at our hands and try to focus on them, when he untangles his left from mine. He weakly raises it up to cup my cheek and I meet his beautiful blues again.

"Are…you…all right?" he asks, and I can't stop the blubbering giggle that escapes my lips at his absurdity. His right hand, still holding mine nudges my abdomen gently, and I know where his thoughts are going.

"I'm fine. We're _both_ fine." I answer softly, pleading with my eyes for him to not even be thinking of the baby and me right now. He needs to focus on himself.

He lets out a soft sigh, drops his hand, rests his head back to the pillow and closes his eyes again. I softly run my hand over his cheek, across his lips and down over his chin to his throat, stopping at his collarbone.

"Tired." He half-whispers.

I lean up and place small gentle kisses on his cheek, the tip of his nose, each of his eyelids and finally a longer, lingering one on his lips, to which he responds with a gentle smile.

"Sleep then." I whisper as I pull away and move to get up from the bed. His hand weakly, yet still firmly, squeezes mine.

"Stay." He whispers without opening his eyes.

"Always." I whisper back, not letting go of his hand.

As Edward drifts to sleep, I register that Dr. Ryan is still in the room looking over his chart. Once I am certain that he's fully asleep again, I gently unclasp our fingers, slide off the bed, and walk over to him.

"Now that he's finally awake…what happens now?" I ask quietly.

Dr. Ryan motions for me to follow him out the door, and I hesitate to follow, looking back towards Edward.

"He'll likely sleep through the night with the pain medication we've just given him." _When did they do that?_ "If you're worrying about him waking up while we step out, there's no need. He won't even know you're gone."

_Has he not been paying attention? Edward KNOWS when I'm here. Duh!_

In the hallway, Dr. Ryan informs me that in the morning they will perform the lung function tests again and will also replace the dressings on his more severe burns. He also states that Edward has been given a pain medication, and to inform a nurse immediately if he shows any signs of discomfort. He rattles off more information, which I can barely pay attention to, desperate to return to Edward's side.

Back inside his room, I pull the chair back over to the left side of his bed to sit, and grab a hold of his hand. I know he has woken up, but I can't help feeling like it was only a dream, as everything is right back to where we just were. From his bedside table, I grab my phone and send Emmett a quick text to let him know the good news and promise to call him in the morning. His response is almost immediate, and exactly the excitement I expected. I switch it off and place it back on the table.

Unable to help myself, I lower the head of his bed almost all the way down again, and climb up next to him. He stirs slightly, as I gently rest my head in the crook of his shoulder and he wraps his arm around me. Placing my hand over his heart, I take a deep breath and close my eyes. _Home, _is the last thought I register as I fall asleep at his side, content for the first time in weeks.

xxx

**December 2011**

"Ugh! I look like a damn whale Alice!" I grumble, as I turn side to side in front of the floor length mirror. My floor length, silver-blue maternity gown sways with my turns. It's New Year's Eve, and due to being so late in my pregnancy, we decided that this year, we're holding the party at our house. I didn't want to have a party at all, but does anyone listen to the overly hormonal, large-as-a-house pregnant woman? Oh no! Why would they do _that?_ I'm due in just two more weeks…._Thank GOD!_

"Shut up Bella, you look stunning as always. You do NOT look like a whale. You will, as _always_ knock Edward's socks off when he sees you. Now, come sit down, so I can do your hair." She states with a pointed look, peeking her head out of my master bathroom, before disappearing again.

_Frustrating, bossy little pixie._

With a huff, I take one last turn in the mirror. If I am being honest with myself, which is hard to do being this pregnant, the dress really is gorgeous. It has a unique design of woven lace in pale blue and brown that lays over a silver blue satin. The sweetheart neckline really hugs to and accentuates my "preggo boobies", as Edward likes to call them, and it has a silver-blue sash that ties above my ever-expanding baby bump to my back. My shoes are simple silver ballet flats. Alice did well picking it all out, as usual. It's flattering, but I still feel huge.

I walk to the bathroom and take a seat in the chair she has for me in front of the mirror. She goes to work curling my long locks, all the while blabbing on about what a "fantastic night" this is going to be. I'm trying, really I am, but right now, I don't even care that it's New Year's Eve. I just want to crawl into bed and _try_ to sleep. Let's face it; I'm nine months pregnant, huge and uncomfortable. I don't get much sleep. The idea of staying up till midnight is already exhausting me.

_Dammit! I'm grumpy too. Get over yourself Bella!_

"So, when is everyone getting here?" I ask, trying to sound really interested. However, my back is starting ache from sitting in this chair while she's curling my hair.

"Rose and Em, should be here soon. Edward and Jazzy are at the condo getting ready with the kids." She answers, as I grab for the bottle of water sitting on the counter in front of me. I take a swig and nod at her, forcing a smile.

"Bella, I know you're not too excited about this party," she catches my eyes in the mirror, "but, it's probably the last time that we will all get together like this before the baby comes. Please try and enjoy it." I can see the longing in her eyes.

_Damn, I'm being a bitch._

"I'm sorry Al. I really am. I know you've gone to a ton of trouble for this, and I promise to enjoy every minute of it. I'm just tired." I sigh, rubbing my hand over my bump, "Stinkin' little nudger kept me up almost all night. Seems to think that night time is play time in mommy's tummy." I giggle and she does too.

She leans around me and rests her hand on top of mine, right about the same time the baby does a "bump and roll". We both laugh a little harder this time. She comes around to my side and squats down speaking very closely to my tummy.

"Listen here BC," which is our nickname for the baby, since Edward and I decided we wanted to be surprised on the sex, so we've been calling him or her "Baby Cullen". Emmett immediately decided that BC was best, and it sort of stuck. "you stop giving your mommy a hard time, or you're gonna have to answer to Auntie Al when you get here. You hear me?" she coos, all the while still rubbing my belly. Another bump and roll. "See, BC's listening well already." She giggles and I roll my eyes.

"Now, another thing. This party has been no trouble at all, so stop thinking that. You know I love to do this, so just let me have my fun." She states matter-of-factly, as she resumes her position behind me and waves the curling iron at me in the mirror.

Annnnd….bossy pixie is back.

About an hour later, I'm done, attempting to rest on my bed with my back against the headboard. Alice has propped me up on dozens of pillows to keep me comfortable, but not "dare mess up my hair". I'm flipping through the pages of _What to Expect When You're Expecting. _I have my feet are propped on pillows, and while I should be comfortable, I'm not. My back is still aching from sitting in that chair while she did my hair. I shift a little from one hip to the other in attempts to redirect the pressure.

Alice is dressed and flitting about the house, which I still have yet to see how she's decorated, taking care of the last minute details before everyone arrives. I glance over at the clock on my bedside table to see that it's close to nine. I have no idea when everyone is supposed to arrive.

I sigh, rest my head back gently on the pillows and close my eyes. These last seven months have both crawled and flown by. After Edward was release from the hospital in Phoenix in early August, we flew home. He didn't return to work right away due to the months of physical therapy he had to undergo to regain both full lung function and full range of motion in his shoulder. Due to the burns and skin graphs, he had to retrain that skin and those muscles to move in that area. He was in a great deal of pain at first, and he was almost unbearable to be around. We fought a _lot_, but when he came to terms with the fact that he was just being a big, fat baby, and I called him on it, he relented. One night, in early October, he finally told me that he felt like he wasn't himself anymore, because he couldn't do all of the things he once was able to, and I told him he was being ridiculous. I never once saw him any differently; I only hated seeing him in pain. We had some _great_ make-up sex that night. Which I made sure reassured him that he was still _all_ the man I could ever need or want. He was back to his old self after that and was able to return to regular duty at the station before Thanksgiving. At this point, we don't know if he will ever be a "jumper" again, but I think that's mostly due to both of our fears about it. Just being a fireman is scary enough for me, but I don't tell him that. He does what he loves, and I won't stop him.

Soft music brings me back to the present as I slowly open my eyes. "Alice? Can I come out now?" I call to her.

She materializes in the doorway with a glass of something hot pink and bubbly. "I was wondering when you were going to wake up." She smiles as she comes around to my bedside.

"What?" I glance at the clock. Nine forty-five. _Holy!_ "Alice, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to fall asleep!" I say startled as I try to rise up off the pillows.

"Oh, please Bella. As if you could help it." She giggles and offers her hand. "Come on, everyone is here now." _Shit._ She helps me roll out of the bed, and hands me the drink. "It's bubbly, you'll like it." She says with a wink and then steps behind me and fusses with my hair and dress.

I take a sip of the pink bubbly concoction and it is good. "Mmm…what is this Al?"

"We're calling it 'Bella's Bubbly' tonight…but it's just cranberry juice and Sprite." She giggles.

As we exit the bedroom, I can hear the murmur of voices and the gentle beat of music. We pass by Madysen's bedroom, and I hear the giggles of children. I smile and peek my head around the doorframe. Kaylie, Sam, Madysen, Lynette, Robbie and Ben are all sprawled out on the floor with bowls of popcorn and pretzels, and boxes of juice. There are piles of blankets and pillows beneath and all around them. Even more than that, are the sheets that have been draped and hung to look like a giant tent. There are also twinkling lights strung across the ceiling making it look like a starry-night. Just the sight alone makes _me_ want to crawl into the makeshift tent with them. Talk about a kid's heaven! They are all intently focused on the TV screen in front of them, unaware that I am present. _Fun!_ I smile and turn with Alice to head to the party.

I take a deep breath as we enter the living area. There are people everywhere, laughing, dancing and drinking. I quickly scan the room as Alice leaves my side and heads into the kitchen. Once again, she has outdone herself. Much like in Madysen's room, there are strands of twinkling lights strung back and forth across the ceiling, but _so_ many more than the kid's have. She draped a sheer white fabric across it too, masking the lights only slightly, but it sets off a beautiful glow. The theme of snowy white is present all over the house, and it's just gorgeous as I take it all in. A glance out the back door tells me there is more of the same outside.

I finally catch sight of the real reason I am still standing in this same spot. Edward. _Dammit, he's beautiful._ His hair is growing back slowly, but it's still somewhat short, but hot! He's wearing a simple black tux, and it makes my mouth water at the sight.

He's leaning up against the center island of the kitchen. He has his left elbow resting on it, and a drink in his right hand. He's smiling and laughing while talking to Jasper whose left arm is slung around Alice's shoulders. If I wasn't so hugely pregnant and uncomfortable, and there weren't a house full of people, I would probably, no, I would _most definitely_ have my way with him right here and now.

I bite my lip and fight back those urges as I slowly make my way towards them. Sensing my presence, he slowly turns his head my direction. His eyes widen and then that damn panty dropping crooked grin graces his face. He lifts his glass, taking a sip, but his eyes never leave mine. I feel myself flush under his gaze, as usual, and slide up next to him; both of us knowing exactly what we're doing to the other in just that simple stare. He owns me, body and soul, and I him.

Setting his drink down on the bar, he turns to face me completely, pulling me into his embrace as best he can with my protruding belly. One hand finds its way to the back of my neck, the other around my waist, as he leans in and presses his lips to the spot just below my ear. I may have whimpered as my eyes fall closed.

"You're mouthwatering." He whispers against my neck, sending shivers across my skin. Finding no voice, I softly shake my head, and he chuckles softly. Placing more kisses across my jaw he whispers again, "You still don't see yourself clearly Mrs. Cullen. How do I prove it to you?"

"Edward…" I exhale and slide my arms up across his back, as I feel the weight of his words cause my insides to turn and I rub my thighs together seeking some sort of friction. _Shit! Stupid, damn party!_

He pulls back and looks into my eyes. I'm lost in a sea of blue, of lust and desire. "Happy New Year, Bella." He says as he leans down and gently presses his lips to mine. I fist his shirt in mine, he has me so damn turned on, and I am desperate to deepen the kiss. All too soon, he pulls away, and I may have pouted. He chuckles again, and presses his lips to my forehead.

"Let's mingle, shall we?" he smiles with a wink, offering me the crook of his arm. Still pouting, I slide my hand into his arm and we do just that.

Another hour later, I'm sitting out on the back, porch lost in watching the flames lick at the air from the fire pit. Edward is next to me, his hand grasping mine in my lap, while he laughs and talks with some of the new guys from the station. My back is still sore and achy and I am pretty much feeling spent. I'm doubtful I will make it until the stroke of midnight. I feel Edward squeeze my hand, and turn my eyes to meet his. I am suddenly aware that we are the only two left sitting here as he leans over and presses his lips to mine. My body becomes fully alert at this point, and I slide my hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer and this time succeeding in deepening the kiss. "I love you." I whisper against his lips as we pull back for air.

"I love you, more." He returns, his lips smiling against mine. His hand rests on my thigh and his thumb is circling close, oh so close, to where I desire for him to be at this very moment. He's suddenly up and out of his chair, pulling me with him towards the back of the yard. Soon after we married, Edward purchased a gazebo to adorn the yard. We surrounded it with bougainvillea and bird of paradise, knowing they would grow well here in San Diego. Alice has decorated it as well with tons of twinkling lights and it feels magical. He pulls me to the center and wraps me in his arms. "Dance with me." He states softly, and I blush. There's nothing better than being in his arms, how could I possibly deny him. We slowly turn and sway with the soft music echoing from the house.

"Are you having a good time?" I ask him, as I gently stroke the hair as the base of his neck. It's still too short to run my fingers through, but it's soft as it's always been.

He smiles softly back, "I am now." He pauses, seemingly for effect. "You're glowing tonight Bella. I never thought it possible for you to ever be more beautiful. But that changes daily. You're more beautiful everyday." He says softly as he brings one hand slowly around my tummy and rubs it tenderly.

"You have to say that, ya know. It's in the vows." I tease and he chuckles. He "hmms", his expression turning more serious and slowly trails his hand lower, never breaking eye contact, while with his other hand he cups my face.

"So, if that were true, I'd never have to tell you then?" he teases back, as his face inches closer to mine. My breathing hitches as the back of his hand glides back and forth under my bump, so close to my center.

My eyelids flutter, and I begin to lose track of the conversation. He's had me wound up for hours, and now he's teasing me. I feel my body responding, warming to his touch.

"Bella?" he whispers again as my head falls back and his lips dance across my throat.

"You…umm…yes? No?...what?" I stutter, and he chuckles again. He grips my dress in his hand at my hip, and I feel his arousal press into me. My head snaps up and we lock eyes. Desire and lust are dancing behind his, and I feel myself grow wet at the sight.

He grips me tighter and pulls me closer, crashing his lips to mine. It's needy, hot, relentless, and I can taste just a hint of alcohol on his tongue. I suddenly feel the bench seat press into the backs of my legs and I grab forcefully onto his shoulder's to keep upright. He breaks the kiss, and eases me down slowly gathering the fabric of my dress in his hand and pulling it up. The chill of the air hits my legs and a shiver dances through me. Though, I'm not sure if it's the air or him. He kneels down in front of me and softly trails his hands up my calves, around my knees and over my thighs. I brace myself with my arms on the bench as my head falls back. One hand finds its way under my dress, as he ghosts it across my hip and then back towards my center.

"Jesus, Edward…please?" I half whisper.

"Please what love?" he smirks, knowing full well what he's doing to me, as he makes the same circuit with his hand again.

"Oh my….Edward…please, touch me." I shamelessly beg.

"As you wish." And his hand palms my dripping core. I hear a tearing sound and realize I now am commando. At the same moment he presses and pumps his fingers into me, and circles my clit with his thumb.

"Oh…shit!" I gasp, trying not to scream out, still somewhat aware that there is a party back inside the house.

"You're so fucking beautiful Bella." He says, and I realize he's right in my face again. I sling one hand up and grab the back of his head, forcing his lips to mine. Again, overcome with need and desire for him. Our tongues tangle and dance as I feel the coil in my stomach tighten, and just before I fall over the edge, he stops. I gasp and pant. _What the fuck?_

Edward quickly lifts me to my feet, I'm somewhat unstable, and I hear the distinct sound of his zipper. As I come to my senses, I reach down and fumble with his belt, attempting to help him. He slides his pants and boxers down, and I grip his erection. I slowly begin to pump, when he grabs my wrist to stop me. I look at him, a sure look of confusion on my face, and he cups it, quickly pressing his lips to mine and pulling away. It's all so fast my head is spinning. As he releases my face, he grips my dress at my hips and pulls it up and over my tummy and returns his fingers to my core, his mouth on my shoulder. I feel my knees go weak, and he grips me around my back. He slowly sits on the bench, guiding me with him. As I move to straddle his waist, his hands find purchase on my hips. I place my hands on his shoulders, as his smoldering eyes meet mine. He reaches between us and guides himself to me. I slowly, yet firmly slide down onto him, and we both hiss as he's buried completely inside of me. His head falls to my chest, and mine to his hair.

"Shit, Bella…how does it always feel like the first time with you?" his emotion heavy in his words. I press my lips hard to his, as we begin moving together. He rocks his hips, as I slide up and down. Despite the chill of the December air, I'm anything but cold, as our bodies collide. He reaches between us, and rolls his fingers across my clit, and I bite my lip to keep from crying out.

"Fuck, Bella!" he cries, as he continues to pump inside of me with abandon.

"Edw...oh…Ed-ward!" It doesn't take long, and I am falling over the edge, bringing him with me and milking him for everything he has. It's intense, and my body trembles on top of him as I try and slow my breathing. As we slow our movements, I feel him soften inside of me, but I still make no move to get up. My body literally feels like Jell-O, and I hold onto him with all I have, completely spent.

I slide my hands across his shoulders, up his neck and into his hair. We kiss and it's soft and gentle, yet equally dizzying. His hands lazily play with my legs and hips, while I slide mine through his hair.

"I love you." He whispers against my mouth.

"I love you." I smile back.

Regaining some strength, I move up off of him to stand, as he does the same. It's pretty much in this instant where things seem to happen in slow, yet fast-motion. As I right my dress, I feel a warm trickle down my thigh. _Gross, _is my first thought. _Holy Shit!_ is my second. Edward is tucking his shirt back into his pants, when he notices my frozen state.

"Bella? Bella, what's wrong? Baby, are you ok?" he's in front of me, my face in his hands, my hands on my swollen, hard as a rock, belly.

I'm sure the look in my eyes is somewhat panicked, as his widen in some form of understanding. He looks from my eyes to my tummy and back to my eyes. His hold a look of sheer terror.

"What's wrong? Bella…BELLA! What's. Wrong?" He asks firmly, still gripping my face.

"I…I…I think my…water just…broke." I stumble out. He sucks in a breath, and before I know it, he's swept me up into his arms bridal style and is running back towards the house.

It's some time in from that moment, the commotion of the party crowd, Alice and Rose at my side on the couch, each gripping a hand, which I snap out of it. I don't have much choice; it's when I feel the first contraction, and "Oh. Holy. Shit!" I cry out, gripping my stomach. I forgot…how could I have forgotten how fucking painful these are?

"Ok, come on Bells, let's get you changed." Rose states, pulling me to my feet. Her on one side, Alice on the other, they guide me to my room and help me quickly change out of my dress and into something more comfortable.

Edward comes in, yielding our bag for the hospital and has already changed into jeans and a grey t-shirt. "The kids are all asleep. Emmett and Jasper agreed to stay here with them, and handle the party. I assume you two aren't leaving her side?" he smirks, as Rose and Alice both nod. "Well…let's get going then." He says, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. I walk up next to him, and lace my fingers with his. He leans down and presses his lips to my forehead and then guides me out of the room and out the front door. We pile into the Tahoe and are on our way to the hospital.

Everything happens in a blur at this point…getting a room…monitors hooked up…Dr's and nurses checking my progress…an epidural….but before I know it, I am being told "It's time."

Edward is at my side, a death grip on my hand, or it could be the other way around. Alice and Rose have left the room, letting Edward and I have these moments together.

Twenty minutes and several pushes later…I flop back onto the bed, gasping, crying, elated. A tiny, gooey, wailing bundle is placed on my chest, and a large sob escapes me. There are nurses rubbing over it feverishly, wiping away the "goo", and I feel Edward squeeze my hand, his other sliding through the sweaty mess of locks on top of my head. I look up at him to see tears cascading down his face and a smile so large; I think my heart might just burst. He crashes his lips to mine, and repeats over and over, "Thank you. I love you."

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, congratulations! It's a Boy!"

Masen Anthony Cullen was born, screaming and wailing, at 12:01 am, January 1, 2012. He was seven pounds, six ounces, nineteen and a half inches long. Green eyes, brown hair...and his daddy's dimpled chin.

Emmett is already calling him "MAC".

**THE END**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

Ok, I can finally let this story go now ...the present day stuff...well, it just wouldn't leave me alone, so I knew I had to finish it off, or go crazy! LOL I am working on something new, so add me to your fav's to be alerted when it posts! :)

Lots and lots of love! Till next time!

xoxoxox

Marie


End file.
